did a 4.2 miler, was kinda windy and cold hahaha.
thought maybe i could contact the womans mother and beg the MOTHER to talk to her daughter hahahahahah like yeah she might have said i was being weird and bugging her a lot, i really wasnt, and i just wanted to talk about something that was bothering me. you know i am not a bad guy and i would treat your daughter right for the long term. and then she would probably say she doesnt want to talk to you, shes done with you, dont contact any of us ever again.
so, should I contact the mother? maybe if i knew the mother better! i only met her 2 times hahaha. but in the good old days my female friend would tell her mother how cool i was.
heh fook if she had invited me to do crimmus or thanksgiving things that would have been nice!
so apparently when you go to a marriage counselor and they teach you communication skills, that just makes you “fight more”.
we never really fought at all, because that would involve talking hahaha.
this is why i like writing emails or letters, or recording voice files. this should be textbook stuff.
it has been 81 days since i was devastatingly dumped, and i feel ____________ hehehehe. i feel angry and devastated and angry and hopeless and numb. hahahaha. actually right this second i feel ok, have been reading some right wing news sources (therightstuff.biz and breitbart.com)
so what did i do wrong?
well i pushed her to hang out by asking her every 2 or 3 weeks if she might want to hang out this weekend.
she said she needed space. i tried to give her some space but i had no idea how much space she needed. after like a month or so i was asking her to hang out again.
i made the mistake of not being more masculine or direct, should have said welp how much space do you need? and more importantly should have directly said:
the reason i want to hang out is because i want to talk, and what i want to talk about are muh feelings towards you. i have feelings towards you, do you have feelings towards me? lets deal with this.
my cowardice in broaching this topic probably caused her to lose all respect for me and to dump me in such a cold harsh way, so if i Broached Earlier, i probably could have got a better dumping.
but if she really wanted me, then she would have hung out with me and given me some positive signals hahahaha.
and even though i was cowardly, i still dont think i deserved to lose THAT much respect and to be treated THAT poorly. have a damn heart. how could u be so heartless hahahaha.
honestly yeah i was a little beta and emo and faggy and i know women HATE this but my GOD. try to remember the fact that im not just some random beta. we knew each other for a long time. so you were annoyed at me because…..i wanted to hang out? maybe because i was cowardly and did not come right out and say i had feelings. oooh i didnt think of THAT yet in my 81 days of obsession! maybe she was mad BECAUSE she knew i wanted to tell her something, but i was too cowardly to come out and SAY it! and thats why she was SO mad!
well i argue she didnt have to get THAT mad. once again, the value of the long term friendship TRUMPS that.
but not when it comes to WOMEN having SCORN for the BETA hahahaha. their Contempt is Literally Limitless. Women are designed by Evolution to have Heart-Freezing Contempt for the Beta. doesnt matter if that beta was once a close long term friend. because that doesnt matter. the beta changed the game the second he wanted to view the woman as a potential suitor. then the woman SCOFFS in CONTEMPT. PSHAW!
did 4.2 milers
i was OPEN to her, she was CLOSED to me.
i was trying to show Warmth and friendliness and openness to her; she was showing only closedness and coldness and bitchiness to me.
oh yeah, youll like this one:
i did not CONSENT to being dumped.
CONSENT is the most important thing. both people must CONSENT enthusiastically to sex.
but when it comes to getting dumped, its ok if one person does not consent, because really what it is, is the Dumper is not consenting to being in the Rel any more. “I dont consent to be in this rel” overrules “i dont consent to being dumped!”
at any rate you are being hurt without your consent, so it is a kind of violation hahaha. a little raep hahaha.
how come i dont get to consent to the dumping????
becuase it takes two to consent to start it, and only one to consent to end it.
hehehhehehe. this is like if a guy is trying to Coerce a gurl into Secs and she does not give consent, well he doesnt give his consent to her not giving her consent, hahahahaha.
in other words, you cant make a person love you; you cant make a person stay in a rel.
so yeah your consent in this matter is not important at all, compared to their consent to stay in the rel. it really is a zero sum game, there is no win win. actually the pain for you is probably worse than the benefits for her when she leaves. she is pretty happy that she is done with you, but shes forgotten about you in a few days. ancient history.
you are in great pain for 8100 days, devastated. pretty big pain differential hahahaha.
so yeah my consent “argument” is bullshit i admit that hahahaha
but the decent thing to do is to realize you leaving the rel is gonna be painful to the other person, so you show that youre not a piece of shit, but trying to let them down easy, make some effort to do that. so i didnt deserve respect because i didnt man up and blurt it out earlier fine i get that. but i didnt deserve THIS much disrespect. i deserved no more than 5, and i got 10.
i also liked the im gonna set aside 30 minutes a day to think about this. NO MORE. and then if you start thinkign about it outside of that block, you say NOPE! STOP! i have already budgeted this 30 minutes to think abotu it, think about it then.
it would be much easier to be rejected by a degen slut than a “Good woman”. however if its any consolation she may be on her way from Good Woman to Degen Slut! sliding down the semitic slide of degeneracy hahahaha
also i am shocked becuase i didnt think she HATED me that much. i knew she was mad.frustrated/annoyed at me, but not to THAT extent! i still dont believe it!
this is why you communicate! thatis the big lesson i learned here, the power of communication.
also that communication would have not necess “fixed” anything, ie, if she had had feelings for me, OR if she had WANTED to commuincate, she would ahve communicated.
i clearly wanted to communicate. she clearly did not want to communicate.
if she had really wanted to smooth things over with me, she would have. if she had been in Luv with me, she would have hung out with and talked to me. she really had no desire to do anything. so she really was clearly communicating that. fook. just treat me better. treat me like we actually had the friendship that we did. because i wasnt so bad as to deserve this. this treatment should only be given to horrible people who have wronged you.
i would expect this out of a 16 year old old. not someone who is WELL over 21 or 22 years old.
she acts like a bad guy, and she thinks IM the bad guy and that she is perfectly justified in doing this!
shes the bad guy but she thinks shes the good guy, even though the evidence clearly shows that she is the bad guy and i am…a bit awkward but not nearly as bad and shitty and horrible as her!
why did u do this? seriously!
because it was easiest. it was the easy way out. its easier to avoid problems and conflict than to face them.
maybe she didnt HATE me, but she SURE doesnt want to get with me.
if she wanted to get with me, she would.
if she wanted to Face The Situation, she would have.
she wanted to not face the situation, AND she wanted not get with me.
she got what she wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway if she wanted me back……she would get me back.
me contacting her now and persuading her to give me an apology would be RIDICULOUS. although i DESERVE one. but it would be ridiculous to expect given her treatment of me.
i could NEVER convince her to Get With Me.
of course i will NEVER understand how something so good could end so bad.
well sure i do: becuase i was a weak, cowardly, pushy, spineless, annoying BETA, a lesser beta at that, and this makes the pvssy SNAP SHUT. decent, low mileage women, good marriageable women, will treat you with UTTER CONTEMPT and CRUELTY once you reveal to them that you are a Lesser Beta.
the nicest gurls, the most decent low-cok women, will treat you WORSE than a CHEATER and NEVER feel bad about it, if you act like a beta to them. it doesnt’ matter if youve known them for 2 or 3 or 10 years.
and they will still want the cheater. better for you to be a cheater than a beta. then you might have a chance of getting the gurl back hahahaha oy vey its like another shoah.
because you see, for All Women, being beta is worthy of NO respect. less respect, luv, or attraction than a guy who cheated on you. of COURSE they cant treat you like a human being! youre not one!
so the female equivalent of a lesser beta male is a SLUT. someone who has low ass mate value for their gender. but i still treat sluts like HUMAN BEINGS even though i have contempt and disrespect for them! i still treat them with a minimum of respect! that women, even a decent moral kind woman, will never treat a beta male!
well she always knew i was a beta right? the idea that she never saw me date gurls had to be a big clue. and then when i directed that interest to her, it was the worst thing in the world for her. better a scumbag cheater than a beta, at least the scumbag cheater makes you TINGLE.
i would never treat a slut like this! unless they cheated on me!
plus they would just find a man and get over their broken heart real quick.
even sluts dont waste too much time on BETAS. betas are ever WORSE than sluts!!!!
it has been 82 days since the disgraceful disrespectful dumping and i feel fineeeeeeeeeeee ahahahahaha no. feel about the same as yesterday hahaha. which is angry, sad, despairing, some shock, how could she do this, i dont believe this, this cant be, its all my fault, if i werent such a cuck beta loser she would have luved me, i made her do this with my loserness and weakness, she was the only woman who was not a promiscuous slut and also not bad looking, i will always compare future women to her, this is the best i will ever do, its all downhill from here, im getting too old, i will never get close to a woman of this quality again, its all low quality from here on out, time to lower the standards.
anyhow. yeah. should go out for a nice powerwalk here.
also i was thinking about using this to write more Angry Letters Addressed Directly To Her, that i would not send.
so if you ever see me referring to “YOU” in kind of an angry or weird way, thats what i am doing.
Don’t say, “I cant believe you would hurt me, you would abandon me,” say
“I feel abandoned when we never hang out and never talk. I feel like i am ignored and unwanted and neglected and abandoned” hahahahaha this way you take ownership of your feelings with I Statements, and dont Blame Them with You statements.
I feel unloved, uncared for, ignored, betrayed (hahahahah), rejected, like crap, like a piece of garbage, thrown away.
I feel thrown away like a piece of garbage when you never hang out with me, never talk me.
I feel uncared for when you seem to have stopped caring for me like you used to. we never hang out anymore, we never spend time together, we never do anythign fun, I feel Rejected and Shot Down and Worthless.
of course it is beta as hell to talk like this, and you deserve it for your wife to leave you or cuck you!
the stefan molyneux vidya above where he talks to both a guy and a gurl on a conference call, she wants an open rel, he doesn’t, but he is so beta he migth allow it just to keep her, if it means sharing her with another man, oops sorry, plural, several other MEN, so sorry my darling, my ray of sunshine. anything my sweetie wants. any and all the dicks.
THIRSTY. the way “Young Adult” women TALK is so stupid. i mean 20-29 hahahaha. they are technically adults, out of Undergrad, either starting IMportant Careers, living in Big Cities, Experimenting, finding themselves, being Promiscuous and nihilistic in their “Freedom”, reading cosmo and thought catalog and buzzfeed and daily show and jezebel and gawker and shit, and using words like THIRSTY to describe Horny, Desperate Men, desperate for sex. Basically the Hip word for “desperate” used by Hip Young Women who hate desperate men.
heh. turn their shitty words back on them. these degen whores are THIRSTY for alpha cok, guzzling alpha cvm. Can I Live Without Alpha Cok until after the wedding? idk lol
letter: i am angry because I wish you had treated me better. You cant just throw people away like that. if you do that to the wrong guy, he will react very poorly. but mainly i wish you could try to treat me as you would like to be treated. be nicer to me. i know you dont return my feelings, but dont get so contemptuous of me for HAVING the feelings. i am still the same guy you have known for 2.5 years. i just got feelings. i told you the story of how and when and why i got them. yeah it was bad timing, yeah it was related to what was going on with your other relationships, it is what it is. im the same guy but things changed in an important way. of course that would affect our friendship directly. i was trying to talk to you about it. but we could never meet up. i didnt really want to talk about it over text or email or phone or at work cuz it was a pretty important thing to me. i didnt mean to be pushy to you but i wish you had given me some kind of timeframe, like yep we can talk in january, rather it seemed like a “someday never comes” situation. yeah i screwed up by not reading the signals that we WERENT gonna hang out at all…..but i also kinda thought we were. i believed you when you said we would hang otu someday.
but by february things were getting so ridiculous for me, and possibly for you to, that i should have just told you right then and there. but i was still scareed and still thought we were gonna hang out soon.
and then when you stopped talking to me altogether, i was heartbroken and destroyed and felt like i couldnt go on. it was just too much for me to handle. i blamed myself for everything and was dead to the world for months. i wish you had just told me that you didnt want to be friends anymore. that would have hurt a lot less. the way it happened now, i feel like you just wanted to throw our entire friendship away, and throw me away like garbage. nobody likes that. would you like that?
you dont have to like me, but at least treat me with a little respect when you decide to end this relationship. its fine that we cant be friends anymore but dont hate me for getting feelings for you. how would you feel if those guys HATED you for getting feelings for them, then they threw you away and refused to talk to you or give you any respect or any explanation?
even though I liked you, i had real respect for you too, and it hurt to give you that respect, but to get none back from you. you used to respect me, and now you dont respect me at all, and i dont think i did anything to deserve losing that respect so much.
and i am a hurting a lot, from at one time having a good friendship with you, to now having nothing. it felt like you turned off all caring and concern to me. i missed that greatly. my heart was broken.
i had not been this close to a woman in years, not even with the women i last dated. this was a big deal to me. i am devastated and heartbroken. this was the most serious relationship i’ve had with a woman in a very long time. i have dated women where we werent this close, and didn’t last as long, and you meant more to me than them.
i forgive you for hurting me because i know you didnt mean to hurt me this much, and some of it is due to my own feelings, and also i know you were overwhelmed and emotionally compromised. but i wish we could have communicated even just a LITTLE, so this wouldnt have been so damn painful for me. and so i wouldnt have such mixed feelings towards you. it didnt have to hurt this much.
ok that sort of stuff is letter oriented.