happy july 4 hahahaha.

anyway. she thought it was UNREASONABLE that i got feelings for her, thus she got mad at me and stopped talking to me.

I thought it was UNREASONABLE that she never talked to me, so i got mad at her.

any jury or judge or attorney or scientist would agree, that its much more unreasonable to stop talking to someone, than for Feelings to eventually develop in a long term man/woman friendship.

“well you have to communicate about the feelings.”

i TRIED! i tried my best, even though it wasnt very good. but god damn all i wanted to DO was communicate about them, and she stubbornly, coldly refused! she wanted to ignore it and hope it went away!

so by unreasonably thinking I was unreasonable, she went and did something much MORE unreasonable. and i am the one hurting for it. it is gonna take years to get my Career back on track and i will probably never love another woman wawaawawawawawawawawaawa

i had a dream where she apologized to me and said she was “embarrassed” or “humiliated” which didnt really make sense, there was no humiliation except maybe for me, mainly she should just feel GUILTY for treating a person poorly hahahaha. but it was nice that she was apologizing. but of course i wanted her back.

i had some nyquil so i’m not remember the dream all too well thakn GOD.

she is really bad at saying NO hahahahaha. so i always thought, well she’s not saying no, she’s trying to be polite, so maybe theres a chance. of COURSE i wanted there to be a chance, i was in luv with her and wanted to spend my LIFE with her. thats what LOVE IS. all consuming, mad, beautiful, monogamous.

the shit she did to me happens ALL THE TIME, very common, nothign special there. one day you are close with a woman, the next day, total strangers, she is totally done with you. it sucks and is veyr painful and you can always blame it on the woman for being so shitty to you…..but its not uncommon. but it means they have problems. that THEY are a piece of shit. its just hard for me because i tested her for two years to make SURE she wasnt a piece of shit, and we had a decent friendship. she wasnt some kind of Manic Pixie Dream Gurl Flake where we quickly had a Whirlwind Romance Fookfest and then she disappeared quickly and suddenly. we knew each other LONG TERM and i did NOT expect her to do something like this. i trusted and respected her, which is something i do with long term friends, because it takes a long time to build that. I dont usually do that with women i Dated, because i never knew them for very LONG. it was always move too fast, short term, disappointment, never really knew ya, but it was a disappointment anyway.

mother fooker. now i am studying Quality Metrics at Kroger

such as the Ring Tender metric, and reading the complaints and tips of Kroger cashiers

all becuase i was trying to find out what the acronym ELMS meant, cuz we had a similar acronym that i never knew what it really meant.

i dont know how ring tender is different from tender effectiveness. hahahaha

yet i dont even work at kroger

BUT they have insane quality metrics and get paid way LESS than I used to, and now i would be LUCKY to get one of those jobs. i will get a WORSE job for LESS money. i will get jobs so bad that i am tempted to quit because of the job itself and not some damn bitch on the job  who killed me. well, i wanted to quit my job during the first 3 months anyway cuz it was so confusing and stressful anyway hahahaha but i persisted.

stupid shit. bitches.

ALL jobs suck and push you to your LIMIT. I am gonna feel the same way at EVERY job. so i gotta change the way i FEEL. but i study work shit ALL THE TIME when i am Off The Clock in an attempt to feel more competent and confident……..and though i probably get more competent……..i dont feel any more Confident! and instead feel anxious, cant sleep, cant eat, go crazy and quit job and look unemployable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you have an argument with your female friend, lay ground rules that she will not interrupt you for 5 or 10 minutes, until you are done with your spiel, or really when you have anything to say. JUST NO INTERRUPTING. even when you stop a sentence but still have more to say, and she wants to jump in and attack you, hold up your finger and say ah ah ah, im not done yet, I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I AM DONE.

i HATE interrupting. which is largely why i hate tv news, the guests and hosts are ALWAYS interrupting and talking over each other. so stupid.

not that i ever HAD a Hot Convo with MY female friend. shit i would have liked to have an interruption filled argument. it would have been SOMETHING. then i could have said, well, we had a bad talk, and she was clearly the bad guy.

when you are in monogamous love, you might find some other women attractive, but you find YOUR woman MORE attractive. you dont WANT to be with anybody else. you dont even want to have superficial no feelings animal sex with other women. so really monogamy DOES involve putting the other person on a pedestal. they mean MORE to you than anybody else.

well its 6pm and its dark as hell

IMPOSTOR syndrome; when you get into a job and immediately feel over your head. how to deal with.

Impostor syndrome is a term coined in the 1970s by psychologists and researchers to informally describe people who are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. (wikipedia)

PRURIENT INTEREST. A morbid, degrading and unhealthy interest in sex, as distinguished from a mere candid interest in sex.
Legal Definition of Prurient Interest – Lectric Law Library

I hate google so much (user name)  says:
“I guess it really isn’t up to anyone but the person who decides to cheat.” (he presents The Oppostion saying something retarded and degen.)

Liberalism in a nutshell. The idea that the individual must be free from all forms of ‘oppression’ (cultural limitations, or judgements) and that those who back up the traditional way of thinking are an immoral element of society, who must be shunned and shamed.

This goes back to that neo-marxist train of thought that EVERYTHING must be dismantled, in a cultural revolution, to make way for the ‘better’ society.

end quote. luv my boi woezy!!!! i would donate to him but he makes more money than me at 400 dollars a month hahahahahaha. damn richers ahahaha

anyway, point is, dont CHEAT, just dump your “partner” before you cheat.

or if you are a cheater, only date other cheaters ie open relationship advocates hahahaha

or better yet dont have secs with person unless youve already signed up for a monog rel with them.

im saving myself for a monog rel hahahaha

sad commentary on our sick society that its the NORM that people have sex BEFORE THEY ARE EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP. and to suggest otherwise is scoffed at as old fashioned and prudish. better to be prudish than prurient!

im waiting until im in a rel. because most women are sluts and gives it up to guys they dont even KNOW, just that he is sexy hahahaha.

angelo john gage put it very succinctly: theres a double standard because women are RISKING THEIR LIVES when they have sex. THEIR VERY LIVES. THEIR LIVES.


because getting pregnant CAN kill you, and at the very least it will CHANGE your life DRASTICALLY. i cant believe women dont know this! that it takes a 30 year old virgin man to mansplain it to them: HAY LADEEEZ, GETTING PREGGERZ IS A BIG DEAL.

its way easier for men to abandon their children, than women to abandon THEIR children. because it GROWS INSIDE THEM FOR NINE MONTHS. AJ Gage mansplains it even better, watch that vidya from one or two posts ago.

but yeah women are much more attached to their children than men are. thats nature. so women shouldnt be so damn CAVALIER about who they give it up to. uteri and eggs are not cavalier; sperm are. its not cavalier when you have to grow a babby in your belly for 9 months.

this is why women dont get to treat sex cavalierly, but men DO!

not that men even SHOULD!

i never really did hahaha. i only ever had secs wth a gurl i wanted to monog date hahahaha. i almost had secs with another gurl, and i wanted to monog date her too, but she dumped me shortly after that and never gave me a chance to have secs with her. in hindsight i should have cavalierly fooked her cuz she was young and cute and i never got another chance to have secs, let alone with a cute young gurl! cavalier or not on my part!

so in these situations i do encourage cavalier secs for men. its not like youre the one risking YOUR LIFE! besides if i knocked her up she would have just gotten another abortion anyway hahahaha also middle class college gurls use all sorts of BC and even when they are DRUNK they make you wear a rubber.

working class gurls dont take BC pills, which is technically good, cuz those mess with your mind, and make the women even crazier and stupider and eviler, however the working class gurls cheat just as much and also get preggers more and dont make you wear a rubber, so they have more bastard babies, more abortions, and spread more disease.  so, working class girls are possibly even more degen than middle class gurls.

but middle class gurls are more marxist, ie possible more immoral.

so the trick is to find a working class gurl with morals, who isnt a slut………and i thought i did wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa well i DID, she does have morals and shes not a slut, she just wanted nothing to do with me waawawawawawawawawaw

she treated me so unfairly because she felt it was unfair how i got feelings for her. thats why this all adds up for her. she thinks i was SOOOOOO UNFAIR. probably about as unfair as i thought she was. so therefore she COULD treat me like total shit.

well she’s WRONG!!!!!!! what i “did” wasnt unfair!!!! it was neither fair nor unfair. its getting feelings. it just happens. anyones who ever gotten feelings knows that!!!!! and shes certainly gotten feelings before! how UNEMPATHETIC can you be!!!!!!

so she felt treated unfair and got angry and annoyed. i felt treated LEGIT unfair and was totally heartbroken!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i wnat someone who would treat me better.

bbbbbut what if they arent PRETTY???? or young?

so is she REALLY an Attention Seeker? when i first met her i liked that she wasnt. i feared that she might be becoming more of a social butterfly, not that that is BAD per se…..but i prefer less social women to more social women hahahaha.

well actually its hard to say. i dont think she was hanging out with ANYBODY, including me, but i was SUSPICIOUS and JEALOUS that she must be hanging out with tons of people, because thats all i know. young women are popular and social and if they are not hanging out with you, they are hanging out with someone else. but she wasnt like that!!!!! honestly.

well she dumped me ANYWAY.

foook this stupid job situation. we should have had a talk about how we would do working together if i ultimately fell in luv with her hahaha. which i did.