shit. had a 60%  cup of nyquil so i could have it wear off right as i woke up rather than give me a hangover all day, was getting some nice sleep albeit with dreams, when the last dream i have within MINUTES of waking up for the day, and who pops in but YOU KNOW WHO.

she embarrassedly says she did something stupid while on vacation in italy or spain. whenever any woman goes to italy or spain they HAVE to slut it up with the secsy latin men there, who are macho and know how to please a woman unlike weak white beta faggots in the US, with their manboobs and estrogen and small dicks.

so i said on what did you do, blow the guy in the car? and she said yes and i sighed and said i knew it.

then she said his dick was really big and giggled. and i said, did you fook his dick too? and she said what? and i said did he throw that big dick in you pvssy? show you how those big dick italian stallions know how to treat a women so much better than american beta faggots like me? and i got mad and said well why dont you blow me right now, you have no problem sucking dicks, so just suck my dick right now. you saw his big dick and said i want that in my mouth, suck it till it explodes cvm all in my mouth, that sounds great, you dirty cvm guzzling whore, so just suck my dick too, its obviously not a big deal, you meet a random guy, 5 minutes later, youre guzzling his cvm, so you can for sure guzzle my cvm too, ya dirty slut! then she started crying.

then i found there was a link to a amateur porno video on the internet, of her sucking this guys dick. i woke up right before i could click on the link and watch her sucking dick and guzzling cvm.

and i had to have that short appearance by her right before i woke up for the day. great.

anyway point is. i shouldnt have been such an angry woman hating beta by verbally abusing her as a “cvm guzzling whore” hahahaha. the better way to handle this is to say well that really hurts baby. this really hurts our trust. i trusted you not to suck dick. i guess i can expect you to suck dick every time you go out then hahahaha. or especially going to italy. or spain. hey better italy or spain, many women go to sex vacations in jamaica or carribean or africa so they can ride the Big Black Bulls! 1000000 miles away from the judgments of their friends and family back home.

so are you responsible for telling a gurl please dont suck dicks when you go on vacation?

are you not allowed to call her a cvm guzzling whore when she sucks a random dick and gets it filmed and put on the internet???? i think that crosses a line hahahaha.

besides we werent In A Monogamous Rel or anything, so yeah she can suck random dick in italy all day!

but she came to me and admitted it, and said “i did something stupid.” it takes moral fortitude to ADMIT that, to feel guilty about it enough to admit it. its not like i CAUGHT her red handed.

but maybe she was worried moar because it was on the internet and i or one of my friends might find it someday, i dunno.

but yeah she showed some kind of remorse, possibly false, for acting like a whore, and instead of forgiving her, i got mad and started using very rough language towards her, and telling her to suck my dick now. and she was crying.

well i think you are entitled to be angry if they are even your friend and you trust them not to be a stupid whore, breaks down and does stupid whorish things. or at least hugely disappointed. kinda like if you have a friend who is a Recovering Addict, oh now they are doing so well…….. then they fall off the wagon. its hugely disappointing, and it breaks your heart.

hahahah well All Women are Cum Gvzzling Whore Addicts and always one short step away from Falling Off The Wagon hahahahaha. so tell them to suck YOUR dick while they’re on their dick sucking spree.

also there is the idea that its easier for women to suck dick than to have random casual sex, because its JUST sucking dick, its not ACTUAL sex. wrong it is oral SEX.

so a woman may have only had casual sex with 5 guys, what a saint, but not tell you about the 500 dicks she’s sucked.

so stupid that i had this dream right at the very fooking end. i could have gotten up an hour earlier and not had the dream.

anyway it brings up an important question. she can suck all the dicks she wants unless she has entered into a commitment with you not to suck dicks. doesn’t matter that women sucking randm dicks on vacation is a Bad Thing Unto Itself. inherently. of course its not. i mean you cant get PREGNANT from sucking dick hahaha.

well why dont you just have Buttsecs with the guys too. some 17 year old girls are huge Butt Sluts so they can maintain their Vaginal Virginity because of religion. but damn has dat ass taken the cox. im not making this up.

but yeah when you dump a guy, you are responsible for making him feel like you arent throwing him away like a piece of shit.

cuz if you just dump him by ignoring him completely, thats what it feels like, and it hurts insanely for a very long time.

that you are a garbage, and that the entire time you spent together was garbage, just flush it all away like shit. that hurts. to have you yourself treated like shit, AND the idea of a rel that meant a lot to you, meant nothing to them.

now im smart enough to know this probably isnt true, that the rel probably meant something to her too. but it IS very important that they SAY that to you when dumping you. otherwise it makes it much easier for the doubt to form in your mind.

so a mans feelings towards a woman can change over time. but can a womens feelings for a mans? or is that why The Friendzone exists? because she has to see you as a Secsy Man from the very first second, or else youre DONE forever?


but but but

they should teach this shit in skool. along with how to actually get a job, how to perform on a job, how to live as an independent adult, financial shit, cars, health care, responsbilities of an adult, relationships. even Spiritually/Intellectually rewarding things like History and Literature and Religion and Music should take a backseat to this stuff.

if you have feelings for a woman, fook yeah, go ahead and TELL her, if she doesnt KNOW by now, it doesnt bode well for you anyway, so might as well get it over with now and move on with your life ASAP.

some might say well she doesnt NEED to know. i say why not. you didnt NEED to get those stupid abortive painful feelings. its her responsibility to know the full truth. is it bad karma like you getting “revenge” on her for her not liking you? because nobody can choose who they are attracted to? so dont force YOUR pain onto her, cuz she didnt do anything? cuz she doesnt need to know?

i dunno. i just think about it in terms of payoffs. its a good payoff for you (+10), it might be a small buzzkill for her (-1) but nothing serious.

and of course you will get a -10000000 when she rejects your luv.

BUT THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY. so better to get your +10 in there.

also every day that the tension is building, thats chipping away like -50 every single day.

oh well she is gonna rot in hell anyway because she is not a faithful catholic hahahaha enjoy sucking cox in hell for eternity whore.

course i will probably go to hell too for being morally lazy. and i will see her down there sucking cox and she still wont suck mine hahahaha because its hell i am not gonna get any relief. well hell would be being in luv with her for eternity and never being able to get over it. like watching her rejecting me every day, and watching her sucking dicks and fooked like a whore every day.

so working at our job was like a slice of hell. because i saw her every day and she was essentially rejecting me every day by refusing to talk to me.

but i brought it upon myself by being weird and clingy and needy. so i was the bad guy because i couldnt let it go, and by expecting her to talk to me, when she has no obligation to talk to me.

love hurts hahahaha love is pain, luv makes you the bad guy. women just dont understand.

well believe me they go batshit crazy too when THEY fall in LUV with a guy who breaks their heart.

course this happens when they are like 16, not 30, so it doesnt ruin their Career as much, and they spend the years 16 thru menopause being a disgusting whore. and feeling no guilt or shame about it.

increased Religiosity probably would help with this. as would better Masculine Role Models for Women. Fathers. rather than women kicking fathers out of their childrens lives, or having children with Deadbeats who Run Off.

come on. women are making these horrible choices. you HAVE to hold them responsible and CONDEMN them!!!!! dont TOLERATE EVIL!

so maybe they are not evil people. but they are ruining their lives and the lives of people around them by making the wrongest choices possible. dont let your life be ruined by their horrible choices that seem Guided by an Evil Force.

anyway bottom line is, it hurts me to be thrown away like garbage, and to have a meaningful relship thrown away like garbage. the end. time for a 4 miler.

ok did the 4 miler. was thinking about times she ignored inviting me for concerts, and when i mentioned the concerts to her like oh this would be something fun to do, she said oh im already going, just not with you.

that shows you have been taken down a peg. where in the past she might have invited you to stuff……now she doesnt. that definitely stings.

i said ohhhh i wish you had invited me! which is true. i was not happy. i was inviting her, but she said no because she had already bougth tickets without even ASKING me. whereas i was not going to buy tickets without asking her!

i had fallen from grace with women before, they only seemed interested in me for a few weeks or so, before i got quickly replaced…… but it hurt so much more with her. she was already replacing me and getting over me. when gurls dump you they usually dump you in their mind a month or two before. and the coldness and rejection are telltale signs youre going to get dumped soon.

anyway her we had a good thing going for so long, so i hurt to have these tangible rejections.

she could have said, if it were an honest mistake, and she wanted me to feel wanted, oh ill make it up to you, lets hang out this weekend like you have been wanting to FOR MONTHS. but nooooooooooooooooooooo. no hangouts, no making up.

this was in feb, like 3 or 4 months into the feelings.

blurt it out in 3 months OR LESS if you have feelings and she is AVOIDING hanging out with you.

she was just AVOIDING me in every way possible.

so yeah these are the Bad Times which were a Sign the Rel was Over, Dying.

so today i was angry as fook, viewing All Women as Disgusting Whores. even normal women. just looking for a high status dominant alpha to be a damn meal ticket, and you let him fook you for that. just a god damn whore.

but this is natural WAY of women, you cant BLAME them, you cant be MAD at it, instead, you just improve yourself, until women stop treating you like garbage hahahaha.

also i am beginning to notice All The Signs….well i ALWAYS noticed the signs, liek she was distancing herself from me and avoiding me, but i always wanted to forgive them, ignore the obvious, say no its not because she doesnt care about me any more. because she did USED to care about me. i used to be inner circle of friends for her. she didnt have 900000000 friends like every other gurl. she made me feel special wawawawawawaw. and then that specialness she took away. withdrew. it hurt a lot and i was denial of it while it was happening. now i am reliving it, seeing what it was, feeling even more hurt. feel the feelings.

while some polish guy cleans me out on heads up just because he plays stupid loose and aggressive. i hate heads up.

no i love the poles. they are partially my people. i would love to live in poland and find a nice clean chaste polish gurl. and i hear you can still find a decent woman in poland, they are not all disgusting degenerate whores.

this pain all started months ago really. like in feb or so. i should have just Pulled The Trigger then. it would have been easier for her just to tell me then that she doesnt want to be friends with me any more because i am being Pushy And Weird.

then i would say welp its only because i have feelings for you.

then she would say OH. all the more reason i want this to end then.

then i would say fine, takes two to make it and one to break it. have a nice life.

cuz really it was already over then. i was just Prolonging The Pain.

but yeah. better to treat ME like a human being, and also…..

ACT LIKE A HUMAN BEING yourself. that also hurts. the fact that she has acted like such a cold monster, when normally she was a warm human being. but she was showing hints of her cold monsterness for 5 months at least.

i am just Feeling The Fookin Feelings man.

i wish i could stop liking her as quickly and easily as she stopped liking me.  but thats not gonna happen cuz i liked her a lot more. but she did like me a decent amount……back in teh day. but it was a decent amount, even if not Romantically, but just As A Person. A Woman had not liked me As A Person that much in a long time, and it felt good, and it hurts to lose it, and i worry no woman will ever Like Me that much again. noting that of course just becaue a woman has dirty casual feelingsless whoresex with you, doesnt’ mean AT ALL that they LIKE you! shit, The WOman LIKED me more than bitches i had S with LIKED me. two weeks and they lost interest. at least my woman didnt lose interest till two YEARS. damn.

so yeah it was nice to be liked. even if it wasnt in a Romantic Way, it was still in a kinda Special Way. to have someone think youre special…..then they stop. then they would rather hang out with other dudes than you.

its as old as time itself! it happens 1000000000 times a day. i was just shocked because i thought i had Screened that sort of Bullshit out by knowing a woman for 2 years. shit its HARD to have ANY kind of relationship with a woman for that long because they are so damn fickle and flighty and flaky. it was so disappointing to have her flake after she had NOT been a flake for SO long.

muh boy millennial woes does a video on Sexual Morality, namely, a sex positive 23 year old sex educator woman who has secs with 99 guys and is excited for her 100th!!!!! and he talks about her story and the comments here:

but dear god it is so hard to find a young low number woman these days! and she was one! and she broke my heart!!!!! and she was actually worth committing to long term because she did not see sex as nihlistic fun! but i pushed her away cuz i was too pushy! well she was pulling away before i became too pushy.

anyway listened to the woes video while doing another 4 mile powerwalk. i go for long powerwalks 10 miles a day and listen to millennial woes. so yeah he went over a facebook discussion thread where this article was shared and a bunch of people commented on it, he got into the mix. basically the consensus among young 20 year old college fags and edgy fedora white knight intellectually superior atheists sperglords was that morality is outdated and oppressive, morality is a myth, as long as there is consent and safe sex, more power to her for having safe responsible fun, morality doesnt enter into it, anyone who questions the morality of something is a puritan prude, theres no such thing as morality. say these virgin men who couldnt even get laid from the 99 cock slut.

Woesy thought it was depressing that no one CARED and i agreed. he told of the evolutionary way its WIRED INTO men to dislike female promiscuity. because you never know if “your” kid is really yours. its sad that this NEEDS explaining. its WEIRD that young horny men have not experienced the Pain of Female PRomiscuity themselves, to be able to say……IT SUCKS. yet they jump to defend these sluts. don’t they have ANY experience with women?

i dont like sluts for the very reason Woes lays out. and i have experienced the Pain of Female Promiscuity first hand. I can say without a doubt that SLUTS SUCK. I have been hurt by sluts and their promiscuity. i did not appreciate being just a Fun Short Term Fuccboi on the Fun Cock Carousel. I wanted a long term serious rel. I could not understand how these women, who had a LOT more to lose than I did, considering they could get pregnant, would view sex so CAVALIERLY, that sex and “SHORT TERM” should never be in the same sentence for a woman.

and what do you mean there’s no suffering or pain? certainly at least one of 99 mens hearts were broken because they got feelings for a 20 year old gurl! what about their suffering? a broken heart is a serious thing! even if it is just a man!

so yeah i was surprised that so many MEN did not seem to CARE abotu promiscuity. you would THINK that sluttiness would give a natural reaction of DISGUST. how can they not understand this?

honestly. i didnt have a TON of experiences with Sluts, and they werent the biggest sluts in the world, but it was enough to teach me that I didn’t like Sluts/slutty behavior!

because at the veyr least, it was gonna mean heartbreak for me when they lost interest in me and replaced me with a new man; and then it doesnt take much mental gymnastics to see how this could be earth-shattering when children enter the mix.

havent these guys ever had their heart broken by a little slut? i thought that was a pretty common experience!!! you dont need to be taking care of a cuck baby. promiscuity has other warning signs and punishments that will happen earlier when dating a promiscuous cvm guzzling whore. before the cuck baby, there will be cheating. before the cheating, there will be the suspicion of cheating because she is hanging out wiht guys all the time. OR she will just dump you in 2 weeks and replace you with a more fun, exciting, alpha guy, who isnt as damn serious and weird, and will forget about you super quick. replaced.