shit. it has been 86 or 85 days since i was thrown into the garbage without a word, with no human decency, and today i feel….well i just got up. feel hopeless about life in general, ie jobs, mainly. nobody quits a job because they dont get along with a woman there they had a Big Falling Out with. well sure they do. they quit like shitty restaurant jobs and retail jobs where all the young sluts fook each other, and then they have to find a better paying job some day because them fooking every guy they know leads them to become a Single Mother hahahahaha.

honestly. you KNOW you can get pregnant. why not be more cautious? why act like a Guy who cant get pregnant and wants to fook everythign that moves? the key difference is, you CAN fook everything that moves!

anyway. i havent contacted her in like 50 days or so, thats good.

shes not even a slut, well she wasnt when i knew her, yet i have this feeling shes gonna end up being a Single Mother. maybe i WANT her to be, because her having a Happy Relationship with a Good Man, and being a Good Wife, well that would be very painful to me, because thats what i wanted her to be for me. i got along with her best when she was in an unhappy long term rel hahahaha.

but yeah. angry because she DIDNT EVEN TRY. she didnt WANT to try, she wanted to be done, and she didnt want to make the effort to end it in a good way. instead she would rather Burn Bridges. think of it like leaving a job. you always want to leave on good terms, rather than burn bridges and say fook u fook u fook u i quit. well she did a burning bridge quit. dont burn bridges!

i believe women are more likely to burn bridges than men. men want peace and stability in the community. women just want to watch the world burn hahahahaha. drama for the sake of drama. so stupid. chaos and destruction and pain, just for the sake of chaos and destruction and pain. REALLY???? what kind of person DOES this!!!!

honestly WOMEN. just wait SIX MONTHS before having secs with ANY guy. he might just be a smooth talker. a bullshitter. and do you KNOW how many people are bullshitters? you have to be a bullshitter just be gainfully employed! i am wanting to imporve my bullshitting skills just so i can become gainfully employed. but it is very disappointing to think that decent women fall for the bullshit of bullshitters. i mean i am ok at bullshitting, i have gotten better.

and my relationship with her was not built on bullshit, where guys are saying anything just to get into the Pantz. then of course they DO because what woman wants to WAIT to determine if hes for real or if hes just full of shit, because its just secs anyway, and you can always find another man, if you get pregnant OH WELL. then try to get some child support out of him.  or get another abortion hahahaha.  ya abortion hungry aborter. just run down to the abortionist and get another punch on your abortion card, 10th one is free! get some fresh gossip from the girls down the abortionists, and see whos got the biggest dick and the strongest sperms!

see if you think like this, you WILL hate women. thoughts lead to feelings hahahaha. not all women are really like that.

but yeah its MONSTROUS when you KNOW a person and then theyre just like NOPE i dont want you to know me anymore, i dont want to know you, i’m going away now.

so she did that because she was not able to Share My Feelings. FINE. that’s ok. i am not blaming her for that. i AM blaming her for showing me no damn empathy or sympathy or kindness, when she had before, and i dont think i WRONGED her. youre not WRONGING someone when you get feelings for them. you ARE wronging them when you end the relationship in such a shitty way.

why would i want to be with a person like that? i shouldnt. but i do because they were nice to me once. and i am clinging onto the past. living in the past.

they didnt HAVE to react the way they did to muh feelings. instead of withdrawing and abandoning, they could have TRIED TO COMMUNICATE. by they i mean she hahahaha. she could have said yeah lets hang out we need to talk, and i would have said YES THANK YOU! and then we would have talked abotu it, she could say im sorry i just cant do that, i dont want to hurt you, but i cant share those feelings, and i would say, well thanks for telling me straight, but maybe we should take a break, no hard feelings though. but could you try not to be flirty with guys at work please hahahahaha. NO of course not how dare you try to CONTROL me hahahaha.

no she was never really FLIRTY with other guys at work, but i dont even know what flirting is. i think a woman being friendly to a guy is flirty. if youre TALKING with a guy and smiling and not being a huge BITCH, then youre flirting hahahahahaha. if youre not actively being BITCHY or bustng a guys BALLS, youre flirting.

well its partially true isnt it hahahahaha

yeah the bad times were bad and they outweighed the good. the feeling that i was the only one who CARED about the rel, who wanted to try to do anything.

when i say she didnt want to TRY, i mean she didnt want to try to communicate, she didnt want to try not to burn the bridge, didnt want to try to end the rel in a peaceful way.

and yeah she didnt give huge blatant warning signs she would be so shitty. there were some warning signs that she wanted to be done, but there were mixed signals too, and also her personal family situation, which i feel guilty for putting her through this at this time. but not hanging out or having a serious talk in 10 months? come on. still no excuse.

do men have less oxytocin than women?

can oxytocin burn out if you have a lot of casual sex partners?

can you get oxytocin from cuddling and making out? or just sex?

heheheh i felt i got oxytocin from cuddling, but i am not a normal man. i am a low testosterone, effeminate man.

and not effeminate in the lets have lots of casual sex and destroy our oxytocin way. but like a 16 year old gurl from 1800, who wants to marry the first man she makes out with.

about the only thing i would want to go to graduate skool and get a faggot masters degree for is, Relationship Counselor. maybe a Depression and Anxiety Counselor. but NOT “SOCIAL WORK.” also how many jobs are there for Relationship Counselors. not a lot. supply and demand. however a masters degree would possibly make me more attractive for Mid Level Client Service 15DAH jobs that more outgoing normalfag nonvirgins could get with just a bachelors degree! but loser spaghetti pocket types cant unless they have a masters degree!!!!!

i am waiting to go for my 4.4 mile walk because now i am walking down a street which the female might be driving down on her way to our shitty job which i quit hahahaha. i would never see her because it is a high speed road and she would be on the opposite side of it, and she would never see me, well she would be more likely to see me than me see her, and wouldnt that be a good thing? wouldnt that torture her a little and make her think oh i am really in luv with him, i should contact him and REconcile and Rekindle.

because you see right now i dont really care that she didnt like me, all i care about is that i liked her, and me having feelings for a woman is second only in rarity to her having feelings for me! i mean i think most women are degenerate filthy animal whores! so any woman whos not, is automatically on a pedestal! cuz the other ones are down in the muck slithering like rats in a bucket smearing bodily fluids all over each other as they scramble over each other!

i am entitled to feel almost whatever i want. i am entitled to feel Snubbed and Burned and Wronged and Disrespect. Feel Your Feelings. i am not gonna act out on them negatively. the most acting out ive done has been to email her. and thats not a bad way of acting out. thats just trying to communicate. even a goddam Feminist Judge would have nothing bad to say about that.

anyway i can go for muh walk now.  sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. i dindu nuffin hahahaha.

whats sad is that i probably had a better and longer relationship with her, than her mother and father had. and her whole life is the product of that loveless unhealthy “union.” thats why she is able to abandon me so harshy. cuz her father abandoned her mother. doesnt matter that she (muh woman) is not a slut. not all gurls with Father Issues are Sluts. Some are nonsluts but are Really Harsh Abandoners hahahahahahaha.

or was her father a Niceguy who her mother just abandoned? i dont know.

i get the feeling that her father was more of a deadbeat who as soon as the mother got pregnant, said SEE YA!!! WOULDNT WANNA BE YA!!!!! and simply did not want to accept his Fatherly Responsibility. pretty common situation sadly.

why didnt he? because he did not truly luv the mother? because he saw the mother as a Convenient Easy Fook? Maybe. I am not sure that the mother chooses the best men, and I worried that this habit would carry on to her daughter. who chooses cold and distant men, or men who cheat. come on! choose a decent man! choose me! i will give you luv an affection, and not cheat on you! once she complained to me about her long term BF was not affectionate with her at all, did not like to hug and cuddle any more, did not like to do anything, couldnt get him to go anywhere or do anything.

at that time i did not want her, i wanted her to figure shit out with him. but in the future when i DID want her, it became ironic. because i would have totes cuddled with her and given her all that warm cuddly affection she wanted, AND a good hard masculine pounding, AND fun evenings out, do fun things, go to the park, go for scenic drives, go to the museum, go to concerts, go downtown, go Salsa Dancing Lessons or some shit, just have fun. but that would involve hanging out with me hahahahaha. and also liking me.

ok time for my 4.4 mile walk.

also i have a 12000 word document on Job INterviews, I should post that soon. How 2 Get A Sweet 8DAHJ and stop failing interviews. you can sometimes get interviews but you never get the JOB hahahaha. well be a victim no more with my guaranteed success document, only 50 bucks hahahaha.

ok went for the 4.4er. not bad.

tried to listen to music, tried to listen to molyneux. i am listening to molyneux Job Interview Advice series now.

the idea that you need to be PASSIONATE about serving customers. this is a great line of bullshit. why do you want this job? not because you need a job desperately, but because you are passionate about serving customers in the x industry. fast food. restaurant. supermarket.

or theres a 9DAHJ which asks you how would you go about…. writing a letter of recommendation for a student. this was a comment in a link from last post. they asked her this question for a school secretary type thing. she was caught off guard, having never written a rec letter for a student. assuming they would train you on that sort of thing if its part of the job. but NEVER ASSUME THEY WILL TRAIN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she asked the current person abotu this and they said oh we have a form we give the student, then they fill it out with their activities and colleges and shit, gpa, and then we use this template to write the letter with the info the student has provided. its easy.

but if you have never DONE it before, you are not really sure how its done.

i would say: welp ask the student what they want emphasized in the letter. have the student write me a “rough draft” of the letter. Research on the internet some good reference letters. ask what the letter should be directed towards: employers, colleges, scholarships. use reputable sources to help you craft your letter. ask the student when is the deadline for the letter, so you have a timeframe of how much research you can do. do your research when you go home at night and treat it as “homework” so you’re not training yourself on the clock. look for other recommendation letters completed by your department. if you can’t find anyone, then bother someone else briefly to ask them if they have any copies of letters they or someone else has written so you can study them. then you can have a pretty good letter written for them in 24 hours, and really good letter in 48 hours. 75% of the time, they will give you 48 hours or more. boom.

cuz they will say “DO THIS” and you will have no idea how to do this because it is a 9000000 step process but the steps are not spelled out clearly anywhere. not even in The Knowledge Base.

but basically there was nothing in my job that i knew how to do before. i just improvised and did the best i could in a land of confusion, and miraculously performed at or slightly above average, so i wasnt laid off immediately for “not getting it fast enough.”

figure it out and youre fired if you dont get it fast enough.

i wonder if i should have taken valium during the very stressful period january thru april. or when i was stressing in july when i came back. stressing abotu the woman, and stressing about the job. yet i didnt even take a damn valium. i have a bottle of like 120 valiums. why didnt i take some then. because i was scared about appearing drugged on the job.  yet there were probably other people who took valium on the job.

anyway like i say, i had no “qualifications” for this job. you learn everything on the job as quickly as you can. the sad thing is there were about as many college-educated people as there were not. some people got ridiculous Certificates in Computer Training and paid thousands of dollars for that, as if they needed it for this job. some losers like me had full blown college degrees. and some others had just Some College and no Certs.

point is, you didnt NEED college OR certs OR experience to do the job. you just needed to be sharp and learn fast.

thats why they would hire a lot of people. because at least half of them would be GONE within a MONTH. because they hated it, or were confused, or were not learning fast enough, and why train them, when they can train themselves or get fired/laid off.

my question is, when you lay somebody off for “not getting it fast enough”, do you have to pay them unemployment? is that the same as being fired for Gross Negligence? do you have to say you were FIRED?

google fired because not learning fast enough




this ask a manager site is pretty interesting


of course we didnt have 2 hours to flail and try to understand, we had to figure shit out fast!



apparently this is a common thing! so dont feel bad if you feel like an idiot crying every day because you are overwhlemed and dont know what youre doing and feel like an idiot but KNOW youre not an idiot, just that the expectations of you are RIDICULOUS, and then you get fired in 10 days for not learning fast enough. it happens all the time. better to be an unemployed loser virgin hahahaha.



shit. stuff like my job is very common. where you feel undertrained and overwhelmed, like an idiot, flailing, drowning.

i was just starting to get over that feeling with my job! and to have to quit it becuase of some stupid woman. god damn. well i didnt HAVE to quit it. but it was one of those jobs thats so intolerable that if one thing goes wrong, you get pushed OVER the edge, because the job has already pushed you TO the edge. so the moment you have a problem, you lose your shit at work. going home and crying and not sleeping. running out of the office so you can cry in the bathroom or car or stairwell. because you feel incompetent, confused, stupid, things just dont make sense, you cant deal wth the complication, people make you feel stupid for asking questions, you have to ask a LOT of questions because there is a LOT of stuff that doesnt make sense, nothing is written down, THERE IS NO DOCUMENTATION!!!! dont complain that the documentation is poorly written, YOU’RE LUCKY TO HAVE DOCUMENTATION AT ALL!!!!!!

when you have a job that is THIS stressful, for at LEAST 50 hours a week, you dont have TIME to spend with your family. if you dont have a family, you dont have TIME to meet and Vet potential Wives. shit you can barely think straight. shit you have 2 hours of free time a night and you SHOULD be studying work shit to train yourself better….and sometimes you do, but sometimes you just want to go for a powerwalk for 2 hours. while thinking about your job and the ridiuclous stuff thats gonna happen tomorrow.

well i already found the perfect woman hahahahaha. having a decent woman can give you PEACE OF MIND as well. did muh woman give me peace of mind? FOOK NO, quite the opposite!!!! so clearly she wasnt a decent woman for me.

but yeah. you cant sleep cuz you are thinking about your job, the only relief is exercising AND smoking MJ AND writing about how stupid it is AND studying it regularly, but there is not enough Off Time to DO all those things! let alone find a wife, spend time with her, make a family, take care of them, or see your preexisting family!

it sucks being SO overwhelmed ALL THE TIME. you start looking forward to CHURCH as a place where you can BEG for MERCY.

yeah the job was kinda like that which is descrribed in these links and comments. i hope you are reading the comments.

you need lots of moral support AND technical support in a job like that. i was LUCKY because i actually got along with people and could get this support. many people are hated by EVERYONE at their job! i only had a problem with one person.

anyway its just so stupid. i am glad to leave all that bullshit behind, that shitty place, that shitty woman, leave all the shit behidn hahahaha. she wasnt a shitty woman but the job was making both of us shittier. and she was just being shitty to me in general. she became shitty and it SUCKED.

i just see that there are many many many jobs that are the same way: overwhelming, drowning, swim or sink, thrown to wolves, in over head, there is no training, its just so fookin ridiculous. fook this gay earth, fook jobs, better to be a jobless virgin omega hahahahaha. how is there any dignity in working. just as indignified as in leeching off your family forever hahahaha. although you will never have a family of your own that can leech off of you, you cant even support yourself hahahahahahah. always need supporting by someone else. feels bad man .jpg hahahaha.