hehehe 921

i am stealing that from The Book.

went to bed early but didnt sleep all that well, thinking about you know what again. its just as much The Rel Itself as it is Her.

thought about the guys at the job she was becoming friendly with and will probably fook even though she said she doesnt like sluts who fook guys from their job. oh well. she changed into a horrible person. or becoming friends with sleazy guys she previously said she didnt like. because they creep on her friend. now shes friends with them and thinks IM a piece of shit. and thinks the people she once thought were pieces of shit, are now awesome.

just a total 180 hahahaha.

i Felt Muh Feelings of total Anger and Hatred. I even entertained some truly horrifying thoughts which i cannot divulge here because there’s no way to say it safely! then i decided just to chalk it up to feeling the feelings, and standing in the midst of the firehose torrent, and think some truly ugly things, that actually caused me to laugh in their ridiculousness. like if i were a real psycho, a real psycho would go chop off her head and arms and legs and leave a headless, armless, legless TORSO in her house and leave the limbs and especially head in conspicuous places for the family to find. put the head in the refrigerator, shit like that. then i laughed, like wtf am i thinking. a much more normal person would just execute her quickly and mercifully with a few bullets to the head while they were sleeping.

NOTE WELL: I WOULD NEVER COMMIT A CRIME OR DO VIOLENCE AGAINST ANYONE. VIOLENCE IS IMMORAL AND WRONG. carving someone up into a TORSO is immoral and wrong. it just reflects the anger you have at being hurt. and you have to allow yourself to Feel The Feelings hahahahaha. doesnt mean you would actually do it. i would NEVER actually do it!

then i realized it was ok to have these horrible thoughts as part of Feel The Feelings, as long as i didnt act on them. or begin making ridiculous plans. i mean i would not even go slash her TYRES.

then i thought, if someone DID slash her tires right now, i would be the prime suspect, and that would suck.

it would also mean she is fooking over several people in quick succession, because i didn’t do it!

when you have Multiple Suspects for whoever slashed your tires becuase you are CONSTANTLY breaking guys hearts and dumping them like garbage. doing this to several guys at a time. kinda like you get pregnant and there are 10 different guys it could be.


thats why another good question to ask a woman is, has a guy ever slashed your tires or done stuff like that. how did the breakup with him go? did you talk to him? did you just ignore him completely? did you do a 180 on him?

not that stalking is ever right, but i have my Pet Theory that A Small Majority of Stalking is caused by BAD Breakups. Its not GOOD breakups that lead to stalking.

and i would extend that hypothesis to a corrolary of, a small majority of Bad Breakups could have been Good Breakups, through the complete control of the woman. the woman could have made it a Good Breakup if she had just let the guy down easy, communicated with him, hadnt done a bipolar bitch 180 on him. in luv with him one day, dumping him the next.

now its never right to stalk or do violence on anybody. but if a woman chooses to dump you in the worst way possible, it makes sense that a guy would be driven crazy.

we are also eliminating instances where the guy brings a Bad Breakup on himself by being abusive or whatever.

im talking about where a decent guy just gets a ton of bricks dumped on him and its a huge shock hahahaha.

i am watching this thing on discovery id about a young man who was dumped by his gurlfran of 3 years, at the end of high school, for no real reason, she just didnt feel good about the rel any more, and she wanted out. typical. no desire to try to fix it hahahaha why work on it, just throw him away after 3 years hahaha. nothign worth working on here.

then he went crazy, obsessed with her, and getting back with her; they all lived in miami and went to high school together; his friend was a handsome man; the gurl and the friend went to college in gainesville, and met each other there, and fell in luv immediately, her soul mate bla bla bla.

then the original dumped guy shows up in gainesville, he has been plotting this whole time in a Creepy Sociopathic Journal. thoguhts of suicide, obsessing about her, etc. so he chooses to go to college in gainesville as well just to be close to her.

NOTE WELL that i do NOTHING like this!!!! i have a creepy weird journal where i obsess about the postmortem of the Rel, and admit that i want her back, but NEVER do i PLAN and PLOT to be near her, or stalk her, or an actual plan to try to get her back, because i know it wouldnt work, she’s made up her stupid mind, and theres nothing i can do. i just want to never see her again, or if she changes her stupid mind, she can contact me.

anyway he moves to gainesville and is jealous of his former male friend of course, he has Won The Heart of his bitch Ex GF who dumped him for no good reason.

so he kills the guy and dumps the body in a swamp.


heres a fookton of huffpo articles on the true crime story, of course i hate huffpo but theres no wikipedia article.

basically this young man pedro bravo killing this other young man christian aguilar.



so i have some scary awful thoughts once in a great while, not regularly, but the idea that i would act on them is ridiculous!

besides in stories like this, i always think its amusing that the guy usually kills the other GUY. why not K the GURL instead? shes the one who LEFT you. shes the one who CHOSE this other guy. yeah its bad taste for your former friend to date her, but he wouldnt be dating her if SHE DIDNT CHOOSE HIM!!!!! if youre gonna K anyone K her hahahaha. shes the one to blame. root cause.

who cares about the guy. like any guy is gonna turn DOWN a very cute young gurl. fook no. never gonna happen. dont blame the guy, blame the gurl. women are the choosers. they chose to dump you because i dont feeeeeeeeeel like im in luv with you any more i dont know why and im not willing to work on it; and they choose to get with your damn friend and be soulmates with them.

dont K him and not the gurl! damn. hahahahaha.

but yeah gurls need good fathers to teach them how to dump guys the right way. or at least they need to listen to me.

women, when you decide to BAIL OUT of a rel and not work on it and just throw the guy away like garbage because your Spark Has Faded and youre not feeling it any more…… that is crushing and  heartbreaking for the poor guy you’re crushing. show him just a shred of god damn mercy. treat him like a human being. know you are hurting him insanely. realize this can ruin a guys damn life. if the guy is neurotic then understand you need to treat him with kid gloves. this is gonna DESTROY him. you are DESTROYING a guys life completely out of the blue simply because you didnt want to lift a finger and make an effort to improve the rel, you just single handedly decided  you were done, without consulting him.

of course this is how rels work, two to make it, one to break it. hard to start, easy to end. fine. but just be damn AWARE that you are causing some poor guy a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT of pain and you OWE it to him to try to minimize that pain, and dump him in a way that will not drive him completely crazy.

but our culture says, oh him going crazy is all on him, you are entitled to dump a guy whenever and however you want and you are always the good guy! and if he gets upset at all, he’s the bad guy and that proves why you dumped such an abusive controlling sociopath!

NO! he’s upset because his damn heart is broken and his life is ruined!!!!!!!!!

heh. she knew i was sensitive and emotional and that a dumping would be hard on me.

and i KNOW BETTER than to do stupid shit like Act Out.

but it would behoove women to treat every guy they dump as a potential psycho, cuz this is gonna hurt him a LOTTTTT more than it hurts you baby. put yourself in his shoes. he doesn’t WANT to get out of this. HE wants to fight to make it WORK. you just want to bail out like a fooking coward bastard deadbeat dad abandoner bitch hahahaha.

solicit his advice in the Best Way To Break Up with him. ask him, what can i do to make this easier.

treat me like a human, he’ll say. show me some respect and tenderness. help me move on. help me get closure. talk to me. communicate with me. write emails.

heh. men have to teach women how to be kind and tender and gentle. so fooked u. men shouldnt even KNOW how to to be kind and gentle. so i guess thats mens fault for being unmasculine.

so yeah ask the gurl how many stalker guys shes had. tire slashers. i bet if shes attractive at all, she will have at least a few. say hmmm and ask well what was the dumping like. did you treat him like a human being, or did you treat him like a piece of garbage. oh i see. well try not to treat human beings like pieces of garbage then.

un fooking believable.

but no. women are allowed to dump men for ANY reason and in the harshest ways possible, without being frowned upon. i just dumped my husband of 25 years because i woke up one day and just felt weird. so i dumped him. he was upset at first and called me and was yelling and crying. therefore, i am completely justified and vindicated him dumping him. this revealed itself as the actual reason i dumped him: because he was an abusive socipath monster who would get angry and upset and yell at a woman! you go grrrrl! kick that piece of shit to the curb!

this is how women actually think, “think”, and how they ruin good men’s lives. monsters! barbarians! demons! they are not HUMAN!

heh i was not nearly as hateful towards All Women after the previous woman dumped me!

now i think all women are gonna dump me lke this!!!!

which is not true. some women DO dump you in a good, mature, adult, humane way.

anyway of course i am not gonna DO anythign stupid or violent to the woman, but god damn i have to Feel The Ugly Feelings of extreme anger. its ok to feel the feelings. just dont act on them. and im not!!!!!

also be very careful about expressing the anger to others because they will think you are a weird buzzkill who cant get over it, who is a creepy obsessed weirdo! express it through maybe sharing it with your family, and also writing angry letters to the person (dont send those!) and voice recordings, journaling, blogging.

yeah so i am very angry at her. she didnt have to dump me in this way. she could have spared me a LOT of this pain and anger and hatred and obsession and suffering. she could have made this a lot easier for me. but she chose not to, because that would be harder for her. oh well boo fooking hoo bitch. fook yourself and your whole fooking white trash family. fooking losers.

its ok to have these types of thoughts too! think the most insulting horrible things. like your father was right to abandon you because your family is crazy and you suck, you sucked so much as a 1 day old baby, you pushed him away.

or your beloved family member is a degenerate drug addict and nobody else remembers his wasted life fondly because he was actually a piece of shit.

or your mother is a fooking whore who cant keep a man and who chooses only shit men and no wonder youre a piece of shit too who choses shit men and treats good men, like me, like shit, you fooking idiot whore bitch.

so try to get all this anger out. its not good to keep all this anger bottled up.

its also good to “FORGIVE” them which guarantees the anger is permanently gone. “forgiving” them is not necessarily forgiving them, its about just saying the damn words and “letting go” of them, so you can purge/detox this shit person from your life forever and stop obsessing about them, and let them become part of the past which you are not still holding onto in bitterness. to be truly done and over them.

but yeah dont be too angry to your friends about her. you can say, welp, she quite honestly broke my heart and i do not appreciate that. she could have saved me a lot of suffering if she had handled this like an adult rather than threw me away like a piece of shit. you’re my friend, you know im not a piece of shit, and that i deserve better treatment than that. so yes i am angry about that, but i will get over it in time. but it was very painful. and i will be angry for a little while longer. i have to feel my feelings hahahahaha.

you know you are OVER THEM when you no longer WANT THEM BACK.

shit i am angry as fook at her but i still want her back! i will still want her back for MONTHS! thats just fooked up.

dont want guys to go psycho on you? dont dump them in a way that makes them go psycho hahahaha.

i bet she thought i was gonna go psycho. well them dont dump me like that, BITCH.  but yeah i didnt go psycho. i wrote you a few pathetic emails saying please treat me with respect, please treat me like a human being, please let me down easier, please end this better, and that was fooking it. no slashed tires. no phone calls or streams of texts and messages. i have been solid no contact for over a month now. no bags of dog shit in front of the house. no bricks through the window. no torsos hahahahahahahahahahaha.

so yeah you dumped me in the worst way possible and i still didnt go psycho.

another thing BITCH. if they are decent and moral enough to not go psycho on you, realize they will be in great pain themselves and may hurt themselves. like K themself. oh yeah i had some thoughts like that. not gonna do it though, but the thought certainly crossed my mind. and i would certainly do that before i did something violent to someone else!

fathers teach your daughters how to dump a guy nicely.

fathers teach your daughters how not to be whores.

fathers teach your daughters to only date one guy at once and not be cheating scumbags.

isnt this a john mayer song hahahaha.

so the common theme in ALL my luv rels is, they have ALL been one sided. the woman NEVER luved me or liked me.

so the lesson learned is not simply don’t fall in luv too quickly; or don’t fall in luv until after you’ve had secs (indeed, ideally, you WOULD be in luv BEFORE having secs, espcially for women!!!!!!), BUT…….

drum roll…….



here endeth the lesson, drop the mic hahahaha.

and if you start to get feelings, tell her, rip the god damn band aid off immediately. if she doesnt want to talk about it in person, send an email or text or voice mail.

ask her if shes ever made a porno. then when she says, well, not a porno really but i made secs tapes with a couple guys, ask in a totally cool casual but direct way, can i see them?

shit i mean why not. then make your own secs tapes of her and take all sorts of secsy pictures of her. what better way to knock her down off any pedestal but to see a bunch of guys plowing her on video early on in the casual sex relationship hahahaha.

i partially want to contact her just to let her know how much she hurt me. i mean FOOK. you cant just get away with hurting someone like this with no consequences. but i am not allowed to bring those consequences because that wuld make the bad guy. i know better than that.

but jeez. when you hurt someone THIS bad, you SHOULD feel guilty. you SHOULD feel HORRIBLE. i guess it would be good enough for her to simply say “i know i hurt you and i feel horrible about it.” but she is so obtuse and bad at relating to people that she would have NO IDEA when she has hurt somebody at all, even GREATLY.

she has hurt me GREATLY and she has NO IDEA!

you just cant ruin somebodys LIFE and not even KNOW about the DAMAGE you caused!

so yeah i partially want to contact her and say, you just cant DO this to people. you caused me a SHITLOAD of pain and you deserve to know abotu the pain you caused. you SHOULD feel bad about it. i hope you do.

but you can see how this kind of communication could be Problematic hahahaha.

so i’m not gonna do it of course!

because i would STILL want to get back together with her. change her mind.  so im not gonna contact her at all. no contact.

but i would feel a little better knowing that she felt BAD about what she’s done. the pain she’s caused me. when you do something bad, you SHOULD feel bad. and its frustrating thinking she doesnt know shes done anythign bad, and that she does not feel bad.

no you cant choose to have feelings, but you can choose to dump somebody in a good way, and not in the shittiest way possible.

fook that.

well i know theres nothing i can do. if i email her saying you really hurt me a LOT, i just wanted you to know that, then im the bad guy, and also she’s not gonna feel bad. shes gonna say what a creepy weirdo, i did the right thing, im the good guy, hes the bad guy, i was gonna feel bad maybe, but NOW im not gonna feel bad at ALL!!!!!

i have also got the old rubber band on the wrist that you snap when you start obsessed about the woman.

so yeah i hate that i am DYING and she is just loving life and thinks she did nothing wrong.

why do i want to be with somebody who treats me with no respect? becuase i have low self esteem? i dont know WHY, i just know its gonna take me a long time to not want her any more.

plus i always thought she DID have respect for me. but at the end she transformed into a total bitch like i had never known. if she had always been like that, i never would have become friends with her.

hehe she changed more than i did. a lot more.

i deserve to be treated with respect. not dumped like a piece of garbage. she SHOULD feel bad about hurting me. but i am NOT gonna contact her to make her feel bad, becuase A that wouldnt work and B that would hurt me in several ways. there would be no payoff for me, only punishment. no incentive. only disincentive.  but yeah she fooking hurt me by not even TRYING to end the rel in a mature or respectful way. she could and should have done that much. she seemed like the type of decent person who would. but she didnt. oh well. its over it doesnt matter. but she caused me so much pain. just want to put this all in the past permanently.

so yeah it sucks to lose the good shit, but the good stuff was already GONE, MANY MONTHS AGO.

the bad shit is the most recent and fresh and painful. and i am glad to be DONE with all that HORRIBLE shit. good fucking riddance. THAT bulshit i would gladly THROW AWAY FOREVER.

DONT GET FEELINGS UNLESS SHE DOES. If you do, write an email immediately and try to get her to dump you in a respectful gentle way.

put it this way. if I hurt someone this bad and didn’t know about it, IIIII would want to know about it! so that i could feel bad about it! I am moral and ethical enough that i know i SHOULD feel bad when i hurt someone badly! if i hurt someone badly and didnt know about it, shit i would want SOMEONE to tell me, so i could say, oh shit, im sorry, i didnt realize they were so hurt, now i feel bad, AS WELL I SHOULD.

but since i am more EMPATHIC and more MORAL, i would PROBABLY have a good IDEA when i was hurting someone.

HINT: when you DUMP somebody youve known for YEARS without ever TALKING to them, you are probably HURTING them.

fooking white trash moron. i thought she was better than white trash but she is always gonna be white trash shit. well ok some members of her family i dont hate and feel sorry for being born in such a white trash family. but not her. she will carry that shitty torch of being white trash shit, and perpetuate that shitty white trash shit cycle. fooking moron cvnt. i fooking hate that bitch. fooking hurt me with no regard. how can you just DO That to a person. GOD STRIKE ME DEAD if i EVER hurt a person that much. this bitch has given me a new life mission: to never be as shitty of a piece of shit as she was to me. as she is period. hahahaha yeah i know she is nice to other people and only a piece of shit to me only. but i am me. so she might as well be nothing but a piece of shit. fook. ive known some pieces of shit in my time and said damn that bitch is a real piece of shit, you should have stayed far away from her buddy. but she was such a nice person.

well its not that she IS a piece of shit secretly. there was just a shitstorm of shit, and because her tragic flaw is taking the easy way out, and avoiding shit, pretending it never happened or existed, and a lot of people do this, including me sometimes, its not uncommon! but in doing that, she was very very shitty to me, despite not technically being a huge piece of shit. it doesnt MATTER. she was a huge piece of shit to me.

great neil song  “WORDS” which is 7 minutes on the album but needs to be at least 10 minutes. here is a 15 minute version recorded in 1971 ish in the barn

live in concert 2008, rock in rio, madrid.  also ben keith. seems to be same band as 2009 below. the bass player “rosas” died super recently and i believe right before he died he filled in for crazy horse billy talbot who has a stroke but hopefully gets better. 13 minutes. better than 10 hahahaha.

shit yeah i am a BIG neil fan!

live in concert 2009, glastonbury, still too short at 10 minutes. that guy on pedal steel is ben keith who played on the harvest version. he RIP now.

this song might just be the best capturer of this horrible time of loss and sadness and grief and anger and shit in my life. i always liked the song of course, but now its taken on a life of its own. i am glad i can listen to it every day and get enjoyment, but i hope i can come back to it years later and enjoy it on its own merits, maybe share it with other people who are lucky enough to be loved by me hahahahaha.

not crazy horse but still good. it does need the pedal steel guitar, good to have that.

one of the greatest things about neil is his ridiculous solos, the jam sessions where he rocks out in his own little world, but of course along with the great musicians in his band. like here Trading Licks with Ben Keith, himself no slouch, a professional pedal steel player…..but neil is fookin NEIL. also he never “shreds” or “wanks.” his Soloing abilities are not much better than MINE. but he plays ALL THE RIGHT NOTES. he can bring you tears with just the way he plays his guitar. he has just as unique a voice on the guitar, as he does with his actual voice.

the album version on “harvest” is great, some of the best produced stuff i’ve ever heard, just “live in the barn”, but its too damn SHORT at 7 minutes. i hate filler but if you have a song that can be extended to 10+ minutes, like this one, do it.

99% of “artists” could never write a song this good.

song of the YEAR 2015 hahahahahahaha.

hahahaha i hope that bitch can never listen to this song ever again ever because it reminds her of me and the pain she caused me hahahaha and how she made the worst decision of her life!

took nyquil early like 1 pm becuase i could, and because it takes 20 hours to get thru system hahaha.

millennial woes, “the sheer speed of sexual moral decline”

perfect video for the perfect moment muh friend!!!!!

comment that in the 90s, a (LARGE!) minority of college students cheated, now in 2015, a (whopping!) majority of college students admit to cheating, and these are the people in positions of power, says a comment:


NSA Surveillance Subject #A314Z159 8 hours ago (edited)
I am a tail-end BB’er, age 56. To comment on moral decline sexually or overall is a larger topic than I have time for since it’s early morning here and I am getting ready for work. I can comment on an aspect that I believe is pertinent — in the 90’s (when I was out of college for 10+ years) I read a study which said 45% of college students admitted to cheating. A similar study more recently said that 90+% of college students had cheated, rationalizing that because of the costs of college, it was justified. When I was in college (late 70’s) I never cheated and I don’t know anyone who did. It happened certainly, but it was rare. I knew when I read the study in the 90’s that the future was going to be bleak, because people that cheat in college will cheat their whole life, take kickbacks, and generally conduct themselves without moral restraint in all aspects of their lives, and those corrupt, morally compromised people are in positions of power now, influencing organizations, media, institutions, and policies. Yes, I have seen a tremendous amount of change, none of which was sudden and obvious at the time, but instead so gradual as to be hardly noticeable from day to day and, all while I was working full-time and focused on surviving in my own little life. I don’t envy kids today … the future is a big question mark …


yep. damn. could ahve said it better myself.

pretty soon my “perfect angel” will be cheating too.

does the working class cheat LESS than the middle class? i hope so hahahaha.

ok gotta do a 3.6er.

shut your legs you damn cheating piece of shit whores hahaha.

welp she might have never cheated…..yet! but she is well on her way. what she did here was super immoral, also she did do something in her past which was kinda immoral, and which was kinda a red flag, but which i accepted, because……when it comes to women, you have to accept a lot of Moral Red Flags, or youre gonna be alone the rest of your life.

cheating is probably the hardest one for ME to accept, and perhaps i accepted her because she hadn’t ever cheated yet. but she did that one thing, and she did that horrible thing to me, (the thing before was technically worse!!!!), so its only a matter of time before the Immoral, Irresponsible Adult Child Cheats.

maybe i should just cheat just so i can join the 90% majority. i mean i probably wouldnt LIKE it!!!!!

but i really havent had any opportunity to cheat. you have to be in a Mutually Assured Monogamous Longterm Rel to cheat…….and i have never been in one of those!

if you dont think your rel is monogamous, if you never signed the contract of monogamy, then its not, therefore you can “cheat” on them and it wont really be cheating and it will be On Them for being Insecure. these are the kinds of Bullshit Life Lessons muh female friend will be learning now, as she Circles the Drain of Morality. So Sad. Well at least i am SO morally superior.

i have to feel all these feelings in order to Get THROUGH it!

well i could just do shady pseudocheating by Dating Several Gurls at once, then when they bitch at me, ill be like, what, you think were DATING, were just having SECS, ya dumb whore! you creepy clingy psycho! were not dating!

yeah there was good shit but it was done LONG AGO.

well….i still thought there was HOPE.  she gave me false hope by still being nice to be sometimes.

if you DO get feelings before she does, tell her immediately. if she doesnt meet wiht you in person, call or email.

i am ANGRY as fook at her right now, but she really is a decent good person.

well, maybe she’s NICE, but not GOOD. some say nice is not the same as good! and i would agree.

anyway she might even be a good person. she doesnt deserve all this anger.

well she deserves SOME anger. and i will not be angry forever. i mean the anger will go away in like a year hahaha.

so i might as wel be super angry to that WHITE TRASH PIECE OF SHIT BITCH so as to get all the anger out of my system. then i will forgive her and let go and i have to TRUST THE PROCESS and it does take time and go in cycles and phases hahaha.

this too will pass. THIS TOO WILL PASS!!!!!!

apparently you can watch big bang theory with the laugh track taken out, and see exactly how unfunny and stupid it is. if you need to do this to see how unfunny it is…….you are a lowbrow moron pleb. enjoy being a fat loser.

fooking bitch. i deserve better. i deserve someone who will TREAT ME WITH RESPECT.

its ok to be angry at someone. better yet, you can resolve anger thru Mature Communication. lets do some ROLE PLAYING:

i am angry at you, but dont worry, we can get thru this with the miracle of communication. i am not angry at you per se, i am angry at a perception, and im sure you dont INTEND to make me angry.

hurrrr i dun understandddddd

well ok. let me start, give you an idea. when you refuse to talk to me when i really want to talk to you, thats your right, but it feels like disrespect to me. i mean yeah we each have boundaries and own our own feelings but why dont you want to talk to me?

cuz!!! you always want to TALK! you TALK too much! and it doesnt do any good!

what makes you say that? tell me more about that. please expand.

cuz you act like you are SO SMART and i am SO DUMB.

i am sorry you feel that way. i can assure you that is not my intent. just like making me angry is not your intent!

this is stupid! i’m going out with one of my 10 black bull boifrans! at least they are fun and fook me like a real man and not always wanting to communicate! they just fook me hard! up the ass too!! we have vidyas of it!

ok i dont own you and because you didnt agree to a monog rel, this is not a monog rel, so therefore you can do what you want and im not allowed to get jealous! have fun getting fooked! i will just stay here crying because you are still refusing to commuincate with me! and i dont have any other gurlfrans because i am a beta pussy and totally unmasculine! may i please prep your bull?


well maybe i put too much faith in commuincation. sometimes all the communication in the world doesnt work to fix the problems, or when they Just Stop Loving You. i hate to hold up communication as some sort of GOD! it wouldnt have helped OUR situation. she would have just said…um…. OBVIOUSLY i dont LIKE you, WEIRDO. but even that would have been a little better.

its just stupid. people have BETTER releationships with her with HORRIBLE communication, just because she LIKES them more.

we can see that LOVE and WILLINGNESS are more important that mere Communication!

__________       ||| willingness / love ||| no willingness ||| _____

communication     |||      healthy rel         |||    it doesnt matter _____

no communication|||    unhealthy rel     |||||   it doesnt matter ________

hehehe like my matrix there. anyway point is communication is pointess without Love, which is essentally the WILLINGNESS to communication.  and she did not have that. so communication wouldnt have fixed jack shit.

not really any reason to make that matrix, i just like making matrices hahahaha.

i guess the willingness could be willingness to communicate and not necessarily willingness to luv.

accept, change, or leave.

she didnt want to accept me luving her. i didnt want to accept her not luving her, or also not talking to me. i wished i could make her luv me. she saw she could not change me from luving her. and she could not change herself to luv me. so leaving was the best deal for her.

but yeah if i ever leave someone i will do it in a GOOD way, even if it is hard. cuz i am geared towards the long term. women only think of the short term. thats why they have so many bastard babies with deadbeats who run off. their uterus doesnt make them any less short sighted. i wonder why not. it really should. youd think it would. this is how nonsensical and illogical women are. even when they body and their biology and nature should logically make them logical………..it doesnt.

stupid women.

i will never do this to a woman.

it is like being stabbed in the heart over and over and over and over again.

like she really reached in, tore the bleeding heart out, and stomped on it again and again.

when i listened to “from hank to hendrix” by neil young and he says “can we keep it together, can we still walk side by side”, the answer to that question is a resounding NO. i used to think of her by my side and now she has faded away into a ghost, a white cutout. very sad.

how could she do this to me?

JEEZ you think i would get it by now!!! because she doesnt like me AND more relevantly, she didnt want to tell me to my face because it was EASIER FOR HER NOT TO. simple path of least resistance. occams razor. she probably IS aware she has hurt me, and it DOES make her feel bad. just not bad enough to do differently.

well damn. it SHOULD make her feel THAT bad. i am not sure she broke any hearts before me. sure she had at least one beta orbiter but im not sure she BROKE HIS HEART like she broke mine.

this is why you always ask!!!!!!!!!! ask the sooner the better.

how many hearts you broke?

how many guys you fooked?

how many guys you cheated on?

how many times you dated (fooked) several people overlapping?

how many abortionz?

how many one night stands?

how many times you had secs with a guy without knowing him for at least ONE MONTH?

how many guys have you dumped by just abandoning / ghosting / silent treatment?

99.99999999% of women will respond yes or at least 1 guy, to at LEAST one of these horrible quesitons, that my ideal woman would say zero/no to ALL questions.


im just screening for red flags! women do the same thing with men!

well the good news is, i cant see myself making any of these mistakes again. it is just not possible. i couldnt if i tried. i have grown as a person haha.

the bad new is, i cant imagine ever having feelings for another person again.

and if i do, i fear i will be SO desperate that i will SEVERELY compromise muh standards and set muhself up for another severe disappointment. find myself in a situation where i need to dump an ugly  30+ single mother hahaha.

what about a good looking under 30 single mother hahaha. well her i will put in my casual sex nonmonogamous harem hahahaha.