welp had a bit of nyquil yesterday which makes my mind foggy which is good cuz it keeps me from thinking about THAT PERSON so much. still didnt sleep great tho.

she didnt have to HATE me that much! why would you HATE me that much for getting feelings? i could see getting a little annoyed or awkward, but not THAT much.

it’s On Her, the way she reacted and treated me. if i had a friend get feelings for me, i would have reacted and treated them MUCH DIFFERENTLY. i would have tried NOT to hurt them, and i wouldnt HATE them for their feelings.

you think they CHOSE this? you think they wouldnt TURN IT OFF IF THEY COULD? these feelings are causing them a WORLD OF PAIN! of COURSHE they would turn them off!!!!!!!

i was hoping she would contact me around thanksgiving but nothing yet hahahaha. OF COURSHE shes not going to contact me.

(i am finally studying the “bane meme” which revolves all around the ridiculous opening scene of dark knight rises and the exchange between bane and “CIA”, and how this turned into a  ridiculous meme of “baneposting”, with the CIA guy becoming kind of a side meme to that, and when people say this is stupid, others respond with “SOMEBODY GET THIS HOTHEAD OUTTA HERE” which is a line from a different scene in the movie not even involving bane.)

the movie was worth watching once, bane was the best part of it, and now i would just rather watch the bane scenes in light of this ridiculous meme, than watch the whole movie. these virgins will make a meme out of ANYTHING and I cant really explain why this one works, maybe because bane is a great character and a great performance by tom hardy.

honestly. she didnt NEED to be that mean, so when she WAS that mean, i automatically thought i DESERVED it. it must have been something i did. when in this case it speaks more about HER than about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

but yeah i hate not being TOUGH. i would love to be more TOUGH. handle TOUGH situations in work, life, women. and not break down and give up like Nietzsches Last Man. Soft and weak and not at all tough. just a sheep/cattle worthy of fatting up and execution for the Strong Slavemasters.

yeah. some days it can be real hard to stop blaming myself and just believe that I DIDNT DESERVE THIS, and that she was out of line, that i did NOT bring this on myself.

maybe she SABOTAGES good rels.

maybe she PICKS (CHOOSES) the WRONG men.

she could have chosen me……..but i really would have been too GOOD for her.

she was with the one guy for 4 or 5 years, but i have no idea what that was like. he didnt cheat on her, but i get the sense he was cold and distant. but he stayed with her though. he could have just dumped her and never talked to her again hahahaha. well maybe he wasnt always cold and distant. but she seemed to be doing most of the work, to be more invested, just like i was way more invested in her than she was in me.

i dunno. i have just been never treated like this by someone i liked so much. i knew she didnt like like me, but i didnt think she would do THIS. even if it is the Logical COnclusion of Being Distant. you can be distant and still write an email.

you can be distant and still write a final email before cutting all ties.

i dont understand how so many people can Still Be Friends with people they dated. arent they angry about getting dumped and always scheming to get back together with them? and that person is a constant reminder of pain, of a Luv You cannot have, who does not want you? this must happen only in rels where the ending is Mutual. damn that must be nice!

i dunno i just hate getting older and still failing and failing. not even getting a LITTLE success. or when i do, it ALL goes away in the worst way. it was very nice to have a young nice decent female friend. hadnt been that close to a woman in years. and she was young, purty, and not a slut. NO SURPRISE then that i eventually got feelings for her! what IS surprising is i didnt get feelings SOONER, but i really think her long term rel helped keep those in check. but when that rel ended, all bets were off. so yeah me getting feelings is certainly not a BETRAYAL! she should understand that.

she used to be nice to me. she used to text ME. she used to ask to hang out with ME. she used to smile at ME. god damn it was so nice to have a female friend that did that. i am one of those men who feels a kind of CALLING to be with women. i have this primordial natural urge to be paired up with a woman.  not just any woman, but a woman i cared for.

i was worried that if she can do a 180 on me, so could any woman. but she didnt really do a 180. it was more like a 1. it was NOT super surprising given how distant she was being. it was also not surprising that i didnt want to believe that horrific reality, and that i believed her at face value when she kept saying we’ll hang out soon.

yeah so her saying that shit while acting extremely dstant was technically MIXED SIGNALS. i should have been smart enough to beleive what she DID not what she SAID, but being in LUV makes you do stupid things like quit your job hahahaha.

there is a this racist meme called moonman which takes a mcdonalds thing from the 90s and has turned into a moonman who makes extremely racist rap songs hahahaha and the kids on youtube love it, but the SJW fags keep SHUTTING IT DOWN, but moonman has such grassroots support that people keep him alive. this is great imho. people not afriad to be racist is making a comeback in 2015 (IN THE CURRENT YEAR hahahaha) and i this 2016 its gonna turn the tide and we will make definite progress against the pc police. simply because normal people just cant take this bullshit any more. youtube taking down moonman, soundcloud shutting down the daily shoah. the sleeping giant awakens hahahaha.

there is like 3 albums worth of racist songs that have popped up in the past 6 months. there is great shit HAPPENING out there and i cant even focus on it. this is the moment i have been waiting for, the racial awakening of the sleeping Goy! of course the paris attacks are part of it too.

oh god this moon man thing is GREAT, its too bad i have been so lost the past few months. oh noes i wish i had a nice female friend i could share memes with. i liked sending her pepes and funny pictures to make her laugh. i wanted to be there with her hanging out and make her laugh in person. nope. never happened. we used to hang out and then she stopped hanging out with me. what the fook.

its just fookin SO STUPID. shes a better person than that, she doesnt REALLY hate me that much, she doesnt KNOW WHAT SHES DOING, she is brainwashed or under some temporary Brain Fog and cant think straight, she is gonna be sorry she did this………this is my rationale for wanting to contact her.

but again she can contact me. the ball has never been in her court more. she dumped ME. she cut ME off. she wronged ME. she went off on ME. so its OBVIOUSLY her responsibility to contact ME if she ever wants to express remorse for what she did to ME, not ME to keep checking up on her every few months saying “hi there, ready to be friends again yet? ready to apologize yet?” COME ON.

but basically i dont need to worry about a woman ever doing this to me again, because i will be closely attuned to the WARNING SIGNS: basically, the woman being distant as hell for months. Then i will boldly say why u being so distant? because i keep trying to hang out with you but you keep blowing me off like a piece of shit? why do you keep blowing me off? because im weird. im weird because you are really fooking killing me! WE NEED TO TALK!!!!!! i have feelings for you. the end. take it or leave it but i cant take any more of this distant and never hanging out bullshit. i like you and want to be with you, now respond to THAT.


yeah its worse than a death (have i said this yet) because you are saying you are important to me and i want you in my life! and they are saying fook you, you are not important to me, i don’t want you in my life at all, im done with you. they are choosing to be done with you becuase you are bad for them. this is not what happens when someone leaves your life thru death.

st petersburg was once known as petrograd and leningrad; however STALINgrad is not this city at ALL, stalingrad is now known as volgograd and is way south of moscow, on volga river, between ukraine and kazakhstan, and was the site of a big loss for germany/axis in ww2 who advanced on stalingrad and got destroyed. unfrotuantely hahahahahahahahaha

its kinda like the love of your life is taken away from you far too soon by a sudden car crash or something. except theyre not dying, they’re just choosing to throw you away.

google thrown away by wife

well alot of the time, its men being shitty and throwing their wives away

has a born again religious aspect tho hahaha

google i feel thrown away

great article here/

”  The main reason rejection hurts is because is it a value issue. When we are rejected we feel like what we had to offer as a person has been studied, appraised and rejected as invaluable. This, in turn, can cause us to feel a variety of unpleasant emotions from anger, wrath, revengeful thinking, confusion, sadness and grief. It can leave us wondering what we did wrong, what we could have done to be better and a host of other unanswerable questions. It can also cause us to question our own self-worth, and in most cases…leave our self-esteem in tatters.   ”

all she had to do to not “THROW ME AWAY” was have some kind of communication with me about ending the rel. i knew ending the rel was very probable. when i wrote to her i said i kind of feel as if i have been thrown away, i know this is not your intention, but please respond so i dont feel thrown away so much. no response hahaha.

help me moonman hahahaha

oh god bless you moonman i think i found my next favorite meme next to pepe hahaha

people dealing with BORDERLINE spouses yikes. i dont think that person was borderline tho hahaha she just treated me like garbage, everyone else she is a SAINT to, and they cant beleive she was mean to me, well then i MUST deserve it.

she wasnt that selfish! she seemed super unselfish! i liked that about her! she didnt show those red flags of me me me me me.

letting go of lost love

i like this reydon stanford. terrible website design though. get a youtube channel buddy.

yes i have. it was/is devastating and ruined my year hahahahaha and my life. i am really not resilient and tough enough to handle this right now.

romania and croatia fought on the side of the evil nazis in ww2.

switching back to tea. even weak ass coffee makes my “stomach hurt” ie makes me poop so much my bum hurts.

” Convincing people to “work” on relationships when their instincts tell them to leave is the hallmark of abusers. ” terrible comment on

welp looks like im an abuser then. cuz i was opposed to her Just Leave Instincts. because i wanted to talk and work on it. id like to see THIS person get thrown away. they sound like a textbook thrower awayer hahahaha.

well i think they mean is it a pattern. are they abusing you and telling you not to leave. i was not abusing her, i was just begging her to talk to me and not leave! i was begging her to just write me an email and not throw me away without one email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

google good jobs for depressed people

google good jobs for losers

when i look at job postings i either think this job sucks even worse than the one i had, or, this job is obv wayyyyyyy above my pay grade, or both! and then i get lonely and despairing and wish i had a nice female friend who cared about me like she did at one time wawawawawaawawawawawa

probably the best thing would be really to focus my efforts on getting a temp job first so i can Build COnfidence.

she didnt care that i didnt have a great job!!!!!

she went out with guys who didnt have great jobs!!!!!!!

wawawawawawaw she was the perfect woman for me and now she is gone and i will never find a better woman and she got rid of me in the worst possible way wawaawawawaaw

why couldnt she have just written me an email? i dunno. cuz shes fooked up.

should i contact her asking for her to write me an email? OF COURSHE NOT, i already did that remember? and she never responded.

continuing to beg somebody please respond, please apologize to me…… just looks like a shitty situation……because it really is. i mean if you have to explain that to yourself – why breaking no contact to ASK(beg) somebody for an apology you deserve is not going to get you anywhere – then you are obviously still, like me, in the woods of misery and desperate delusion and denial hahahaha.

But at the end of the day, I still lost someone who was very important to me, in a very painful way that is worse than death. that’s really all the explanation that is needed. of COURSHE its going to take a LONG time to get over.

TIL Kant was born and died in Konigsberg Prussia which is today Kaliningrad Russia which is a Russian Exclave on the baltic sea, between poland and lithuania.

i am more autistically interested in the geography and purely looking at maps than about kant per se. although i am interested in the history and geopolitical forces that created these borders and nations and who controlled what when. like for example the ottoman empire and when they temporarily controlled areas of europe, like hungary and ukraine and built mosques there. well, i dont know about ukraine, but definitely hungary for at least 50-100 years. did the turks mix with hungarians? the turks definitely seem to have mixed wiht albanians. what about bosnians? aren’t bosnians white? but they are muslim?!?!?!! white muslims in the balkans?!?!?! i blame the ottoman turks hahahaha.

or ethnicities that exist but dont really have their own country, like kurds or chechens or abkhaz hahaha.

oh GOD BLESS U MOONMAN, this might even overtake Pepe for meme of the year 2015.

so good, so gooooood, this is exactly what i need at this difficult time in my life. MOONMAN.

Moonman seems to be more antiblack than antijewish, but that’s ok. i am sure moonman could learn to hate j00s too. and kebabz hahahaha. muzzies.

this is the type of thing i want to share with muh closest friends. if i hadnt become Isolated from everyone while I became overly attached to HER, now SHE’s gone, i wish she were here so I could share this DANK MAYMAY with her, and she might even like it wawawaawawawawawawawaw

at least two “competing” moonman boards on 8chan.