oh yeah happy new year. well hopefully by this time i have a new shitty job hahahaha. maybe a young qt fok buddie gurl i can have no strings attached secs with and tell her baby i have no respect for you and how you have no respect for your uterus like dat. ackshully i dont care because i aint in luv with you, you do whatever u want lol. bang bang bagn bnag hahaha lol

but its stupid that SHE has much moar success with Relationships because she is a WOMAN. and that she can be so awful to me, yet work out so well with other guys that they can be in a Closed Rel for 4+ years.  bbbbbbut shes too immature to make a relationship work!

yeah with ME. but not with other guys. because she LUVS them, she doesnt LUV me.

the trick is i thought she might eventually WANT to talk because of our long standing friendship. and that like me she would want to “pay her respects” to THAT.

nope i guess not hahahaha well kerflushhhhh goes those 3 years hahahaha. just flush people away like pieces of shit. shat out, flushed away, and forgotten forever!

did a second 2.8 miler, plannign on doing another after dinner.

yeah thats what i have the biggest problem with. you dont have to like me back but its mind boggling that you would do this when we had such a long friendship. isnt THAT worth TALKING about at least?

plus any normal person would agree that such an intense Silent Treatment is Not Healthy, EVEN IF we didnt have a Love Relationship and she didnt WANT to talk.

doesnt matter. communication is necessary for ALL types of relationships. when one person really wants to communicate, SUCK IT UP and communicate with them because its the RIGHT thing to do, not fooking ignore them forever. when you have been friends for 2+ years. i am not some guy you met and let invade your babbymaker once and then threw away off TINDER hahahahaha.

disgusting whores lol.

woman haters like me make the false assumption that secs is more important to women, just because women can get pregnant. so if you find a gurl that Gives It Up…… you can probably get her to give it up to you AGAIN.

NOPE. she gives it up to you ONCE because she was drunk and didnt realize what a creepy weird loser you were. but by the second or third date she can. mayeb you had secs 1 or 2 more times. and then she is done with you, and you are not entitled to any communication!

these hateful male woman haters think they are ENTITLED to everything: sex, womens BODIES, communication, talking, etc.

but yeah that was my beef. i thought our History was More Important than how she just dumped and forgot it. i knew her longer than Any Other Woman I had ever gotten feelings for.

if i had gotten feelings for her right away, well i would have pushed THEN and some sort of shitstorm would have happened THEN.

yeah gotta Jog 8.4 miles a day just to Get Thru This apparently.

well its sort of working. i can listen to music and podcasts and i am not begging for mercy as desperately.

jogging 8.4 miles a day is a GOOD thing for the health though! too bad i have to Jog 50 Miles A Week in order to lose Half A Pound Per Week!

super slow metabolism hahahaha.

ok did the third 2.8 miler. oh well. got angering jealous thoughts of the woman sucking and fooking a bunch of other guys. that got me pretty angry. then sad that everything failed. then angry that those guys dont have to know her for 3 years hahahaha but more like 3 days hahaha. fookin whores.

i thought well should i pretend to play it cool, try to get back in touch with her in a few months, pretend like i just want to be Chill Friends again, then play that angle for a while, then try to suck her in?

that that gambit would be worth it if it worked?

of course i wouldnt WANT to be ONLY Chill Friends cuz i would still WANT her, such that i dont even think i would be CAPABLE of FAKING it.

so my gut instinct is not to do it, of COURSE dont do it.

i cant do that. does that make me weird? there are a lot of things that make me weird, but i dont know if thats one of them!

i simply wouldnt be able to pull it off. and it would be even more living a lie than not telling her my feelings when i did!

wouldnt mind having a female fook buddie however. like maybe that one young cute gurl at the old workplace who my female former friend hated for being a bitch. well it turned out fff was an ever bigger bitch!

wouldnt mind having a FT job that didnt kill me.

ok had a good 8.4 miles today, not bad.

i wouldnt mind going to the strip club if the strip club didnt look or feel like a strip club. this was my great business idea, open a strip club where cute gurls give “the gurlfran experience” in 30 minute sessions to lonely virgins who dont like strip clubz.

each 2.8 miler burns about 280 calories according to one calculator.

so walkjogging 1 mile burns 100 calories.

1 pound is 3500 calories.

therefore you need to walkjog 35 miles a week to lose 1 pound a week hahahahaha.

so if you see anyone who isnt overweight, know that they walkjog 35 miles a week every week. how do they do it hahaha.

so yeah i DID change, so it WAS my fault, i AM the bad guy. she was so cold to me because she sensed i had changed. but i HAD changed, and i WAS sending those signals, because i WANTED her to know.

well obviously i dont feel REMORSEFUL for getting feelings because i am Emotionally Mature enough to UNDERSTAND that you cant choose when or for who you get feelings, you just DO, often for the WORST people at the WORST times.

96 sunday

went to church, begged for mercy, was not really moved or Touched although maybe I didnt have my Heart Open to GOD in the right way. I tried. Or DID it? was I REALLY trying? probably not. I was just focused on the 18 year old gurl in front of me. I reflected on my Desire to Cuddle with Cute Young Girls.

In this case, I simply wanted to Cuddle with the Girl much more than anything else.

and of course female former friend. i wanted to cuddle with her like crazy.

really it is more about Loving, than To Be Loved.

like that St Francis Prayer, Lord I pray that I may Love, rather than be loved, understand rather be understood, console rather than be consoled.

the woman had no SENSE OF PROPORTION!

Or did she? I felt I had a sense of proportion because i reacted kinda intensely, but that reflected the Intense Emotions Inside.

So she treated me super harsh and wrong in proportion to MY emotions? is that the way it works?

but her emotions were like whatever.

but she treated me like i Abused her or cheated on her! like i did something really, really bad and hurtful to her!

i dunno. once again we can just use occamz and say she just didnt know what to do, so she did nothing. maybe she even feels bad about it but still its easier just to not do or say anything.

anyway she acted out of proportion to how much she had been hurt, or was feeling Emotional Hurt. I was hurting 90000000000000000000000000000 times more than she was, thats why i freaked the fook out and rekt muh own life. yet i was still asking to talk to her. well, desperately begging on my knees to please respond.

have u ever been in that situation?

the normalfag would say, quite Rightly, once you’re BEGGING somebody to RESPOND to you, that means things are SO one sided, they are no longer worth your time and effort. its over, and you should be glad for it, since nothing good can come of it.

also i think well if she can do this, do a 180, then whos to say that one day i will be happily married with kidz and everything seems hunky dory then one day i wake up and she is gone and taken the kidz and i never heard from her again.

well, this wasnt really a 180. it was way less than a 180. maybe even less than a 90. this could have been a damn 45 or less!!!!!!!!!

meaning, she WAS giving signs, warning signs, red flags.

meaning, she was being generally cold to me for MONTHS. THAT was my warning sign. that was her ramping down from 180. that was her taking her investments out, moving out gradually.

i thought it could still be saved. i thought she might have had SOME INTEREST in saving it. at that point it was honestly hard to tell.

a person can be cold and distant, yet still have some interest in Saving The Rel, right?

yeah i guess….but PROBABLY NOT.


so when anyone gets distant, that means, they want out of the Rel? probably, assuming they are staying consistently distant for a long period of time, which she kind of was.

well, she was also sprinkling mixed signals in there, WHICH confused me and made me think she WAS interested in One Day Communicating About Our Relationship Issues.

So yeah i BLAME HER for THAT hahahaha.

but women send MIXED SIGNALS all the time because they are confused or scared or just dont know what else to do. but you can get legit confused by that. i did.

they never think long term hahaha. its just what can i do to get out of this conversation right now hahaha.

women dont NEED to be Emotionally Mature to have long term relationships, husbands, families, children, because………. yes you know it…………because they are the choosers. they can choose whatever secsy man they want. does not mean they will choose a man who is a Good For A Longterm Rel, or that the Women Themselves are or will EVER BE Emotionally Mature enough.

not that the women NEED to be emotionally mature at all to be in a rel, if the MAN is willing to do all the work. and certainly many men ARE, and DO.

fook women hahahaha. women suck dick. figurative AND literally hahahaha.

stop sucking dicks, ya dirty whores hahaha.