yeah a good point is, even when things were going BAD, i didnt think they were going so bad, although I was getting very nervous about it, or maybe it was just my hugely nerve wracking job. thing is, i would GET MY “FIX” just by SEEING her, even if she were being cold and mean and distant. it didnt matter. i wuld just SEE her and automatically think of the nice kind caring person she used to be, and think that person was still there for me, and that with a little communication, we could get back to that. we would get through this! i couldnt believe she wanted to be done with me completely! she said i was a good friend wawawaawawawawaw.

never believe what they say, believe what they DO.

and it sucks when you want to work on something, and they dont, they just want to give up.

well i mean its her right to not want to be in a rel with me. i am just upset she chose to end it in the worst most hurtful way possible and show NO regard for my feelings.

and so when i send her emails she doesnt WANT to read, then i am technically STALKING her. because she doesnt WANT to talk to me, and i am trying to talk to her.

hahahaha well its been like 65 days since i have intiated contact with her. and gotten no response. i cant remember the last time she INITIATED contact with me! near the end when she wanted OUT, of course she was not initiating contact at all.

well even if we WERE Dating and I was giving her hard brutal chad thunderc0ck poundings to make her gush and squirt with 9000000 female orgazmz, then she still has the right to Lose Interest, and decide she doesnt want to Work on the relship any more. just to wake up one day, say i dont like him any more, and i want out, i dont want to work on it, i dont want to work on myself, well, im gonna dump you right now so i can “work on myself” but really just get banged by other, newer chads!

but willing to work on something means that you you Love this person and you dont want the relationship to end.

do you want the relationship to end or not. very simple.

then you will say no i dont, and the woman will say i dooooonnnnnt knoooooooooow stop harrassing me and asking me ridiculous questions!!!!

hehehe never forget that she dumped me. how ridiculous is it, for the dumpee to beg the dumper to reconsider dumping him? AND how likely do you think that is to actually work? fook.

well if this was a CODEPENDENT thing I feel I will get over that as well. i think that was just because i had strong feelings for her that were going unexpressed. and i was trying to take control/blame for things i could not control. like whether she liked me or not. and if she wanted out, it was ALL MY FAULT.

Whatever discussion that you think will be uncomfortable now, will be a million times worse later. -some person on depression forums

so have the uncomfortable discussion as soon as possible.

anyway i just feel like i will be alone forever and never find somebody  i care about as much as her.

not to mention jobs and shit! foooooook me.  thinking about increasing my “citalopram” dose up from 20 mg to something higher in the near future.

really wish things had worked out with her hahahaha. we actually GOT ALONG with each other and didnt rush thru shit. other girls, you start physical shit right away, they are kinda easy and slutty, go through the motions, and then several weeks or months later they dump you because you are too clingy because you actually want a relationship. oh perish the thought. you want to have a relationship with the people you are fooking.

sex/rels are very CHEAP for a woman to GET, it costs like 1 dollar, while men have to pay 900000000000000000000000 dollars to.

BUT the risks are much higher for women after they start having sex with chad. that’s WHY those prices are so different.

but the women dont seem to appreciate those big risks! and just have sex with manny chadz, but never you hahahaha.

she USED to CARE about me! why did she STOP CARING about me? she didnt have to Luv Me Back, but she could have TRIED to not hurt me so much! she could see i was not reacting well to this! I quit the damn job because of her! (well, not JUST her, but she was the catalyst.) and those emails! didnt she even READ them? of COURSE not!

i wish there were jobs where you didnt have to Face the Customer/Client ALL DAY EVERY DAY. to give you a damn break from talking to people, thinking about shit NONSTOP. here go clean the whatever for 2 hours after you have been running around serving and talking to poeple for 6 hours. them wanting you to do shit and you have no idea what they are talking about! foooooook that! just be a damn mexican mowing lawns for 12 hours a day, dont even need to speak english, can probably smoke MJ as well.

but yeah how do you ever trust somebody again. how do these women get over stuff so FAST. she is being a success at life and i am beign a total failure. how could she do this do me hahahaha. because it was the easy way out. it is easier for HER to say nothing than to have an awkward Breakup Conversation. but it is 90000000 times harder for me! at least send me an EMAIL saying SORRY, but this has to end, I did enjoy the good YEARS we had, but I cant give you what you want. say SOMETHING. shit blame me and tell me its all my fault. then i could at least say bitch you cray its not all my fault, its your fault cuz you cray.

oh well i am not completely horrible with women, i have had female friends, i have dated women.

i am just annoyed when women move too fast. i think you want me to fook you? YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME! I COULD BE A SERIAL KILLER! IM NOT, BUT YOU DONT KNOW THAT! DONT YOU CARE WHO SPRAYS SPERM INTO YOUR UTERUS?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? you SHOULD! you KNOW you can get pregnant right? are gurls less of SLUTS in places like alabama, where there is only like one abortionist in the whole state? in states with fewer abortionists, are women lesser SLUTS? is my Research Question.

well theoretically a Physically Abusive Chad could just start Punching the Woman in the Babby Belly until she has a Miscarriage, like in my favorite movie “Seul Contre Tous” hahahahahaha.

havent watched that one in a while, it might be time to fire it up hahahaha.

but this has ROCKED me to the core. other women who dumped me, i can just say well i never really KNEW them, i didnt realize how stupid they were.

but i KNEW her! I knew and trusted her for two years!!!!!

no excuse. women who have been married for TWENTY YEARS dump their hubbys because one day they wake up and say i’m not 100% happy and idk why, but this is over, i dont luv him anymore, im not willing to work on it, i just want chads thunkderc0cks now and nothings gonna stop me.

this is why women are worse than men hahahahaha.

so yeah you can KNOW and TRUST somebody for TWENTY years and they can just one day lose interest and dump you and not be willing to even TRY to work on things. they just want OUT and you have to accept it like a ballless beta bitchboi hahahahaha.

well you can NEVER make a person STAY. but i think you are entitled to give them a piece of your mind and say this really really really sucks, i cant beleive you would do this to me, i cant believe youre not willing to try to work things out, this is fooking horrible, i am devastated at what youve done, i feel betrayed by what youve done, this fooking SUCKS, thanks a lot. why cant we work this out. why are you doign this to me.

ok time for a 4.4 miler

ok did that. probably gained 10 pounds while i did it hahahahaha

what if i meet a nice single mom someday and she is real nice and caring to me but i am not into her because she is a single mom and i am prejudiced against single momz? or becuase i am still hung up on this other woman years from now? and also it doesnt matter if someone is real nice to you at one time, because they can do a 180 and be real mean to you and throw you away when you start to like them!

well i wont let it get to that point because i will have better Communication. i will Check In Early and Check In Often.


meaning, welp, don’t have feelings for you quite yet, but i might in the future, and because I check in often, I will be sure to let you know when i do. HOW ABOUT YOU? take a lot of chads thunderc0cks this week hahahaha get a lot of abortionz this week? oh noes the closest abortionist is 10 miles away Im so sorry!


also when you have your prospective wife on the polygraph and youve asked her how manny cox shes taken, how manny abortionz she’s had, whats the shortest amount of time shes known a guy before jumping on his thunderc0ck, how many guys has she cheated on, how many guys has she cheated with, how many open relationships has she had…… also ask her how many times shes dumped a guy by just ignoring him entirely and throwing him away. also ask how many times shes dumped vs being the dumper.

“OH IT DOESNT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THAT WAY, ya know many times both people agree to end the rel.”

said no man ever hahahahaha. can only be said by a woman. women are always the dumpers hahahahahaha.

well thats not true, i know The Woman has been dumped.

well that doesnt help me any does it! cuz she still dumped me worse than women who always do the dumping!

maybe because she’s not used to dumped, so she does it poorly?

IT DOESNT MATTER! it wont make her take me back! it wont ease my pain!

reading exaholics, i can see that some people are having their exes contact THEM and “say all the right things”, but then a week later BOOM the ex is up to their same old bullshit again. this would be the equivalent of HER contacting ME (just like ive been wanting!!!) and apologizing and saying lets work on this…..and then soon after, back to the bad shit. or worse, her actively going back and forth from me to any number of chad thnderc0x. so yeah seeing people with some REAL shitty exes on this forum make me realize that my situation could be worse hahahahaha. she could be pulling some REAL bullshit liek THAT. YES some people ARE that shitty.

neediness. well, part of LOVING somebody is that YES you DO need them. neediness is caused by Real Love. now i guess you can be TOO needy like needing to text them 90000000000 times a day but i never got to that point. but i wouldnt mind texting the person on a regular basis!

i am angry and sad because it seems like she CHANGED (for the worse) a lot more than i did. Yeah i went from platonic to non platonic but I was the same basic same person. it was like she was a different person. went from being nice and friednly and cared about me, to being mean and cold and didnt care about me at all!!! that fookin HURTS!!!!!!

dumb article hahahaha by a dumb b

this is from susan elliott whose book i bought and who has much more helpful things to say.

did a 2.8 miler after eating huge indulgent unhealthy comfort dinner

maybe she was mad at me because she felt i was dishonestly pretending to be her friend the whole time, as just a sneaky shady way to get her trust and then Get With Her. this was not the case AT ALL but she wouldnt listen to my explanation. i tried to talk to her the second i got feelings. she then refused to ever hang out with me ever again. yeah i should have just told her without hanging out and gotten rejected a few months earlier. that was a big lesson i learned.

also it is preposterous that she would not hang out with me AT ALL. all I wanted was ONE hangout. you just dont stop hanging out altogether one day. but she did. just like she stopped talking to me altogether one day.

and it is UNHEARD OF to do that to someone you have known for two YEARS, even if you are having troubles.