yeah. i just feel incapable of doing any job. feel useless and worthless. i dont want to go to school cuz it costs a lot of money and i feel skoll is useless and worthless. mainly i feel the problem is deep inside me, like i am just a defective PERSON, and no amount of SKOOL is gonna help me. i could have a masterz of electrical engineering right now and i would be in the same position in other words.

i can/could deal with skool, and just BARELY at that! i failed there a bit too – but when it comes to the Real World of Work and Wimmin, FORGET ABOUT IT. absolutely no chance, no hope. fail or give up almost IMMEDIATELY. dont have what it takes. dont have the guts. not man enough.

ok these are negative thoughts. on a broken record no less. so remove the needle from the record and take the record and throw it into the wall like a frisbee, smashing it hahahaha.

yeah i know she never had secsy or luving feels towards me, like gina tingles and luv…..but the warm feminine friendly feels were really nice tho, and it hurted me when she turned them off.

i thought about what i would say to her if i ever saw her randomly somewhere. at a restaurant or store or event hahahaha.


something like that. when i see her out having a great time with her new boifran who she loves getting fooked by, who she fell in luv with within 1 week and fooked within 1 week hahahaha. and sends him picutres of her ass. good lord. sucks him off 9000000 times a day and gets loads on her face like a porno drug whore gaping ass. violently face fooked like belle knox hahahahahaha. all women like this. like getting violently facefooked and throatfooked by different chads every night.

ok more negative thoughts. stop the records. screeeeeeeeeeeeeeech reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

but yeah when they stop luving you well before you stop luving them (not that she really luved me), you get hurt. luving someone who doesnt luv you. like an idiot. for months and years. one sided.

just like when they would rather GET RID OF YOU than make ANY effort to work things out with you. they dont want to TALK, or COMMUNICATE, or cooperate, or try, they just want to be DONE with you. this tells you that YOU ARENT WORTH SAVING. holy shit. YOU ARENT WORTH SAVING. god damn is that devastating to any man. i suppose women would also be devastated if someone THEY luved told them they werent worth saving.

you arent worth saving. i would rather be with nobody than with you. am i really THAT BAD? how could i be that bad? did i ABUSE you without knowing it? am i that inferior and undesirable of a man? probably!

well she wont be with NOBODY, she will be riding the cock carousel next time she goes out partying, maybe tonight, find some secsy guy at the bar or club or party she hasnt fooked yet, and fook him. disgusting.

ehehehe she wasnt a slut liek that, but she MIGHT AS WELL BE if she wants to kick me out of her damn life!


heheh she should have googled how to dump somebody and took note of the part where it said, “whatever you do, do NOT dump them by avoidng them forever, this is very hurtful and immature”. hahahaha.

you know its bad when you you are BEGGING for a damn EMAIL when you get dumped. because “dumped in an email” is BAD ENOUGH.

well, i can definitely inform you that there is an even worse way to be dumped.

i guess the only thing worse would be to actually be dating for a while, then find out she is cheating, then SHE dumps YOU by avoiding you/blocking you.  then you send her messages “you cant dump me you cheating whore” then you look like the bad guy.

i wanted to contact her to say hey you really hurt me, i really thing you owe me an apology! you cant do this to someone, this is really bad, you can do better than that, so apologize to me. do you have any remorse about the way you handled this? its not too late to apologize.

but i figured correctly that it would be less about askign for an apology, and just getting back in contact with her, because i STILL WANT HER.

and i DO! I still want her, still luv her, it’s still one sided luv same as it ever was, but its more hopeless now, because I KNOW ITS OVER, oh god is it ever OVER, but i still luv her, because the luv i had/have, still hasnt died yet. its still kicking and sceraming and thrashing and flailing and is not even close to the death throes yet. to still love someone who is GONE and NEVER COMING BACK, now that is ridiculous.

and to have no confidence in yourself, as in being able to do a job, any job, let alone a living wage bare minimum middle working class 15DAHJ!

i am really not gonna find anything “better” than my last job, especially for that kind of money. the best way to deal with that stress is to go home and study work shit, which is itself kinda stressful. exercise is another ok way to deal. but by far the best two ways to deal are doing MJ, and having a nice loving waifu loving loyal faithful 25 year old woman to cuddle with at the end of a soul crushing day, to help steel yourself for another soul crushing day coming up ALL too soon. also going to sleep as soon as you come home and literally doing nothing but sleep duing your free time. but that can be hard to do if you are constantly worried about work, and also it takes away time from exercising, and waifu, and family, and chores and adult life shit. like staying up till 4 am working on your online college degree. so you can get a better job and make more money for your children hahahaha.

but yeah it sucks how peoples feelings can CHANGE. like how one day a person can like you, then one day they dont like you any more. the love is gone. they stop loving you. love fades hahahaha. and sometimes it just has a heart attack and dies when you least expect it.

well, my feelings changed tho. they went the other way. they grew, intensified, transformed like the butterfly into something greater. changed from like to luv. this caused her feelings to change from like to don’t like. not super complicated. oh well.

my feelings changed one way, her feelings changed the other way.

but yeah she certainly could have treated me better in the end. what she did to me was more “abusive” than what i did to her, which was merely annoying, because i wanted to talk about LEGIT VALID THINGS but i didnt know the best way to go about communicating them, so it annoyed her.

went to fatness yest evening, got in 8 miles, i always see a couple of cute gurls there, but i am way too old and out of shape for Good Looking Gym Sluts hahahahaha.

heh. a lot of people who go to the gym are ALREADY in good shape.

but at planet fatness, a decent number of people are in even worse shape than me, so i say good for them. god have mercy on them. that poor man has probably never been NEAR an attractive woman ever. and yet he carries on, with his ridiculous education, his ridiculous job, just trying to make 15DAH one day, just trying to meet a nice unattractive woman someday who accepts him for who he is, jogging away on the treadmill huffing and puffing, after a minimum 10 hour day at his shitty customer service job, and he’s not complainign. he’s gonna try to lose the weight, then go home and stay up till 3 am doing univ of phoenix to get his business degree or “IT” degree, then get 6 hours of sleep tops, prob more like 4 or 5, then go serve customers for 10 hours again, difficult customers, and get no love from the ladies either, cuz hes too fat and too nice and his career is too shitty.

hehehehe broken record of negative thoughts, see? i write damn STORIES based on negative thoughts. these hopeless, pessimistic stories of pathetic, sad, lonely, desperate people, and i have become one of those people!

but this fat guy has more honor than me, becuase hes working hard and not complaining! and working hard to better himself despite the insurmountable odds!

heheehehe i am hoping she feels extra lonely and guilty and regretful around the holiday season of thanksgiving thru new years, to Contact me and apologize and reconnect hahahaha. of course she utterly refused to even HANG OUT with me last thanksgiving or xmas or new years, and i honestly thought she would. i still trusted her at that point. and things hadnt been weird for too long. that when she said i was invited to thanksgiving, i actually fooking believed her.

then by crimmus time it was like oh im too busy with my family, i dont have time for my friends. when before she was willing to have me meet her family. no more!

i wonder when her mind was changed officially. maybe when i gave her that crimmus gift along with sentimental card and she read the card and all the Signals that were in it. that was like no earlier than dec 21 or so. i would have liked to give her the crimmus gift somewhere other than the workplace, like hanging out together. but that would involved her letting me hang out with her outside of work hahahaha. which we used to do. but then i got downgraded. i mean things were not super weird in december yet!!!!!

well it was always one excuse for another why she could not hang out. if someone really wants to hang out with you, they will MAKE TIME. even just 2 hours if they are really busy.

just somewhere we could sit and talk peacefully for 2 hours and not have the stupid JOB hanging over our heads. but she had a feeling that i had feelings for her, and she absolutely did not want to confront that. i did.

ok time for outdoors powerwalk. better than hopeless job search hahahaha for jobs i cant do anyway. incompetent at all jobs. unhirable. unemployable. hahahah undateable, unluvable.

did a 5 miler. kinda cold out there. listened to Eli the Jewish Computer Guy the whole time, didnt think about stupid shit too much. saw the older jewish guy on the bike path again. of course it was the same jewish guy: 60 years old, beard, stringly little tassel things dangling at the bottom of his shirt. plus he is the only jewish guy in a 20 mile radius hahaha. this is actually a good thing since jews are natural born destroyers who destroy countries and communities like cancer hahahaha but i really doubt one older nonatheist jew is gonna do too much damage. plus he probably has a good work ethic and his children are successful and make 20DAH and have been able to reproduce themselves with willing women of their own race.

oh no i am a virulent anti semite racist hahahaha no i dont care. i dont care unless someone is hurting me or my family directly. but what about indirectly?

come on man. i just want to be Emotionally Tough enough to WITHSTAND a Job, and of course, Heartbreak.

google how to deal with being dumped by someone you love

this person, ive seen her before, and she is a horrible slut. oh boo hoo still upset after two months. you get one month to “be a slut and fook a BUNCH of people”….how many people can you actually fook in one month? wow what a whore.

our relationship is worth it! worth saving! I am worth it! you beg to them.

how to BE FRIENDS WITH A GIRL THAT REJECTED YOU???? ARE YOU KIDDING? some of these wikihows are not just stupid, they are DANGEROUS.

this guy dr nerdlove SUCKS. he is a feminist mangina white knighter hahahaha. talk about putting the pussy on a pedestal. you’d think a niceguy nerd would be able to truly UNDERSTAND the niceguy. but he doesnt.

he thinks the red pill is all about Emotionally Abusing Women

he also uses words like “rapey” and “cisgender” and “male privilege” hahahaha sooooo that shows his angle quite clearly.

what these anti niceguy writers always say always boils down to: “these evil niceguys have such a large sense of white male privilege entitlement, that they can’t begin to treat women as, y’know, like, um, HUMAN BEINGS.”

this is incredibly insulting and wrong. our enemies are LYING about us. like niceguys don’t view women as human beings. of COURSE they do. women are just a very different, weird type of human being that we have no experience with, so are very awkward with, so the women think we are Creepy. and we never learn how to close the deal. but to CHARACTER ASSASSINATE and say that we don’t understand that women are HUMAN BEINGS is so disingenuous of these BETA LEFTIST JOURNALISTS. stupid marxist faggots.

yeah they are human beings, we are trying to treat them as human beings, and they treat us like garbage. no more! hahahahaha.

there i go extrapolating once again hahahaha. yeah i could ahve treated her a little better, but she could have treated me a LOT better. how about hanging out with me ONCE. how about responding to emails AT ALL.

ok i better go to the fatness. i ate a HUGE dinner today, easily 2000 calories right there, that is my daily recommended amount, just blew the load all at once eating a huge unhealthy comfort food dinner.