shit. the best rel i ever had with a woman has ended in the worst possible way, and she did not have to do that. so yeah i fee sorta betrayed in that i never expected her to do something so harsh to me. try a little tenderness hahahaha. kinda adds to my “women are twofaced” “stereotype” hahahahaha.

the women i “pseudodated” who i much less significant “rels” with, dumped me in MUCH better ways.

and she is a better person that to do something like this. this is just ridiculous. worst dumping EVER for me. i cannot take much more of this! i realllllllllllllly did not need this at this time! not ever but especially not now! at this age, after so much failure, with the woman i was closest with ever.

its “fine” she didnt return muh feelings, she just didnt have to reject me in THAT WAY! pleaseeeeeee TRY to let me down easier than THAT! i did not do anything to deserve THAT! does she WANT to make me hate her???!?!?! i am this close to being a MIsogynist Woman Hater anyway! i WANT to hate women LESS, not MORE!!!!!!!

maybe she does want me to hate women. maybe she just wants me to hate HER so i stay away from her forever. yeah well thats stupid. a lot of guys would harass or stalk you. but not me! i say yep you can ruin my life and break my heart and i will just send you 1 email per 10 days, 3 emails, and thats it.  what a good guy. other guys would get drunk and beat and raep her, slash tires, show up unannounced, etc. but not me! nope i just sit here broken hearted, came to shit but only farted hahahahaha.

damn. she was muh friend because i thought she was a NAWALT woman. now she has done such terrible shit to me that i have to force myself to say NAWALT NAWALT NAWALT NAWALT even tho i thought she was the best nawalt ever! and i know shes not really a huge btich but she is capable of being a huge bitch and i am Just So Hurt that she was a huge bitch to ME who used to be one of her good friends.  and imho getting feelings isnt a hostile thing that you should punish like this. you absolutely will not be able to be “just friends” anymore, but its not a damn CRIME thats punishable by treating the person who got feelings HORRIBLY. Its just not a horrible crime!!!!

anyway. it just amazes and shocks me that peopel can be so comfortable with their bodies that the NORM is for people to have casual sex.  including her hahahaha. i just want to find a woman who doesnt like casual sex hahahaha. and who wont reject me.

well they can reject me but reject me NICELY hahahaha.

she was kind of inexperienced at dumping men, i think mainly she got dumped, or had mutual agreements to end a rel. so she just hasnt had enough Dumping Experience to know how to Do It Well!

what would the voice of reason say. that yep this sucks, did not see this coming, you didnt deserve this, she shoulda handled it better, yeah so thought it was cool she was not a huge whore, but she still treated you like shit and you deserve better, chin up, somebody better will come along.

hahahaha or how about she was a 10 and most other women are a 0 and maybe one day i can hope to get a 5 hahahahahaha.

damn. did another 4.2 miler.

i just cant get over this, this is HORRIBLE. i want her so bad, after 2.5 months. yeah its gotten better, the time and distance has been ok, but shit. the pain is still right there.

it doesnt help that theres the crushing loserdom and derpression (“DESPAIR”) as well.

just feel like i can do NOTHING and i will fail at every job and every interview and every woman, and i am sick of being a huge failure too. literally the only thing i can do successfully is write here, and walk 8 miles a day hahaha.

but other than that? NOTHING. if she had “just” liked me back muh whole life would be diff wawawaawaaw. we could get married and have kidz and cuddle erry day hahaha. but noooooooo.

maybe i am just having a bad day. some days think yeah i will get over it but it will just take time. today i just feel dead as fook.

she didnt technically KILL me, she was a great distraction from the loserness and patheticness of my life, and now shes gone, thats all i got. she was my main ray of sunshine. well she was up until like 7 months ago hahaha. it is so hard just to survive. i have no idea how i am gonna rebuild muh life. get a new job, ever make another female friend, etc.

stuff like this makes me want to contact her! i mean whats the worst that could happen? her not respond? shit i know theres a 99% chance she wont respond! its that 1% chance im hoping for.

how would it have been different if she had dumped me in a good way?

shit i think it would be HALF as bad at least. i would know she didnt hate me;

i would blame myself less;

i could hate her more easily and conveniently and make her the villain

but yeah.

well why is it important that she doesnt HATE me? well because she damn seemed like she hated me, and i didnt do anything worth hating me forever over!

she was too much, the job was too much, her at the job was too much. if they had been seperated i would have handled each thing a lot better.

i mean i guess i still can hate her.

and i only blame myself a minority of the time.

but yeah i miss having a female friend.

but she stopped being my friend long ago!

but i didnt know that! she would still respond to texts and she made it SOUND like she wanted to remain my friend, she was just going through tuff times.

i knew that we could not stay just friends, but from what she was saying, i didnt think she would be so offended by me meeting her at the event, or me trying to damn talk to her.

see what happens when you AVOID shit and you dont COMMUNICATE? you get VERY hard feelings, broken heart, new bout of despair, etc.


emotional abandonment, eh?? nice term hahaha

”  Realize that if it’s a sudden abandonment, there likely is some precipitating event or incident between the two of you that needs to be resolved. On the other hand, if the deterioration has been more gradual, there are probably a lot of little things that have gone unresolved and are taking their toll on the relationship. ”

well it was gradual, but then it was also very suddent at the end. the precipitating event was i met her at the event. oh im such a bad guy. i met her at a think where we both knew we were gonna be there and which in the past we would ahve gone to together no question. but she was evasive when i asked about going with her. maybe im the bad guy because i didnt read that signal to mean i dont want to see you at all.

well the other signal was she had turned her phone off when she got there so she did nto respond to muh texts or phone call when i got there.

so did i walk around the place looking for her?

kind of, yes.

therefore, i was STALKING her, so i AM the bad guy.

and thats why she was so weird and distant the whole time.

i shouldnt have even GONE but my interest in the event was independent of her. its the type of thing that would just be good for me to go to if i had any damn energy to do activities related to muh interests. but it has to involve a damn woman before i take action on anything.

  • Fear of talking through issues: Emotional detachment does not just happen out of the blue; there is always something behind it. If one or both of the spouses has an inability or fear of talking through the issues in their relationship, then this kind of disconnect will be the likely result. Usually both know there is something wrong, but they are hesitant to bring it up because they fear their spouse’s reaction. Or perhaps they feel like they’ve been through this before and it hasn’t helped, so why bother? In these cases, there needs to be a clear second look at what it means to resolve conflict in a marriage – how to have a “good fight,” as it were, that really bring things to resolution. Without these skills, and a real courage to step up and deal with problems, the emotional distance will just continue to grow. “


If you are a wife reading this and hoping to find a way to get him to stop folding his arms and huffing every time you attempt to communicate a problem, these five tips for effective communication by Deborah Spring Laurel is a good starting point.

If you are a husband who is tired of a “nagging” wife show her this article and both of you work on building new communication skills in the marriage.

  • Disengage: When we disengage, we set aside differences temporarily, while we remain willing to address them at a later time. It involves taking time to reflect, reduce the tension, and let our emotions settle.
  • Empathize: To empathize is to put ourselves figuratively in the other person’s place. That very act will help squelch defensiveness because we acknowledge what the other person is feeling.
  • Inquire: When we inquire, we uncover the concerns of the other person. Asking questions allows us to focus on our task rather than our disagreement. After we inquire, we need to listen carefully, giving the other person our complete attention.
  • Disclose: When we disclose, we reveal our feelings, needs and goals to the other person. We can do this with “I statements” that describe our emotions, the precipitating event, and its tangible impact.
  • Depersonalize: When we depersonalize, we evaluate behavior rather than the person, and we look at our work as something we do rather than what we are. This allows us to free ourselves and others from the need to respond defensively.

also i just feel real tired.



walkaway wives


yep. slept ok with no weird dreams, maybe feel a little better, but not much. hehehe i feel like alanis morisette in “yououghta kn0w” hahaha.

also i hate the thought of the woman casually sucking guys off. women blowing dudes seems so degenerate and pornified and i dont like the thought of normal women doing that, let alone HER! also it is seen as something even more casual than casual sex. ya meet a guy, boom 2 minutes later, sucking his dick, swallowing his jizz. no big deal.

so yeah i dont like to think of her doing that!

but shes out there maybe sucking dick and not even thinking of me, yet i am still obsessed with her!

how can women get over guys so fast and so easy?

i think its more of a case of how can the DUMPER get over the dumpee so fast and easy?

EASY, they wanted out, they did the dumping, they made up their mind, they were already emotionally checked out months in advance, they were already getting over it when they did the dumping.

damn. i just never thought she would want to dump me! let alone like that! if she were already over it, why was SHE so emotional?

oh well shes sucking dicks now and has deleted me from her life hahahaha.

i wonder what she did with the nice present i gave her for crimmus last year. did she get rid of it? hide it away? or probably just forget she even had it hahahaha. or what about the nice mix cd i gave her hahahaha. i am a sucker for that sort of thing. i  hoped that would Build Intimacy between us. nope no chance!

did she angrily throw these things away? or just be like meh. and forget they were even there.

did she search for all the emails that i had sent her and which she i think had responded to a few, back in the good old days, and delete all them? hahahah i sure did.

did she block or set emails from my address to go to spam, so she never read email3 and 4?

i figure theres a change she read email2, where i confessed i had feelings for her and that i was having a tuff time and had resigned muh job hahahaha. and that i was sorry sorry sorry. i did not say please respond though. but i said i would always be open to talking to her, i hope we can talk again in the future.

heh. i wished her friends and family would have advised her to dump me more gently. maybe they did. maybe she didnt even mention it to them! or maybe she played me up as a bad guy who suddenly went all cray cray and started harrassing and stalking her, so i dont deserve to be dumped gently, but kicked to the curb.

well i certainly never stalked her, but i was pushy. but did the pushy cross into harrassment? also it was always “nice” pushy rather than mean pushy, like hang out with me bitch. it was more like pleaseeeee hang out with meeeee i want to work on our friendshipppppp i miss uuuuuuu etc hahahahah pathetic.

yeah. its rough man. how you could feel so strongly for someone and they dont care about you. but they USED to care about you. as a friend only though. but as soon as you switch on the feelings, they switch them off, and dont even care about you as a person anymore. and you care for them more and more, and they care for you less and less, and then its all over.

wawawawawaw i thought she cared for me as-a-human-being more! so our friendship died when i got feelings. ok. thats understandable. but you dont throw the dead body in a shallow grave, you mourn and cry and give it a respectful burial and remember it as the nice thing it was.

and then quickly get over it and become a whore sucking dicks of guys you just met hahahahaha. no i dont know THAT, but it wouldnt matter anyway would it?

but yeah. if i just met her it would be different. if i had never been her actual friend it would have been different. but friends for 2 years. you just dont fooking throw that away like it NEVER EXISTED. yep this is probably worse than a death, because we’re both still alive. and i have to live with the fact that she just walked away.

walk away wives. oh yeah. thats when its a ticking time bomb and the husbands ignore or balk at their wives valid complaints, know as “NAGGING” hahahahah, and then she stops nagging, husband thinks ok shes settled down good, then years later, the wife walks away because the resentment is simmering and the husband thinks nothngs wrong.

THEN the husband is heartbroken and makes a legit effort, reading books, and going to shrinks, and CHANGING, but its too late, the wife has made up her stupid mind, and never comes back, saying “too little too late.”

i wonder if thats what i did because i didnt really stop pushing her.

well i TRIED to stop pushing her. and i TRIED to stop visiting her at work. but i just couldnt stop altogether because the issues were still there. me backing off didnt really fix anything.

but it was what she wanted, it made her ahppy, it was her BOUNDARY!!!! so i should have respected it for that very reason right?

well i tried to but i just couldnt keep doing it cuz it was hurting my boundary to respect her boundary!

i wanted to see her MORE, she wanted to see me LESS. so yeah thats always a recipe for disaster.

all of this is a centuries old tale, millions of people have had their hearts broken this way. i just never had it happen to me so bad.

i was just str8 confused. it was a confusing boundary. it didnt occur to me that i could stay away from her but still communicate with her.

OBVIOUSLY i should have started calling or emailing her right then. lets say feb 2015.

so thats my other big regret hahahaha. that i was just twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to be ready to see me, but……..inside i was going FOOKING CRAZY with all these feeeeeelings and things i wanted to say to her. so i should just called her and told her, wrote emails and sent them. rather than wait till july to start sending emails. that was 5 more months of Crazy Making hahahaha and by then i was totally fooked, and she was totally DONE.

yeah i have certainly been dumped before but they did it nicer, plus those relationships were less important. this was a pretty important, substantial relationship that was ended in the most cold and callous way. it just drives me fookin crazy. i feel she TURNED on me. it does feel like kind of a betrayal. once you were my friend and now youre nobody. you dont have to luv me but dear god admit that we had something good once.

i dont know why this is so important to me.

because i dont think human beings and improtant long term rels should be thrown away like garbage. if that makes me weird, then im weird. .




shit. so you dont dump somebody like this unless they are a real scumbag that you want to send a message that you hate them for the wrong they have done you. you dont dump a sensitive niceguy beta male virgin r9k nevergf like me like that, becuase i will and have Personalize and Internalize or whatever, and essentially blame myself, and say, what did I do to cause this, it must have been awful and evil,  I am such a bad and shitty person to push her to do this!

because she is not the type of person to do something like this without good reason!

therefore i did something HORRIBLE and didnt even KNOW it!

i am the worst person ever when it comes to relships! because i am so inexperienced i just dont know what im doing so i act like a fookin alien autist from another planet!

but truth be told, i am more normie than that, in a good way. i have a sense of humor and can make jokes and the people who Like me actually Like me. the few people i do have an actual good connection with. they would NEVER say “hes so damn weird, he’s not able to have a rel with a woman.” !!!!!!

but yeah this kind of Atomic Bomb, Nuclear, Explosive, Horrible Breakup would hurt ANYONE, even a tuff scumbag.  its like I cheated on her or broke her heart. i am sure she dumped the guy who cheated on her and broke her heart in a similar way….but he deserved it! I did not deserve this! but maybe she was just in that mindset and this is how she dumps guys during this phase of her life.

but many times the woman doesnt HATE the guy shes dumping and genuinely WANTS to make the dumping as low pain as possible, because she knows its gonna be painful, but she has the power to mitigate that. heh. mah woman showed me no such consideration. she treated me like a piece of shit, like she THOUGHT i was a piece of shit, and i dont think i am really a piece of shit! yeah i know you have been with a piece of shit recently, but thats not me! i aint one!

she knew i was a sensitive emotional guy and something like this would DEVASTATE me! and it did!

well i never SHARED as much with her as she did with me. thats why i felt like i knew her, but she didnt know me. cuz i didnt share enough with her.

i dunno i shared a little with her. i was preparing to share a lot more with her! but she refused to hang out with me EVER!

its one thing to slowly taper off the hangouts. but we went from hanging out semi regularly, to never hanging out at ALL, for months and months and months, even though i was semi regularly asking to hang out hahahaha.

anyway she knew that i had not Dated a woman in a LONG time. i told her the story of woman2012 which was a kind of sharing. so basically she knew i had not “been with” a woman since 2012, and i told her i hadnt really been with that woman! so she essentially knew that i took Liking Someone very seriously and had been Single for a Long Time. and that i was a Sensitive Beta hahahaha.

so she had to be aware that her dumping me in such a way would hurt me! it woudl hurt anybody, but ESPECIALLY me! and she just didnt care, just did it anyway? just wanted rid of me THAT much, that my feelings didnt matter AT ALL to her?

well i dont think shes that kind of person though. she just got overwhelmed. there was stuff going on in her life which is a kind of valid excuse. but not an entirely valid excuse for just ignoring and avoiding our problems forever!

also just because she was distancing from me over time, moving out incrementally, doesn’t give her the right to say oh well im already done, i owe him nothing. we used to have a good rel but im already out of it, so, its over, the end, see ya.

she could obviously see that I didnt think it was done! I wasnt moving my stuff out! That I didnt want it to end! not a lot was super clear but that fact was.

does she even have a CONSCIENCE? i thought she did!!!! i wouldnt become friends with a person with no conscience!

which makes me think this will eventually bother her, and she will act out on the guilt by throwing her life away, when she could just come to me and i would be happy to reconcile, but shes too scared to do that, so i need to invite her, becuase she deleted the 3 emails that said please respond please respond my door is always open i hope we can talk about this months or even years later hahahahaha.

but she doesnt know that because she deleted those emails.

but i really dont want to send another email, the way i wanted to send the other emails. i think i am all emailed out.

it was discouraging that she could respect and like me as a friend, but the moment things got to be about Hetero-ness, she thought i was absolutely disgusting and revolting and kill it with fire. not a good confidence builder! recognize im still the same person you once respected and cared about, so please reject me in a way that isnt the worst, meanest way possible. what the fook did i do to you. i pushed your boundaries a little ok fine. still doesnt add up. still out of proportion.

so obviously Feelings Ruin Everything, Feelings Are INherently Bad, this is why people hate feelings and have just casual sex.

also i wonder if people have casual sex so early, without even knowing each other, because its a Big Test. because the thought of Sex can Ruin a Rel, so if you have Sex early and the rel is not ruined, thats a good sign it can go forward!

well my response to that is, how can you be comfortable with someones body when you dont know them? of COURSE the sex is going to be horrible! and then you get dumped because the way you have sex is AWKWARD and you Have Sex Like A Virgin hahahahahahahaha.

then you have the right to indignantly say yeah because i think casual sex is HORSESHIT and only have GOOD sex when I KNOW muh partner! my brain is not degenerately wired to casual sex, i just did it with you cuz im in a dry spell and something is better than nothing!

and then they dump you because they can find PLENTY of men who ARE comfortable with casual sex and can perform well the first time, every time.

shit. how can people be so damn comfortable with naked bodies so FAST?

though in my defense i think i did pretty good when i had my chance. i can fake my way through it pretty good. the girl didnt think i was a VIRGIN. plus i was drinking alcohol to get a little Courage. dont want to do that any more, so now i would just pop valium, or really any drugs that were available. anything that might take away the anxiety. uppers, downers, but prob not MJ hahahahaha.

also i want to say i was pretty good at making out even though i had NO PRACTICE. i mean this stuff isnt ROCKET SCIENCE.  its not technical support hahahahaha. just just try not to SLOBBER all over them and i guess sort of MIRROR what they’re doing? although be a little more aggressive and masculine because you’re the MAN!

the girls i pseudodated didnt think i was PAINFULLY AWKWARD at physical stuff! i mean i was probably About Average! i was no Alpha Male Roosh hahahaha but i was no Austist Virgin r9k neet robot either!!!!! i faked my way pretty good!

so i could prob still fake my way through casual sex pretty good.

oh thats reassuring!!!!

my thought yesterday while driving was, oooh heres a good blog post:


you BETTER get comfortable with casual sex because its the ONLY way you can EVER get to your goal of a longterm rel, because ALL dating STARTS OFF as casual.

Casual is assumed, short term is assumed, nonmonog is assumed.

its the first test, and if you pass it, you might eventually get to long term monog.

i said god damn i hope this is not the case.

what would be MUCH BETTER is if two people could just get to know each other for a while. whatever happened to Sexless Dating for a Few Months to see if you like each other? or perhaps being Friends First and then developing feelings?

I really like this Friends To Feelings model, i think it would work best for a guy like me……………but it can also go horribly, horribly wrong. costs and benefits hahahaha.

i dunno i would rather have a long term rel with a person than casual short term sex, and i got a nice medium term friendship out of this……but god damn it ended SO wrong. you dont end a 2.5 year friendship like that. EVER.

unless youre really MAD at your friend? felt they betrayed you? so she felt i betrayed her by ruining the friendship with my stupid feelings? maybe. i mean i dont know what the fook she was thinking,

IM NOT A MIND READER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i couldnt get her to talk about what was on her mind.

yeah. hahahhaha next time i am writing a letter WAY earlier and specifically requesting that they write a letter/email back. and we exchange a series of long emails. if they dont want to meet with ol piece of shit me in person to have an important talk. god fookin damn.



thats what signals do. even if the signals are Kinda Clear, you STILL cant read the persons mind. period.

well i didnt have to TELL her i would be hurt for her to know that dumping me inthe Atomic Bomb Hiroshima way was gonna hurt me!

i did say a lot of this stuff in a very nice way in the emails that were never read.

i thought, why am i WASTING so much Luv and Energy and Time on someone where that investment is so clearly wasted? i’m not getting anything out of it!

heh. just email me and say youre sorry already!

and want to meet up and get together and live happily ever after and have secs in the context of a loving monog longterm rel. and never do this to me again.

i mean i TRUSTED her enough not to HURT me like this!!!!!!!

but yeah you gotta have SECS with the women.


if you want to engage them emotionally……….throw it in them now! get them drunk and Tipsy and that will make it more emotional for them. you dont need to drink anything yourself. you can take valium or other drugs to make yourself less nervous.

heh. you can never hope to make a bitch get feelings for you if you have fooked her HARD yet.

well, not ALL women. just 99% of women hahahaha.

maybe i am wrong about Oxytocin Burnout. maybe a woman can take 100 cox and her oxytocin is as STRONG AS EVER.

but yeah i wish women understood Romantic Gestures other than Sex, like for example cuddling or making out or holding hands.

i am well aware 99% of women dont DESERVE this type of sissy shit and you should just bang the shit out of them.

SECS is the only expression of emotion these DEGENERATE BARBARIAN APES understand.

i dunno. i thought she was different. wawawaawawawawaawawawa. i cant beleive i wasted 2 years on her!

well thats the thing, those years werent wasted. i wasnt left wanting more. it was only 10 months or lets say 5 to 7 months that were really “wasted.” and i was trying in my own horrible way to address the problems.

but when she throws the whole thing away like that, its easy to think those first two years are wasted. but they really werent. not for me. maybe for her. maybe she would have preferred two years of revolving cocks, rather than a meaningful friendship. why would a woman prefer a meaningful friendship to revolving short term cocks anyway. god damn. such pigs.

That WON’T do, pig! That WON’T do!


heh. maybe she WANTS To be treated this way. deep down she likes to be abandoned hahahaha. and rather than break the cycle of abandonment, she continues it.

can i live without alpha cock…….until after the wedding? hahahaha credit funny picture on therightstuff.biz doing a review of the movie trainwreck with that fat degenerate whore

when i have muh period i bleed for a week and thats WAY too long to abstain from secs! – sex addict degenerate “sex educator” who brags about 100 guys hahaha.

she also makes jokes about abortions (only men can do this hahahaha) and deciding it would be stupid to NOT have secs with teh guy who told her he had herpes, because why deny herself pleasure from thsi guy she had such a tingly short term connection with, and she prob had it already anyway.

yet she is young and decent looking and i would still prob bang her hahahaha in a veyr patriarchal oppressive cis white male shitlord way. mayeb choke her while blasting jizz on her face, of course she would luv it.

yeah. i say that it felt like we KNEW each other but there were also definitely times where i felt she did not understand me at ALL. i guess deeper in depth talking may have helped, but she did not want to do taht.

yeah there were warning signs. namely her being distant and cold and horrible the last 5 to 7 months! was the major warning sign. fook me im an idiot hahahaha.

but yeah when you are under the spell of feelings, you ignore the obvious. and bitches will HATE you for it! and to punish you, these sadists will break your heart in the worst possible way! even though they know it will destroy you! they WANT to destroy you! whatever happened to the golden rule? hahahaha ok i am getting carried away maybe.

so ok ok honor is not a female concept, women dont understand honor or respect……..but shouldnt they understand warmth and compassion and being nice? like dont be horrible to peopel?







yep. so.

yeah thats part of the RESPONSIBILITY that comes along with the RIGHT of being able to Opt Out / Quit a Relship. Since you have the power to single handedly End A Rel, we all do, then with that power comes the responsibility to end it Well. end it with Dignity. End it so as not to hurt the other person. End it with Empathy towards the other persons feelings. expect they will be hurt and try to Minimize that Hurt. I did not receive that courtesty AT ALL. well neither do shitloads of people. Myabe 50% of Breakups are Bad in this sense. Because people dont know How 2 Break Up Correctly. Needs Billions more education dollars hahaha. no really they just need sensible mothers and fathers. i guess a single mother could provide advice here, but ideally i would like to see a stable two parent home, and in that situation, i think either the mother or the father could give sound advice.

the only time you dont have that responsibility is when they are abusing you. i am SURE she would use that excuse, that i was abusing her, that why should she show ME any respect when i didnt show HER any respect. well i disagree. i showed her 100000000 times more respect that she showed me. oh but begging and groveling is not respect, its actually disrespect. i dunno maybe. really all it was was HONEST: i was HONESTLY BEGGING FOR MERCY. throwing myself at her mercy. arguably the right thing there is show the person a little mercy. unless they are the boy who cried wolf, and now they need tuff love.

Well i dont think i needed tuff love YET!

Sez everybody who got tuff luv hahahaha.

no i think those people eventually wake up and say yeah the other person was right, i needed the tuff luv.

well i dont think im gonna say that here. she will ALWAYS be in the wrong hahahaha.

but i forgive her. hahahaha. i mean i dont 100% forgive her, i will just say the words because i dont want to be angry about it forever. i mean yeah we all do stupid things, and yeah i dont think she MEANT to hurt me THIS much, so technically i do forgive her. im not happy about what she has done! i dont HAVE to be HAPPY about it! im fookin heartbroken! there is a gaping HOLE IN MUH HEART!!!!!!

she was a BIG part of my life, even though I was not a big part of her life. i saw a FUTURE with her in it. i wanted her to be with me for the long term.

ask them the question:

I see you as muh long term, committed, monogamous gurlfran, i want you to be a part of my life, for years into the future. what do you see me as? what do you think about me seeing you this way? could you see me the same way?

but damn. how hard is it to send a damn text saying SORRY. instead I was the one apologizing like “sorry so sorry sorry it had to end this way please can we end it better”, when me saying SORRY so much made it LOOK LIKE i was the bad guy! confirming her beleif that she was right and i was wrong, and i didnt deserve respect!

lesson learned: NEVER APOLOGIZE hahahaha.

well rather, dont apologize PROFUSELY and desperately. only apologize when you have done something really wrong.

but The Time Period has expired, hasn’t it? its Too Late To Apologize in other words. for her i mean.

No, not really! I’d still take and appreciate an Apology!

hahahaha i could send her an email saying Its Not Too Late To Apologize, with a link to that stupid song.

NO i know better than to send an email.

shit was like a fooking MINEFIELD. a good rel should not be like a minefield. it didnt used to be like that. it used to be very good and natural. then it got bad and became a minefield, and i stepped on a damn mine.

it did seem to happen out of the blue for me. i didnt realize that approaching her at that Final Event was gonna be THE FINAL STRAW. its not like i did anything. i approached her and tried to enjoy the event with her and to make things less awkward. just spend some friendly out of work time with her. but she was not having it. i was shocked at the extent to which she was not having it. i did not expect it to be THAT bad. but it was. and of course as we left, i apologized for being weird, and thank you for letting me share this Nice Time with you, barffffffff. when she should have been apologizing to me for being weird and cold and horrible!

but by me apologizing, i was the bad guy, i was admitting i was the bad guy. damn. i should WORE MUH BIG DICK JEANS.

i am Hung Up on being the Bad Guy because…….i dont think i WAS the bad guy! i didnt deserve being dumped LIKE THIS! when you are dumped like this, I mansplained to the stupid woman, it sends the signal you are the bad guy who deserves to be dumped like this, you ruined the rel, not me.

i am not an actual woman hater, but i am closer to the world of woman haters than most non woman haters. i have some risk factors. i need to be aware, be vigilant. and i worry about slipping over to The Dark Side, whenever i have a HORRIBLE experience with a woman like this one. this is a risky thing that could cause me to slip over. and then i read women writing on buzzfeed and thought catalog and talking on tedx and i am like these stupid, stupid women.

well its ideological see. these are beta leftist marxist sites, i need somethign more rightist. but fun. with plenty of women and young women, to prove to me that all women arent stupid retarded sluts, killin their babbys and shooting their sons full of estrogen to turn them into Trannys hahahahahaha while Alienating their fathers from them because idk lol. i feeeeeel i deserve better. because he doesnt communicate about my feelings enough. because he wants to communicate about my feelings too much. because they dont have fathers to tell them, this is a good man and you should not frivolously divorce him, you’re NOT gonna do any better at age 35 with 2-3 kids hahahahaha.

did a 4-4.2 miler

shit. i am sure she felt SOMETHING once it became obvious she would never see or talk to me again. she probably felt a gap of sorts, prob not a gaping abyss/ void like i did, but i bet she felt SOME sort of loss. and i wonder how she filled that. no doubt by having whoresex. and im not allowed to be angry about that? im angry that the woman i luv is ruining herself! casual sex is you going down the wrong path!

well i am going down the wrong path too tho!

well let me just say this: i am troubled mainly by HER casual sex exactly BECAUSE i have Special FEelings for her! Damn! all those other whores can just go be whores, it doesn’t effect me! but when the woman I Luv is a whore, that HURTS!

hahaha i have absolutely no proof she is out being a whore, just what normal women do when they feel grief or loss or what they do after a Breakup. they get with other guys IMMEDIATELY.

put it this way, less than .00000001% would go without a guy/dick for One Year after a Major Breakup. I think we can all agree the breakup of a Major Monog Longterm Rel would probably take at LEAST one year to fully get over right? but there is NO WAY they’re not taking dick within a year!

yet for guys its perfectly normal to have a year long “dry spell”, ESPECIALLY if you are getting over a important rel. like this. a true heartbreak hehehehe.

hah. i was reading a stupid article in buzzfeed about a 13 year old boy who wants to become a Gurl and always felt like a gurl in a boys body, and his/her/xzyr mother is very supportive, so got them a 20000$ hormone patch which delays the onset of puberty i guess, and then starting the estrogen treatment, cuz i guess its best to Start Transitioning Before Puberty. anyway the mom gave the kid estrogen for their bithrday and captured the precious heartwarming moment on youtube and all the stupid women are falling all over themselves in the buzzfeed comments saying stuff like. “This. This is what tolerant parenting looks like. So Much This. Love. Truth. This.”

and then there are more women saying “oooooooo shessssss soooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeee she is going to be soooooo pretty when she gets olderrrrrrrr omggggggggg i wish i could be that pretty.” really going on about the prettyness of the child.

THEN a Male Feminist comes in an MANSPLAINS that the first focus shouldnt be on the Prettyness of the child, whether or not the child is aesthetically pleasing or not is not the issue. The Male Feminist is right of course, but no women call him on Mansplaining!

is it mansplaining when male feminists mansplain feminism to women who like feminism but dont really get it? cis rich white woman feminism ahahahahaha

and then a woman says something about well isnt it weird to shoot a 14 year old all full of hormones? am i the only one?

and then another woman, presumbaly a mother says, its no different than taking birth control, so yeah youre the only one.

because not only do all women take birth control hormones, THEIR MOTHERS all encourage them to!

wawaawaawawawawawawa that was another reason i liked my female friend is i dont think she took Birth Control pills even when she was getting fooked by guys. becuase she was naturally suspicious of it. i dont know for sure. but she was the suspicious of pills and pharmas and vaccines sort, which i kinda like hahahaha.

also i think the Pill makes women bigger Sluts, makes them pick worse men, and makes them less responsible regarding Sex.

this is why i am such a big hit with the ladies, with my pro-women attitudes hahahaha.

well i used to have a special female friend hahahaha. well she didnt know i was anti pill. but she was anti pill thats all that mattered. well maybe she will get on the pill now cuz she wants to have a lot of unprotected sex with random men to fill the void in her life hahahaha oh well nothing wrong with that you go grrrrrl.


actuallly we can say this is The Number One Most Important Rel I Have Ever Had With A Woman, well apart from muh mother hahahaha.

she is elevated above my other female frens, because i never got FEELINGS for them. I never wanted to take things up to a New Level of Intimacy after two years with them. they were/are great people, it just never got to that level. i had never gotten to This Level with Any Woman before!!!!!!

and forget the bitches i pseudodated/banged. that was just a casual hookup for them and was short term and we never really had a real relationship. just short term bullshit. i wanted to take it to the next level there but they didnt.

but to want to take it to the next level after you ALREADY KNOW SOMEBODY for the long term? wow. thats a whole new level of Intimacy. i never experienced that before. till now. yeah it was a big gamble. but never has the jackpot been so sweet!

so yeah to lose That Woman is a big damn deal mother fooker.

my other female friends, i never got feelings for them, and we grew apart when they moved to diff cities for career. no hard feelings! just saying how these female friends were a LOT DIFFERENT than THIS female friend. THIS female friend was the most intense, intimate, feelsy, deep, life changing, etc.

so yeah its a big loss. its almost WORSE than a death because with death, you know they done WANT to leave you, and that they aren’t still alive out in the world, happily jumping on dicks and never having to see you again.


Jim Smith 4 days ago (edited)
+1Fireskull Just finished college five years ago, I don’t know if that is true, but I regularly have women 25 and under tell me they have had group sex before. The crazy thing is they will say it in the context of an opener for a relationship. Like,” I’ve had it before ,but I didn’t like it much and never want to do it again, because I’m looking for relationship now. I’m kind of a romantic”. I have had that actually told to me more than once when I shit test or poke ladies to tell me about themselves. Another funny note is they will usually tell me things like that no problem/no blushing , but if I shit test them and ask if they have ever dated outside their race, instant clam up, blushing face and questions thrown back at me along the lines of ” why does it matter, does it bother you, I don’t like how you’re asking me that, this is 2015, and are you insecure with yourself”. I treat them like whores when they act like whores and while I find it sad, I’am not sad for those dumb twits. I would love to met an actual virtuous woman.
Show less




[EDIT feb 24 2016 :: GROUP SECS: NOT EVEN ONCE. DEGENERATE. write me a 10,000 word essay on WHY its degenerate, WHY you regret and repent for doing it, and then write me ANOTHER 10,000 word essay on why its ok to not want to date/fook people of different races. If I like both essays then I might consider you for a traditional long term relationship. Well, no I won’t, because you’ve have group sex, and you’ve race-mixed. NOT EVEN ONCE. i seek a return to the days when these things were DEALBREAKERS. the guy should have walked out on the girl that very instant and said “I dont date degenerate whores”, shaming her for her behavior. hahahaha. well he was probably looking to get his D wet and a gulr like that would certainly be an ok Ms Right-Now.

for the record, ths would be “MUH DICK” thinking by the man, and it IS degenerate as well. its just less degen for the man than for the woman, more forgivable of a sin. because its MUCH harder for a man to turn down available sex on the offer. because women ARE the suppliers of sex. its available to women ALL the time. with no women sluts around to freely offer up casual recreational sex, there would be less muhdicken on the part of men. women, of all people, should NEVER take a MUH DICK attitude towards sex. MUH CLITORIS is what i call it. THINK LESS WITH YOUR CLITORIS, AND MORE WITH YOUR UTERUS is my new motto. i should make stickers and tshirts hahaha.

also as of now i am more open to the Healthier, Better interpretation that The Woman does not hate me and is not blaming me for “betraying” her, but is rather just Running Away like a Confused, Overwhelmed baby animal that doesnt know how to or doesnt want to deal with a stressful, overwhelming situation. period. this is a perfectly reasonable interpretation, and indeed MORE reasonable than the other interpretation I’d been K’ing myself with, namely, she hates me because i did something bad to her. that IS a possible explanation, but its somewhat LESS likely than the occams razor explanation, and its much more destructive to me personally than the occam explanation. in short, i should work towards accepting the occam explanation, ie, the overwhelmed animal simply running away from a difficult situation.]

also these tolerant women on buzzfeed commenting often with their REAL FACEBOOK NAMES are so TOLERANT of EVERYTHING. all sorts o perversions. the frog really is being boiled. just a few years ago, women would think a man Urinating Inside His Wifes Vag was GROSS or EW, but now theyre like whatever floats your boat, i dont want to be “JUDGE-Y”, etc.

so yeah i dont think thats too extreme of a fetish , but its just bit by bit by bit, that maybe 10 years from now Eating Shit or Casual Rectum Prolapsing will not be viewed as extreme or gross. just brutally fisting a 19 year old college gurls asshole until her rectum pops out, like only the most degenerate porn of today.

the most degenerate porn of today, become Vanilla Casual Sex Reality among Middle Class College Kids in….10 years? 15 years? 5 years?

but yeah women should never talk about their ORGIES and GROUP SEX and three ways and four ways and getting SPIT ROASTED and all their open rels and anal sex tapes and swinging and being an intern as a Sex Worker during college, during the small talk on a first date as with teh youtube commenter above.

i aknowledge that maybe some women may have a slutty past. but they might legitimately want to atone for their past sins. so dont talk about them right away, dont talk abotu them like you are PROUD of the, talk abotu them like you are rightfully ashamed of them!

heh. maybe she feels bad like she should, for overreacting and treating me like someone she doesnt care about. you dont treat people you really care about like this. but she is the type to only hurt the ones they luv. hahaha.

anyway say she wants to apologize but is scared to contact me cuz she thinks i might be mad. which i sort of am. but i would totally take her back.

but instead the guilt eats her alive and she throws her life away because of that, on a cok carousel, has some bastard babies with deadbeats really soon.

BUT I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT if i had contacted her!

but i already contacted her 3 times with absoutely no response. (she didnt really respond to email1, but said she had read it. period. nothing more.)

but i send those three emails during the course of 1 month of Separation! emotions are still very high dyuring the first month! what if i sent an email during month 4 or 5 when things have cooled down a little?

so thats the next trial and tribulation. resisting the tempation to contact her “after things have cooled down”, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 months afterwards.

so there was the final event. i went and met her and it was so awkward. i kinda joked that i could go away if she wanted. she never encouraged me not to go to the event, or to not meet up with her. i just figured it only made sense to meet up with her once i got there. in the past we would have gone to something like this togehter.

so that was extremely awakwrd. like insanely awkward, like she was signalling this was the official end. lets have this epic event be the official end of us.

after that she stopped talking to me altogether, would not respond to my chats or texts, would not even look at me, then the next time i went on facebook a few days later, i thought i might unfriend her with a explanatory message…..but she had already unfriended me with no message at all!!!!!!!!

so she unfriended me sometime between that event and the next 3 days, and i had done nothing in that time but try to talk to her but her not respond.

like i didnt do anything super offensive ot cause her to unfriend me, like oh dear god meet up with her at a thing where she knew i was gonna be there and she never told me not to stay away from her.

OH BUT I SHOULDA KNEW, FROM THE SIGNALS. therefore im the bad guy.

well, true luv does not recognize SUBTLETY.

plus there was MIXED signals, like “oh thats cool you are gonna go”

plus i sorta joked right away, is this ok for me to sit with you, i can go away over there if you want. well im the bad guy because i didnt make that joke directly enough. plus i was really nervous cuz things were REALLY awkward in those first few minutes. i thought i smoothed things over, throughout the course of the evening. i guess not! also it was not the type of thing where we could have a private talk, lets say that. someone from her family was there, etc.

i am so dead set against being seen as the bad guy. i dont want to be The one who ruined this.

but its technically not like that. she just wanted out, so she got out. period. no bad guys, no good guys, no blame.

but women always like to portray men as the bad guy, so i guess i am fighting against that false stereotype. i wouldnt have to dump him if it werent his FAULT.

no, no fault happening, she just didn’t want to be IN IT anyone.

hitler took meth regularly, maybe i shoudl try crystal meth to boost muh confidence.  or crack. i guess thats cheaper.

i need a cheap but powerful drug. cheap booze was my go to during Tuff Times, but i dont want to drink again. but i have to ask myself, is my life so much better now than when i was drinking? like i mean when i was jobless and loveless and was drinking? well yes things were worse then, because i was making an ass of myself in front of muh friends, and lost some friends because of it.

so now i have no friends to lose hahahahaha.

no i just dont want to drink. but i would do a number of other drugs if they were available, just to take my mind of all this hahahaha. im tired of the months of pain. when will the stupid pain end hahahaha.



one day at a time babay.

no weird dreams, i might have woke up at 5 or 6 am though, prob not too big of a deal. this 60% of a nyquil dose is great idea.

10 Valuable Lessons I’ve Learned From My Mistakes

the most important thing i learned was, commuicate clearly and directly,

you can only be responsible for 50% of a relationship. but you can do 100% of your 50%! meh i did at least 90% of my 50%. she did like 0 hahahahahah.

but i cant have this happen again.

if you ever avoid talking about something…..dont avoid it. doesnt mean you have to be mean or autistic. you can say anything in a gentle caring loving way.

be aware of your own boundaries and talk to the person immediately by saying “i get hurt when you avoid me, i feel unwanted and unloved and like you dont like me any more. can you please try to stop doing this? are my feeeelings important enough for you to try not hurt them? i know you dont mean to hurt them. but it would make me feel a lot better if you didnt avoid me so much and we could hang out sometime. by the way theres something i need to tell you, i am in luv with you hahaha”

went to shrink today hahahah should write the shit down.

they said the thing that i am only in cntrol of 50% of the relationship, the other 50 belongs to her. so unless i am beating and raping her, it takes two to ruin a rel.

i pretty much did the best i could at the time. i truly did!  except it was cowardly and too emtoional and stupid. i did the best i could considering fairly big emotional and cognitive Compromises!!!!

its just sad that i could think she was SO RIGHT for me, but she thought i was SO WRONG for her.

and then you want to change yourself to what they want. i would probably have to get taller, and more distant, not like her as much, look like i have Options, be less desperate hahahaha.

be more masculine!

by being short and kind of a NiceGuy, i have a handicap in my masculinity. so to be Moar Masculine I usually grow a Beard and use Masculine body language, like Manspreading. hahahaha. when talking around women i try to Fookin Curse Moar and Spit on the Ground and Manspread and Mansplain and Grab Muh Dick and not use Big Werds and not talk like a fag. basically just talk like lower working class trailer trash white trash. actually talk like a black ghetto thug if you can, white gurls like that hahahaha.

bbbbbut she was the perfect match for me? how could i be such a shitty match for her?

she surpassed my standards! i fell short of her standards!

she was more than good enough for me! i was not good enough for her!


4.2 miles later

listening to “TEDx talks” on “heartbreak” and they are all by middle class careergurls who have had 10000 abortions and taken 10000 cox. great one with a female phd talking abotu the benefits of casual sex. i would like to have casual sex with her hahahaha i never banged an actual phd. anyway you KNOW she likes the casual cok (note the high testosterone Manjaw). and i would give it to her. but the awful degenerate poison she spews!

but she had one good point, that everybody treats secs differently, and some people handle Casual Sex better than others, and some people just arent cut out for it. well thats prob me and i reallllllly want a female friend who is the same way.

Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken _ Gary Lewandowski _ TEDxNavesin

the best one was a man psych phd blablajewski or something but i found his talk kinda weird, like “its never as bad as you imagine it will be, even in the worst cases” well i agree to disagree man. its even WORSE hahahaha.

but he said something that made me think, that everybody dreads to hear “WE NEED TO TALK” cuz it means that shit is about to get bad. you are abotu to get dumped. it means the rel is shitty and they are gonna dump you.

i was about to be the one saying “WE NEED TO TALK” because i wanted to SAVE the rel from its obvious problems. then I GOT dumped hahahaha. i guess normally you say we need to talk when you are about to dump the person.

well really it just means the rel is near the end and someone is about to get dumped. USUALLY the one who hears those words but in my case, i was essentially the person who wanted to say those words, but got dumped first.

i got dumped because i wasnt good enough! what does she want? probably some casual cox right now, she doesnt want a serious rel with anyone, so of COURSE the ONLY alternative is CASUAL COX. GOD FORBID you just be Alone and Abstinent for a while!!!!! always gotta have a dick in you at ALL TIMES. god damn. fooking WOMEN. such WHORES hahahahaha.

anyway never watch a woman giving a tedx talk cuz that will give you a negative opinion of women. god i HOPE not all women are like that. annoying, arrogant, excruciating know it alls who know nothing and seem like fookin aliens. they have no wisdom to impart and they cant give comfort. i would not expect the wisdom but i thought the comfort was supposed to be their special skill.

welp i wanted my female friend to give me comfort and i saw a Side of that in the beginning, that showed she was capable of comforting, and it would have been very nice to get more of that. she just closed that away from me because i wasnt right for her hahahahaha.

i just dont trust any woman who gives a tedx talk on Secs. hahahaha. no i am not “intimidated by female sexuality.” well, its like a PANDORAS BOX that shouldnt be opened because its so DESTRUCTIVE, so yeah that destructiveness i find pretty intimidating. but also i am DISGUSTED when they go around being sluts.


wawawaw she was good enough for me but i wasnt good enough for her, therefore i am to blame for the ending of the rel. she dumped me, because i pushed her, because i was pushy, AND i just wasnt up to her standards.

because i was/am a huge old short fat bald unambitious unmotivated uninspired LOSER. hehehehe.

see how the Negative Thoughts are SO pervasive?

at this point, its BETTER to thing UNREALISTIC, even DELUDED thoughts, so long as they are POSITIVE!

well, i would stay away from thoughts like “She will come back to me and be in luv with me”

but rather i mean stuff like “no i am not really a loser because i am a nice guy” hahahaha

what else did the shrink say yesterday. besides the fact that i cannot control 100% of a Rel, only 50%, there was the idea that she had no benefit or payoff to talk to me, because she had nothing to gain out of it, she didnt want to Date me, she didnt need an Answer, she didnt need closure or certainty.  to which the shrink responded there is the Golden Rule and people might want to treat people the way they want to be treated, even if it means an awkward difficult conversation, you do it because you know its the right thing, and you would have liked the difficult conversation if you were in the other persons shoes. like me. i knew the conversation would be difficult and rough but you still want it because you need to know.

GOLDEN RULE BABY. GOLDEN RULE.  i cant believe i had forgotten all about the GOLDEN RULE.

so did i treat HER with the golden rule? treat HER like I would like to be treated in the same situation?

also controlling. i am a classic Controller, i want to be in control of the Whole Relationship. right now its the Sad Bastard, self destructive, only hurts me kind of control, where i feel i should be responsible for things that i could not possibly control, ie, i should have not forced her to dump me, its all my fault, im all to blame, i caused this.

but ostensibly it could become other kinds of control, like i dont want you going out and fooking your guy friends and hanging out with your exes all the time hahahahahahaha. heaven forfend. god forbid a woman be gently requested to please not hang out with her exes all the time because it offends muh sensitive boundaries!!!!!

and then there is more bad kinds of control obviously hahahaha where you want to know what the woman is doing at every single moment cuz you think she is cheating on you. because she probably is or is thinking about it hahahahahahaha.

and then you say oh no, im not controlling, i know it can just ruin a rel to be overly jealous, and if you wanna cheat, youre gonna find a way to cheat, and nothing i can do will stop you!

and then they cheat and tell you its because you were protective enough of them and they wanted you to be jealous and get mad about them seeing other people, and then they would have stayed. well thats bullshit, you dont want to be with such a person……but sometimes you just fall in luv with the wrong person and dont realize how wrong they are until its way too late and you are all in and fully in luv with them, and heartborken. cuz you went ahead and fell in luv too fast without discussing it with them right at the very beginning.

if you have a positive rel with a woman for more than a few months, thats a damn miracle, and its definitely a risk you will fall in luv with her someday, esp if she is single or dating some dbag right after a long term rel.

so come up with some hard hitting questions that both of you can answer, both of you Do The Worksheet, and if she says idk lol y so srs to every one while you give thoughtful serious actual answers, time to make a few last secs tapes, and gtfo hahahaha lol idk.

what do you want from this relationship?

how do you view me?

how do you view this rel?

do you have deeper feelings for me?

could you have deeper feelings for me? high medium or low chance of that?

are you getting over someone else right now?

are you actually dating other people right now? how many? how serious? tell me about each.

do you want to keep you options open?

would you want a longterm or monog rel with me?

am i crossing any of yur boundaries?

do you want me to be a part of your future? could i be longterm for you?

could you see yourself getting Serious about me?

what if i were to be serious about you?

what do you think about One Sided relationships?

what do you think about Communication? what is the best way to communicate with you?

do you try to communicate about problems or do you just Avoid Difficult But Necessary talks?

why did your previous rels end?

were you the dumper or the dumpee?

have you ever been totally heartbroken? tell me about that.

how mature are you in communicating about Feelings and Boundaries and Problems and ELephants?

and then both persons answer these same questions and share them with each other. maybe even writing long emails and then having long talks about the long emails.

and then bitches will balk and say wtf are these questions creeper weirdo stalker. it feels rapey. what are you in love with me weirdo. why so serious. we’ve only been fooking for 3 months. why all this now.

then mansplain to her that all fooking, even casual fooking, produces Sciencey Bill Nye Neurotransmitters via Atheistic Smartypants Progressive Sciencey Liberal Open Minded Forward Thinking Lean Forward Lean In Women in STEM Science Masterz Degreez Careerz Evolution, and these Chemicals cause you to start to get Feelings, and you don’t believe feelings are inherently bad, because you are a mature adult that knows how to communicate about feelings. and if you’re not mature enough to communicate, maybe you will spend more time with your other casual sex ladyfriends who are more Communicatively Mature.

and then she will say fine go ahead, i will spend more time with my other casual sex fuccbois who are Real Men and arent always talking about feelings like a sissy pussy!

then you fook her HARD and never talk about feelings or communication again and hope she hasnt called your bluff because you dont have any other casual sex gurlfranz hahahaha.

its not beta males that are having casual hookup sex. they might get a woman to hook up with them once or twice during college if theyre lucky, and then fall in luv with the woman, who then says OH. i am just used to Hookups. i didnt know you were one of those kinds of guys who Gets Feelings. UGH. I have a career to work on. Career and Status and Career Achievements and Fun are Good, Committed Longterm Relationships are Bad. UGH.

the modern young (under 30) woman believes that longterm rels are BAD, short term rels are GOOD. doesnt that seem a little nihilistic or at least pessimistic? like a revolving door of people/cox? isnt that a bit dehumanizing? basically saying people arent worth getting to know for years at a time? i disagree heartily! i say that long term rels are, on the whole, superior/better than short term rels!

in terms of like friends and shit. you dont become FRIENDS with somebody with the intention of doing it for the short term only, then throw them away once theyve reached their expiration date! you expect MEDIUM TERM at least! until one day you grow apart mutually. no hard feelings. not hard feelings because you were thrown away like expired milk.

in a way she gave me an ULTIMATUM. well it wasnt a clearly defined ultimatum, it was more like, im gonna end this 2 year relationship right now by never talking to you again hahaha.

what would i have done if the roles were reversed?

well i wouldnt be chomping at the bit to have the conversation, but i would write a short email like woman5/7 did to me hahahah saying sorry but i just dont have these feelings in return. i would look up a Gentle Rejection Template letter on Google.

but certainly the thought of me liking her disgusted her so much she didnt want to talk about it, think about it, acknowledge it. just wash her hands of the shit.

yeah i can understand why she did what she did. because she was too damn chickenshit coward to end the rel like a Grown Ass Woman hahahaha.  i am angry at her for treating me badly but I Forgive Her. Dear God let me let go of this anger!

but yeah the invasive thoughts of her fooking random dudes, those thoughts are rough. cuz its GONNA happen. it is inevitable. and they will go about it so casually while it would have Changed Muh Life and  been truly a Symbol Of Muh Luv 4 Her, to share this intimate and special and sacred thing, that shes just gonna give away to a bunch of swarthy baboons who will take pictures of it and not appreciate it nearly as much as I would! treat the luv of muh life like a Meat Hole! and she will LUV it! because casual sex is FUN and EXCITING and ADventurous, and the benefits outweigh the costs!

yeah well i say, how much MAture Adult Communicaiton is being had about these hookups, to determine that. especially when Binge Drinking, more then 4 or 5 drinks are being had. and then these harpies break poow widdle betas hearts hahahahaha.

wow buzzfeed is even WORSE that thought catalog with the women hamstering, they have even less of a sense of humor and are just awful. god i hope all women arent like this. wawawawawawawaw SHE wasnt like this!!! she was nice and kind and warm!!!

until the last months when she was cold and bitchy and awful. we had a good rel that became a Terrible Shell of a Rel just because we didnt Talk about our problems, and in the end, it was better for one person to End The Rel rather than talk about them. because it only takes one to end it!

the other thing was i didnt really know when i was crossing her boundaries sometimes, and so everything seemed real sudden. like at The Final Event, where i met up with her and it was Super Awkward. I expected a little awkwardness, but this was just a scary, horrifying awful level of awkwardness, that i was trying my best to make things kewl, but….. like the vibes were so so so so bad, worse than anything i ever expected. i honestly didnt think it was THAT bad. but it was.

i had asked her if she wanted to go there together but she avoided that. in the past there would have been NO QUESTION, we would have gone there together, no question, to not go there together would be stupid and weird. and so that was kinda the mindset i was under, or wanted to be under!

so i just thought oh well, we both have a vested interest in going to this event, i mean i would have gone to this event even if she were not there, it was a concert of one of my favorite musicians who i had never seen before and who was on muh bucket list. of course i was gonna go.

i told her i was gonna go and she said “oh cool its cool that you got tickets” or something like that. NOTHING to the extent of “ok fine, but please dont try to meet up with me when we are there, that would be crossing a boundary for me.”

if she said that, i would certainly respect her boundary but also try to have a talk about the reasons for that boundary.

but nooooooo.

also i did kind of respect her boundary, when she Snapped at me, i was shocked, and kinda wanted an apology, and i wrote to her saying i apologize for being weird, i am just under a lot of stress and i am worried about our relationship, but i dont want to bug you, but i really miss you. and then i honestly did stop visiting her in person as much at the job.

i would usually visit her almost every day for a few minutes just to say hi and small talk and goodbye. i mean i was upset that i couldn’t even do THAT, and was now banished to the zone of i couldn’t visit her, i could only chat with her. and i think even that was crossing a boundary for her. i was crossing her boundary by EVEN TALKING to her. hahahaha so i was the bad guy by not respecting that boundary, by not accepting it and saying ok i just wont talk to you.

bullshit! there is times when you have to do some explaining on your boundaries. boundaries are when another person hurts your feelings. but it hurt MY feelings just to have her essentially want to PULL THE PLUG on the rel like that. dont talk to me, i want to end this, and if you want to talk to me about this, then IM the bad guy?!?!?!?!?!?!

ok i accept that rels can be ended by one person. but that one person still has the RESPONSIBILITY to have a Meeting or a Talk or a Letter where they pubicly and clearly declare they want out, and let the other person, who DOESNT want out, whose getting dumped on and heartbroken, to speak their mind, and say, goddamn this sucks, thanks for asking ME, my heart is now BROKEN hahahahaha.

DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES of your decision to end the rel. you want to end the rel, fine, but deal with the fact that the other person is not gonna be too happy.

It would be DIFFERENT if it were “JUST SEX” for 3 months. but it was MUCH MORE than that. we had 2 YEARS and for a good while we were both on the same page and liked and respected each other. that is MUCH more that some casual fook buddies have. i simply dont believe i DESERVED to lose respect in her eyes. so i got feelings. big fookin deal. try to deal with the feelings just like i was! be a friend! talk to me! dont lose respect for me and treat me like shit!



ok did a 4.2 miler.

shit. after this maybe i could have casual sex. like if some slut came up to me right now and said bangme id say ok, but it is physically impossible for me to get feelings with you. even if you the greatest most luvable woman in the world. wouldnt matter. its gonna take me at least a year to have feelings for ANYBODY. i still want her and only her. she was a big deal to me. i cant notice anything else. i would just be using you as fook meat to get over her. i am completely emotionally UNAVAILABLE and will be for a WHILE.

and then the gurl would say fine me too what you thought i had feelings for you lol we are just having secs, dont you know, its 2015 now, whenever you first have secs with a new partner of COURSE theres no feelings, NO FEELINGS IS ASSUMED! doncha know that feelings only come after like 6 months of banging……if ever, and they probably dont happen at all! so just chut up and bangme! and then i would. and make vidyas of it too.

ok. so you are supposed to remember the bad times, not the good times. if the good times lasted, then you would still be in the rel. if they still luved you. if they wanted to work it out. they would still be with you.

of course she never really luved me! god damn it will be ruff when i have a Real Actual Relship that ends where i have the First Major Longterm Monogamous Rel, complete with dating and cuddling and sleeping over and spending holidaze together and meeting the friends and families and spending every weekend together and both persons Acknowledging the other as their Monogamous Partner In a Rel, and saying I Luv U etc……….

…….and then THAT person stops luving me and dumps me hahahahha. ie the First Major Longterm Monog Rel Breakup that Normalfags have around age 18 or so hahahaha, which kicks off a decade of Casual Sex Hookups in their 20s.  shit THAT breakup is gonna damn KILL me! i didnt DATE this woman!

how could i have prevented this?

talked to her in october and september when i was first starting to get feelings. i should have said “uhhh i think i am getting some weird feelings for you. something is happening, im not sure what. maybe it has to do with your secret boifran. why dont you tell me about him. and could you ever have feelings for me. damn this is weird this is happening now.”

or i could have talked to her in july when i wasnt sure of her feelings for me, and said “this niceness, what does this mean? do you like me? do you have a boifran? if you ever get feelings or just feel confused, talk to me immediately and i will do the same.”

it is very painful to think of her having casual secs with guys she just me. and she WILL be doing it. damn. bbbbut for me, secs with her would have been SO SPECIAL and had so many feels. yet she just gets plowed by random guys, no feels anywhere to be found.

yeah the pain is just ridiculous. the thought you knew somebody and then you didnt know them AT ALL. how could you be SO WRONG about something that mattered so much to you? what else are you completely wrong about in making Big Life Decisions, or in judging people who are your friends, your good friends, your “closest” friends, your Lovers, the people you trust?

anyway it was good, but near the end it was really, really bad. it was worse than i thought. because when i got mixed messages, i only focused on the “good” part, disregarded the bad mixed part.

its like i said. subtlety is lost on those desperately in luv who desperatly want to save the rel. they will not understand subtlety, they will ignore mixed messages. there is a huge filter where you look at things that support your Optimism hahaha that she luvs you, or at least she wants to work this out, or at least Oh No this ISNT the end. when it totally is.

yep near the end we were really LIKE STRANGERS. she never wanted to hang out or talk with me. come on. thats all the proof you need. yet i took her willingness to have Small Talk with me at work, or to respond to my texts, as yep, we still ahve a friendship. otherwise she wouldn’t respond to my texts! in a halfway polite/nice way! cuz even that was totally alien to me.

i think she was responding to me just because she was generally a nice polite person and couldnt bear to just ignore me completely, like a common hook up slut hahaha. but its interesting that even the most pessimistic person, me, would be OPTIMISTIC about there being a chance.

well, its probably because we are SO DESPERATE. its not really OPTIMISM; its just that the Grim Reality is SO HORRIFYING that you HAVE to be in CONSTANT DENIAL. and then it all comes crashing down and you are KILLED for MONTHS.

yeah gonna do another 4.2 miler hahaha.

i bet she is at least somewhat affected by this. maybe she misses the good times too. well FOOK thats exactly what i wanted to bring back!!! in my desperate begging emails, i said we could get the good times back with a little communication!

well i wasnt wrong, but you need WILLINGNESS too. thats what LOVE is basically, is WILLINGNESS. I WANT to do this. we might communicate, but if she doesnt WANT to be muh Monogamous Longterm Gurlfran, then no amount of communication will make her want to be.

but that doesnt mean communication is worthless! it would have saved me a few MONTHS of pain i’m sure! and that is a big deal!

maybe it could have even saved me muh job.

but months of pain would be okay too, because the amoutn of pain you can suffer in one short month is RIDICULOUS. in a single day ever. its a damn MIRACLE i did not K myself! every day I do not K myself is a damn MIRACLE!!!!!

i heard this one expert say youre not supposed to talk to your family before you dump somebody, becuase they might influence you to do something you dont really want to do.

did another 4.2 miler.

anyway supposedly its okay to talk to your shrink/counselor/social worker whatever. but your family and friends are too….biased? they might tell you dont dump him, he’s so nice and good, when the hamster in your guts tells you dump because idk lol. he doesnt give you tingles. and that should override your damn family being a voice of reason! i dont know.

i say talk to your family baby! i told her to talk to her family. cause i thought her fam would back me up hahaha. i thought they would be a voice of reason. oh hes a great guy you should not throw him away like garbage. you dont ahve to date him but dont do him like this, you will break his poor heart. and boy did she ever! worst pain ever!

anyway yeah i could have communicated better but it never would have given her feels for me.

and she dumped me i didnt dump her. thats for DAMN sure.

things were SHITTY  for at least five of the ten months i had feelings. this distancing was her ending HER stake in the relationship. she was pulling out and was a solid 5 to 8 months ahead of me. she had already accepted that it was over. i am only just getting there. and i STILL want her back. it will take a LONG time get past that.

what else.

yeah if i EVER have another female friend, i am gonna be CAREFUL. i am gonna watch for feelings like a HAWK. shit i will try to force myself to get feelings right away. i will endeavour to think of her as a Sexual Being RIGHT AWAY. i will keep her In The Loop. If she has a boyfriend i will say, errrr doesnt this make him jealous? are you happy? why dont you break up with him so we can date? no dont CHEAT on him. oh, you were WILLING to cheat on him? well i know all i need to know then. so lets fook and i know never to be monogamous with you or get feelings, CHEATER.

i will say, listen sweetie, last time i had a female friend, it started out very good, but it turned out very, very, very bad, and i just cant survive another one of those.

then i will tell the story. and say thats why feelings can be a big deal. so if i get feelings i will tell you, and you do the same. if either of starts getting any feelings or any confusion about feelings, we have to talk about it right away. maybe we should try making out. or fooking. maybe that will start the feelings quicker. cuz my first thought with the past woman was yeah it would feel a little weird.

well after a short month of really THINKING about it, i concluded it WOULDNT BE WEIRD AT ALL, and i was in full blown luv with her, and we had not talked about it at all. then the shit hit the fan 10 months later.

shit go for a MORMON gurl. they are like christian gurls, BUT they dont turn into HUGE sluts the moment they turn 18. well, some of them do. but not as many. mormons. i wish i could have the faith and work ethic and the happiness of mormons. they are successful, nondegenerate, and have large loving families, and non slut women. there is a mormon church “meeting house” within 10 miles of where i live, i am SURE there si one near you too. also mormons believe in JESUS CHRIST. its jehovahs witnesses that are the REALLY fooked up ones youre thinking of. mormons are NOWHERE NEAR as bad as jehovahs witnesses, who might be as bad as scientologists.

took a 60% nyquil to get tired for 12 hours.

nyquil is SUPER POWERFUL. a 100% dose will make you sleepy for 20 hours, which if you are a working man, you will be Fired for not Peak Performance. you will get a one on one meeting telling you to Work Better. i cant give any pointers beause i dont know how to do your INSANE COMPLICATED CONFUSING JOB, just stop making mistakes or youre fired.

i knew a mormon girl in college, well i fell i luv with her as a matter of fact! and by age 21 she had been with very few men, maybe even a virgin. it was also possible she was an asexual lesbian! anyway she became very successful in life and is way out of the league of a loser like me hahahaha. she makes 50 DAH saving the world from rich white men hahaahah.

well actually she probably only makes 25DAH in her world, but she takes the big pay cut becuase shes making a difference in the world and fighting the patriarchy. probably took a bunch of dicks by now or became a hateful lesbian hahaha. if she contacted me i might go out with her hahahaha. she prob still looks good. but im sure she looks older. she is not 21 any more thats for sure!!!!!

so yeah my woman is not likely to come back. SHE is the one who CHOSE to end it!

i woudl have been real good to her. better than any man had ever been, even her long term boifran. but noooooooooooo. and she would have lifted me up a lot, given me a lot of energy to hopefully do something with my life, get energized, get some direction, become a winner. become less of a nihilist. but noooooooooooo.

you have to walk 35 miles a week to lose 1 pound per week hahaha. you burn about 100 calories for 1 miles of walking. it takes 3500 calories to burn a pound of fat. therefore, 35 miles = ONE pound hahahaha. now you see how hard it is to lose weight hahahaha.

still easier than getting a living wage job or an attractive gurlfran hahahaha. this is why most men have shitty jobs and date/marry ugly women hahahahaha.

“neveah”, heaven spelled backwards. people actually name their kids this. DAMN. you do not need to be INTELLIGENT to BREED. but you really SHOULD.

i mean damn. my super intelligent seed NEEDS to be spread!

but i also have mental and emotional probs and am not tall, probably have no tall genes in me. super beta, but very smart. not ugly either. when i was young i was good looking and smart enough to pull attractive women. briefly hahaha. and not win their feelings hahahaha.

my AK got beat by this guys A2. he went all in, i called, i fear he migth have AA, but he beat with AA22 and I just had AAxxx. wiped out. decimated. cleaned out. damn.



thought catalog. i actually liked reading the stupid articles. i am their target demo, of college grad millennial struggling in career and luv because i was not a Top Winner who became Super Successful at age 21 by going to Harvard Law or MIT PhD in STEM, postdoc fellowships, assistant professor at age 25, or director of some brilliant progressive nonprofit and getting stories in the new york slimes by age 26, all the while having promiscuous open relationships with other High Achievers hahahahahaha and insisting on Moral Relativism for your own actions, even while prescribing Moral Absolutes in your Public POlicy decisions hahahaha.

anyway as i am Over 30 I have aged out of Thought Catalog which is for Kidults in their 20s, and if you dont have Everything Figured Out by 30, then youve really fooked up hahahaha. yeah buddy!

gotta fail to succeed hahahaha.

some of the articles are good, but many are bad, by slutting flaky bitches defending their passive aggressive infuriating hamster bullshit.

celebrating shirking responsibility; celebrating avoiding important conversations; celebrating the easy way out and throwing people away like garbage; celebrating not directly communicating with peopel because its AWKWARD. sucking the dick of never doing important, right, responsible things, just because its AWKWARD, and AWKWARD is the worst thing ever, even over bad karma and breaking hearts hahahaha.

well im not entitled to communication or a conversation.

well i argue that when you know somebody for 2+ years, YES YOU ARE ENTITLED.

so i was pushing her boundaries. she was pushing my boundaries too.

i should have defended my boundaries. she prob did a better job of defending her boundaries.

i do like the concept of boundaries. think of it as a LINE that you dont want crossed, and when people cross that line, it makes you angry or sad or frustrated. and they may do it intentionally or unintentionally.  they may be crossing the line by avoiding you rather than doing something explicitly forwardly offensive.

so she did give kinda a notice that i was pushign her boundaries, by snapping at me and telling me GO AWAY. i wanted her to apologize for that because really i thought she was pushing MY boundaries and i didnt deserve to be snapped at like that. but i guess technically she doesnt need to apologize for enforcing her boundaries! would I? of course not!

so its all my fault, i could have fixed it, but i broke it.

well, i didnt even let her know she was VIolating My Boundary. you have to let people KNOW. she honestly thought i was just being a bitch Just Because. it was my responsibility to say, I feel my boundary being pushed because i am very sad and frustrated you refuse to hang out with me, i feel rejected and unliked, and it hurts.

so i could say WHY ELSE would i be pushing her in the first place? but when you are EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED, you sometimes FAIL TO SEE THE OBVIOUS.

also, when somebody likes somebody else, they want the person to like them. its important. they are already invested in this. you think they are gonna listen to SUBTLE, UNCLEAR HINTS, BURIED IN MIXED MESSAGES? and say ok, read ya loud and clear, sorry to like you? NO, they CANNOT hear SUBTLETY and need it sledgehammered into their emotionally compromised brain. thats why mixed messages are so bad. cuz you will say oh theyre still talking to me, that means theres a CHANCE.

haven’t these women experienced similar things when they have a “crush” on a guy? they refuse to believe he doesnt like them?

i dont fault ANYONE for being this OBTUSE. you cannot be objective when you are In Luv and you WANT the best outcome from the other person. of COURSE you are emtoionally compromised hahahaha. man or woman. it doesnt matter.

but the rejector needs to b DIRECT and NOT subtle. no mixed miessages.

but yeah thought catalog has actually given me a little bit of actual COMFORT hahahaha.

18 Things That Suck About Not Being Interested In Casual Sex

or yu just judge stupid sluts. like this woman who tried having plenty of casual sex to reach the conclusion that she really did not like casual sex hahahaha.

“internalizing society’s slut shaming”

GOOD LORD. in this generation people honestly do not understand why being a slut is inherently shameful. men will defend sluts for gods sakes.

This Is What Is Really Wrong With Casual Sex

also even though the few men who write for the site are novirgin sexhaving normalfags…..they still seem unmasculine and girly and the men and women seem to think men and women are the same……except for the beauty of women being emotionally compromised children and treating people like garbage hahahaha. thats ok. cuz its some mythopoetic primordial womens emotions bullcrap.

Casual Sex Is Not For Everyone

i really liked the fact that she never got into The Hookup Culture of jumping into Secs quickly, having Secs with a lot of interchangeable people, etc. because she got into a Longterm Monog Rel at a young age. well now that thats over she might become a hookup whore. or she might not. it really shouldnt matter to me. fooking dirty hookup whore. i forgive her. dear lord please help me let go of the anger. hahahaha.

the pattern i have is that i fall in luv and get feelings for women…….who DONT have feeligns for me!

so what did i learn?

  1. dont get feelings for a woman unless she has feelings for me.
  2.  because this isnt really something you can control, not a realistic plan, then communicate with the the INSTANT you get feelings. just write a damn email if they dont hang out wiht you within 2 weeks.
  3. even if i had communicated better, it still wouldnt have worked out, becuase she didnt like me, she didnt have any desire to make it work. she wanted out and nothing would have stopped her. because she wasnt in luv with me. therefore she wasnt willing to meet me halfway and help Us make it work.
  4. boundaries, limits. let them know when they are crossing them.
  5. its your responsibility to say we need to talk.
  6. be brutally honest in the commuincation. tell her to tell you the instant she gets feelings, or the instant you get feelings.
  7. yeah i am a sucker for LISTS like thought catalog faggotry. it seems like its easier to remember or study. and i do NOT want to FORGET this SUPER IMPORTANT shit. these are the lessons i learned from my LIFE being RUINED, and i dont want to FORGET them and have my life get ruined again!

so she didnt realize she was crossing my boundaries by avoiding me. i didnt quite realize she was crossing my boundaries either! basically if it HURTS, theres probably a boundary being crossed, and communication needs to happen. i needed to communicate about my feelings; and also about how the avoidance hurts. i eventually communicated about THAT, but that was near the very end. and it didnt open up any communication really. but i sort of said that yeah i feel hurt and rejected when you avoid me and dont talk to me hahahahaha.

you are entitled to your Feelings. Feel Your Feelings. they might also not like you defending your boundaries.

but basically if somebody luvs you and wants to make the rel work………….

………………they will not walk out on you. they will do the antithesis of walk out on you. they want to stay there with you and Bend Over Backwards to communicate and fix stuff.

i know in email1, which was read, might have been the only one she read, i should have divulged my true feelings there, but i did say a number of other important things: i feel hurt by the distance; i cant keep doing this forever; i just want to talk and communicate; things are tense right now but i believe we can fix it with a little commnication; lets communicate please; maybe we cant fix it, but i really dont want to give up on it without even trying.

well apparently she did want to give up on it without even trying. but thats ok, because she didnt luv me as a luver, so her getting out of it made sense.

it just sucked to have her get out of it in the worst possible way to me: treat me like a piece of shit WHILE dumping me. it is a DOUBLE WHAMMY of heartbreak. that you only reserve for a piece of shit who has cheated on you or beat you. and you want to send a message of hate to them. but which i would not advise doing to a crazy angry abuser, because he might just fooking K you! so i advise err on the side of caution. no need to really stick it to them. be a better person than that.

heh. perfect storm. i honestly thought we would talk about it, so i held off writing an email. maybe if we didnt work together? also then the tension wouldnt have boiled as much as it did.

also i feel guilty cuz she was undergoing a family thing……………….

……….but also i dont think thats a valid excuse for her shutting down all communication for 10 months. no hangouts, no serious talks, no emails. you can send an email even while you are having family trouble. write an email on a sleepless night hahahaha. get a dialogue going. damn.

yeah i will be better about my communiation and my boundaries in the future, but its important that i dont lose sight of the fact that It Takes Two, and that my Bungling Communication was not THE REASON for the failure of this rel. I was trying to do the right thing….i just was half assing and being a coward. well she was being a coward too, but what she WANTED was something 180 degrees different. we were cowards for different things. i was a coward in expressing my luv for her, and she was a coward in expressing her NOT being in luv with me.

it was the simple fact she did not have feelings and i did, that the rel failed. no big deal hahahahaha happens all the time. its cetainly happened to me 8 times before. i mean 5. hahaha. just saying it COULD have ended much less painfully if she had just Accepted My Invitation to Talk, and then said nope sorry.

well my invitation to talk was not the greatest. so that makes it my fault for heaping all the pain onto myself? maybe.

see you just go around and around and around in CIRCLES over and over and over.

this PAIN is exactly WHY people close themselves OFF to love, why they attempt to DIVORCE sex and emotion, and have casual, no strings attach, no feelings sex.

but i think thats bad for oxytocin, bad for human Committment.

but maybe some people have low oxytocin to begin with.

i mean some people truly ENJOY casual sex. who am i to take that away from them?

well ok they can enjoy it, as long as they have good COMMUNICATION with everyone they are having casual sex with, to make sure everybodys on the same PAGE, and no ones FEELINGS get hurt. that is the RESPONSIBILITY you have if you want to have damn casual sex, ya damn sociopath nihilists with hearts of stone!

shit. i thought she might feel guilt for throwing me away like garbage and that she might want to reconcile, but be too scared, so then its my responsiblity to contact her and be like we can reconcile if you want! im not mad at you! even though i already said that in emails 2 thru 4; but she 99% sure didnt even READ those heartbreaking emails where i begged for mercy hahahhahaha. so i have to WAIT for her to be less emotional, then contact her again? if i am truly serious about getting the gurl? well i have been no contact for over a month, since i sent the final email4 on aug 17, and i dont want to jeopardize that. i mean if she really wants to reconcile, shes got to SHOW me SOMETHING. email me and be like “ive made a huge mistake” would be a good start hahahaha.

yeah around and around in circles. but one thing that IS for certain is that SHE dumped ME, i did not dump HER. god damn that is painfully obvious.

heh. i just wish she was more willing to fix shit. i mean what we had couldnt be fixed, me luving her, her not luving me, but still. we could have discussed it and agreed to disagree so to speak and ended it a lot better.

but reading bullshit thought catalog articles about women who are so devastated about HAVING to dump their Boifran of 2 years because something, idk what, feeeeeeeels awkward or off. i hate that shit. well then its you RESOPONSIBILITY to figure out what that thing is and try to fix it. communicate. fight to save an important relship. or you just gonna throw it away like shit because youre too lazy and vain and cowardly and shitty and evil hahahaha. i forgive her. lord help me let go of this anger.

and to stop being A victim.

well i kinda was a victim! I Got Dumped! I also Got Treated Unfairly!

there were things i could ahve done better, but it wouldnt have changed things! I still would ahve been dumped! but maybe i would have felt less of a Victim about it. yeah. that would be good. feeling like a victim sucks and does not help you.

there is no way she does NOT feel anything about this. i wonder how SHE is dealing with it. probably by getting fooked by tons of cock, the whore. take those cocks. destroy your oxytocin. never have a good rel with a man ever again. hahahaha. im sorry. i forgive her. lord help me let go.

ok time for the 4.4 miler.

well i promised i would not look at degenerate porno but i did. oh well. i hadnt in about a week. once a week is not horrible. once a DAY is horrible! but yeah any gurl that would let herself get fooked on camera is bad news. yet so many non porno regular gurls let their casual sex fook buddies and badboi boifranz make SEX TAPES of them. its not REALLY porno, and they arent REALLY porno gurls……but its definitely  Blurred LInes hahahaha and it DEFINITELY is a step in the WRONG directly. NOT moral. YES disgusting. NO dont do it. do NOT recommend it for your daughter. YES its a warning sign if your gurlfran has done it. a warning sign that you will not be perfect for you and she will dump you to make sex tapes with other guys real soon hahahahahaha.

ok 4.4 miler.



april fools? this is no foolin, aint no motherfookin game motherfooker. this is real life, real pain, real heartbreak.

anyway i figure this is gonna take a LONG time and be VERY painful because it WAS true real luv. if i got over this QUICKLY, that would mean it wasnt real. well it was real. so it is only right and just that it takes a long time.

not like these promiscuous whores who take 99 cox and they BURN OUT their OXYTOCIN RECEPTORS, and are unable to connect with a person.

i think men get oxytocin too, but women probably get it stronger. so its all the more disgusting when a woman has promiscuous secs.

when you fight nature, nature will DESTROY you!

degeneracy can be looked at as SIN if you are a catholic hahahaha everyone is disgusting degenrate sinners

codependent, luv addiction, yep thats me.

i dont think i got truly codependent with her until things started getting bad. then they got REALLY bad.

i think if i had blurted it out before that time, it wouldnt have been so damn bad.

it started out as a pretty healthy rel but then it got extremely unhealthy just because we didnt talk about important shit. that was largely my fault for being afraid to talk about out, but also her fault for avoiding talking about it when i was trying to overcome that fear and actually talk about it. then i couldnt get her to talk about it.

how do you start and keep good communication in a rel? for a while we had good communication, but i was scared t talk about certain things. namely, my feelings and her feelings.

however these things were not so important before I GOT feelings.

if she got feelings and wanted to talk abotu it, i would have been willing! back before i had feelings i mean.

anyway this will take a long ass time to get over BECAUSE it was real. the amount of time and suffering is simply a TESTIMONY to how real and true it was. it SHOULD take a long time to get over, or else i would be like a promiscuous whore taking 99 cox. FORCING yourself through A Long Term Process, and permanently fooking up your brain in doing so.

you need to treat you OXYTOCIN RECEPTORS/PRODUCERS with respect and not rush them or burn them out……or else they might never produce oxytocin again.

so this is the bright side hahahahaha.

again i dont think for the first 3 months of feelings it was CODEPENDENT. but by not communicating about it, i became more obsessed and codependent. so you HAVE to communicate about shit in a TIMELY manner. or shit gets codependent. meaning obsessive, addictive, and baaaaaadddddddd.

did a nice 4.4 miler on a nice sunday afternoon. just feeling the feelings. the best way thru the pain is right through the damn middle. head on.

the depth of the pain just proves the depth of the luv. serious stuff will not be gotten over quickly.

you know who tries to get over shit quickly and what happens to them? women get their heart brokent then jump into a new rel and are having secs with a new guy just to distract them. then 99 guys later, they never get over the first heartbreak, and have burnt out all their oxytocin, and have become a horrible sociopath slut.

thats what happens when you dont feel your feelings, and just jump on cock to AVOID feeling feelings!!!!

heh. i listened to some youtube video of a shrink saying “break up dos and donts” and they advise to do it in person and to take a lot of time for the other person to have their say. to realize it IS going to hurt.

if it DOESNT hurt, something is wrong. extreme pain is NORMAL!

anyway they said that the dumpee feels the most pain right away, but the dumper can also feel the pain LATER. hehehe. GOOD. i HOPE she feels guilt for dumping me in such a disrespectful way. and then comes back to me cuz she decides shes in luv with me and then we live happily ever after, and she becomes my faithful student in learning How 2 COmmunicate good. i will school her in how to communicate. first thing you gotta have is the willingness to talk, and listen, and shit even write letters or emails. i acknowledge that sitting there with the person is an emotionally loaded situaiton, and you may forget to say things, or say things you dont mean. for this reason i encourage supplementing the in-person talks with letters, emails, and also 20 minute voice recordings of you giving them a good solid monologue without interruption. they can reply wiht a 20 minute recording of their own.

or they can just run off with swarthy badbois and get herpes. then keep dumping them until they find one who is dominant enough to not get dumped, or who just knocks them up and dumps them hahahahahaha.

this is all part of muh pain process hahaha. it involves hate and anger and bitterness.

but if you just blame them and see them as the bad guy, then you become a bitter person, said this one youtube shrink. you have to learn something about how you can keep from getting into this situation in the future.

well i totally did.

  1. once you get feelings, TELL THEM. fairly damn soon. within 2 or 3 months at the longest. especially if you are or have been pretty good friends up till then.
  2.  if they refuse to meet with you, tell them “WE NEED TO TALK.” “This is not about hanging out, its about TALKING, and something IMPORTANT i need to tell you.
  3. write them a letter andor email that explains what you want to say in your talk. probably wouldnt hurt to send this even if you do have an in person talk. just to clarify. plus people might not remember everything you said.
  4. then when they reject you, they can hopefully do it respectfully.
  5. the whole process is over and done with in 3 months max and hopefully you minimize your pain.
  6. and avoid falling in damn LOVE with someone who doesnt love you.

and that was the bad thing about waiting so long. is it gave me more time to fall deeper in love with somebody who didnt love me.

so i guess you SHOULD tell them as SOON as you have any INKLING.

  1. tell them as soon as you have an INKLING. tell them “i dont know for sure, but i might be starting to get feelings for you, and i dont want them to turn into full blown feelings unless you think you could have feelings for me too.”
  2. always communicate about her feelings to you, and your feelings towards her. BEFORE you get feelings! and say you gotta be aware that eventually you could develop feels some day. it happened before and it turned out distastrous….but it didnt have to be so damn distastrous, if you have good communication, early.
  3. that is, dont close the door on feelings just because youre friends! i think this is the best way for feelings to be! but it does need to be handled maturely.
  4. ask her if she has feelings for you, and tell her to tell you IMMEDIATELY if she starts to feel any feels even maybe. and that you will do the same.

i didnt know any of this, becuase i never got feels for a female friend. never thought i could. well these are the valuable lessons i learned.

i suppose if she loved me, OR if she were more mature, OR if she also knew these things, she could help me learn these lessons, rather than just ABANDONING me and leaving me to figure things out all by myself. it could have been a cooperative, collaborative effort, but nooooooooooooooo.  i dont think she was that wise, to be honest. she was an emotional relational empathic infant. very immature.

i was just so overjoyed she was not a promsicuous whore, that i couldnt believe she could be Emotionally Immature in OTHER ways which could damage the rel.

i was just so overjoyed to know an attractive young women who had not been with 100 guys!

doesn’t mean they will know how to communicate with you!

now, a tangent. Ethical Sluts pride themselves on communication and boundaries. this would be the one thing i would fully agree with them on. that constant open honest direct communication is a great thing, as well as respecting and communicating your boundaries.

“boundaries” is kinda a confusing idea. i agree its not a clear word. not a clear boundary hahahaha. IMHO a boundary is simply when something hurts your feelings. and it can be crossed by a person doing, or NOT doing something.

they dont need to be aggressively invading you or taking advantage or attacking you. they can be passive aggressive or withdrawing or pulling away or distancing or avoiding you! those are all ways of pushing your boundaries.

so your responsibility is to say, “I feel hurt or disrespected when you refuse to hang out or talk to me. I feel my boundary is being crossed. Lets talk about that. I know we can work this out. It would mean a lot to me if you could Respect Muh Boundary Please. and I will do the same for you. tell me about some of YOUR boundaries.”

there you go. women who have 99 sex partners do not have communication skills THIS good. people who have lived together for 5 years do not have comm skillz this good. damn.


valuable lessons from a breakup

sourced from reddit thread:

ok the reddit thread is short and sucks, cant believe somebody got paid to write a huffpo article based on a reddit thread that as so shitty


1. “A relationship involves two people. I used to put all the responsibility on myself whenever something would go wrong. When her actions would hurt me, I’d think about myself and what I could have done better. In the end, I stayed in that relationship way too long.”


10 Signs You’re In A One-Sided Relationship

oh god i am hooked on reading THOUGHT CATALOG and girly articles about Luv and also Your First After College Full Time Job and how to survive its soul crushing ness hahahaha

This Is How She Feels When She Breaks Your Heart

awful article with great comments lol

google: how to learn from a breakup

Why I Can’t Stay Friends With The Girl Who Broke My Heart

i let myself feel angry and hateful things, even super duper hateful monstrous things.

then i say, I FORGIVE HER, and then Dear LORD please help me forgive her and let go of this pain and hate.

all these dumb articles written by dumb bitches about how heartbroken THEY are after DUMPING a guy. HA!

perfect Hamsterization for the guilt that its right for them to feel, because deep down they KNOW its wrong to shirk responsibility like a cowardly child; to avoid working towards a resolution; to avoid any communication. it would be more respectable to just tell the truth and say the guy doesnt give them Vag Tingles, and they prefer to dump a long term rel rather than work on it or communicate, so they can ride the Exciting C0k Carousel. I acknowledge it exists. and it is DISGUSTING.