cant close the woes, cant barrage the farage.
yeah it is just stupid that she thought this was OK. SHE did something horrible and she has the audacity to think i DESERVED it! she feels no guilt for something she should feel a little guilty for! because in her mind, i am the bad guy who was super shitty to her, so she is right in being super shitty to me for payback!
all because me getting feelings for her was SO UNFAIR, she had to go and do something unfair to me.
she will never see that what she did was wrong! and that a person getting feelings is not really terribly wrong! she thinks what she did is right! and i am still desperate enough to want to contact her and tell her, ya know, you’re just not understanding this correctly at ALL. its not wrong to get feelings. it IS wrong to throw someone away like garbage. big difference. you might have thought it was UNFAIR that i got feelings for you, and indeed it was uncomfortable, but was it really UNFAIR? could you not even TRY to see where i was coming from? I tried to see where you were coming from but i cant see any reason to throw a person away unless they were cheating on you or abusing you, neither of which i was doing. i just had feelings for you and wanted to hang out with you outside of work and talk about things. we used to hang out.
but yeah. her having no guilt about what she did, because she is CONVINCED i was SO out of line. so SHE did something horrible and feels no guilt, blames me. now THAT is not only unfair it is unjust!
yeah it was amazing how one-sided it was. how much i loved her and how indifferent she was to me. it wasnt always like that. for a while she genuinely cared about me. she just turned that off when i started giving her signals i Liked her. and rather than talk about it, she just backed away forever. damn.
nope im still not bored talking about this!
my problem is i have absolutely no confidence in myself. even in the things i can do i have no confidence. and you need confidence to do ANY job, to get with ANY woman.
well, being around her when things were bad was a drain of confidence, because the person i luved above all others was being so cold to me. did not feel good.
i would honestly feel better if she felt ANY guilt. but instead she thinks “serves him right. that asshole. i hate that little faggot. i thought he was a friend but he was just sneaking around the whole time wanting to fook me like one of those pathetic niceguys. like hell i am gonna respond to his creepy long emails. ugh. i cant believe i ever was friends with him. i just want to forget i ever knew such a little piece of shit scammer.”
when shes obviously WRONG, she hates me for the wrong reasons, and if she had ever TALKED to me, i could have explained everything. (unlike when i had to explain weird shit at my job hahaha).
how could she think what i did was so WRONG? it WASNT! and she was CONVINCED i was a SUBHUMAN because of it! that does not boost a mans already low confidence!
how could she be so WRONG? i wish i could tell her how WRONG she is!!!!!! and she will always be convinced i was so wrong and evil. for a while i believed it too! i must have done something horrible to deserve this horrible treatment!
i thought she was more Ethically and Emotionally Intelligent than this. so concerned with justice and doing the right thing and being a good person and not screwing people over and golden rule. i thought those were very good signals about her morality/virtue. yet i have been treated better by women who were generally Less Moral!
i LUV mansplaining to WOMEN how their own bodies, minds, and emotions work. mansplaining to women how getting pregnant and raising children is a BIG deal. because women are too stupid to understand how their own bodies work and need a man to mansplain the obvious.
but yeah its sad. we used to be so good. she meant so much to me. she Uplifted me. she brought me up. and i brought her down hahahahaha.
its fine she didnt have the feelings. but to treat me like a completely different PERSON was out of line for HER!!!!
and she goes on to succeed in life, i go on and fail more and more. and she feels no guilt, never learns that she did anything wrong, and gets secs, luv, cuddles, long term rels.
she might not be a slut but can you imagine all the HUNDREDS OF HOURS of secs and cuddling she got in 4 years with her long term boifran? a lot!
maybe shes a psychopath? or a sociopath? she has no empathy or sympathy for others? but she DOES! thats one of the main things i liked about her! was she seemed to have a Big Heart and really Care about people. and she used to care about me. and when she stopped, i didnt expect it to happen in that way, and in that degree. just do what any other caring person would do, and say, i dont share your feelings, but i still care about you as a human, so, its best that we just settle this now and move on with our lives.
she SHOULD know better. and i think she DOES know better. she just has this Blind SPot with regards to me. this is why i wanted to appeal to a third party to intervene, a trusted third-party, and i would tell THEM, you know that person is usually very sensible but i think she’s making a big moral mistake here, could you talk to her and tell her that i am heartbroken and devastated and I just wanted better closure from her, and some validation of my Worth as a Human Being? I think she is Condemning me for something I shouldnt be Condemned for. So I got feelings. big deal. oy vey its like anudda shoah. yeah right.
anyway i could reason with these other people, who could then reason with her, and tell her, ya know, ya kinda messed up here, he’s not being unreasonable by asking to be dumped more gently, you should show him more courtesy.
but she’s probably already gotten to them telling them how WEIRD i was and how much i DESERVED to be cut off like this.
because as soon as the woman feels the man is being WEIRD, then he’s the bad guy.
i wasnt THAT weird and i had a damn good reason to be as weird as i was.
but yeah. at this point i would totally have casual recreational secs with a slut just cuz i am desperate to boost my confidence. totally.
but it just sucks that she can do something like that and it doesn’t even BOTHER her.
hehehehe i was RIGHT i was RIGHT!!! but everything feels so WRONNNNG hahahaha
i just wish she treated me better. and i think i deserved to be treated better. and i still want her. and i want her to know that what she did was wrong and it hurt me. i want her to feel a little bad for it. nothing major, just feel guilty about doing a bad thing. just apologize and say you shouldna done that. but this isnt gonna happen. i just hope one day she wakes up and feels bad enough to DO something about it, ie contact me and apologize. and then apologize profusely and gushingly and say she wants to be friends again. and hang out with me and then she wants to go out with me and lub me hahaha. cuz when you get into thanksgiving and crimmus and new years, people start getting NOSTALGIC and start think about people they used to know, rekindle shit hahahaha. and it will take me at least a year to want to stop rekindling things with her.
i liked her Moral Judgment, so i thought if she used the nuclear option on me, then SURELY I DESERVED IT, because she usually made good moral decisions. took me a long time to determine i DIDN’T deserve it, that she was overreacting, and that is On Her.
heh. i had license to overreact, i was in luv. she wasnt. jeez. the way SHE overreacted youd think she was in luv. hahahaha. she’s really in luv with me she just doesnt KNOW it. she needs ME to convince her. hahahaha. yeah right. i cant convince her of jack shit.
CANT CLOSE THE WOES.
Mr Woes has said he was in a deep despair in 2013 but now that he has been working on Woes, he had come out of despair, he has found a PURPOSE in life, he has become more confident. well good for him. i wish i could do the same. i kind of like that he is an unemployable loser just like me sponging off his family. well he still manages to do some good for the world. a lot of good. he is my go to guy.
anyway i like that he has found his purpose. i mean he is great at what he does. and is a great Voice Of A Generation. and he deserves a nice young traditional woman to luv him. i still want to know more about what happened with that woman he was in luv with for 7 years. did she ultimately cut it off? did he? was there hard feelings? does she know about THE WOES? did she marry that guy? did he ever get over her? did he ever bang gurls during that time? after that time? whens the last time he was with a gurl? has he ever had a decent two sided rel with a gurl?
for me, thats no no no no no no no no and no hahahaha.
he has been one of the main positive things for me during these trying times. just going for muh powerwalks, listening to WOES. goal is 8 miles a day. 5 is too little. 12 is too much.
anyway i just try to do damn 8 miles with 2 hours and 20 minutes of walking like a boss. not losing any weight ever. possibly GAINING weight because after all that walking, i am often starving and work up a big appetite!
saw several very attractive gurls at the fatness yesterday right in front of me with their asses hahahaha. early 20s gurls, blond hair, officially good looking. then i thought, whoa easy there, these are probbably sluts with a high number who dont get to know a man before banging him! and then i thought, oh well, they are young and good looking, and i am not looking to marry them. i may never get married because no women are marriageable. except for you know who hahahaa. THAT PERSON.
ideally, if i were still at my job getting stressed, i would stop at the gym RIGHT after, smoke MJ and get blazed right before going in; and then also while you are on the treadmill, use your phone to log into your Work Website and read and study Case Notes and Knowledge Articles and Intranet and Company Policies. then Study and Walk for 2:20 and then go home and get blazed again and go to sleep.
you almost HAVE to use MJ because it helps you SLEEP, when otherwise you’re so Worried about Work, and Worried about the NEXT day of work, and studying all the shit, and your mind racing with all that shit, that you really DO NEED the MJ to help you sleep and clear your mind. it really becomes less of a degenerate loser drug, and more of a beneficial medicine.
then you wake up in the middle of the night mind racing and you forget basic physical facts, like is time travel possible? who are you? whats your name? what state did you live in? its entirely possble for you to wake up in a different state isnt it? do you remember how to walk or speak or think or breathe or eat or go to the bathroom?
also, i might be emotionally intelligent enough to know that she was overreacting, i didnt deserve this…..but i also have no experience with women, so HOW WOULD i know? maybe it REALLY IS that bad, when you are cowardly and pushy and beta.
its not GREAT, i’ll grant you that, but i dont think its Morally Wrong, its just basically being Scared Of Girls. that is a much less of a Moral Defect that Walking Away from someone you were friends with for 2 years!
is there some kind of catalog of moral turpitude?
i would predict that being beta and shy and coy and cowardly about Blurting out I Like U to a girl would be like…. a -1.
Blowing off someone you used to hang out with, who clearly wanted to hang out with you, for 10 months, avoiding them, uhh that woud be at least -4 or so.
and totally dumping them cold turkey would be at least -10.
so she’s up to -14 at LEAST, i’m at -1.
she is AT LEAST FOURTEEN TIMES more at fault than i am.
that means its worse than 90 10.
its damn closer to 95 5 hahahaha.
MEASURING MORALITY. MORALITY METRICS. hahahaha
ehhhh not really. i am just looking for a list of moral transgressions and also good things and then rating them frm like -100 to +100.
like murder, abortion, stealing, cheating, dumping, ignoring, hurting feelings, vs praising somebody, loving somebody, giving somebody a gift, doing the right thing, helping someone hahahaha
uhh the moral foundations questionairre has some items like:
” Whether or not someone suffered emotionally
MFQ_F_TREATED Whether or not some people were treated differently from others
MFQ_I_LOVECOUNTRY Whether or not someone’s action showed love for his or her country
MFQ_A_RESPECT Whether or not someone showed a lack of respect for authority
MFQ_P_DECENCY Whether or not someone violated standards of purity and decency
MFQ_X_MATH Whether or not someone was good at math
MFQ_H_WEAK Whether or not someone cared for someone weak or vulnerable
MFQ_F_UNFAIRLY Whether or not someone acted unfairly
MFQ_I_BETRAY Whether or not someone did something to betray his or her group
MFQ_A_TRADITIONS Whether or not someone conformed to the traditions of society
MFQ_P_DISGUSTING Whether or not someone did something disgusting
MFQ_H_CRUEL Whether or not someone was cruel
MFQ_F_RIGHTS Whether or not someone was denied his or her rights
MFQ_I_LOYALTY Whether or not someone showed a lack of loyalty
MFQ_A_CHAOS Whether or not an action caused chaos or disorder
MFQ_P_GOD Whether or not someone acted in a way that God would approve of ”
end quote hahaha.
that I, A, P, H, F etc represent which of the Five Foundations of Morality the item belongs to, which are:
” 1) Care/harm: This foundation is related to our long evolution as mammals with attachment systems and an ability to feel (and dislike) the pain of others. It underlies virtues of kindness, gentleness, and nurturance.
2) Fairness/cheating: This foundation is related to the evolutionary process of reciprocal altruism. It generates ideas of justice, rights, and autonomy. [Note: In our original conception, Fairness included concerns about equality, which are more strongly endorsed by political liberals. However, as we reformulated the theory in 2011 based on new data, we emphasize proportionality, which is endorsed by everyone, but is more strongly endorsed by conservatives]
3) Loyalty/betrayal: This foundation is related to our long history as tribal creatures able to form shifting coalitions. It underlies virtues of patriotism and self-sacrifice for the group. It is active anytime people feel that it’s “one for all, and all for one.”
4) Authority/subversion: This foundation was shaped by our long primate history of hierarchical social interactions. It underlies virtues of leadership and followership, including deference to legitimate authority and respect for traditions.
5) Sanctity/degradation: This foundation was shaped by the psychology of disgust and contamination. It underlies religious notions of striving to live in an elevated, less carnal, more noble way. It underlies the widespread idea that the body is a temple which can be desecrated by immoral activities and contaminants (an idea not unique to religious traditions). ”
uhhh some of the letters dont match up. well i could be wrong. request escalation due to time. For Senior Blogger: I think this is the path we need to go down, that those letters in the coding represent these five foundations as described by Haidt, Ditto, Graham et al. in MFT article, see ssrn.com
some good stuff there too mang.
ok if i was -1 with being coy and cowardly and spineless (although i was giving strong signals which i THINK she interpreted correctly!)
then she was at least -2 with refusing to hang out with me forver,
and -3….shit -4 with Throwing me away. shit -5 minimum on that, are u kidding!!!!???!!
so, -1, vs -6. at the absolutely minimum. and like i say, she is prob more at -10 or -20 total in terms of moral wrongness. at least -10!
moral PLURALISM!!!!!!?????? no thank you! how about moral ABSOLUTISM!!! moral TRUTH!!!!!
anyway , tldr, she treated me MANY ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE WORSE than I treated her. She treated me AT LEAST TEN TIMES WORSE. note: two or three times worse is already pretty bad. TEN is UNCONSCIONABLE. and that is the bare goddamn minimum.
well i feel better figuring that out. i am -1, she is -10 at LEAST, if not -20 hahahahaha. fookin evil cruel bitch. the fook she think she is.
well she was overreacting cuz she was stressed about things in her family, and she didnt need me falling in love with her right then.
well im sorry about her family stuff. but i didnt need to be falling in luv with her right then anyway. plus i think she could have met with me ONCE in TEN MONTHS. just for an hour or two. but she knew what i wanted to say….she just didnt want to hear it.
i would have said, hey you are acting kind of weird to me lately, somethings changed recently, it seems like you are starting to like me, can you talk about that for 20 minutes and just tell me anything and everything.
oh so you started liking me a few months ago. well that checks out with how youve been acting, like you want me to be your special luver. well im sorry but i can. dont take it too personally, youre not a bad person. sorry. the end.
and thats it! so simple!
i might feel a LITTLE weird about them liking me, but i wouldnt be so goddamn butthurt and offended that i would think this is a goddam -6000000 immorality crime against humanity!!!!!!!!! like she seemed to think of me!
well ill never know if she was more offended by me liking her, or me being Weird about it. probably the weirdness. but she didnt have to be THAT offended by the weirdness. god damn.
“well YOU didnt have to BE so weird!”
well SORRRRRRRRRY. thats why i wanted to talk to you outside of work, before it GOT too weird. well guess what. you kept blowing me off to hang out and then it GOT weird.
oh shit i looked up her last name in my bookmarks and found like her mom and aunts facebook page, hahahaha deleted those bookmarks.
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