i CANT APOLOGIZE ANY MORE. i have apologized literally the max a human can apologize. i apologized literally every time i talked to her and emailed her. she’s not “waiting for an apology.” if anything IM waiting for an apology from HER! what, me apologize for apologizing too much? I think i already DID that too!
its like i’m hanging on to the edge of a crumbling cliff and she’s standing right there. she can easily grab my hand which is reaching out to her, please save me, but she just watches the rocks crumble away and me eventually fall to my doom.
or i am drowning and she is standing right there on the boat with tons of life preservers. i am screaming please halp meeeee and she can easily throw one out but she chooses not to , and to WATCH ME DROWN instead.
these are veyr good metaphors / images for what happened.
and I should be apologizing? i dont think so! She should be apologizing for letting me drown!
of course i was thinking, well i should contact her AGAIN, because she is just apprehensive or lazy or doesnt have the courage, and she is just waiting for me to contact her again, she’s ready now.
well if she were READY she would contact ME!!!!!!!!
also when people are in the WRONG, they very often DOUBLE DOWN and never come to their senses! and remain convinced for the rest of their lives that they were right. this is very very common. i might be doing it to convince myself that i am right and she is wrong hahahaha
also it is very very common for people to AVOID shit. thats ALL this is basically is her totally AVOIDING a situation entirely. avoid avoid avoid.
and can i make her not avoid, by popping up every so often?
she obviously doesnt want a Rel with me. she was Detaching from me for a long time. that was HER signal. she said, o god, he likes me, no thank you, i am done with this, but i am too cowardly to tell him and talk to him about it.
yeah i just didnt think she was THAT cowardly though, i thought she was strong.
and yeah it hurts to have someone care about you, then they start withdrawing that care.
at least when someone DIES, you know they cared about you to the living end!
but she gradually made herself stop caring about me ever since she Discerned that I Liked Her!
and i certainly didnt start making myself try to stop caring about her! until recently!
good good let the hate flow thru u hahahaha
fookin bitches hahahaha
never put them ON A PEDESTAL and think oh they wouldnt do that, or they’re different, not all women are like that, shes different, she has morals, she has integrity, i can trust her, she cares about doing the right thing, she treats her relationships seriously, shes emotionally mature, bla bla bla bullshit.
men like to communicate directly, with words and conversations and emails and speaking and talking and writing, to eliminate ambiguity and confusion, to get everybody on the same page, make sure everybody understands.
women like to “communicate” using bullshit ambiguous signals, so that everybody is confused, and will intensely avoid/ignore any attempts to make it less confusing or less ambiguous. they want everybody to be confused, and not be on the same page, and hate each other forever. anything that involves words or writing or talking or anything VERBAL, they will avoid like the PLAGUE.
men verbal, women nonverbal. all the damn time.
and men have to learn the nonverbal language, but women never have to learn the verbal language because…………
women are the choosers. women have a uterus. women can get pregnant. even though many of them dont realize this.
and i am technically not butthurt about them being the choosers, or that men have to do all the Heavy Lifting and jumping through hoops.
except some men dont jump through hoops at all. Alpha Men are essentially Choosers of Women!
so, women use their power as Choosers of Men, to choose tons of Casual Sex, WITHOUT respecting and understanding the Power Of Pregnancy which gives them the POWER to be Choosers!
Yep thats about the strength of it. its like a BABY with a GUN.
Great Power with great IGNORANCE of the great responsibility attached!!!!
dumb bitches hahahaha.
also i can be nonverbal enough, i have learned THEIR language well enough, and sort of accept begrudgingly that they will never learn Mine, even though any smart person would agree that Direct Verbal communication is Better for the Greater Good of Humanity!!!! but women would rather everyone hate each other forever because of confusion and miscommunication, because DRAMA IS EXCITING!!!!!! and EXCITEMENT is the greatest thing in life.
MEN ARE LOYAL LIKE DOGS, WOMEN ARE LOYAL LIKE CATS.
thats why men generally prefer warm, loving, loyal, true, good dogs…..
…….and women generally prefer disloyal, cold, bitchy, traitorous, unloving, untrustworthy, horrible, evil, sociopath cats.
woman hating much?
trust me when women get rejected by a MAN, they become MUCH more man hating.
but thats only because they dont get rejected by men as much!
well my womanhate is not remarkably above average for men who were dumped in godawfully harsh ways like cheating or Ghosting hahahaha.
it can ONLY benefit you to bang a woman, any woman, as soon as possible.
shit i should have tried to bang her even when she was with her old longterm boifran, back when i was not into her. should have just forced myself to be into her. hint, its not that hard to FORCE yourself when the gurl is young and not fat and has no kids. even if there are little things about her that you initially find weird. like or her face is weird and her Buttocks are weird.
when when you are Deep In It, you will no longer find her Face or Buttocks so damn weird!!!!!!!!! you will say DAAAAAAMN how could i ever find those things weird? she is HAWT as FOOK!!!!!!
a kind of pedestal i guess.
i was thinking it might ALWAYS be to your benefit that if a woman asks you about your love life, say you are “dating a few people but nothing serious” and smirk like a man who gets secs from a variety of wimmin whenever he wants, but cant find someone who meets his standards well enough to commit to monogamously.
of course it would be to your benefit!
unless you come across that one remaining traditional woman unicorn who thinks men dating several women is distasteful, just like women dating several women is distasteful!
and then shrug say oh well just having fun hey its not like Im the one who can get preggers!
and then say well if they get preggers, just get a god dam abortion bitch! hahaha its not like we live in iran! roe vs wade bitch! merika! muh rightz will not be abridged! wimminz right 2 chooze! wimmin r da choozerz!
not my problem! just a parasite that can be easily dealt with!
but maybe i should man up and contact her simply saying you are being ridiculous, stop being ridiculous and lets just hang out and make up already.
and then she will say ok i was waiting for you to MAN UP and say that and BE A MAN. that was my SHIT TEST.
also i might be “getting better” because i am not reading those fooking EMAILS every day over and over like i used to. the emails 1 thru 4 that i wrote her. i havent looked at a one of them in weeks. so i guess that is a good sign.
i just cant believe she could do this to me.
why not. its just AVOIDANCE and avoidance is SO common because its the easy way out. I avoid and procrastinate and ignore shit ALL THE TIME. so do tons of people. and here she is avoiding me.
i mean i could send a brief thing “hi there just seein how ur doin ”
and see if that gets any response.
“wanna go to dinner get caught up”
that kind of thing.
well of COURSE i would have an ulterior motive to get her back!
i tried this in 2004/5 with woman2. (woman2004).
she kind of ignored me and i was real butthurt about that cuz we were actually fooking at the time and then she just disappeared, real sketchy. i was RIGHTFULLY angry about being ignored. i said fook her im not talking to that bitch ever again, i heard gossip she had been seen with other guys, she was the type with 900000 male friends, never trustworthy!
then 3 months later i thought i would Reach Out because it still felt like Unfinished Business, and i wanted a Fair Shake.
I did get in touch with her, we started hanging out and making out again, i certainly could have banged her but i didnt, like an idiot. i certainly should have!
but by this time she was distanced from me, liked me less than before, and had even less interest in dating me, and opened “dated” other guys during that time and showed no interest in dating me, we would just make out and cuddle and she would have let me bang her if i were masculine enough!
so yeah she basically had LESS interest and feelings for me than before.
MY feelings were rekindled, her feelings were not really anything. less than before.
so then there was NEW pain, to get my hopes up; and also see that she was less interested than before. why couldnt i make her interested again? because i wasnt masculine enough? i was 22 years old and had no experience with women, she was it.
so i could see a similar thing happening here. me get back in contact with woman2015, “chill hanging out”, i would get my hopes up without a doubt, and she would be cool as a cucumber the whole time, saying yeah im dating a couple guys, nothing serious, just secs, i can always get an abortion if i need, but im not gonna ever want to date you, i have even less feelings for you than i do for these random guys i met a few weeks/months ago.
so yeah that would be ripping an old wound open, making it fresh again, and pouring salt on it.
when you see someone who USED to like you, and then they are just cold as shit to you. that is VERY painful. women dont understand this hahahahaha. cold evil sociopath bitches. hahahaha.
better to be ANGRY and hateful and other-loathing, rather than sad and self-loathing!
also i am generally finding it easier to get out of bed, go powerwalking, than i did near the beginning, so that must be a good sign.
i just wish i were losing more weight with all this powerwalkjogging. i am losing no weight and doing a TON of powerwalkjogging.
tons of input, no output.
it just sucks that somebody i used to be so close to, that i used to trust, that i liked, that used to at least like me on some level, can now hate me, and hurt me so much, and i didnt even DO anything horribly wrong.
welcome to the real world hahahaha.
besides she was pulling away and being cold for months. the 180 was really more just an 18 or so. i just didnt want to see it.
i mean i can understand not having FEELINGS in return for me. but she definitely used to Like Me as a Friend, and i expected that because of that, that if it needed to end, it would end a lot better.
i was TRYING to make in end better, in my typically masculine way of direct communication, lets be verbal about it so we minimize the hurt feelings.
well i was “being masculine” in a very unmasculine way, always supplicating and apologizing. bad call.
ok placed 15th out of like 57 people in this tournament and got nothing but shitty hands, i think i won one small pot. certainly had no good chance to “double up.”
but yeah. i will be the better person because I will never hurt someone else like she has hurt me!
way to abandon me bitch!
it really hurts and is painful to be abandoned like that.
ok out of the stupid freeroll tournament, time for first 2.8 miler of the day hahaha.