well no dreams about her last night thankfully. still tired and now getting more hopeless abotu job situation. super duper hopeless.

what i hate are applications that make you write out the name, address, phone number, supervisor name, of every job you have worked in the past 20 years. even jobs you only worked for 1 month hahahaha. ya short hopper. job hopper.–5600/

see? all jobs are horribly stressful hahahaha.

so therefore it makes sense that a few weak sensitive sissies would crack under all the pressure and Stressquit their jobs. because they feel overwhelmed and anxious and worried.

IMHO bargaining is just a form of denial: if i do this, then she will come back to me. NOPE.

also I think anger and depression/DESPAIR go hand in hand very well. i ahve been in an angry and despairing phase.

like i get angry at her. SHE DESERVES TO SUFFER (not in a violence way, but i mean karmically, for the suffering i have suffered because of her!) for treating me like this! i hope she gets knocked up by some deadbeat soon and then when she comes crying to me i will say NO, HO! I am not captain save a ho! take your wandering uterus to some other fool!

then i feel despair because i still luv her and want her.

job related stress amirite hahahaha

so physical abuse is a crime, or at least misdemeanour.

Emotional abuse, verbal abuse, Bullying, or any kind of nonphsyical abuse is NOT a crime. ie, against the law, something you can be arrested, prosecuted, jailed, fined for. not a matter for the courts or LE.

(law enforcement. dont know acronyms? you dont deserve a 10DAHJ.)

” Remember that your feelings are real, but they are not necessarily true. It’s natural for the mind to sometimes wander into areas of self-criticism and negativity especially when we are in the vulnerable position of interviewing for jobs. ” from 7cups user.  at

imho it is better to be delusionally happy hahahaha. and delusionally overconfident. if your mind cant perceive reality correctly, better that it is biased towards the positive rather than the negative, cuz that will keep you active and moving and working hard and nto giving up.

did a 5 miler, it was cold and windy, might be time to sign up for planet fatness

some jobs actually train their employees and give you a handbook.

i thought it was GOOD for a company to train their employees, because it cost a shitload of money to hire new people and have them not perform. i was wrong, it costs more to TRAIN them, and then you just hire a shitload of people, with the expectation than 50% of them will be gone within 2 months. let them get a job at one of those lobsters for lunch places that gives TRAINING and Platinum Health Care and Pensions hahahahaha.

the idea of an employer giving TRAINING is as ridiculous as the idea of an employer giving PENSIONS!


hahahahaha i have a 15000 word What To Say During The Interview document. that is like 7 longass blog posts worth of bullshit. i WILL post that here at some point soon.

it sucks when women lose interest in you just because you are beta and boring. your friends dont care that you are beta and boring.  but men and women are different. women are HARD WIRED to care if you are beta and boring.  shit i would LOVE to be beta, right now i am OMEGA as fook. cant even get and keep a job like a STEM virgin autist!

ok did another 5 miles, took 1 tblsp of nyquil before going. that is now the max i will take.

ok so thinking i am hurting, im in pain, she hurt me, i am very disappointed and hurt by what she did, those are all valid thoughts; but all women are evil whores, i am a huge loser, i am a horrible person, those are….ok “valid or invalid” is not what i was trying to get at, well maybe they are. distorted vs nondistorted.

i need to learn how to SELF SOOTHE, in the past i probably relied on HER for that, and she didnt even do THAT good of a job of it! other than she was a pretty young nonslut gurl and she used to be nice to me. that was all i needed. it is easy for women to find men who will be nice to them. it is very hard for men to find women who will be nice to them!

just set a low bar and assume that if i get a female friend and she is under 30 and no kids and not a slut and nice to me and not hideous or fat, i WILL get feelings for her eventually, within 2 years, even if i dont have them rigth away (because i am probably getting over someone else at that time.)

but yeah i wouldnt mind bumping up the celexa from 20 to 40!!! mg that is.


don crawley, “compassionate geek”, has a youtube channel for how 2 give good customer service in “IT” and Tech Support and Help Desk. migth be useful, i have saved a couple of his videos to listen to. i wish we had ANY training in this sort of stuff when i had muh job. but noooooooo. training costs too much MONEY when we could be out there FLAILING and DYING on our calls acting like untrained monkeys. sends a great message to our callers. about how your Mutual Company “really believes” in its employees by giving them “tools to succeed” and “not set them up fr failure.”


it wasnt so much the customer service that killed me, it was giving constant ridic customer service in a damn call center. there you are held to ridiculous standards (SLA’s) that say retail or restaurant people are not; also you cannot pass the call along if you are struggling; the caller cannot speak to a manager or senior or leader because there arent enough of them and they are too busy already; and you are constantly in need of help and explanations and cutting through the confusion, but the best you get is a really shitty chat room with seniors, where they often give you shitty answers that dont explain SHIT for your caller, and sometimes they ignore you entirely because there are 2 Seniors and 50 tier 1 desperate untrained lunatics begging for help, and your begs scroll off the top of the screen quickly.

in my previous job, i would say, yep i can’t help you there, but if you go to that person over there, they can help you. more than half the time, that person was available to help clients. ie they werent on the phone or currently with somebody else. and if they were, people were happy to wait or come back.


so i was doing my powerwalk and in my neighborhood i saw a car pull up to a house about 1 block from my house and a young early 20s woman got out of the drivers seat and went to the house and started screaming and swearing and calling somebody a fooking bitch and such, getting ready to start a real Girl Fight. i assumed, probably correctly, that it was one trashy woman confronting a second trashy young woman who the first woman was being cheated on by her trashy boifran. it was a heated and hostile thing, that if it were two young black men, i would expect one person to be shot and killed hahahaha.

then i thought well women can go crazy over men too.

i wonder if my female former friend did this when she was being cheated on hhahaha.

because it means you really care about the guy, you dont want to lose him.

so then you go confront the OTHER PERSON? why not confront your cheating scumbag boifran or gurlfran. scream at THEM.

i imagined “my” woman doing something like this. damn. she liked the guy who cheated on her more than she liked me!

i wonder if he came to her and begged for forgiveness and said ohh im sorry baby ill never do it again! ill change for you!

yet it does not matter.

did he ever come back to her after she discovered the cheating and say im sorry ill stop lets get back tgether? i think they were done in november and i dont think she ever got back together with him, because cheating was a real dealbreaker for her. this means she has healthy self esteem. yet she couldnt treat me decently!!!!

she was a decent person, better than most women……..except she was a real good ABANDONER.  that is not a good thing to be. not a good trait. good people can have real bad traits.

its not as bad as cheating……….but its still really bad. and most normal people have cheated. that is horrible. at least 50% have cheated. and that is a damn dealbreaker. abandoning is a gateway sin to cheating hahahaha. anyone that could have that little regard for human life hahahaha and how much they can hurt someone.

so yeah when you are banging some slut and are trying to evaluate her personality, ask her if shes ever cheated, and also dont forget to ask her if shes ever abandoned a guy.

its HARD to abandon someone, i mean youd think the woman would explode in contempt, disgust, and anger on the man and be like “YOURE the bad guy, stay away from me, i never want to see you again!!!”

on the other hand, it really isnt hard, its the easiest thing in the world, you just ignore them until they stop bothering you. to them its just ignoring. only to you is it “abandoning.” you dont matter enough to them for them to consider it “abandoning”. theyre not the ones getting hurt.

quitting a job because of anxiety GOOGLE::::

call center job, quit because of anxiety hahahaa

google: no training at new job

hehehe i would gues at least 50% of jobs do not have adequate training


Tony S • 9 months ago
My two analogies for this very scenario are:
1. Like being pushed into a raging current and being asked to swim when no one has really taught how to do anything but tread water
2. Sitting in a row boat out on a lake and being told to navigate by rowing but there are no paddles or oars.
This is how I feel 9 of 10 days in a position that I am entering my 6th month on.

end quote


The 6 month mark may be more from the perception of the hire who suddenly feels like they have a good handle on things and aren’t exhausted at the end of every night. From the perspective of the manager, it probably appears they’ve caught on to everything faster. Learning a new culture is exhausting, even when it’s only a new company culture. Be prepared to feel a whole lot better after 6 months.



Second, it is easier to find a job when you have a job. Think about it. If you come in to interview with me, I’m going to ask, “Why did you leave your last job without a new one lined up?”
What are you going to say to that? There’s no good answer. “My boss didn’t give me the training that I needed”? I’m not hiring you then, because it’s your responsibility to follow up to get the training you need. “I wanted to branch out into other areas of real estate”? I suspect this is a lie because you quit without having a new job. I know there were problems at the last job.
– See more at:


so basically all or most jobs have no training, they just throw you to the wolves and say figure it out, dont do it quickly enough, youre fired. so i probably got better training at my job!


If your last job just wasn’t working out:

I’ve decided that I’d like to take my career in a different direction, and my former employer didn’t have the opportunities I was looking for.
I found that I was bored with the work and seeking bigger challenges to grow my career, and it didn’t seem ethical to use my former employer’s time for job hunting.
I’m looking for a new challenge that will allow me to use my skills to the fullest potential, in a different capacity than my former position.
I left my last position to (reasonable cause, such as spending more time with family). My circumstances have since changed, and I’m completely ready for full-time employment.
Keep in mind that honesty is the best policy. If you have understandable reasons for leaving your last job, such as a move or relocation, personal issues, or an illness in the family, go ahead and explain those reasons briefly.


ive quit jobs before!!! but nothing that was as big a deal as this.

what to say in an interview when you quit a job google


But move on to your next stage with a clear heart while you do it. Her “reasons” sound like a hodge-podge of excuses and justifications for a decision she’d made that had more to do with her than you. She’s unreasonably holding things against you.

Don’t feel guilt. Let go of the regret.


if she really loved you, she would have HELPED you!

i wanted to try to help the situation. i cam towards her with an open heart, and KINDNESS and COMPASSION. she showed me no compassion, just coldness. she was not willing to try to help. she shut down the kindness. what do you think all this communicates?

heres a thought, did i only fall in luv with her because i was really fooking lonely and desperate? and otherwise i would have been able to say “WELL SHES OBVIOUSLY NOT AVAILABLE and i wont get feeligns for someone not available.”

well, the problem with that is, she was obviously unavailable for 90% of the time i knew her, and i DIDNT fall in luv with her. it was only when she seemed at her MOST available, ie, out of her long term rel, secretly having an unstable short term rel, only when thereby she became More Avalable, did i start to get feelings for her.

but yeah i was lonely and desperate too! like i am now!

and i am still desperate for her, i would still take her back. even though i am doing suprisingly well, at 104 days after The Break Up and 74 days of No Emailing. Now I am worried about The Job hahahaha.

and googling all sorts of shit like quit job because of anxiety, quit job because dating coworker, how to explain quitting job,

anway a job might tell you “BALANCE THE BOOKS” and you have no idea how to do it, but you have to figure out how to do it, cuz thats your job. and then if you ask too many questions you get fired. the internet is full of horror stories like this, i have linked to them, people complaining about no training. i say fake it until youre fired.