shit. so you dont dump somebody like this unless they are a real scumbag that you want to send a message that you hate them for the wrong they have done you. you dont dump a sensitive niceguy beta male virgin r9k nevergf like me like that, becuase i will and have Personalize and Internalize or whatever, and essentially blame myself, and say, what did I do to cause this, it must have been awful and evil,  I am such a bad and shitty person to push her to do this!

because she is not the type of person to do something like this without good reason!

therefore i did something HORRIBLE and didnt even KNOW it!

i am the worst person ever when it comes to relships! because i am so inexperienced i just dont know what im doing so i act like a fookin alien autist from another planet!

but truth be told, i am more normie than that, in a good way. i have a sense of humor and can make jokes and the people who Like me actually Like me. the few people i do have an actual good connection with. they would NEVER say “hes so damn weird, he’s not able to have a rel with a woman.” !!!!!!

but yeah this kind of Atomic Bomb, Nuclear, Explosive, Horrible Breakup would hurt ANYONE, even a tuff scumbag.  its like I cheated on her or broke her heart. i am sure she dumped the guy who cheated on her and broke her heart in a similar way….but he deserved it! I did not deserve this! but maybe she was just in that mindset and this is how she dumps guys during this phase of her life.

but many times the woman doesnt HATE the guy shes dumping and genuinely WANTS to make the dumping as low pain as possible, because she knows its gonna be painful, but she has the power to mitigate that. heh. mah woman showed me no such consideration. she treated me like a piece of shit, like she THOUGHT i was a piece of shit, and i dont think i am really a piece of shit! yeah i know you have been with a piece of shit recently, but thats not me! i aint one!

she knew i was a sensitive emotional guy and something like this would DEVASTATE me! and it did!

well i never SHARED as much with her as she did with me. thats why i felt like i knew her, but she didnt know me. cuz i didnt share enough with her.

i dunno i shared a little with her. i was preparing to share a lot more with her! but she refused to hang out with me EVER!

its one thing to slowly taper off the hangouts. but we went from hanging out semi regularly, to never hanging out at ALL, for months and months and months, even though i was semi regularly asking to hang out hahahaha.

anyway she knew that i had not Dated a woman in a LONG time. i told her the story of woman2012 which was a kind of sharing. so basically she knew i had not “been with” a woman since 2012, and i told her i hadnt really been with that woman! so she essentially knew that i took Liking Someone very seriously and had been Single for a Long Time. and that i was a Sensitive Beta hahahaha.

so she had to be aware that her dumping me in such a way would hurt me! it woudl hurt anybody, but ESPECIALLY me! and she just didnt care, just did it anyway? just wanted rid of me THAT much, that my feelings didnt matter AT ALL to her?

well i dont think shes that kind of person though. she just got overwhelmed. there was stuff going on in her life which is a kind of valid excuse. but not an entirely valid excuse for just ignoring and avoiding our problems forever!

also just because she was distancing from me over time, moving out incrementally, doesn’t give her the right to say oh well im already done, i owe him nothing. we used to have a good rel but im already out of it, so, its over, the end, see ya.

she could obviously see that I didnt think it was done! I wasnt moving my stuff out! That I didnt want it to end! not a lot was super clear but that fact was.

does she even have a CONSCIENCE? i thought she did!!!! i wouldnt become friends with a person with no conscience!

which makes me think this will eventually bother her, and she will act out on the guilt by throwing her life away, when she could just come to me and i would be happy to reconcile, but shes too scared to do that, so i need to invite her, becuase she deleted the 3 emails that said please respond please respond my door is always open i hope we can talk about this months or even years later hahahahaha.

but she doesnt know that because she deleted those emails.

but i really dont want to send another email, the way i wanted to send the other emails. i think i am all emailed out.

it was discouraging that she could respect and like me as a friend, but the moment things got to be about Hetero-ness, she thought i was absolutely disgusting and revolting and kill it with fire. not a good confidence builder! recognize im still the same person you once respected and cared about, so please reject me in a way that isnt the worst, meanest way possible. what the fook did i do to you. i pushed your boundaries a little ok fine. still doesnt add up. still out of proportion.

so obviously Feelings Ruin Everything, Feelings Are INherently Bad, this is why people hate feelings and have just casual sex.

also i wonder if people have casual sex so early, without even knowing each other, because its a Big Test. because the thought of Sex can Ruin a Rel, so if you have Sex early and the rel is not ruined, thats a good sign it can go forward!

well my response to that is, how can you be comfortable with someones body when you dont know them? of COURSE the sex is going to be horrible! and then you get dumped because the way you have sex is AWKWARD and you Have Sex Like A Virgin hahahahahahahaha.

then you have the right to indignantly say yeah because i think casual sex is HORSESHIT and only have GOOD sex when I KNOW muh partner! my brain is not degenerately wired to casual sex, i just did it with you cuz im in a dry spell and something is better than nothing!

and then they dump you because they can find PLENTY of men who ARE comfortable with casual sex and can perform well the first time, every time.

shit. how can people be so damn comfortable with naked bodies so FAST?

though in my defense i think i did pretty good when i had my chance. i can fake my way through it pretty good. the girl didnt think i was a VIRGIN. plus i was drinking alcohol to get a little Courage. dont want to do that any more, so now i would just pop valium, or really any drugs that were available. anything that might take away the anxiety. uppers, downers, but prob not MJ hahahahaha.

also i want to say i was pretty good at making out even though i had NO PRACTICE. i mean this stuff isnt ROCKET SCIENCE.  its not technical support hahahahaha. just just try not to SLOBBER all over them and i guess sort of MIRROR what they’re doing? although be a little more aggressive and masculine because you’re the MAN!

the girls i pseudodated didnt think i was PAINFULLY AWKWARD at physical stuff! i mean i was probably About Average! i was no Alpha Male Roosh hahahaha but i was no Austist Virgin r9k neet robot either!!!!! i faked my way pretty good!

so i could prob still fake my way through casual sex pretty good.

oh thats reassuring!!!!

my thought yesterday while driving was, oooh heres a good blog post:


you BETTER get comfortable with casual sex because its the ONLY way you can EVER get to your goal of a longterm rel, because ALL dating STARTS OFF as casual.

Casual is assumed, short term is assumed, nonmonog is assumed.

its the first test, and if you pass it, you might eventually get to long term monog.

i said god damn i hope this is not the case.

what would be MUCH BETTER is if two people could just get to know each other for a while. whatever happened to Sexless Dating for a Few Months to see if you like each other? or perhaps being Friends First and then developing feelings?

I really like this Friends To Feelings model, i think it would work best for a guy like me……………but it can also go horribly, horribly wrong. costs and benefits hahahaha.

i dunno i would rather have a long term rel with a person than casual short term sex, and i got a nice medium term friendship out of this……but god damn it ended SO wrong. you dont end a 2.5 year friendship like that. EVER.

unless youre really MAD at your friend? felt they betrayed you? so she felt i betrayed her by ruining the friendship with my stupid feelings? maybe. i mean i dont know what the fook she was thinking,

IM NOT A MIND READER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i couldnt get her to talk about what was on her mind.

yeah. hahahhaha next time i am writing a letter WAY earlier and specifically requesting that they write a letter/email back. and we exchange a series of long emails. if they dont want to meet with ol piece of shit me in person to have an important talk. god fookin damn.



thats what signals do. even if the signals are Kinda Clear, you STILL cant read the persons mind. period.

well i didnt have to TELL her i would be hurt for her to know that dumping me inthe Atomic Bomb Hiroshima way was gonna hurt me!

i did say a lot of this stuff in a very nice way in the emails that were never read.

i thought, why am i WASTING so much Luv and Energy and Time on someone where that investment is so clearly wasted? i’m not getting anything out of it!

heh. just email me and say youre sorry already!

and want to meet up and get together and live happily ever after and have secs in the context of a loving monog longterm rel. and never do this to me again.

i mean i TRUSTED her enough not to HURT me like this!!!!!!!

but yeah you gotta have SECS with the women.


if you want to engage them emotionally……….throw it in them now! get them drunk and Tipsy and that will make it more emotional for them. you dont need to drink anything yourself. you can take valium or other drugs to make yourself less nervous.

heh. you can never hope to make a bitch get feelings for you if you have fooked her HARD yet.

well, not ALL women. just 99% of women hahahaha.

maybe i am wrong about Oxytocin Burnout. maybe a woman can take 100 cox and her oxytocin is as STRONG AS EVER.

but yeah i wish women understood Romantic Gestures other than Sex, like for example cuddling or making out or holding hands.

i am well aware 99% of women dont DESERVE this type of sissy shit and you should just bang the shit out of them.

SECS is the only expression of emotion these DEGENERATE BARBARIAN APES understand.

i dunno. i thought she was different. wawawaawawawawaawawawa. i cant beleive i wasted 2 years on her!

well thats the thing, those years werent wasted. i wasnt left wanting more. it was only 10 months or lets say 5 to 7 months that were really “wasted.” and i was trying in my own horrible way to address the problems.

but when she throws the whole thing away like that, its easy to think those first two years are wasted. but they really werent. not for me. maybe for her. maybe she would have preferred two years of revolving cocks, rather than a meaningful friendship. why would a woman prefer a meaningful friendship to revolving short term cocks anyway. god damn. such pigs.

That WON’T do, pig! That WON’T do!


heh. maybe she WANTS To be treated this way. deep down she likes to be abandoned hahahaha. and rather than break the cycle of abandonment, she continues it.

can i live without alpha cock…….until after the wedding? hahahaha credit funny picture on doing a review of the movie trainwreck with that fat degenerate whore

when i have muh period i bleed for a week and thats WAY too long to abstain from secs! – sex addict degenerate “sex educator” who brags about 100 guys hahaha.

she also makes jokes about abortions (only men can do this hahahaha) and deciding it would be stupid to NOT have secs with teh guy who told her he had herpes, because why deny herself pleasure from thsi guy she had such a tingly short term connection with, and she prob had it already anyway.

yet she is young and decent looking and i would still prob bang her hahahaha in a veyr patriarchal oppressive cis white male shitlord way. mayeb choke her while blasting jizz on her face, of course she would luv it.

yeah. i say that it felt like we KNEW each other but there were also definitely times where i felt she did not understand me at ALL. i guess deeper in depth talking may have helped, but she did not want to do taht.

yeah there were warning signs. namely her being distant and cold and horrible the last 5 to 7 months! was the major warning sign. fook me im an idiot hahahaha.

but yeah when you are under the spell of feelings, you ignore the obvious. and bitches will HATE you for it! and to punish you, these sadists will break your heart in the worst possible way! even though they know it will destroy you! they WANT to destroy you! whatever happened to the golden rule? hahahaha ok i am getting carried away maybe.

so ok ok honor is not a female concept, women dont understand honor or respect……..but shouldnt they understand warmth and compassion and being nice? like dont be horrible to peopel?