shit. hahahaha. had terrible headache when i went to bed last night. that did not keep me from thinking about you know who. took tylenol and eventually got to sleep and no more headche in the morning thank GOD.

i thought well maybe if i see her Running Around with Other Guys, that will help me Get Over her quicker.

well it would definitely make me jealous! because they get to have her and i dont! because she likes them and doesnt like me! and i would get angry and jealous and call her a “fooking whore” probably etc. and then i would really be able to make her the bad guy. it would make her real easy to hate. no better way to smash the pedestal than to see you One And Only whoring it up with other guys and loving it!

i mean thats a womans right, just like its her right not to like you. but its also my right to be heartbroken and jealous hahahaha.

but im kinda glad i dont have to see that. its bad enough to think about it!

but thats not what i asked, i asked (basically) would adding that new short term pain help shorten the long term pain in the end? maybe.  i dont really want any more short term pain though!!!!

i had long term feelings for her, so of COURSE its gonna hurt for a long time, and take a long time to fully get over.

but it did occur to me that, believe it or not, she had never been in this position before. of having to reject a guy who liked her. of having to end a relationship. i think pretty much she has always been the dumpee, which is weird for women. but she has never been put in the position of wanting to end a rel because she doesnt like the person. this was all very new to her. she didnt know what to do, so she did it in the worst way possible, which was also the easiest. easy way out.

also she is a classic avoider, no doubt about that. conflict avoiding. so am i, but shes even worse.

a good metaphor is an ABORTION, she essential just got an Abortion on the Relationship. now an abortion usually does cause some pain and guilt to the person doing it. but basically you are conveniently and controversially “GETTING RID OF” something just because you can. dont deal with it, you know you CANT deal with it…..so get rid of it. and she knew she couldnt deal wiht it. the situation with me. so she just got rid of me.

maybe feels bad for a few days and then 3 months later is certainly out fooking guys hahahahaha. while 3 months later i am still thinking about her all the damn time. but then i had 900000000 times deeper feelings for her than she did for me. yep it was basically like every other stupid thing i had with any woman! the 2 good years of friendship just didnt matter apparently.

that really sucks. i do not often get along with a woman that well, have that level of comfort. hadnt happened in years. i was not that comfortable or close with the previous woman. we never got that close. with w15 i got a kind of appreciation from her that i was simply not at all used to. genuine feminine warmth and kindness. you know, that thing men appreciate about women besides their Looks. what basically makes a Good Personality for a Woman: is not being SMART or CLEVER, is not being fun and exciting, is not being a Nymphomaniac, but simply being Nice and Pleasant and Warm and Kind and Gentle and Supportive and Nurturing and Loyal and Loving. and Faithful. same thing as loyal hahahaha.

anyway so i think i will never get over her. i thougth the same thing about every other damn bitch. hahahaha.

“BBBBBUT this one is DIFFERENT! she was different! i thought she was THE ONE! I loved her MORE!”

well, i sorta thought that about some of the other women too. i was crazy in love with them and have the Adverse Repercussions to prove it! bad shit went down! i went crazy!

bbbbbut she REALLY IS different because i was CLOSEST to her. i had some kind of actual relationship with her, in the form of a 2 year friendship, rather than just 2 months of fake dating and then were done.

well that is true. i did get to know her as a person for a long period of time. it was a form of a long term relationship. and its true i never had this happen before in this way. have a long term friendship with a woman, then fall in luv with her. there is a lot of NEW experiences and new pain hahahaha. but it is still reasonable to think i will get over it.

it WILL take a long time though. might take the longest time ever considering the Importance and Length of the Rel.

so how long will it take? what was the longest it took me to Get Over a woman?

well shit at LEAST a year. but in some of those cases, i was prolonging the pain by not doing No COntact. i would still see the woman and pine for them.

well at least i dont do THAT any more!

from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCrjyUZGtZc

QUOTE from comment on above youtube video, bolding by moi

Karol Kolbusz 4 days ago
I recommend all of you to read Kierkegaard’s “Sickness unto death”. When people face with despair (depression), which is a sign of awakening of their personality, they tend to avoid that problem by…becoming someone else, that they are actually not.

Therefore, many women, who feel different from the rest of society, who are interested in old-fashioned customs, they can’t cope with the feelings of loneliness and social ostracism, which overwhelms them, as soon as they start developing the real personality.

So, these women behave like monkeys, because they copy “socially acceptable” personalities from the other people. And what is more, media brainwash them more, by showing pictures of extremely thin models. Girls think it’s something worth copying (to be thin, to be sexually attractive for brainwashed men, who watch pornography…), so they lose their weight, by not eating meat. And believe me, lack of animal proteins makes people even more compliant and weak, both physically and mentally. When they finally become skeletons, it’s too late for any rescue – the brainwashed women choose feminism. And they usually feel compassion for animals, sexual minorities, Muslims from Syria etc. BUT IN FACT it’s only a MASK, they put on (it’s easy to feel compassion for people you do not know personally, or animals who do not speak in a human manner…), in order to hide real lack of empathy. They love everybody, but as the result they actually love no one. Nowadays women also tend to become more masculine, because when they are NOT female anymore, nobody can criticise them anymore for not being pretty enough.

Only autistic/Asperger people are not afraid of social ostracism, they have very deep and obssesive interests, they feel empathy towards the world, nature, philosophical ideas (they actually FEEL empathy to the people and even stronger than “normal” individuals, but don’t show that in regular way due to some problems with communication and and visual/sonic oversensitivity). I believe that’s the reason why such people make great art and inventions (well, technology is actually bad…but we can just admire the passion of inventors). The autistic people are often regarded as anti-social outcasts, owing to the fact that (even if they want), they cannot lose their traits and just start parroting other people.

So if you are looking for a conservative woman, best look in “the tribe of autistics” :).

I will probably make a video about that, because I am Asperger myself. I have no relatives (other than parents) or “friends” outside the Internet, because I find no point in socialising with degenerated society.


sperg with the right idea commenting on varg vikernes video regarding the role of women. great points. great comment. thats why i copied it here. it is useful and good.

yes of course i luv varg and his Traditional Ways Of Yore and his healthy beautiful happy family, wife and many children.

well that video is really just a pointer to his wifes video about The Role Of Women, essentially as Preservers and Carryers On of Tradition, if i understand corrrectly.

i was like yeah this sounds great!  when have you ever seen a woman be a Transmitter of Tradition? but of course modern women are pretty much useless except for being annoying degenerate whores. course i cant complain because i am not a sterling specimen myself, just a loser weak man. so really i dont DESERVE a good woman.

muh woman was somewhat confused and had some Baggage in her Background, but it was all stuff i could live with, they were not dealbreakers, plus it kind of made her imperfect, and not “too good to be true.” i mean she is certainly not the perfect traditional woman, but she hit the biggest things of, she wasnt a whore, and she was a nice and kind, and from there other good qualities unfolded. like not wearing makeup, not dressing like a whore (goes along with not being a whore), not being annoying or obnoxious, being well behaved and polite and nice, not glued to the phone texting all the time, not being a lockstep leftist marxist like most women, pays attention to the news somewhat, was more “redpilled” than avg woman, though not obnoxious in pretending to be “super intelligent”,  she had a lot of great qualities but eventually her being a Bigtime AVOIDER was what killed it. she AVOIDS even worse than i do. athough she is probably less of a Despaired Procrastinator (“Why even try, its hopeless, it wont work out anyway”) than i am. she just avoids conflict in this rel more than i wanted to.

so yeah i procrastinate at life and jobs and stuff cuz i am tired of failing, and then get slow and lazy. she i think is more to push things under the rug, avoid them until she forgets they even exist, then go on with life. forgetting shit rather than processing and learning from shit. out of sight, out of mind.

also i am not sure she picks the best men. well the first guy she was with for a long time and i got along with him and he was a pretty good guy, but he was not great to her during the time i knew him.

oooh interesting point. if i were hiding and dissembling shit, i would have been trying to break them up. i was trying to get them to work shit out. when i saw her with him i did not get insanely jealous. they way i do now when i think of her with guys. oh yeah i explained this in my email. if i were secretly in luv with you, why would i be pushing you to figure things out with him? wouldnt i be pushing you to break up with him and date me? or try to “steal you” from him.?

but he had his own baggage and issues, that if he were not a brash stubborn wont take shit fairly manly man, would be enough to scare women away from betaer men. red flags and shit.

anyway. point is. holy shit its been a YEAR since i started liking her; its been over a YEAR since we had our Final Good Hangout in Sept 2014; after that we only had one meeting outside of Job, and it was horrrrrrible, i have of course mentioned it before.

so yeah that is an especially tragic flaw. pick men who dont treat her well, probably because of father issues, which also causes her to be good at abandoning and avoiding and forgetting about people. probably hahahaha.

like i say, its really a MIRACLE she didnt become a huge slut, or that she doesnt have any Fatherless Kids by now, or that she stayed with her First Major Boifran for like 4 or 5 years. WELL…..im not sure thats so ODD for young women and their First BF’s. first cut is the deepest hahahaha. and then they never get over that guy and then they become broken sluts hahaahahaha.

well it was a mistake imho for her to date another guy so soon after the first one. and to fall so deeply for him! imho this probably was some unresolved feelings for the FIRST guy! how could it not be? first major BF, very long term.

went for a nice 5 mile walk, i needed that. thank god.

listened to a few youtube things including this from helen fisher, the brain in love. not horrible. she is a little stiff but certainly on the high end of “women doing tedx talks about luv and relationships” which tends towards the shitty.

here she makes the good point that luv is powerful and addictive like a drug. and it really drives us crazy. and it can take at least 8 months for us to get over somebody and it is one of the most powerful things on earth. she implies that it is such a powerful thing, how the hell could you love more than one person at a time? you are choosing one person above all others. so there is an implication that Monogamy is better than Open Relationships. i hope i was not reading too much into it hahahaha.

oh also she says that 95% of BOTH men AND women have experienced the pain of being dumped by someone that they loved, AND ALSO dumping someone that loved them. i thought this number was a bti suspect. course she is dealing with a population of elite college students, prob most 18-22 years old, so, those samples obviously suck and are not helping “research” psychology. but yeah i have known only the pain of being dumped. i have never dumped somebody who loved me. i do not think any woman ever really loved me. and i bet if they did, they would be pathetic and i wouldnt really love them back hahahahaha.

helen fisher “why we love, why we CHEAT” hahaha havent listened to this one yet

and i also listened to e michael jones talk about his new book “libido dominandi”

not sure who he is but he was fun to listen to. i would guess he is some kind of openly pro-catholic phd intellectual academic. ie non mainstream academic. interesting interview where he talks abotu pornography being sold as “freedom” but its really a way to CONTROL people, thru their basest desires.

well i would agree with that, but i wanted to hear him talk moar about modern mating practices like casual sex and open relationships and promiscuity, and how they might possibly destabilize a society and be bad. but instead he says the clinton years were the apex of degeneracy. i say they degeneracy just keeps growing and growing. and now “normal people” are as degenerate as clinton was. he didnt mention anything like that but did have some good talk on how freud and watson and kinsey were degenerate.

also pornography controls men more than it does women, so how do we control womens “sexuality?” well similar, we give them “freedom” and the “freedom” ends up enslaving them. so their “pornography” is really just the cok carousel of casual sex with alphas. because they are women, they can actually live out all their sexual desires, rather than just beat off to porno.

hehehe but the whole damn ball of wax is degenerate, no matter whether you’re the alpha banging, the degenerate sluts getting banged, or the betas jerking off. and of course i have the most sympathy for the betas jerking off. there but for the grace of god go i. go we.

anyway the point is, when you get your heart broke, it is some SERIOUS shit, and it SHOULD be, and too many peopel avoid it, rush through it, do a rebound, PRETEND to be over it, DELUDE themselves.  but you should really be in pain and misery for a long time. it is a lot of suffering! drink in the suffering. guzzle the suffering like bitches guzzle jizz.  live in the suffering for months and years. well if you still feel like garbage at 1 year, uhhhh go see a shrink.

when i say shrink i mean go see a social worker at a budget sort of place. maybe see if they have an older man rather than a younger woman hahahaha.

i was lookng at some photoshops i made in 2008 and 2009 and they were pretty hilarious. (google photos under google drive.)

there was stuff there that indicated that i was very “thirsty” and lonely and was yearning to meet new women because i didnt know any. well in 2007 or 8 i met a woman who was garbage but i developed an infatuation with her because she was yougn and cute and the only woman i knew. she was legit cute and young though. but she was crazy and also a horrible slut. if i had any game i could of banged her like so many other men! anyway she was a much worse woman than woman2015; she used to be a Numbered WOman (former woman6) but i removed her because she was garbage plus i wasnt super duper in love with her. i had a drunken desperate crush on her though. but i got over her kinda quickly. i think. anyway she was at her peak then and she had a few good years after that and now is in the later 20s and starting to approach The Wall, and has certainly taken lotsa coxa on top of the already high number she had at age 19/20, and is dating a hideous guy who is definitely not of her race hahahahahahah. damn dirty mud shark hahahahahahah. sorry i just dont like white gurls who “date” ie fook nonwhite guys. especially when i had wanted the gurls and they rejected me. and the guy is black. or arab. or turkic or mestizo. would i be bothered if they dated an asian? maybe. probably because asians are less obnoxious than blacks or browns hahahahaha. but i am hardly an asian lover hahahaha. i have no desire for asian gurls. i still want to date, marry and ahve chirren within my own white race, because i am a white racist hahahahaha. so solly. dont like it, go fook some fat black 30 year old woman with 5 kids from different fathers. or maybe a fat asian like a 30 year old laotian or vietnamese woman with a body like a fat cambodian potato.

not any worse than a 30 year old fat WHITE single mom amirite?

actually it is marginally worse hahahahahaha. if your preference is for somewhat attractive younger white women. shit yeah this is a very valuable commodity hahahaha that is bought and sold surprisingly cheaply by alphas and black thugs and arab thugs hahahahahaha.

i get even more racist when i get heartbroke hahahaha.

yeah the trick is to never get more feelings than the woman does.


use her lack of feelings to put the brakes on your own feelings.


i guess you can check in with her once every two weeks. and say as of now, muh feelings are low, moderate, or strong. or nonexistent.  and see how they change over time. if hers go down and yours go up, you are headed for a heartbreak!

or she has no feelings and you have any hahahahaha.