yeah buddy. well this book says it has exercises and worksheets to do on Grief and another on Relationships so i migth do that here.

it also talks about how the Devastation you feel is normal and natural.

it also says you will be getting a strong urge to “pine and search” and seek them out. its normal to have the urge but its bad and harmful to stalk them and go by their house hahahaha that is not recommended.

you think if you could have One More Final Talk with them, you could figure everything out, have closure, try to get an Explanation, ask them just one more final questions, tell them one more thing, i found some solidarity in the quotes from Clients and people who the author got fodder from in writing the book.

oh i just wanted them to say that that our relationship was important to them. or that they EVER luved me.

i just wanted to apologize one more time, i realized another thing i had done wrong, so i could apologize for that and maybe getting them back.

so yeah a lot of familiar thoughts and feelings there! we are not alone hahaha.

yeah decent book, worth the $4, i recommend it.

but yeah i have gotten better about not choosing the same Broken People, for example, woman2,3, and the former woman5 before i removed her from the woman lineup, were basically Crazy Sluts with severe Emotional Problems. of course they ended up more emotionally stable, way more career successful, and more long term relationship success than me, but thats because men have to do all the work in rels hahahaha and women can be on their worst behavior all the time hahahaha.

really the recurring pattern is i keep falling in luv with women who do not have feelings for me!

so really the Intimate Rel never really STARTS.

well except with sluts who have secs early. then they say yeah you know what i dont really have feeligns for you, lets stop having secs, i am bored and this isnt fun any more.

so……..i need to be more FUN? i need to make the women LIKE me more?

hehehe i may need a stronger book if i ever get an Actual Special Rel which Ends. like if i Date a gurl for a year and then she dumps me for stupid reason and i am heartbroken.

but i cant even really DO the Relationship Inventory because we simply did not spend a LOT of time together. we spent a LITTLE time together but yeah i didnt know her friends and family that well; we didnt even hang out regularly; i couldnt even get her to hang out with me for fooks sake.

i would pathetically beg to go to dinner and go out of my way to specify “ILL PAY! MY TREAT!” or wanna go to this event, i will buy your ticket for you, etc.  so she couldnt use the excuse of not having any money to pay for dinner or whatever.  that would not stop most women who have 10000000K $ of credit card debt, and i liked that she was Frugal and fairly responsible with the money mindedness. however she could also easily make the excuse that she doesnt have the money to go out to dinner, or go to a movie, or do ANYTHING, so i would tell her ILL PAY!

when of course the truth was, she just didnt want to hang out with ME.

cuz she didnt want to do free things either, like go to the park or hang out at home.

dont ask to hang out with people who never want to hang out with you! are you really THAT repulsive? hehehe you might think so sometimes, but you are probably not.

relships are stupid. they are so weak and tenuous. they require the consent and agree of BOTH parties at all times. and the instant ONE person decides they dont want to be in the rel any more……..its over.

it takes TWO people to START, and ONE person to END.

hard to start, easy to end.

i think i have gotten over any grief from my past, i have gotten over all the other heartbreaks and learned the lessons. dont fall in luv with flaky sluts, dont fall in luv too fast, act in a timely manner once you get feelings, and now, be more direct with communication, act in an even more timely manner, try to be friends first, dance through the minefield, make one misstep and KABOOM hahahahaha.

anyway so many heartbroken people think that oh if they could just have ONE MORE TALK with the person, they could convince them to stay, they could FIX things. i thought/think the same thing! but i am learned that when that person is DONE and CHECKED OUT and FINISHED, nothing is gonna change their mind. they have single handedly ended the relationship. thats just how relships work. its fooking gay.

yet i still think Relationships are a Good Thing and we should strive towards having Good Relationships between men and women.

Most Western White Women are degenerate nihilists and have a negative view of Relationships themselves!

“Relationships suck. relships are too much drama. too much work. not worth it. i would rather just date casually and be a huge promiscuous whore.” hahahaha.

ALL my relships with women, well the “love” relships, have been NOT WORTH IT, yet i still BELIEVE, iama TRUE BELIEVER in the inherent Goodness of Relships. Modern Western Women are true believers in the inherent badness of longterm monog special luv relships. how TWISTED and DEGENERATE is that!

well, maybe not “MOST”, but maybe only a Small Majority, like 55 or 60% hahahaha. oh wait. a “Small Majority” IS “MOST.”


anyway yeah i GUESS i was slightly comforted to know that what happened to me has happened to many many thousands and millions of people.

people single handedly ending relationship because theyre just DONE, they dont WANT to fix it, they just want OUT. people running away, disappearing, ignoring, avoiding.

they wont talk to you one more time, nothing you say can convince them. they dont WANT to fix it, they WANT it all to END, they want to be DONE and damn is that a simple process for them. they just decide its over, and then its over. damn.

i guess the lesson is, dont get feelings before having secs because women always have secs too soon hahahaha; no honestly, dont get feelings until they start to show some feelings for YOU.

well there was one time when i thought she might have feelings for me, around july 2014, then my feelings switched on a mere 3 months after that, in october 2014. wouldnt she still be able to rekindle feelings at that point, IF she indeed had any? probably. i know i would be able to rekindle feelings even after like a year of no contact. and we def we not no contact, we saw each other every day and got along pretty well from july to october.

but you cant really control when you get feelings. i got feelings and it was bad timing!

anyway if you get feelings, blurt it out within three months.

but its ridiculous if you get feelings if you dont know the girl at all.

this kinda happened with woman2012. i got feelings for her before we even started hanging out! stupid!

and we did not even hang out that much, or become that close of friends, i was much closer with woman2015!!!!

it just sucks to be close to someone, then they become a stranger, by withdrawing, and not caring abotu you any more.

but muh breakup book shows that this happens all the time.

but why do these people do this?

because they are Broken People?

my book says, when you get thoughts like this, say “it doesnt matter” 3 times hahahaha.

also if someone avoids hanging out wiht you for 3 months then blurt it out already, write them an email, the email wont fix anything, because its ALREADY OVER.

well ok. just because communication probably wouldnt have fixed this, because she jsut wanted out, and no amount of commuincation would have CHANGED that, doesnt mean that commuincation itslef is inherently useless or futile. an exercise in futility hahahaha.

but we see that Two To Make It, One To Break It motif once again: BOTH people have to want to communicate, for commuincate to work or event to merely happen. if one person desperately wants to commuincate and the other person doesnt……its not gonna work. its already over.

so in other words, it was over between me and her before i even knew it. it was over the moment she refused to communicate with me!

maybe you should just try to Bang any Nonugly female friend you ever have, even if you think it would be weird. fook it. do it anyway. better to be weird now than weird later. better to be weird now than you fall in luv with her later and never get to bang her hahahaha.

so i should have tried to bang her immediately? tried to get her to cheat on her boifran at the time? maybe! i dunno about that though. i did honestly respect their relship. i did not respect the relship between her and the new boifran though. i would try to get her to cheat on that. but she was in luv with him and was upset when he cheated on her hahahaha.

but i thought jealous was the most immature emotion, nobody OWNS anybody like a Controlling Slavemaster Oppressive Patriarcy! You dont OWN ME! YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MAH BODY!!!!!!

anyway. yeah i guess i should have tried to bang her the instant she broke up with her boifran. just moved in there like a wolf. a hawk. even if i didnt have feelings.

use her as a practice gurl hahahaha. no i couldnt do that because I Respected Her Too Much.

so say you are heartbroken and you meet a Degenerate Slut you dont respect, who likes to have Casual Sex with all these guys. Should You Bang Her?

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD. It will give you valuable EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. Just WRAP IT UP (beause these dirty whores wont care! theyve already got The Clap and HPV and Herpes and Chlamydia), and remember that there are nondegenerate women in the world, not all women are like that, and do not treat respectable nondegenerate women the way disrespectful way you treat nonrespectable degenerate women!!!! dont let that make you a woman hater. but the Casual Sex will make you more CONFIDENCE and EXPERIENCED, which are valuable skills for pulling Actual Worthwhile Women!

not that all human beings lives dont have value.

just that SOME people are more valuable than others when you are looking for a monogamous longterm special relationship partner, a wife and mother of your children! duuuuuuuuuuhhhh!

maybe i could have got her to not walk out if i had had a babby with her hahahaha.

well, some women will still walk out on you EVEN IF YOU HAVE BABBYS WITH THEM! take the babbys with them and wilfully kick the father out of the childrens life just because! for no reason. because they dont luv you and they just want out of the rel.

ok time for the 3.6 miler hahaha.

ok did it. did not do much jogging on it.

anyway. red flags. when i first met female friend, she told me all about her life and actually i felt that was a little Too Much, and thats part of why i kept her at a distance. i was just like mmm hmmm ok but thinking why are you telling me all this? all this personal and intense family stuff. funny she was more intimate with me that way in the VERY BEGINNING than she was after two years. then she would not want to tell me anything about her life at all! but at that very begnning, i was like this gurl has had a very hard, sad, tough life and i feel SORRY/PITY for her, but i could never be with a woman that has that much baggage.

usually that type of baggage leads them to being a huge whore, so i suspected her of that at first. of being very promiscuous, irresponsible, etc, cuz no good father figure.

as i came to know her i saw that she was responsible and non promiscuous. this caused me to like and trust her more.

where did it all go wrong? it really almost doesnt matter. if i had been direct and communicated about her New Boifran, or talked about my feelings to her, she probably STILL would have distanced herself from me and rejected me, maybe it would jsut happen a little softer. which would have been worth it hahaha.

anyway i guess the lesson is Always Be Communicating hahahaha.

if you have a female friend and she is NICE and you GET ALONG and she is not ugly, have A Talk every month or two months about if maybe you should try dating or Banging.

im not sure if i ever said “I COULD NEVER DATE HER”. i just said “ugh. that would be weird.”

i had other female friends and this was never a problem!!!!

is this a “when harry met sally” type thing? i dunno maybe. never saw that stupid movie. rob reiner is trash. i try not to watch trash. well theres way worse trash out there now on tv all the time.

when my female fren was with her original boifran, i was never jealous or envious. however when she ended it with him and started dating this other guy, someone secretly………….THEN i started to get envious or jealous.

pay attention to the jealousy! it can be the first start of feelings.

then i should said whats the deal with your new boifran your not telling me about? i am surprised you would date someone so quickly. unless its just a casual rebound thing and not serious. then wanna try dating me too? we could bang and cuddle and make out and im a lot moar fun than this guy. but yeah kinda sleazy of you to have secs with two guys at once, women worth dating dont do that hahahaha.

and then she coulda said hurrr durrr i dunno it just sorta happened i dunno and i like him.

then i would been like baby you just dont know what you want right now. why dont i take you dinner and we can hang out and you can tell me all about everything and we can cuddle.

hehehe thats pretty manipulative isnt it. yes it is.

well as long as we were hanging out and talking. that would be the main thing.

besides she DID rush too fast into the rel with the new guy. fall in love with some guy she didnt even know. come on.

so talking and communicating would have done us no good. then i just wish she had liked me hahahahaha and wanted to spend time with me and cuddle and talk and make out and have luving relship secs hahahaha. oh god.

well i am not gonna contact her of course! i have my one month chip as of yesterday. bet she feels stupid. she thought i would be a creepy stalker! and i told her i wasnt! and indeed i wasnt! idiot slut. hahahaha.

but yeah i romanticized the good times. we had like 10 good times which was respectable, but i built them up so much! well really for a while every time i saw her was a good time. but we really didnt hang out enough ever. we didnt hang out as much as Good Friends should hang out. then i fell in luv with her and wanted to hang out more, and then she didnt want to hang out AT ALL. i wanted to hang out MORE, she wanted to hang out LESS. bad sign.

she was nicest to me when she was going out with the first boifren! which made me feel a little weird. like yeah i really lke you being nice to me, but… you want to cheat on your boifran with me? thats wrong, i know you know its wrong. but i wish i could help you because he should be treating you better. i could treat you better, just end it with him first.

then she ended it with him and started datng someone else!

then that ended and i really started pushing! and she got my signal and then started pulling away from me. no dating for me hahahaha.

anyway it is sad to think we were never as close as i thought we were. that something was always off.

well its true the timing was always a little off but i think she appreciated the Rel at one point. july 2014 was one of those high points.

anyway the real reason it ended was because she didnt have feelings for me. period. also she was not willing to talk about the relationship because she knew the talk was gonna be abotu my feelings, whic she didnt share, so it was OVER. nothing to talk about really.

i wish it were different hahahaa that she did have feelings. i would have been very good to her.

anyway i like the idea that when you enter a relationship with somebody, you accept certain RESPONSIBILITIES. for example, fidelity, loyalty, not cheating, and indeed putting them on a kinda pedestal, because they are special to you, and you gladly sacrifice other Romantic Opportunities.

but people dont want these RESPONSIBILITIES any more.

i hate responsibilities too, but in the case of a rel with someone i luv, the word would not have negative connotation. i would GLADLY take those responsibilities because i luv them and want to be with them and ONLY them.