well perhaps the time is healing the woundz a little bit but now there is the feeling of emptiness and derpression, and the void and abyss and muh love for her was such a big part of muh life, and now its ALL GONE FOREVER.
a breakthrough in the future will be, I am done. not just her choosing to be done with me, but me being physically and emotionally incapable of having any more thoughts or feelings about her and our Rel. just getting Burnt Out on Ruminating abotu it in other words.
so maybe i could go back to muh job and see her every day and just ignore her!
whoa lets not get carried away here. that would prob still be too much.
and its not like i have just one big problem here, but TWO big problems. deal with the heartbreak AND find a new JOB.
neither of which have been easy for me ever. now gotta try to do both at once. funny because i keep thinking about her so much i forget there are TWO big things i gotta deal with. damn.
but i think i am makign some progress with the heartbreak so that is good. thank GOD for that.
but time for another 2.8 miler here, second of the day, liek to get in 3 today.
then might take some nyquil hahahaha.
already feeling a bit tired however.
slept ok last night sort of. still wake up early. but i was nice and tired when i laid down yesterday night, that does not happen often.
the TWO YEAR RULE? who came up with the two year rule. that it takes 2 years to get used to a new job, 2 years to get used to a new city, 2 years to get over somebody, either a lover or a death.
hehehe you got one more week to get better at your job, with no help from us, cuz we dont know shit, or YA FIRED.
this is how people train. figure it out yourself quickly, or YA FIYAD.
i do not like this harshness of the real world so it is why i have always sought the tenderness of Luv with Wimmin. that was just as harsh!
stupid bitches and whores.
so yeah i do feel i have turned another corner. i probably am at 10% now. sweeeeeet.
looked at people on linkedin who are all WAY more successful than me. fook linkedin. even looked at the womans. she had 1 connection which was me. i then removed it and now she has 0. i sort of recall one day when we were Building our friendship and i helped her start the linkedin profile.
fookin careers and educaiton and shit. people working for a living and not going crazy and quitting their jobs. people being in long term relationships because neither them nor their partner wants to leave. you figure if someone wanted to leave they would leave, if they didnt really want to be with the person. like she left me hahahaahahaha.
anyway thank god she didnt have her picture on the linkedin and she never updates it!
ok time for the 3rd powerwalk hahahah.
ok did that ok good.
so yeah i can definitely feel something changing a little bit i guess.
it would have just been so nice to have a nice gurlfran i could cuddle with and occaisionally have secs with and go on dates with and go to the beach with and the lake and summer mini vacations and fall and walks in the park and evenings at home cuddling on couch watching tv and making out and buying each other presents and making each other mix cds and holding hands and saying i luv u and being with them for a year or two years and not having them dump you by 2-3 months and not arguing about how you really dont want them dating other people because isnt this a serious rel god damn it? and all that.
yet she had experienced all that by age 18 or 19. many people do. women at least. not sure about young men. i am sure young men are on the whole a bit more lonely like myself. because men have more hard work to do re pulling women. this is of course because women are the choosers and you have to make yourself chooseworthy. but i guess i just dont like women choosing SO MANY men.
also she could have chosen me over the last loser guy she dated!
however i am also bitter about women choosing bigger winners than me……which is basically every man on linkedin ahahahahaha all the winners with their manager and senior level jobs and masters degrees and no gaps in employment and decent careers and their wives have decent careers in education, social work, human resources, or graphic design hahahahahahahahahahah. and i thought it was impossble to get jobs with these degrees. but these women do!
i gotta start hanging out with more losers and drug addicts and abusers hahahaha.
i thought she wanted temporary distance. well i naively hoped she wanted temporary distance. really she wanted permanent distance. thats rough. when somebody stops being interested in you. i mean even just in terms of friendship even. like when one of your friends just loses interest in you and you didnt lose interest in them. why dont they teach you how to handle this in school? that would be a valuable life lesson.
i should have never gone to a big Elite Top 30 University of the World because it was hard for sensitive widdle me to maintain any confidence. everyone there had 4.0 gpa in high school, everyone was a smart kid, so you saw how average or even dumb you were, when you were used to you being so much smarter than all the idiots in the wordl.
i should have just gone to commuinty college and maintained my confidence that i was smart.
and then gone to local university and hopefully maintained that confidence by taking erm STEM classes. mech or electrical engin, why not.
i was never BAD at math or science. science can suck a dick, i prefer math. i wish i had gone deep into math. being good at math probably gave me the most Academic Confidence. so i could have done all the way up to like Diff EQ’s at community college!
and most importantly, maintained confidence or at least ARROGANCE that i was Smarter Than All These Local Idiots.
I was wrong of course, but confidence or arrogance can be enough to get you through your engin degree and into a decent engin career entry level 20 DAHJ at age 21/22….which is more than i have ever had ever hahahaha.
and that positions you well to confidently bang a series of 21 year old qtz.
which then sets you up to talk to grills and pull an actually respectable gurl one day, that you can wife up, have churren, by then you are senior level or a damn manager, maybe have a masters of science degree and are making 30 DAH and can buy a house in a neighborhood that will not become a violent ghetto during your children’s lives!!!
took some nyquil at 7 pm hahahaha.
google she is losing interest in me
this is what happens as a prelude to the rel ending, and its always your fault 100% for not being fun or exciting enough!
funny the how to heal heartbreak articles were largely by women for women, and these articles are by men for men, often bordering on the pickup artist type. well i did request SHE is losing interest.
3. Seeing each other less and less
You were seeing each other a few times a week. Then it dwindled to twice a week. Now it’s once a week if you’re lucky.
People who want to be with you WANT TO BE WITH YOU. Remember that!
Great advice i say!
4. Avoids making plans with you
First, it’s seeing each other less and cancelling dates. Now she isn’t even attempting to make any more plans to see you. “We’ll see” and “I’ll call/text you” are common brush-offs, often given in lieu of an actual yes or no.
yep yep i know that feel!
anyway dont be a weak beta male and be interesting ahhaahha.
sex is the FIRST thing women do with you, then they get to know you and dump you if you arent super interesting ALL THE TIME.
anyway i dont think women should have secs with a man before really knowing him! call me old fashioned!
but yeah it just hurts when somebody loses interest in you!
nyquil has kicked in so i am just playing cards, cant write so much.
what do you do when she is LOSING INTEREST?
say we need to have a one on one talk baby, lets communicate.
and then she ignores you and never talks to you again hahahaha yeah id say shes lost interest.
so this is just the way women are right?
i dunno. some of them are. but i would think others would be mature enough to see that this is really unkind and sociopathic and that communication is a good thing, rather than just playing retarded games all the time, and making YOU learn and play the retarded games in order to get retards to be interested in you and want to hang out with you.
i have read a LOT of pick artist stuff because i am TOTALLY unsuccessful with women, and i think this is the target demo.
i dont really want to read any pickup artist stuff now though.
it just views women as the stupidest pieces of retarded shit, like disgusting evil stupid children.
but they are, arent they?
my friendship with the woman began naturally as FOOK, as natural as ANYTHING. i didnt study or premeditate anything, it just happened slowly and naturally and beautifully. then, after a longass time, my feelings changed.
only then that stuff get stupid.
then theres thoughts of well if i had “USED GAME” i could have got her to like me.
i dont really worry about that though!
well at the beginning of muh feelings i did try to emphasize confidence and fun and alpha and charisma. i essentially DID use a little bit of game! or tried to.
and that didnt make her want to hang out.
and then she lost interest and i went crazy.
well it was more than just losing interest, cuz everything here is has the weight of 2 years of normal friendship behind it.
i dunno i think i do kind of like the idea of Being Friends First, because that seems natural, you really get to know and trust them, you dont have to force yourself to move too fast, you can honestly just be yourself, not force yourself to be someone youre not, everything seems natural, etc. i do like that. i just wish things had worked out differently.
mind is getting tired due to nyquil.
slept fairly well with the nyquil but “hangover” the next day unfort.
neediness, clinginess. what the fook. i am needy because i am in luv with u the idea of you losing all interest in me is very painful! women have faced this exact same thing before, with alpha males losing interest in THEM.
WOMEN HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING THAT THEY ARE PUTTING YOU THROUGH.
you’d THINK, then, that they would be able to EMPATHIZE better , and say, damn, ive been through that pain, i can SEE WHERE HE”S COMING FROM, AND, even more importantly,
I WOULDNT WANT TO INFLICT THE PAIN on some poor soul THAT HAD BEEN INFLICTED ON ME. THEN I’M AS BAD AS THAT ASSHOLE WHO HURT ME.
how come they dont realize that? or is this their weird way of getting “revenge” on the alpha who hurt them? to show “im as tough as you now?” very possible.
but i accept that women are different than men.
so does that mean all women are unreasonable cowards?
the worst thing is there werent any warning signs of her being a sociopath, prob because shes not a sociopath, she just treated me like a sociopath! the onyl “warning sign” was her becoming distant and losing interest in me. and refusing to hang out with me hahahaha.
also, ideas of RESPECT and HONOR and Courtesy matter a LOT more to men than they do to women. women just dont care about these things. Karma, Ethics.
out of all these, women are probably most likely to talk about KARMA, but they really dont CARE about karma except for the stuff that is being done TO them; they dont care if they are causing bad karma by being shitty to someone else. women are wayyyyyyy more SELFISH than men.
its ok to be selfish, everyone is selfish, but women take it to a whole new level, and hurt people with their extreme selfishness.
maybe this is just the difference between men and women.
women hurt others more than men do hhahahahahaha. just accept the difference and live with it.
i thought about contacting her and saying “DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH YOURE HURTING ME, do you even care”
but A, she would never read it, B, what good would that do, i would look like a butthurt weakling.
anyway the time to do that is when you are still talking. i know in email1 there was some good stuff, like i feel you are rejecting me, and that hurts me! and i want to fix our rel, i dont want to give up on it, we can do this, im not blaming you, im not mad at you, i am jsut worried about our rel, i am optimistic we can communicate and fix this, but we do need to communicate, and i cant handle you being distant permanently. i can take temporary distance plus please tell me its not permanent. although i did not confess my exact feelings yet. but she DID read this email, she TOLD me. but she never responded to any of the actual points/issues i mentioned. of course not! she just said i read it but nothing abotu what she thought about it. this is how obtuse she was. or wilfully obtuse to ME because she just wanted to be DONE already.
anyway i am finally starting to get some distance from her.
so when a gurl says she wants TIME and SPACE and DISTANCE, then give her TWO FULL MONTHS OF NO CONTACT.
not two WEEKS, but TWO MONTHS.
cuz they’ll never tell YOU how much time and space they want, they have no idea. they just make you the bad guy even though they are the ones not commuincating, being difficult and completely unreasonable and uncooperative, youre trying to meet them MORE than halfway but they refuse; shit you should just dump them right now because they probably want permanent not temporary distance.
but of course you are NEEDY because you LOVE them and feel them SLIPPING AWAY, and you NAIVELY think, oh yeah, ill give her some space, THEN SHELL RESPOND POSITIVELY, AND COME BACK. not likely!
i kinda did that but i was lucky if i lasted two weeks, let alone two MONTHS!
on the other hand, she is not an INFANT, she could open her big cocksucking mouth and say this is only temporary, or yes i will meet you halfway to talk about the elephant in the room. but noooooooooooooo.
but im expecting her to act like a MAN, women are different than men, women can only respond like emotional infants throwing a damn fit and acting like a damn baby.
so the natural differences between men and women, means that men can NEVER RESPECT women. It is Naturally, Physically IMPOSSIBLE for man to respect a woman.
well, “respect” is much more of a male concept anyway.
i dont care. i just dont care. i think men should be able to respect women, in other words, i think women are capable of living up to men’s standards of respect and not act like fooking selfish infants all their fooking lives. thats not a man or woman thing, thats a matter of being a mature adult. even a mature young adult knows the difference between right and wrong. you dont throw people away like that, and in any kind of relationship, whether its a Fook Rel or a Nonfooking Rel, you COMMUNICATE about MUTUAL problems/issues/elephants. god damn. get with the program.