so i did not RESPECT  BOUNDARIES. ok fine i admit that. so im the bad guy and its 100% blame for me.

hehehehe when you are concerned about ASSIGNING BLAME that is not a good thing. that is something The Bad Guy Does.

so how do i Respect Boundaries better in the future?

If someone doesnt want to hang out, then i stop asking them to hang out and just Peacefully Calmly Accept that they want Out Of The Relationship, and I calmly say “Well OK Then. I wont get upset even though I desperately want the relationship to continue.”

hahahaha. then i ask why am i so desperate about wanting to continue a one sided rel?

because i am in love with them, and also they are giving me mixed signals, like they just want a month or two of time, not out of the rel forever.

the MIXED SIGNALS cannot be overstated here hahahaha. she was alternatingly cold and nice. so yeah i can place blame on her, for giving me FALSE HOPE in giving me such mixed signals.

so i could have written an email.

well, i DID write an email in email1 which was hedging my bets a bit, in that i did not confess Romantic Love, but i Confessed great Concern and a plea to Please Commnicate and REpair Our Rel and become close once again.

She told me she read that but did not respond to the actual substance at all. very typical of her. Say something important to her and she says OK, but does not really respond to what youre saying. does not say “yes i agree with what you said, i would like to commuincate better” OR “no you are too pushy i dont want to communicate, the time for communication is over, this rel is over.”

this is the problem when you communicate over short messages. they can just say OK and not respond to the important stuff. also an inperson talk would also make such Dodging the Issue impossible too.

but yeah in the future i will be more direct in the email.

i will say in email1 please respond to this one. respond to the things i have said here.

i will confess muh feelings in an email several months earlier, when it is clear tension is building.

i would say “i am pushing you to hang out only because We Need To Talk, i have something important to talk to you about that affects our Relationship.” not just hanging out To Hang Out and chit chat about small talk. but Big Talk.

i would be much more direct about talking about Her Feelings towards other men;

her feelings towards ME;

and my feelings towards her.

I would say, yeah im just not sure if i like you yet! but 50 50 chance that i COULD in 3 months or so. lemme tell you the story of how i fell in love with a female frend and it was so shitty!

actually if i made a new female friend, that story would probably come out fairly early, but i would be happy to repeat it and refresh the persons memory hahahaha.

Dr Phil agrees with me. he says be a gracious winner and have Good Karma and be more compassionate and forgiving and realize when someone is begging for mercy, and try a little tenderness hahahaha.

dont just take an inventory of me and eerything ive done wrong, take an inventory of yourself and how you have shut me out in the cold!

i am just watching dr phil right now like a huge loser and repeating everything he is asaying. a mother has Boundary ISsues with her Son and his wife, and they are feuding, and mother says she is getting better and changing, and the son/wife say no she isnt, and in some cases its Just Words. the son/wife say this is just words, but dr phil is actually saying hey wait it might not be just words, cut her a little slack.

anyway i remember having a similar “conversation” with the woman, aka a 2 minute chat, where i said “i will not bug you any more and that is not just words, i will prove with my actions” and she said something like “I HOPE SO” which implied that she thought i was 100% to blame.

she was not acknowledging any need to communicate in other words!

she was saying we never need to communicate and if you dont accept that, youre the bad guy.

well i think thats bullshit, when the rel is in trouble, you NEED to COMMUNICATE. shit you need to communicate when the rel is NOT in trouble.

trust, respect, and communication hahahahaha. TRC.

so yeah that was disappointing, that she was essentially saying, we dont need to communicate, i dont want to communicate, why should we communicate, OBVIOUSLY we dont need to talk about anything.

well i should have said at that point, in february approx, that yeah i will stop bugging you, but get it through your god damn thick skull that i dont want to HANG OUT with you, i want to sit down and have a heart to heart TALK with you, We Need To Talk, the sooner the better, we need to communicate about something important, cant you SEE that? and said so lets do this over the phone or email. i would prefer to meet in person because its ONE OF THOSE kinds of talks. but obviously thats not gonna happen.

so i was the bad guy for wanting to commuincate. but she didnt realize that i wanted to communicate. she thought i just wanted to Bug Her to Hang Out. because i didn’t come right out and directly said, i want to COMMUNICATE, i only want to hang out because i want to talk about something where talkingabout it in person would be best.

so im the bad guy for not saying that. it was impossible to make her understand anything. everything was like god damn PULLING TEETH.

anyway the second she said I HOPE SO you will stop trying to hang out with me, i should have written email1 then. im not just trying to hang out with you, i am trying to TALK to you, and you are trying to AVOID this by any means necessary.

well she obviously doesnt WANT to TALK then! and that was proven. she never did want to talk. and then it was fooking OVER.

yeah well i dont have to be happy about the way she handled that. and i think it would have been less fooking STUPID and ridiculous, if we had just had god damn talked about it. how does that make me the bad guy.

well it makes you the bad guy if you keep PUSHING them to talk when theyve made it CLEAR they dont WANT to talk.

so you just say OK and walk away.

well mother fooker it was really HARD for me to walk away on a relationship that was important to me! i didnt want to just walk away on An Important Rel with No Talking! yeah i guess it really IS about CLOSURE!

human beings PREFER CLOSURE!!!! of course you dont always get it.

so couldnt she say, gee I WANT closure when stuff ends, so why dont i do the right thing and give HIM some closure.


you dont end a relationship with NO communication.

and we had known each other for long enough that it WAS a kind of relationship. i realize women have all sorts of stupid contradictory rules about what consitutes a relationship. like, if youve only had Just Sex a bunch of times and then you lose interests before 2? or 3? months, then its not a relationship and you get to Bail with No Communication at the FIRST sign of Awkwardness.

or, its not a relationship if youve been friends for 2 years but you’ve never Had Secs. Its all about SEX with these dumb broads hahahaha. sex sex sex sex hahahaha. i blame our oversexed, hypersexualized culture.

no dummies, everything is not all about sex. it is about communicating and getting to know a person and sharing your Feelings about each other.

just look at how women and gurls DANCE, Dancing for them means shaking their ass and grinding their genitals. acting like a Stripper Whore. not on my watch! not my daughter!

so if some bitch gives you shit because it makes you creepy that you can be in LOVE with somebody and have your HEART BROKEN even though youve never had SEX, explain, “listen cupcake. love is not the same thing as sex, love is something deeper, and because i have values, i prefer to use sex as an expression of love, not some kind of Casual Brutality you do without even knowing or trusting somebody. Anyway, back on track. :: snapping fingers :: damn you women have the attention span of a fly! anyway, what im trying to tell you is, when you know somebody over the course of two years, the love can build slowly, and after a long time, it finally reaches That Point. Love is built on Knowing, Trust, and Communication, not Sex. And it is a Harsh ending to pull the plug on that Love with no communication. you get no closure. you’ve had your heart broken right? youve had no closure right? well so have I, and it damn hurts, for a damn long time. you know know how that feels.  and I am going through the same thing you did. EMPATHIZE.”

i know i had another chat with her in like march. sometimes before or after my shift i would write a paragraph to her in the chat program, this was how i got my communication fix.  and i KNOW i said something to her like “i hate to keep bugging you to hang out, but what im really concerned about is Losing You.”  i know i said that. that is not the best phrasing but it gets the point across pretty clearly. i feel like i am losing you.  actually it was probably the clearest way i could sledgehammer the point to a thick skulled person with the communication skills of a 3 year old.

i said i am skurred i am losing you. in like march. i am sorry to bug you to hang out but i feel our relationship is hurting and i dont want to lose you. period. i said this in like march. she could have responded to that direct statement but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. she just ignored and avoided it and we continued having small talk. but never talking abotu that big stuff.

i expressed my concern about Losing Her and Losing Our Relationship. She did nothing to Allay my fears or respond to those concerns. in fact she reassured me that we would hang out when things were better. we would hang out some day in the future. next month. and then next month comes and bla bla bla.

anyway when you want to communicate and the other person refused to communicate, the rel is OVER.


hehhehehe davis mj aurini i have always respected (though i do not want senpai to n-n-n-notice me hahahah), great article, and while i am unemployable i may well dig into his youtube channel and listen to his stuff while i do my powerwalkjogs, but here is a great blog article he wrote with soe great “cartesian” graphs and “payoff matrices” of man and woman rels.

quote: ”

Have a good career but no game? You get to marry an alpha widow with two children, who’s liable to cheat on you in the future. Have game but no career? Welcome to the life of a Player: women will flock to you, but they won’t stick around, since they probably earn more than you. Have neither game nor a career? Enjoy euphoria, senpai.

But when you have both – a successful career, and you’re chock-full of game – then you just might be able to pull off a real marriage.

One problem, though: all of those destructive influences I mentioned above? They shift the point of “Alpha Marriage” further and further into the North East. Thanks to Affirmative Action and the declining economy, the sort of career that will impress a woman hovers close to the six-figures range; less than that, and your Toyota Camry fails to impress. As for Game, you’re competing with the sexual revolution and unlimited choice: you can’t, simultaneously, be sexier than her college professor and the lead singer of her favourite band and Christian Grey – they all have you beat in one way or another.

” end quote

but yeah pretty tuff times for the omega no career no game not young loser!

so basically she just flung me off contemptuously and disgustedly like a Decadent American Whore would discard an Omega Male, which of course i am.

and i brought this upon myself because i changed the game, i made it abotu Man Woman. so once we go into THAT arena, she stops viewing me as a human being or friend, and insofar as being a Potential Lover, i am BENEATH CONTEMPT!, so therefore it makes sense for her to discard me like that, because thats what women do to men who are way, way, way beneath them. they dont feel empathy or even sympathy or pity. they feel DISGUST and CONTEMPT.  i was no longer a human being to her because i DARED to have feelings for her. and in the Love Market, my value is Less Than A Vermin!!!!!

weird. i GUESS it makes sense considering How Women Are, but as the Omega Male, I am entitled to not be happy about it! but to treat an omega male like VERMIN WHILE you reject them, thats ADDING INSULT TO INJURY!!!! why would you do that? because thats how women operate in the mating marker. sex, luv, mating, relships.

they cant simply say sorry not attracted to you. you offend them deeply by having feelings for them, IF you are a filthy omega male.

sure, if a woman likes YOU and you dont reciprocate, you feel a little bad and say Sorry Sorry Sorry, you treat them llike a HUMAN BEING in other words.

The way women’s Sexuality works, they simply are INCAPABLE of doing this when rejecting men!

and that hurts real bad when you are the omega loser getting rejected!

anyway so you have to struggle and struggle and struggle alone in an intense nietzschean will to power before you can pull a quality woman for a long term rel (“faint hearts do not win fair ladies”) but once you get them, you might ask, where the hell were you when i REALLY NEEDED YOU? to paraphrase aurini’s remark in the article above.

wouldnt this cause the omega male to get enraged and hurt the rejector? possibly. or maybe most omega males would be like moi and just get horribly depressed for months and years rather than get “Revenge” on the woman. some do, but only a minority, and not enough to influence The Course Of Evolution over Thousands Of Years.

well, other Stupid Women have rejected me better, like given me a conversation at least, and TRIED to Let Me Down Easily, or write me an Email saying Sorry But I Dont Like you.

why do i even CARE so much?

well because i was in Luv, i had a lot invested, right or wrong, and i wanted some damn closure when the carpet was yanked out from under me.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. if she were a dirty whore i would have known and then treated her accordingly. probably treated her as medium term fook meat, and certainly never gotten to know or respect her!

come on. she could have done a LITTLE better, even if she’s nothing but a WOMAN whos SUPPOSED to treat omega losers with total disrespect. shittier women treated me better.

but maybe thats because i was younger then and less of a loser? so they COULD treat me like a human being more?

because back then i had youth, and my station in life IMPLIED that i might be a Career Success some day?

shit im RUMINATING again. better do a 3.0 miler!

yeah she could have treated me better. i deserved to be treated better. being A Woman and This is What Women Do is no damn excuse when you fooking KNOW each other. that is…..paternalistic, patronizing, treating them like a child. but she ACTED like a child! oh well. NO I wont give her a PASS to act like a stupid selfish child just because shes a WOMAN! we HAVE to hold women to a higher standard than this!

but i dont DESERVE a womans respect because i am an omega male.

but i already HAD her respect when i was her PLatonic Friend!

so i VOIDED all that respect when i said nope dont wanna be platonic friends any more, i have feelings.

its a whole different standard of respect at that point.

but respect is nonsexual, and nonromantic right? so the respect shouldnt change. respect is just based on being a human being. so if you get respect as a friend, that respect shouldnt change if your feelings change???

shouldnt, but it DOES.

ok time to get out there obviously. hahahah i thought i was getting BETTER!!!!! maybe i am just having a bad day. maybe its the nyquil hangover.  maybe reading the davis aurini article made me feel smart but also very sad hahahaha maybe i should be careful about listening to his youtubes then oy vey. cant enjoy anything.

so i vow to never cause this sort of pain by always treating people like human beings. treat people like you want to be treated. like a human being. golden rule bitches.