MISREPRESENTIN

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my ind is always racing about worries, all day. jobs, then it switches to the woman. THAT PERSON. back to not being able to enjoy MUSIC any more. thats a telltale sign. a dead giveaway. i used to listen to music for hours a day. now i am THANKFUL if i can listen to 10-20 minutes a day of music and really ENJOY it. its like I SHOULDNT listen to music with all these pressing issues i need to figure out.

but you see? i worry and worry and think and ruminate and racing thoughts about them, but i never actually figure them out or resolve them! i might as well use the music to force the worries out of my mind, cuz the worries being in my mind all day do nothing to make those issues better!!!!!

i would be REALLY happy if i could force myself to go to planet fatness and sign up today. i just want to walk on the treadmill during the dark and cold winter for a few hours sometimes!!!! to not get super fat, and to burn off some calories and maybe some Worries.

and it would also be good if i could Get Over my fear of going to a public Gymlike place. shit. this is planet FATNESS where the average person is going to be fatter than me, this is not a GYM.

there are TONNES of fat people who just want to walk on the treadmill! i would not be some freak!

that is another protip of life. physically speaking, just try to BLEND IN, if you do not have the Super High COnfidence to present yourself to the world as a Freak in some way, be it thru your ridiculous fashion style, or whatever. and certainly you do not have super high confidence if youre reading this! think of the stereotypical Fat Gothic Loser. these arent so prevalent now…… well ok how about a Fedora Neckbeard Trench Coat type guy who just LOOKS like a virgin loser.

when i was young, i made myself look like a freak with long hair and a messy beard. because i liked long hair and beards. there is nothing inherently wrong with that, long hair and beards are pretty cool, but i did not have the confidence to pull it off. it only took my whole Youth to figure out i look better with a short beard as opposed to a long beard. as for the long hair, i havent had long hair in 11 years, and i would kinda like to grow long or even medium length hair, but now i am Balding, so, I have to accept and live with that.

for example recently i was trying to grow a long pointy goatee, but since muh beard grows sideways and asymmetrically….. i basically can never grow a long beard and have it look like anything but garbage. i can have a shorter beard and it looks ok. lesson: always keep beard trimmed short. but i wanted a LONG beard!!! cant do it, without looking weird, and i dont have the confidence to look WEIRD.

this was a weird mixture, esp when i was young. i was STUBBORN in insising that long hair and beard looked cool, but looking like that also decreased my confidence, made me more self conscious, all combined made me weak socially, esp with women. in fact when i cut my hair at age 21 i had a surge of confidence and shortly after made my first Real Gains with women.  didnt last long but still! it was something.

so now i was trying to have a goatee, and its so hard to trime the chin area. i FINALLY have a decent Moustache area for once in my life, but the whole right side of my face, the entire beard grows SIDEWAYS and i cant change that, thats natural born. lots of men get this, its not uncommon. honestly the best you can do is a short beard.

also i am gradually balding, but i am not so bald that i can get away with doing a Razor Chrome Dome. the shortest i can go is a level 1 Buzzer. even that is pushing the limit. level 2 would be less extreme. and my whole point is, sometimes the healthiest thing for us is to NOT go extreme, but just BLEND in with the normies and degens. basically dont draw NEGATIVE ATTENTION to yourself, you already give YOURSELF enough negative attention with all your low confidence and negative thoughts about yourself!!!!!

super low functioning. i was higher functioning when i had my job, but then i went nutters. god damn. and even then i wasnt high functioning enough to be attractive to women.

who cares if youre attractive to women?

i say you cant help it. its wired into you. all or most men WANT to be attractive to women. we WANT to reproduce. be GLAD that you still care about women in this way. it means you still have some sort of spark deep down.

plus it means youre not a sociopath, and you still care about getting consent for sex hahahahahahaha.

by that i mean you are still attracted to women, of course, but you are still nonviolent, humane, and nice enough to not want to raep them hahahahaha ie you only want sex with them if they want secs with YOU. well, i mean, of course you WANT secs with plenty of women who dont want secs with you, but you KNOW BETTER that to take them by FORCE! but you wish more women wanted secs with you. you wish you could make yourself more attractive to them.

you have exactly 5 minutes to give me a damn good explanation of how what where and why writing stuff

LIKE THIS
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started happening. I think it started on 4chan or some chan like most memes do. that should be enough EXPLANATION WHY, yes? NO, i want to speak to your manager if you dont give me a better explanation. cant do that tho. uhhhh managers not available.

so think fast. ok gonna have to go to google. but how do you google that exactly?

“writing things in a right angle like on 4chan”?

couldnt find shit. i first saw it on /pol but who knows if thats where it started. i cant give you a good origin story. i ended up reading unrelated articles such as the playlists of henry rollins radio show. i used to like rollins but now he’s gotten too old and tame and lame and leftist, however he has compelling musical tastes, and should probably spend more time talking about music than political stuff hahahaha.

ok trying to pump myself up to go to planet fatness and sign up. maybe i should take a valium. if the employee gets flustered because they havent been trained, i will say, thats ok, thats not your fault, i know that feel, take your time, etc.

did a 5 miler

ok i did go to planet fatness and signed up. they asked for a checking account to deduct my monthly 10 dollar payment from i said err i dont have one, can i use credit card, he said nope gotta have a checking account, i said allright no problem, i’ll bring the info in later, he said no problem, just do that and gave me a tshirt and a membership card. it took less than 5 minutes. the place was not packed on a saturday afternoon at about 130 pm. not packed.  i should have asked him if i could use a savings account. he would have probably said no because that would be a tricky question because its not clearly documented by the Documentation and FAQs for his 9DAH PT job and i didnt want to get him in trouble by bringing a Manager into it.

heh i am of the age where i should be a Manager at whatever shoddy place, like Fast Food or Retail or a cheap pseudo gym hahaha. but i am still competing with the 20 year olds for entry level 1 jobs because i am a huge loser at life hahahaha.

so i came home and went for a 5 miler and then logged into The Member Portal and changed my Billing Info from Nothing, to my savings account, and it appeared to take it. so hopefully they dont give me sheeeet when i go back there. i am thinking about going back there now! when i looked in there, the treadmills were not super duper occupied.

i worried about That Person. That Woman. and fairness vs unfairness. it IS unfair when a beta male passes himself off as a NiceGuy in order to have Secs with a Gurl in exchange for Nice Points. or otherwise pretend to be Just Friends when really he wants to pound dat pvssy. so the gurl rightfully gets mad at the guy for MISREPRESENTING himself, being a coward, being deceptive, being a liar, being a trickster, bait and switch, scammer, sleazebag, weasel. so in that case it is justified for the woman to get angry and perhaps even to throw the guy away like garbage

(see the Mill Woes vidya linked last post, this is what he gets into, the video was not about what i thought it was going to be about, it was about kinda what im talking about now: beta niceguys who misrepresent themselves, and men who agree to have secs with gurls who are cheating on their boifrans. so it wasnt as great of a vidya as i thought it would be, and kinda even seemed like MW was “WHITE KNIGHTING”, if i didnt know him better hahahahaha)

anway the beta in question feels he cant compete with all the competition out there, for women, so he wishes there were much much fewer men in existence, so he didnt have as much competition, and therefore could finally get women. he also didnt have a problem being the guy who women cheat with, on their boifrands. MW said the cheated-with has some responsibility, as does the actual Cheater. I would agree, BUT i’d say the Cheated-With only has 10% of the blame there. because yes the cheater will just find ANOTHER man to cheat with. and if you are DESPERATE for secs, you will TAKE the offer, if the woman is even slightly bangable.

now you would never want to DATE that woman, cuz she is a damn dirty cheater. and after banging her a couple times, you might find that you feel guilty enough about the poor sap being cheated on, and not so desperate any more, that you dump the B and be like i will not be a party to this treachery, i’m not that desperate for pvssy any more that i will take a dirty cheating whore and make a cuck out of that poor guy!

just to address the points MW made.

anyway MW also talks about those kinds of niceguys who misrepresent themsleeves, then the woman gets mad.

I DIDNT MISREPRESENT MYSELF!!! to That Person. but maybe she THOUGHT i was, so thats why she reacted like this.

but…….then why didnt she get mad and throw me away EARLIER then? they way it happened, it was a BOILING type thing. sort of slow boiling.

who knows. i’ll never get answers because we will never talk about it.

anyway i agree that misrespresenting yourself is tricky and shitty and you should be punished for it by being brutally rejected. so when i was brutally rejected, i figured, well i must have been misrepresenting myself.

but i wasnt really.

  1. my feelings changed, and i wanted to hang out with her and talk abotu the change, with a damn conversation. communication, and once every two weeks asked if she wanted to hang out
  2. but right away i CHANGED my behavior and signals to her, texting her more than before, being more emotional and lovey dovey and stupid than before, acting like I liked her basically!
  3. then she NOTICED that change
  4. and in response started distancing

however without my acting differently, then it looks like i was MISREPRESENTIN.

but i was acting TOTALLY DIFFERENT! I was acting like i LIKED her! not like i was TRYING TO HIDE something!

hmm looks like planet fatness makes it REALLY DIFFICULT to cancel a membership and can manage to scam HUNDREDS of dollars out of you even after you THOUGHT you cancelled hahahaha.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/health_clubs/planet_fitness.html

this is a great site, i enjoyed reading the negative reviews of my former employer and how they scam customers too. i dont think customers should be scammed!!!

how do you deal with an angry customer who feels they have been scammed?

and from what they say, it really looks like they’ve been scammed?

do you just say, you signed the contract lololololololol dont let the door hit you on the way out, we got your money sucker!!!

i was TRYING to show THAT PERSON that my feelings had changed, and i think she DID notice, thats why she TURNED AWAY. i wasnt trying to TRICK or SCAM her. In fact, signals werent ENOUGH for me, i wanted to say the words to her mudshark face, I LIKE YOU thats why i’m acting like i like you. and the fact that she never wanted to give me the time to do that made me get more and more tense and worked up. if i were trying to SCAM her with a LONG CON, i would probably be more chill about biding my time, no?

no i was like I GOTTA TALK TO YOU NOW OR ELSE I AM GONNA BREAK DOWN!!!!!!! and i did! and then i finally told her everything via email. i think she read that email at least.

but yeah i am going through a cycle of i want to contact her again. well, thank god i dont feel that EVERY DAY anymore, but in the not too distant past, i certainly did feel it every day! and now couple days go by, i dont wanna, which is good, but then i want to again, which is bad. contact her that is.

its like a …..

pain time get over it

i just drew that in paint. i think the squiggles should be even taller than they are here. notice the squiggles vs the more staright gray line which would represent more of a general trend over the long term, but god damn its up and down violently day by day, hence the violent squiggles. and they should be even more violent than pictured here, but i cant draw fookin good in pain in 2 seconds. take it or leave it.

shit i dont RESPECT women who have sex with men too fast! but all women do!

then when i was friends with her for months and years without having S, i figured she was slow with ALL guys, so that was prob part of why i respected her! but fact is, if she meets a guy she thinkgs is SEXY, she probably has sex with him within a WEEK of meeting him! even though she’s only had SEX with like 2 or 3 guys so far….i would not be surprised if that number rapidly increases from here on out…..

see i didnt WANT to have SEX with her right when i first met her.

but what DID i think? i know guys Evaluate women sexually first thing.

well, i said, she is a pretty girl, i wouldnt mind having SEX with her, it would prob be fun, but i have no desire in TRYING, i am still getting over this other girl, in fact, i first met That Person RIGHT after getting Rejected by the previous woman. so i accepted That Person as being technically attractive and bangable, but i just didnt care about it. i was still kinda heartbroken over the previous woman, the only person i really wanted to have S with.

and then i began getting along with That Person very natrually.

we gradually became friendly.

then i learned she had a long term boifran.

i still thought she was good looking but i didnt really care, it didnt bother me, cuz i was still getting over the other woman; plus it felt WEIRD to think of my friend that way, even if they were a decent looking woman; AND i had NO desire to interfere with her rel. i guess i put myself in the friendzone at this point and i was JUST FINE with it. didnt lose any sleep, wasnt chomping at the bit to tell her my secret, wasnt texting her with lovey shit.

so it did make a big difference when she ended that rel and Became Single. by that time i was pretty well over the previous woman and now was a good chance to really Examine Why Would This Be Weird. the fact that she was no longer in the rel made it ultimately seem much less weird. and that did it i guess.

learning about her New Boifran was a CATALYST, but it was NOT the Root Cause. the Root Cause was her breaking up with her old long term boifran.

it still took a few months for me to get through the “weird” phase but I sure did.

i wasnt misrepresenting myself, i was trying to represent myself through the signals and the texts and to show her id changed.

and she probably noticed, because then SHE changed herself!

so she can’t say i misrepresented!!!!! so therefore she had no right to be as mad at me.

unless she was just upset i had feelings for her at ALL, misrepresented or not.  that was probably what happened.

good comment on the MW vidya:

Finarfin 1 day ago
+clangerbasher I think it’s no surprise or coincidence that the Millennials aren’t having children. Further to that, it’s a kind of relief they aren’t, as damaging to our race as that may be. I don’t think they have it in them (the males) to look after children, especially infants. I can tell. They’re too self-absorbed (too selfish tbh), lack toughness (that translates as nurture to children and the weak – you have to be tough, with yourself, to be empathetic), aren’t even aware of what’s required – which is as well, because they would run even further if they did.

I can tell because I see it in my own son (aged 28 and thankfully childless), my friends’ sons, my nephews, etc. They can’t really look after themselves fully, let alone kids. My heart would be in my mouth at the thought of babies with these young men.

Sorry boys, you’re all well fucked up now. Even your ability as fathers has been erased. It’s all very tragic. You’ll get to aged 40 and beyond and be so cold and alone.

I accept that a hatchet job has been done on you and on any resolve you might have once had to fight against it.

//////end quote

maybe it was because when i was first becoming friends with that person i didnt blatantly ASK her if she had a boifran. probably because i was not used to talking to gurls, and also many times the gurl will mention their boifran IMMEDIATELY. even gurls you are not interested in. you just know which gurls have a boifran and which dont. maybe because she was very slow to mention the boifran, i assumed she didnt have one? how did i feel when i first discovered she had a boifran? it took like at least 3 months from when i first met her. 4 or 5 even. why didnt she mention him? why didnt’ i ask? well like i said, most women mention their boifran right away. unless they are having trouble. which they were.

anyway point is, the boifran usually comes out at an opportune or natural time, usually near the beginning, usually by the woman, unless shit is bad or the woman is weird or untrustworthy.

but i think she honestly loved him! she made an effort to make it work with him! she probably never would have cheated on him! so why was she so slow to mention him? i guess after a while i just ASSUMED she didnt have a boifran??  i honestly dont KNOW when i first became aware, nor HOW.  maybe she DID say something, but i KNOW it wasnt something like “MY BOIFRAN” , i think she said something like “my friend” or “the guy” or something that was more of a hint.

so then it was my fault for saying, “WHAT, YOU MEAN YOUR BOIFRAND?”

well at any rate it eventually came out and we were TALKING about it pretty openly then, her talking about their issues with me. so i became the crying shoulder but i didnt care, cuz i didnt secretly want her. if i DID, i might be pissed or annoyed or tense. at this point i just viewed it as Supporting my female friend. and listening to her, being there for her, and encouraging her to keep working on her Rel.

then he dumped her, i think. then i thought well i might leave her alone for a little while so she can process this. and also so I can process the idea of her being single, i never knew her to be single, maybe i could get feels for her. then i DID, and by then she was dating another guy, but that ended QUICKLY. but then she never agreed to hang out with me ever again. which was weird because we USED to hang out. then she cut me off.  so yeah i was a little angry about that.

i dunno i am in a contacting her sort of mood. i WONT, but i WANT to, i WISH i COULD. even though i know i probably SHOULDNT.

im saying that I know best for what she wants. becuase she clearly doesnt know what she wants and needs to be told by me!

yeah pretty much! she will choose guys that dont care about her and treat her bad, and she wont choose a guy who would love her and treat her good!

well thats her problem.

also shit i dont even know what i want and need.

well, thats only PARTIALLY true. yeah my mind is foggy and my judgment is crap but it wasnt crap about her. I really wanted her, i was all in on that. i made up my mind.

maybe she was just damaged from being abandoned by her father and essentially being emotionally abandoned by her distant boifran. so that screwed her up. and she really didnt want me to get feelings for her, so when i did, she abandoned me.  but she DOES know how to talk to people, she talked to him, lots! but she loved him.

so why was she making guy friends? i dont think she WAS, it was just me, and we became friends because…….just because we got along so well right away, and had fun talking to each other! it was the most natural, Flowing thing ever. like a gift from GOD.

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