FEELINGS ARENT WEIRD; UNFORTUNATE BUT NOT WEIRD

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yeah. i dont think i was misrepresentin. cuz even though i admitted that my female friend was good looking, at the beginning, i DIDNT REALLY WANT TO BANG HER. that only came MUCH later. with the feelings. it has to do with the fact that i was getting over somebody else.

and what happens when you are still in process of getting over somebody?

you dont want to BANG ANYBODY ELSE. at least not for me.

whenever i see an attractive woman now, I think, YEAH, she’s attractive, bangable, but i’d still much rather be banging THAT PERSON. she’s not as attractive to me as THAT PERSON. so i guess i’d bang her, but i dont really care, i’m not gonna try, and even as i was banging her, i’d be wishing i were banging THAT PERSON instead.

so you rack your brain trying to think of OTHER PEOPLE to Beat The Meat to, and you CANT. you can think of other attractive women in the SPank Bank sure, but…..you still want THAT PERSON more.

that’s the position i was in when i first met and became friends with That Person. at that time, there was ANOTHER That Person hahahaha. the previous incarnation.

it would be like if i became friends with a pretty young woman right now hahahahaha. but i am certainly not.

so yeah i immediately recognized her as good looking but i didnt really feel it or didnt really care until about 2 years later hahahaha.  then i tried to make my cares KNOWN and DISCUSS them so as not to MISREPRESENT.

shit yeah it was a confusing and weird situation. i had never had this happen to me. i thought it couldnt happen. ie, me get feelings for a female friend. well now i know. it can happen. especially if the female friend is 25 or under, not ugly, and no kids.

but yeah its HARD. usually i dont respect women cuz they have S with guys TOO SOON. wait at least 2 months for gods sakes.

pot kettle maybe because every S partner I’ve have, i havent known them long. i was resentful and uncomfortable having S so soon, but i figured i would regret NOT having S with a cute young woman while they were willing. and that i was absolutely correct about. so i don’t regret having S with them, but i dont respect them for essentially pressuring me to have S so early. but “so early” ie less than 1 month is NORMAL. i am sure That Person will be doing the same, when she meets a guy who is Hot, she will Let Him In before one month.

Dunno i just think people show KNOW and RESPECT each other, and women should not offer SEX until men offer their COMMITMENT.

and also when a man has S with a woman, she should offer her commitment and loyalty.

its not an issue of OWNERSHIP, its an issue of RESPECT and LOYALTY and CHOOSING to be LOYAL to someone you CARE about more than OTHERS.

google whitest city in brazil, whitest city in chile hahahahaha

argentina and uruguay are said by pro white internet forums to be the whitest countries in south america

just want someplace warm and white hahahahaha.

maybe i would race mix with somebody as high as 25% nonwhite hahahaha.

as long as they were 25 or under and good looking.

i blame myself for all my failures but do not congratulate myself for my successes! of which there are not many, but the most recent one would be becoming good at my insanely hard job.

but i do blame other people for my failures sometimes too, and fail to take responsibility, such that i have an External Locus of Control, just a victim of the cruel world.

so i think she made a mistake of judgment. but do you think i can be the one to convince her? i can never convince her. plus it would look REALLY creepy if i were to contact her now. plus ive been doing so GOOD. well, not in terms of life, ive been doing horrible. but ive been doing good in terms of not contacting her.

googling why does it take so long for peoplesoft to update. peoplesoft is a very popular human resources type program, its more than just a program, its like an ERP, and i dont really understand what that is, but i can tell you that peoplesoft is very important and a lot of companies use it, including my old company.

new employees need to be “entered in” peoplesoft, their peoplesoft profiles “verified” and “check their peoplesoft and make sure it all looks good”, unfort, hiring managers did not know what that meant, and neither did we. “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh check all their job codes and make sure they have all the job codes they need?”

how do i know which job codes they need?

“uhhhhhhhhhhh youre the manager youre supposed to know? talk to YOUR manager if you dont?”

I ALREADY DID, HE SAID CALL YOU!!!!!!

“uhhhhhhhhhh he was wrong. call HIS manager.”

and noone wants to talk to THEIR manager, let alone their MANAGERS MANAGER!

YOUR MANAGER DOESNT WANT TO HELP YOU! IF YOU ASK HIM QUESTIONS YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE LIVING HELL! THATS WHY THEY NEVER WANTED TO ASK THEIR MANAGERS!!!!!!!!

ok i am gonna try to go to planet fatness and walk on the treadmill. i am worried about the following:

  1. will it be super busy (sunday night) and i have to fight for a treadmill?
  2. will front desk give me a hard time because i dont have a CHECKING account, and i used the member portal to set up my billing with a SAVINGS account?
  3. does the portal link up with the system they see in the store?
  4. would they even know?
  5. planet fatness is run by ASSHOLES so we can assume the franchise owners are assholes, their managers are assholes, and the kids at the bottom will either not know anything, because the assholes dont want to spend the money to train them; or try to bullshit you with bullshit, as they gradually transform into asshoesl themselves;
  6. how do the lockers work? can i put my wallet and keys in a locker?
  7. do they even have showers?
  8. do they have drinking fountains or do i have to bring in my water bottle? i saw a guy before returning to his car, and he took a water bottle out of his trunk, drank from it, put it back in his trunk (boot for UK readers). he did not bring the water inside.
  9. theyve gotta have water fountains right?
  10. will they give me shit if i am on the treadmill for more than 30 minutes? ideally i want to be on it for 2 hours!!

look at that laundry list of worries!

at that consumer complaint website i have heard HORRIBLE things abotu planet fitness, like people getting charged THOUSANDS of dollars because the front desk kid forgot to “submit” their cancellation paperwork; getting tons of hidden charges when trying to cancel.

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went to the fatness for 2 hours, it was actually ok.  will get back to that.

slept ok prob because of the physical exercise, good! but had a bit of trouble getting to sleep, thinking about THAT PERSON again of course.

what ate at me last night was this:  she technically threw the first stone by UNFRIENDING ME. sending the clear message she didnt want to be friends anymore. we went to that event, i met her and things were SO awkward, THEN she unfriended me and stopped talking to me at work even though we sat 2 rows apart. wtf???? smh hahahaha.

unfriended me without any verbal explanation i should add. just boom unfriended.

she unfriended me BEFORE i left the job; BEFORE i wrote her the email saying “YES I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU”. she didnt even WAIT for me to unambiguously CONFIRM my feelings before unfriending me, in other words.

this possibly gives insight into her confused mind hahahaha. meaning, she thought, he’s acting SO WEIRD, he’s acting like he LIKES me, like he wants me to be his gurlfran, i can’t take it, its SO WEIRD, i wish he’d JUST STOP and get over this phase already, but he’s not getting any better, i cant take any more, i cant be friends with him if he keeps doing this, and he keeps doing it, so, time to unfriend.

when just 2 weeks prior i wrote her an email begging her to communicate more so we could work on our friendship, i didnt want this to be the end without working on it. i wish she had responded to THAT rather than just unfriending me!!!

so the insight was: i had pushed her to her limit by being SO WEIRD. I tried to get inside her mind:

he’s acting SO WEIRD, like he’s in luv with me or something. that sucks, i wish he wasnt!

maybe its a phase, maybe he’ll get over it automatically in a little while.

oh no he hasnt, this has been going on for months, he just gets worse and worse, he always wants to hang out, i dont WANT to hang out with him if he’s acting so weird and LIKES me! thats not FAIR that he LIKES me! he didnt seem to like me before!! what changed?

well rather than talk to him about it, or respond to that email he sent, i’m just gonna keep avoiding him entirely, unfriend him, and he’s the bad guy for getting these feelings whenever he did. it started getting real bad early 2015. why talk about it ? theres nothing to say. i would say, i dont want you to have feelings for me, please STOP. STOP.  and he’s not stopping. so unfriending is the only way out.

so then I (ME) felt a rush of Self Blame again, like its all my fault.

but it also reaffirmed me that i should NOT contact her, i mean the balls in her court if she wants (and she doesnt!!!) and she rejected ME. she saw my luv and said STOP and she unfriended ME. i already apoligized and begged 1000000 times leading up to that; you think MORE begging and apoligizing is gonna help?

is gonna make her change her MIND? her mind was made up long ago. she didnt want my feeelings, she found them WEIRD, because she didnt have any feelings towards me at all.

however when she had Just Friends feelings towards me, that was kinda intoxicating, cuz she was so nice and tender to me, and I missed getting that from a woman. even if they werent real loving feelings. there was still a tenderness to the friendship feels that you cant get from a man. well maybe you can. like my male work buddy who i felt a good emo connection with. i should hang out with HIM, but he is buys working overtime at that horrible place!!!! plus i would ask him how is SHE doing, cuz he SEES her every day. and i would be unhappy with the answer no matter what: oh she’s a really cool person, we hang out with her now because she’s so cool, you should get over your feelings and just appreciate her as a cool person to be friends with; ORRRRRR i dunno shes kinda shady, she seems to be dating 10 guys at work hhahahahaha and is really cliquey and twofaced and plays people off each other. bad vibes.

SEE? either one would be bad.

also it would be easier to hang out with HIM once i get a new job…..which is taking a LONG time already. fooooook.

ANYWAY i wish she had the EMPATHY to say, yeah i dont like him liking me, it makes him act weird, i wish he would stop……………….but this is just how people act when they like you, its not his fault, thats probably why he wants to hang out every 2 weeks, he probably wants to talk about this, see that email he sent about wanting to communicate. maybe i should just give him the chance to say what he wants to say, if he has feelings, he is prob in a vulnerable state and WONT TAKE WELL TO BEING ANGRILY THROWN AWAY LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT, that would probably DEVASTATE him! so the decent thing to do would be to say IM SORRY, WE HAD a good friendship, but you seem to LIKE me, and I cant do that, so lets peacefully detach. consciously and peacefully uncouple hahahaha.

but noooooo she was like UGH how DARE he get FEELINGS, I bet he was trying to TRICK me from the very beginning 2 years ago, why wont he STOP, he’s the bad guy, he’s a piece of shit, so i’m gonna throw him away like a piece of shit right now! the end.

not a good way for her to handle it! i wish she had handled it like above.

anyway i was just reflecting/OBSESSING/RUMINATING on the timeframe of when exactly she unfriended me. it was after the Awkward Event, but BEFORE I officially TOLD her of my feelings in the email, BEFORE i left the job.

i also thought of why men like asian women, because they are nice, polite, not a huge annoying obnoxious bitch. but im sure the asian women go NUTS once you marry them. either way i am not really into asians and i much prefer women of my own race, but i was thinking how That Person had some of the Positive Qualities men usually look for in Asian Women because supposedly White Women do not have them any more: being nice and polite and pleasant and not obnoxious and chill and not arguing all the time, well behaved basically hahahaha. pleasant to be around and spend time with. showing you warmth and love and appreciation rather than busting your balls all the time and being disloyal as fookin mercenaries.

these are not inherently asian woman things! white women used to be like this! and THAT PERSON was once like that to me! she was a good friend and i liked her style of friendship, with that warmth and shit, it only made SENSE that i wanted to keep THAT going as part of a more intimate rel. i needed those eggs. she gave me a taste of what she was capable of, and i said YESSSSS thats good i really like that, i want more!

so its MY FAULT because I MADE HER FEEL WEIRD. damn.

well she ddnt have to feel WEIRD. how she feels is on her, unless i am specifically setting out to DO HARM to her and make her feel bad. i wasnt. i just got feelings. i showed her the feelings. she thought that was WEIRD. she could say, awww, he has feelings for me now. that sucks for him, but it’s NOT NECESSARILY WEIRD. welp i guess the right thing to do is tell him sorry i dont have feelings for you, i want to let you down easily.

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

however the Emotionally Immature person finds it easy to assign BLAME when they are feeling weird. well i feel weird because they are BEING WEIRD.

I wasnt BEING WEIRD, I was just having feelings. FEELINGS ARENT WEIRD. they are natural. people have been getting feelings for each other for thousands of years.

its UNFORTUNATE when someone gets one sided feelings. UNFORTUNATE, but NOT WEIRD. she thought it was WEIRD. had she been more Emotionally INtelligent, she would have said…..thats not necess WEIRD, its UNFORTUNATE, because he’s gonna be disappointed, and I have to have a hard talk with him and try to let him down easy.

well she had a lot on her plate and was overwhelmed.

but never forget: SHE UNFRIENDED ME FIRST. SHE WOULD RATHER UNFRIEND ME THAN HAVE A TALK.

I often forget this fact. When this was about the clearest signal she sent me. this was the clearest communication she gave me.

so this is all the more reason NOT to contact her!

Also the idea that she FELT pushed, more than i was ACTUALLY pushing her.

Like I made sure to decelerate and only ask her to hang out once a week, but she still felt that i WANTED something FROM her, and that made her feel psuhed and pressured. well, it WAS true that i WANTED something from her, but i didnt want to or try to PRESSURE her. I just wanted to talk like damn adults about this new want on my end. i knew full well she might not be able to acomodate that want! ie me having feeligns.

i didnt want to be tricky or deceptive or dsingenuous. and i dont think i was.

i didnt WANT to be WEIRD, but i think i WAS kinda weird. not because the FEELINGS were weird, but when you have feelings and never talk about the elephant in the room……..when you dont talk about elephants in rooms, things get weird!!!!!!!

so whose responsibility is it to say WE NEED TO TALK?

probably mine, because i have the feelings. i’m the one feeling uncomfortable by the elephant.

but SHE was clearly uncomfortable by the elephant too!

but i wanted to maintain the rel, she did not, at that point there was no benefit to HER to talk about the elephant, she didnt care, she jsut wanted to be done.

and that hurts. i wish she had had more consideration to me, that that was gonna hurt me and she would thus handle it in a nicer way. is that too much to ask? was i SO WEIRD i canceled THAT out? i mean i wasnt ENTITLED to anything, but thats just what Nice People Do when they have to Reject a person in that way.

i mean how do girls learn that lesson. probably from their mothers. HOPEFULLY with the input of their fathers. well she doesnt have a father to say “be nice to the poor guy.” and her mother probably said “your feelings are the most important thing. if he is making you feel weird then FOOK THAT CREEP, dump him and never look back, you dont OWE HIM ANYTHING.”

but I met the mother, i sorta got along with her, and i was hoping she would then fight for me a little bit, inasmuch as to say, ya know, he’s not a bad guy, he just likes you, PLEASE think about his feelings and let him down easily, just TALK to him.

so i dont really know how her mother advised her here. it could have gone either way. i am sure the mother has flat out turned her back when dumping men. but mother has a big problem with dating badboiz, and probably dated a few abusers and or deadbeats who really didnt DESERVE nicer than a shitty mean cold dumping.

ITS HAPPENING! the top story on drudge report and probably many us outlets, cnn.com at least, is mizzou president resigns due to WHITE PRIVILEGE. this is a huge big well known university. and its right in my wheelhouse of universities being bastions of Cultural Marxism. well the top guy at the U lost his job because of Cultural Marxism. i dont even know what happened. something like a black football played was targeted by a prankster writing racist words in Faeces on the wall?

well i have no sympathy for univ presidents makeing 300k a year in a combination of public money and cvm guzzling students taking out 50k a year in loans and then have to pay off a an additional 200k in interest on top of their 200k principal; but yeah the opposition is talking about white privilege and internalized Systems Of Oppression in the very first paragraph of their statement.

and supposedly there are tensions between white and blacks at the univ?

RACE WAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

send them more white gurls to bang, maybe then they will calm down hahahaha. export more white gurls to mizzou. they dont have enough white 18 yo pussy hahahahahahaha. i mean you have to be banging a new 18 yo white gurl every NIGHT in order to be peaceful and not start riots hahahahahahahaha oh i LOVE being a racist!!!!!!!!

http://www.breitbart.com/sports/2015/11/09/university-of-missouri-system-president-resigns-amid-criticism-of-handling-of-racial-issues/

a more rightish perspective

meanwhile here is the left perspective, by dave (((ZIRIN))) at the (((NATION))) hahahahahaha that means echoing as in the merchant minute

http://www.thenation.com/article/3-lessons-from-university-of-missouri-president-tim-wolfes-resignation/

hahaha really im just jelly of black football players banging tons of 18 yo white girls, i am just butthurt, just like the white pencildick who vandalized the black guys room or whatever. wawawawawawaw i just wish i could et a 18 yo white gurl to make out with me, meanwhile theyre throwing themselves at you, big black bull. probably because you are more manly and exciting and interesting and sexy!

nothing on fox news channel, but all over cnn tv channel. well yeah this is a Big Victory for the Left, and FNC is more Centrist than Left, pretends to be right, appeals to Weak COnservatives, Cuckservatives, and Neocons hahahaha. I am politically savvy hahahahaha.

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/11/coliving/414531/#article-comments

Dorms for Grownups: A Solution for Lonely Millennials?

hehehehe this is for smart successful millennials who can get tech development jobz, now they can live in dorms and work 100 hours a week but at least be around other people in their age group, rather than friendless virgins. it only works for friendless virgins who are able to get Good and Cool jobs with these Tech Companies hahaha.

Socially Inept Virgins, but have Good Jobs.

i mean if having a good job / money isnt enough to get you friends and pvssy, neither will a dorm with your nerdy male virgin autist coworkers.

“but theyre not making that much money!”

broke down and looked at some pornography for the first time in like 4 weeks. watched a cute young innocent looking girl getting banged. she looked liek a normal cute youngish girl as opposed to a porno slut. like an average amateur cute gurl you see everywhere at skool, work, bar, gym hahahaha. but not church really. these cute gurls are out there. cute gurls are NOT so RARE.

and then of course i was liek damn i wishi could do that with THAT PERSON and her making little O noises and such. so it became very conflicted. so i have no desire to watch porno anytime soon. maybe go another few weeks.

a black graduate student going on a hunger strike and saying das racis can cause the highest “employee” of a university to lose his job. hehehe i should get a black graduate student to hunger strike for THAT PERSON to take me back hahahahahaha and also get me a stress free 15DAHJ hahahaha.

i finished my voice recordings of muh job interview file. it is 20 abotu 20 minute mp3s now. it is 400 minutes of ME TALKING. it is OVER 6 HOURS OF ME TALKING.

that should be good enough to get me a job right.

So I was weird! couldnt you see WHY i was being weird!!!??? You KNEW i liked you! couldnt you see how and why that was making me weird? why did you have to react so negatively to it??!?!?!! you didnt have to be MEAN! you could just say AW IM SORRY but i CANT! not get MAD at me for it! god damn!

now youre gonna go down to Mizzou and make sure those feetzball players are WELL taken care of eh hahahahahaha cuz us white boys are huge pussy faggots who dont know how to be a man.

i wish i had sent her 20 20 minute files, 400 minutes of me talking about my feelings for her and what i wanted from her (not for her to have feelings for me, that would be nice, but i cant ASK that of someone; but i CAN ask them to be nice to me and not heartless to me!!!!! )

she was heartless because i was weird and that made her contemptuous and annoyed and not like me anymore.

was i weird? yes a LITTLE but not that much.

why was i weird? because i had feelings for her and i wasnt able to hang out with her and talk about them.

why? because she didnt want to hang out because i was WEIRD and not fun anymore.

see at this point going down the rabbit hole of why just gives you a stupid vicious circle, chicken and egg.

she wouldnt hang out because i was weird, i was weird because she wouldn’t hang out.

really it was the elephant in the room which made me weird.

i should have blurted it out the second i felt myself getting weird.

i dont think her mind would have been changed though. if she wanted to Date me, she’d certainly want to talk about it, and would have agree to hang out with me any of the 10 times i asked her.

so i can be CONFIDENT (hahahaha) in the FACT that she NEVER had Feelings for me, and that i just scared her off. nope, she simply NEVER had feelings. she should have been nicer and more understanding though.

do women really understand how different it is for men and women to Get Sex or a Rel?

do women REALLY THINK its just as easy for men as it is for women?

that all men can get a woman as easily as a woman can get a man?

this is so stupid and wrong and all men know it!

but it honestly seems like women simply cannot put themselves in a mans shoes and SEE THE TRUTH!

its less about empathy and putting yourself in anothers shoes, but just opening your eyes and seeing the truth right in front of you! open your eyes and see all the lonely men, or the single men, or the men with the shittiest women!

just want women to appreciate how hard it is for a man to get a woman. and how easy it is for a woman to get a man, and to understand that THIS IS THE WAY NATURE MADE US, and to appreciate that by NOT GIVING IT AWAY FOR FREE. LIKE THEY WERE A MAN, with NO reproductive costs. just drop a load and disappear into the night. WOMEN JUST CANT DO THAT, yet they ACT like they CAN!!!!!! its stupid and wrong and …. OBSCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know obscenity when i see it! and thats it! blatantly shitting on the way nature made you, spitting in gods face if you will, going against the entire natural order. i hate female promiscuity more than Conservatives Hate Gays hahahahahahaha.

and in fact so should the conservatives, because its a much bigger problem!

muuuucccccchhhhhhh! affects their own wives and daughters!

5 percent of people are homosexual, but like 50% of women are Too Promiscuous!

Female Promiscuity is TEN TIMES A BIGGER MORAL PROBLEM than homosecsuality!

BABY WITH A GUN!!!!

Yeah #MillennialWoes have a skype conversation with me on that. or better yet just do one yourself hahahahaha.

no i luv woesy, i would like to visit scotland and then visit him one day.

i thought women are always cold all the time, then why do they always wear sleeveless things to show off their fatceps and “bingo wings” hahahahahaha hopefully with horrible lena dunhamesque tattoos on them hahahaha

i am jsut butthurt that no women like me and my main source of female luv is gone long gone. which is what she was! that is a big deal! i mean it helps men to have the TENDER MERCIES of a nonrelative woman!

heh. i just want a damn impartial judge to say that SHE was wrong, SHE was the bad person, SHE ruined it. i need ot be right. i FEEL wronged!!!!! i FEEL i was treated unfairly. but i know my feelings can be WRONG.

well at least me and her had something good for SOME period of time, however brief. we had an honestly beautiful friendship for about one year. because it took about one year to get to that point. i dont make friends QUICKLY. if they are still around after one year, thats a good sign. then i can start being REAL friends with them.

anyway my story of first time at planet fatness. if i can do it, you can do it.

i had my list of worries above.

i prepared for the worst, ie bring as little as possible into the club, prepare not to use a locker. locked wallet in the car, brought in only keys, id card, music player, and phone.

scanned id card at front desk. they said nothign about billing info. i stood about 10 feet away from the front desk and pretended to look at phone, really checking out the layout and where i should go next. obv wanted a treadmill. treadmill is the WHOLE REASON i signed up. i spied a good treadmill. not a lot of people there on sunday evening. went right to the treadmill and got it started. played around with the buttons. really tried to observe my surroundings without looking like i was looking at anybody.

an asian girl got on tread mill 2 to my left. this made me feel less like a monster and made me reflect on asian girls being nice and tender hahahahaha. in the row in front of me there was a 40 year old black woman and 2 men in their 20s.

one of the men i recognized, i saw him about 2 years ago at my previous job. he was an “older” college student who was very emotional and hysterical and had arguments with his mom on his phone even though he was 30. he was feebly trying to turn his life around but it wasnt working and certainly he was very depressed and low self esteem and almost certainly a 30 year old virgin. i empathized with him greatly. he is my target demographic. i should have approached him and sold my Despair Buddy and Anxiety Buddy and Relationship Buddy  Unlicensed Therapist Buddy Services!

but he was doing well, he had signed up for planet fatness before i did! but he is also fatter than me. but he is also much taller than me. i mean if he lost weight he could pull some 25 year old woman. not that he was super fat, just a little chubby, and he was a good height, maybe about 6 feet, i wish i was that tall!

i spied on peoples mph. he was at 3.2 so i said i have to do 3.3 at least hahahaha.

most girls who went on soon began jogging at 5 mph. oh great i said. there was a young man jogging at 6 mph for quite a long time. i was pressured and gymtimidated into jogging at 5 mph for a few minutes here and there.

most people when they were walking did no less than 3 mph. i would prefer to do 2.8, i am not a fast walker! on my normal walks i go about 2.8 but then you would look like a loser here.

there was a 45 year old woman not in greatest of shape going at a brisk 3.5 mph clip steadily!

i played with the machine settings and had to restart it a couple times, wiping out my time and calories burned and all that and distance.

i basically tried to keep it no lower than 3. it was weird trying to compete wiht the peopel around me. i was in the back row meaning they couldnt see me and my mph. i never saw a girl go faster than 5 mph. i saw one guy going 8 or 9 mph. jeez.

i tried to read the signs and look at the people and look at the machines and the layout, without looking like i was looking at anything. i tried to listen to millennial woes but i couldnt really focus on him, too novel of a setting. listened to some music, listened to the same MW over and over again. i saw more than a few attractive young women. i dont understand why they wear SKIN TIGHT stuff. if you dont want creepy old virgin loser men staring at your ass, dont wear SKIN TIGHT pants and be 20 years old hahahahahahahahaha. you can just wear NOT skin tight shorts or pants. I was! wearing NOT skin tight shorts and shirt.

i wore shorts and a long sleeve t shirt for some reason. the shorts were fine. i wore long sleeve t shirt cuz i get cold easily and not sure how warm it would be in there. it was warm enough for shorts and a short sleeved tshirt.

there was a little cup area in the treadmill where i could put my keys and phone and id card.

near the end of my visit i lost my id card and thankfully they put it in lost and found at the front desk. they asked me my name, i told them, they gave me card.

i dont want to lose that every single time!

i went to the mens room and there was  a locker room in there too, and about 3 shower stalls. the locks, you had to Bring Your Own locks.

see i can see myself losing that darn card! and i dont want to do that.

i was there for about 2 hours and 15 minutes. got maybe 6 miles of walking in, maybe more, since i was walking a lot faster than normal.

i just stayed on the treadmill. next time i might try elliptical so i dont look like a weirdo.

there were some “LUNKHEADS” using the weight machines. i really didnt care, i was not intimidated by them. i was just sad cuz its them who wins in the competition for those cute young 25 year old gurls. but at least me being there is a step towards me improving myself.

there was a huge fan right above the treadmill area so i always got a nice breeze.

pros: the treadmill was fun, it was an interesting experience

cons: i had to walk a little faster than i liked just not to look like the biggest failure there.

you are supposed to wipe the machines after each use. i watched people do this and attempted to mimic them. i went to the wipe station, got a thing of paper towel, then squirted it with solution or alcohol or whatever the stuff in the spray bottle was, then took the damp paper towel to the machine. i guess i could take the spray bottle to the machine as well. point is it wasnt hard.

this is how anxious and low confidence i get, I DOUBT MY ABILITY TO WIPE OFF THE DAMN MACHINE, OOO ITS SO COMPLICATED IM GONNA MESS IT UP, AND LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

so i conquered that fear by wiping the machine successfully.

i figured it would all be a learning experience and it was.

next time i will wear a t shirt; i will bring a water bottle; i might try to use a locker; i will try not to lose the id card.

i didnt bring a water bottle. i figured just use the water fountain. and that i did. they had a refrigerator with bottled water but i didnt know if you had to pay for it. i left my money in the car. i am thankful to have a car and money.

i saw at least 4 or 5 attractive 20s women. who probably give it up to guys in under 1 month of meeting them hahaha.

more comforting, i saw plenty of chubby 20s men.

and i saw my 30 year old virgin Despair Buddy. I really should have said something to him. good for him that he is trying to lose weight. not that he NEEDS to lose a lot of weight, he’s not UGLY, he should be able to pull a 25 year old qt right NOW, but hes too anxious and beta. plus of course he is balding hahahahaha. but i bet the tender mercies of a NICE 25 year old woman would totally TRANSFORM him. just like it would TRANSFORM me hahaha.

so yeah i can see going back there semi regularly and AUTISTICALLY using the treadmill with that other pathetic autist feelsy balding virgin hahahaha.

well way i see it, better to be a chubby balding virgin trying to lose weight on the treadmill at planet fatness, than a chubby balding virgin crying at home in parents basement neeting it up hahahaha.

 

 

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