shit. the best rel i ever had with a woman has ended in the worst possible way, and she did not have to do that. so yeah i fee sorta betrayed in that i never expected her to do something so harsh to me. try a little tenderness hahahaha. kinda adds to my “women are twofaced” “stereotype” hahahahaha.

the women i “pseudodated” who i much less significant “rels” with, dumped me in MUCH better ways.

and she is a better person that to do something like this. this is just ridiculous. worst dumping EVER for me. i cannot take much more of this! i realllllllllllllly did not need this at this time! not ever but especially not now! at this age, after so much failure, with the woman i was closest with ever.

its “fine” she didnt return muh feelings, she just didnt have to reject me in THAT WAY! pleaseeeeeee TRY to let me down easier than THAT! i did not do anything to deserve THAT! does she WANT to make me hate her???!?!?! i am this close to being a MIsogynist Woman Hater anyway! i WANT to hate women LESS, not MORE!!!!!!!

maybe she does want me to hate women. maybe she just wants me to hate HER so i stay away from her forever. yeah well thats stupid. a lot of guys would harass or stalk you. but not me! i say yep you can ruin my life and break my heart and i will just send you 1 email per 10 days, 3 emails, and thats it.  what a good guy. other guys would get drunk and beat and raep her, slash tires, show up unannounced, etc. but not me! nope i just sit here broken hearted, came to shit but only farted hahahahaha.

damn. she was muh friend because i thought she was a NAWALT woman. now she has done such terrible shit to me that i have to force myself to say NAWALT NAWALT NAWALT NAWALT even tho i thought she was the best nawalt ever! and i know shes not really a huge btich but she is capable of being a huge bitch and i am Just So Hurt that she was a huge bitch to ME who used to be one of her good friends.  and imho getting feelings isnt a hostile thing that you should punish like this. you absolutely will not be able to be “just friends” anymore, but its not a damn CRIME thats punishable by treating the person who got feelings HORRIBLY. Its just not a horrible crime!!!!

anyway. it just amazes and shocks me that peopel can be so comfortable with their bodies that the NORM is for people to have casual sex.  including her hahahaha. i just want to find a woman who doesnt like casual sex hahahaha. and who wont reject me.

well they can reject me but reject me NICELY hahahaha.

she was kind of inexperienced at dumping men, i think mainly she got dumped, or had mutual agreements to end a rel. so she just hasnt had enough Dumping Experience to know how to Do It Well!

what would the voice of reason say. that yep this sucks, did not see this coming, you didnt deserve this, she shoulda handled it better, yeah so thought it was cool she was not a huge whore, but she still treated you like shit and you deserve better, chin up, somebody better will come along.

hahahaha or how about she was a 10 and most other women are a 0 and maybe one day i can hope to get a 5 hahahahahaha.

damn. did another 4.2 miler.

i just cant get over this, this is HORRIBLE. i want her so bad, after 2.5 months. yeah its gotten better, the time and distance has been ok, but shit. the pain is still right there.

it doesnt help that theres the crushing loserdom and derpression (“DESPAIR”) as well.

just feel like i can do NOTHING and i will fail at every job and every interview and every woman, and i am sick of being a huge failure too. literally the only thing i can do successfully is write here, and walk 8 miles a day hahaha.

but other than that? NOTHING. if she had “just” liked me back muh whole life would be diff wawawaawaaw. we could get married and have kidz and cuddle erry day hahaha. but noooooooo.

maybe i am just having a bad day. some days think yeah i will get over it but it will just take time. today i just feel dead as fook.

she didnt technically KILL me, she was a great distraction from the loserness and patheticness of my life, and now shes gone, thats all i got. she was my main ray of sunshine. well she was up until like 7 months ago hahaha. it is so hard just to survive. i have no idea how i am gonna rebuild muh life. get a new job, ever make another female friend, etc.

stuff like this makes me want to contact her! i mean whats the worst that could happen? her not respond? shit i know theres a 99% chance she wont respond! its that 1% chance im hoping for.

how would it have been different if she had dumped me in a good way?

shit i think it would be HALF as bad at least. i would know she didnt hate me;

i would blame myself less;

i could hate her more easily and conveniently and make her the villain

but yeah.

well why is it important that she doesnt HATE me? well because she damn seemed like she hated me, and i didnt do anything worth hating me forever over!

she was too much, the job was too much, her at the job was too much. if they had been seperated i would have handled each thing a lot better.

i mean i guess i still can hate her.

and i only blame myself a minority of the time.

but yeah i miss having a female friend.

but she stopped being my friend long ago!

but i didnt know that! she would still respond to texts and she made it SOUND like she wanted to remain my friend, she was just going through tuff times.

i knew that we could not stay just friends, but from what she was saying, i didnt think she would be so offended by me meeting her at the event, or me trying to damn talk to her.

see what happens when you AVOID shit and you dont COMMUNICATE? you get VERY hard feelings, broken heart, new bout of despair, etc.


emotional abandonment, eh?? nice term hahaha

”  Realize that if it’s a sudden abandonment, there likely is some precipitating event or incident between the two of you that needs to be resolved. On the other hand, if the deterioration has been more gradual, there are probably a lot of little things that have gone unresolved and are taking their toll on the relationship. ”

well it was gradual, but then it was also very suddent at the end. the precipitating event was i met her at the event. oh im such a bad guy. i met her at a think where we both knew we were gonna be there and which in the past we would ahve gone to together no question. but she was evasive when i asked about going with her. maybe im the bad guy because i didnt read that signal to mean i dont want to see you at all.

well the other signal was she had turned her phone off when she got there so she did nto respond to muh texts or phone call when i got there.

so did i walk around the place looking for her?

kind of, yes.

therefore, i was STALKING her, so i AM the bad guy.

and thats why she was so weird and distant the whole time.

i shouldnt have even GONE but my interest in the event was independent of her. its the type of thing that would just be good for me to go to if i had any damn energy to do activities related to muh interests. but it has to involve a damn woman before i take action on anything.

  • Fear of talking through issues: Emotional detachment does not just happen out of the blue; there is always something behind it. If one or both of the spouses has an inability or fear of talking through the issues in their relationship, then this kind of disconnect will be the likely result. Usually both know there is something wrong, but they are hesitant to bring it up because they fear their spouse’s reaction. Or perhaps they feel like they’ve been through this before and it hasn’t helped, so why bother? In these cases, there needs to be a clear second look at what it means to resolve conflict in a marriage – how to have a “good fight,” as it were, that really bring things to resolution. Without these skills, and a real courage to step up and deal with problems, the emotional distance will just continue to grow. “


If you are a wife reading this and hoping to find a way to get him to stop folding his arms and huffing every time you attempt to communicate a problem, these five tips for effective communication by Deborah Spring Laurel is a good starting point.

If you are a husband who is tired of a “nagging” wife show her this article and both of you work on building new communication skills in the marriage.

  • Disengage: When we disengage, we set aside differences temporarily, while we remain willing to address them at a later time. It involves taking time to reflect, reduce the tension, and let our emotions settle.
  • Empathize: To empathize is to put ourselves figuratively in the other person’s place. That very act will help squelch defensiveness because we acknowledge what the other person is feeling.
  • Inquire: When we inquire, we uncover the concerns of the other person. Asking questions allows us to focus on our task rather than our disagreement. After we inquire, we need to listen carefully, giving the other person our complete attention.
  • Disclose: When we disclose, we reveal our feelings, needs and goals to the other person. We can do this with “I statements” that describe our emotions, the precipitating event, and its tangible impact.
  • Depersonalize: When we depersonalize, we evaluate behavior rather than the person, and we look at our work as something we do rather than what we are. This allows us to free ourselves and others from the need to respond defensively.

also i just feel real tired.



walkaway wives


yep. slept ok with no weird dreams, maybe feel a little better, but not much. hehehe i feel like alanis morisette in “yououghta kn0w” hahaha.

also i hate the thought of the woman casually sucking guys off. women blowing dudes seems so degenerate and pornified and i dont like the thought of normal women doing that, let alone HER! also it is seen as something even more casual than casual sex. ya meet a guy, boom 2 minutes later, sucking his dick, swallowing his jizz. no big deal.

so yeah i dont like to think of her doing that!

but shes out there maybe sucking dick and not even thinking of me, yet i am still obsessed with her!

how can women get over guys so fast and so easy?

i think its more of a case of how can the DUMPER get over the dumpee so fast and easy?

EASY, they wanted out, they did the dumping, they made up their mind, they were already emotionally checked out months in advance, they were already getting over it when they did the dumping.

damn. i just never thought she would want to dump me! let alone like that! if she were already over it, why was SHE so emotional?

oh well shes sucking dicks now and has deleted me from her life hahahaha.

i wonder what she did with the nice present i gave her for crimmus last year. did she get rid of it? hide it away? or probably just forget she even had it hahahaha. or what about the nice mix cd i gave her hahahaha. i am a sucker for that sort of thing. i  hoped that would Build Intimacy between us. nope no chance!

did she angrily throw these things away? or just be like meh. and forget they were even there.

did she search for all the emails that i had sent her and which she i think had responded to a few, back in the good old days, and delete all them? hahahah i sure did.

did she block or set emails from my address to go to spam, so she never read email3 and 4?

i figure theres a change she read email2, where i confessed i had feelings for her and that i was having a tuff time and had resigned muh job hahahaha. and that i was sorry sorry sorry. i did not say please respond though. but i said i would always be open to talking to her, i hope we can talk again in the future.

heh. i wished her friends and family would have advised her to dump me more gently. maybe they did. maybe she didnt even mention it to them! or maybe she played me up as a bad guy who suddenly went all cray cray and started harrassing and stalking her, so i dont deserve to be dumped gently, but kicked to the curb.

well i certainly never stalked her, but i was pushy. but did the pushy cross into harrassment? also it was always “nice” pushy rather than mean pushy, like hang out with me bitch. it was more like pleaseeeee hang out with meeeee i want to work on our friendshipppppp i miss uuuuuuu etc hahahahah pathetic.

yeah. its rough man. how you could feel so strongly for someone and they dont care about you. but they USED to care about you. as a friend only though. but as soon as you switch on the feelings, they switch them off, and dont even care about you as a person anymore. and you care for them more and more, and they care for you less and less, and then its all over.

wawawawawaw i thought she cared for me as-a-human-being more! so our friendship died when i got feelings. ok. thats understandable. but you dont throw the dead body in a shallow grave, you mourn and cry and give it a respectful burial and remember it as the nice thing it was.

and then quickly get over it and become a whore sucking dicks of guys you just met hahahahaha. no i dont know THAT, but it wouldnt matter anyway would it?

but yeah. if i just met her it would be different. if i had never been her actual friend it would have been different. but friends for 2 years. you just dont fooking throw that away like it NEVER EXISTED. yep this is probably worse than a death, because we’re both still alive. and i have to live with the fact that she just walked away.

walk away wives. oh yeah. thats when its a ticking time bomb and the husbands ignore or balk at their wives valid complaints, know as “NAGGING” hahahahah, and then she stops nagging, husband thinks ok shes settled down good, then years later, the wife walks away because the resentment is simmering and the husband thinks nothngs wrong.

THEN the husband is heartbroken and makes a legit effort, reading books, and going to shrinks, and CHANGING, but its too late, the wife has made up her stupid mind, and never comes back, saying “too little too late.”

i wonder if thats what i did because i didnt really stop pushing her.

well i TRIED to stop pushing her. and i TRIED to stop visiting her at work. but i just couldnt stop altogether because the issues were still there. me backing off didnt really fix anything.

but it was what she wanted, it made her ahppy, it was her BOUNDARY!!!! so i should have respected it for that very reason right?

well i tried to but i just couldnt keep doing it cuz it was hurting my boundary to respect her boundary!

i wanted to see her MORE, she wanted to see me LESS. so yeah thats always a recipe for disaster.

all of this is a centuries old tale, millions of people have had their hearts broken this way. i just never had it happen to me so bad.

i was just str8 confused. it was a confusing boundary. it didnt occur to me that i could stay away from her but still communicate with her.

OBVIOUSLY i should have started calling or emailing her right then. lets say feb 2015.

so thats my other big regret hahahaha. that i was just twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to be ready to see me, but……..inside i was going FOOKING CRAZY with all these feeeeeelings and things i wanted to say to her. so i should just called her and told her, wrote emails and sent them. rather than wait till july to start sending emails. that was 5 more months of Crazy Making hahahaha and by then i was totally fooked, and she was totally DONE.

yeah i have certainly been dumped before but they did it nicer, plus those relationships were less important. this was a pretty important, substantial relationship that was ended in the most cold and callous way. it just drives me fookin crazy. i feel she TURNED on me. it does feel like kind of a betrayal. once you were my friend and now youre nobody. you dont have to luv me but dear god admit that we had something good once.

i dont know why this is so important to me.

because i dont think human beings and improtant long term rels should be thrown away like garbage. if that makes me weird, then im weird. .