bitches hate guys who like to cuddle too much because its UNMASCULINE; also, bitches are so used to have secs with tons of guys, that secs means less to women than it does to the average beta or lesser man; and cuddling means EVEN LESS. simply, cuddling is BORING to women, she only gets thrills from SEX with a New Alpha.

cuddling is boring to women because cuddling is much more boring than sex, and sex is boring enough as it is to the average slut who has secs with every man she meets hahahahahaahhaah. sluts. dirty sluts. have fun marrying a gurl like that, i would rather be alone and celibate the rest of my lonely life hahahahaha.

what is the best way to dump a guy? talk to him in person, have some long talks with him, say its not you its me, im SORRY, its OVER. ive gone over this before!

so i want comeuppance? justice???!?!?!?! hahahaha. sort of i guess, but i know how unlikely i am to get it. i have done all i can legitimately do. anything else would REALLy make me a bad guy. and a really dont want that!

next time you have secs with a woman tell her how you lost a lot of respect for her because she gave it up too early, like a total slut.


sometimes i still get that same confusion in teh middle of the night or early morning, like i am going senile and brain just doesnt work any more, dont know which way is left or right or up or down, just totally confused and scared. not fun. does not build the confidence for jobs.

yeah you think you know somebody. and it takes a while. to really get to to know somebody is at LEAST a 1 year investment, prob closer to 2. and i thought i knew this person better than to totally HURT me like this. never expected it. but only a person you know really CAN hurt you this much.

she hurt me way more than i hurt her. what i did, being pushy and weird about wanting to hang out and obviously talk about “SOMETHING”, is more or a minor annoyance than something that deeply hurts and devastates you, like being totally abandoned (i think the word “ghosting” is girly and gay and unmasculine and stupid)

well she took it as a MAJOR annoyance that was worthy of me being totally abandoned.

i think. i dunno, maybe she is just scared and didnt know how to deal with it, so she ran away.

i wonder how many abandonings are rooted in that. basically it just means their INTENT isnt REALLY to ABANDON you………….but they abandon you anyway, and the pain is the same.

also i was just not expecting that at all. but in reality i was HANGING BY A THREAD ever since like january. the last time we really felt CLOSE was in like november. since then i was trying to “close the gap” but she kept pulling away.

yep at that time i should have blurted it out.

she does have the RIGHT to pull away and want to get out of the relationship. just be mature enough to realize that is gonna hurt the other person, and do your part to mitigate/minimize that hurt.



even if i was hanging by a thread, to be cut off so coldly was still unexpected given what we had. was a living nightmare.

and my offense, getting feelings, was that really so weird or unexpected? when a man and a woman are pretty good Friends for 2 years, don’t you think it seems KINDA IN THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY that one person COULD eventually get feelings? OF COURSE! OBVIOUSLY!

it will not be FUN if its one sided, but doesnt mean you still cant deal with it like mature teenagers hahahahaha. just agree that the feelings are not shared and End The Relationship AMICABLY. AMICABLY, not with extreme anger on both sides. and what is the main ingredient there?

never talking and abandoning, vs talking and communication of course hahahaha.

what did i do to deserve this?

nothing, i didn’t deserve this, i was treated unfairly, wawawaawawawawaawaw

she is lucky i am not a violent psycho because this kind of stuff would really set a violent psycho off!

hahahaha here i am a guy who has experience nothing of secs, and rels, telling people who regularly have secs and rels, what secs and rels should be like!

“SECS is a Special and Unique and Profound thing that combines the Emotional and the Physical in a very Profound way, and therefore is best experienced as part of a long term relationship, to make that long term relationship stronger and more profound hurrr durrrrr” well WHAT WOULD I KNOW?  maybe its just sweaty pigs acting like subhuman animals hahahahaa

MAYBE ITS BOTH. maybe everythings both. so we cant ever say what anything is or is supposed to be, there is no truth, there is no beauty.

maybe its both. maybe there is both truth and no truth. IT DEPENDS. SITUATIONAL.

see i had that situational and conditional bullshit. My Luve 4 Her was UNCONDITIONAL.

GODS luv for us is UNCONDITIONAL hahahaha.

ok i am being edgy. 4 the atheists, how about: a parents luv for their children is UNCONDITIONAL. (ideally.)

today i was researching this “metal journalist” i used to read right before i lost interest in metal, when i cared enough to still read certain writers with interest, and he was one of them, and his “webzine”

i liked his difficult style of writing and like that he was intelligent and uncompromising. now, 10+ years later, i think the writing is pretentious and he is super autistic, and i was more interested in what type of person he was, namely, could he hold down a job? attract a mate? was he a virgin? a super autist? a shut in r9k neet loser like us? why did his writing seem to come to a halt in 2004? was it partially just me falling off the face of the earth? it seemed he fell off the face of the earth the same time i did. so i wanted to find out what he was doing in that time.

looks like hes been writing much less, and being much more productive in creating his own music, rather than writing about music, so good for him. he also has a Degree from a Good School and works as a PRogrammer and is gainfully employed and has had at least 2 gurlfrans who he seemed to have long term rels with, probably had secs with hahahaha.

so in other words, the guys a huge successful normalfag despite his autism, despite his seemingly misanthropic writing on black metal and such. well good for him. but he still says some things in that interview above, from 2012, when he was receiving more attention for his music than his writing, i guess his music is pretty good, but in the interview he said, and the whole thing is worth reading!!! but heres the things that stuck with me today, and i tried to view it both in terms of MY life, and in terms of HIS life:

I was completely lost in this bizarre mindscape/dimension/lifestyle that was extremely claustrophobic. I was living in a really nice, totally yuppie apartment with my ex-girlfriend at the time…. . . ., I would walk around at night a lot…through the woods there, through the trees and sand pathways and right by the park we lived by, night after night, and I felt horribly alone, isolated, yet still controlled…and I was drinking a lot, of course, but that doesn’t have much to do with anything (I hope). We lived in this apartment that was great, perfect, it had everything one would ever need, it was supposed to be the summit of a certain lifestyle, I could feel that all around me. “You’re here, you achieved this, you should be proud, blah blah..” No. It was still all the same. I used to lie awake at night, in these modern apartments you can hear everything through the walls because they’re built so cheaply…and I would hear my downstairs neighbors beating their son/abusing him and him crying out for help (we called the police several times and eventually they moved out), I would hear the upstairs people fighting and dragging their furniture back and forth (honestly, it sounded like they were building coffins and moving them around all night long), I would hear their daughter crying and whimpering, there were the meth head neighbors who moved to that place from even farther out f00king everything up in their lives over and over, fighting and screaming, just listening to them claw and tear at each other, it was suffocating. One always…tells oneself that “this isn’t humanity, this is something else” but I often think that’s such a horribly fake-aristocratic method of willing/believing…no, these were just “normal” people, living their lives…but their lives were absolute shit, of course. They’re slaves, so…go to a job you hate, work for people you hate, feel confused all the time, have nothing in your life to satisfy you/offer you escape outside of drugs, find solace in another human’s body heat, really…I mean, even snakes like warm rocks. [emphasis added by UFMLL hahaha] You eat shit food, you have a shit relationship where you rut like demented pigs, you go to sleep in sweat-stained reeking sheets like animals, you spend a quarter of your time in jail where you’re further abused by sadists who think some imaginary “law” enables them to be sociopaths, what is left? Alcohol and sleep. Something harder if you can afford it. Suicide if you can summon the courage…or the courage of a suitable despair, enough courage to overcome one’s programmed narcissism!

so he turned his despair into i guess a pretty powerful and dark insane album, he’s written many albums bla bla and is a very creative person, always pushing himself forward and not getting stuck in a rut. also i dont think he feels confused by his confusing programmer job because he has/had time to walk around at night, drink, make music, have relationships, etc.

but yeah good for him, and i certainly share his views, and his despair, but unlike him, i cant seem to break out of it.

he has a healthy life in other words despite entertaining some very unhealthy thoughts and dark music. it is actual effective catharsis for him.

also i am jelly cuz he has a good job which doesnt confuse him and he has had rels with gurls and has had secs hahahaha so he can think straight enough to read a lot.

see last i remember of him was in 2004ish when his webzine was ACTIVE. i knew nothing of his life since then. i am glad he is actually doing the music rather than writing abotu music, its a big step up, writing about music is awful, but he was one of the music writers i liked before i got sick of it all and said there were more important things in life, like being able to cope with life, get a decent job, have rels and connections with people, friends, women.

so yeah he does not seem to be a super depressive person because he likes to DO a lot and is a Hard Worker and is not LAZY and has decent relationships and a decent job so i will never relate.

well maybe he has a shitty relationship like the normal people he talks about there!

but yeah i dont understand why people STAY in shitty relationships rather than the person who’s Not Into It, just Dump the other person. Bitches never had ANY problem with dumping me. there was no sense of fear or desperation or clinginess chaining them to ME!

because that’s why people stay in shitty relationships, out of FEAR. because they can’t say that being alone, or being with someone else, with any certainty, would be any BETTER or not.

well bitches never had that fear or uncertainty with ME! (“probably because youre the type of misogynist who calls women bitches”) they had NO HESITATION about being DONE with me ASAP!

am i really that bad of a guy? that horrible of a person? i have had some good friends in my life who didnt think i was a Bad Horrible Person!

no, its just with women really. i’ve never been able to do anything that MATTERS with WOMEN.

well, our 2 year friendship mattered, didnt it?

well yes it mattered to ME. i am talking about Mutual Mattering. To her, she just threw it away like a Jizz Filled Used Rubber that women drunkenly, hedonistically take in their Babymaking Gateway from random randos, not a big deal, just spoiled food you throw away and forget about instantly, no emotional attachment whatsoever.

It bothers me how QUICKLY some people GET OVER things, its like it NEVER MATTERED AT ALL. you dont get over something/someone important INSTANTLY. you go through MONTHS AND YEARS OF PAIN.

well, maybe healthy secure normalfags only go through a few WEEKS of pain. maybe she felt a few

also maybe i am Imagining the Friendship to be Better than it really was, because i eventually Fell In Luv with her; but under the Objective Criteria of Platonic Friendships, it was Merely Average and not Super Great.

also i think the writer/musician/programmer/normalfag’s habitual drinking DID have an effect on his mental state, despite his DENIAL.

anyway i dont diss him too much, he is a good guy, i wouldnt turn him away if i met him, we could have a good talk about black metal, and then i would beg him for a job and beg him for his sloppy seconds on sloppy sluts!

and he would say break free from this subservient slave mentality, live life on your own terms, not begging on your knees like a slave, and i would say yeah i just cant seem to do that. being a damn desperate begging slave is really the best i can do.

i think holding down a gainful employment and having a long term rel with a wimmin mellows your mind and makes you more peaceful (cynics might say DOCILE or sheeplike or Asleep or Enslaveable) but i say PEACEFUL hahahaha i just want some Inner Peace lol, and doing those things, having a Halfway Decent JOb and Wimmin for a Decent Amount of Time, like a year at least, does help you get over Adolescent Angst, and I never have, wawawawawawawawawaw

but yeah she deserves to have haunting nightmares hahaha. you mean i meant NOTHING to you EVER? I KNOW i did.

but yeah we discussed how people can just have their Feelings Die. you like someone, then you DONT like them anymore.

i guess that has happened to me, like with the women, but it never happened QUICKLY. It always took a LONG time for the feelings to die. like years, not months. and not while i was “with” them, but after they had dumped me, and then my love slowly turned to hate and anger, which then slowly turned into a dead husk hahahaha. so really there are TWO transitions there.

right now i am in the luv to hate transition. that is never fun. well at least the second transition is a lot better. also the actual hate stage is never fun either.

heh. wish i could turn it into satisfying cathartic music. i am tortured enough to be a tortured musician but i could never make the music. they just do it to bang bitches hahahaha

well my autistic black metal normie above said in his writing days, “love the music, hate the musician” or something like that. which is pretty much exactly how i feel. they are either degenerates or normies. there has to be a third way hahahaha.

also thats why now i focus on the people FIRST and THEN the music. like this musician roman sayenko who is in a million metal bands, i like him because he doesnt seem like a degenerate OR a normie. but he doesnt give interviews, so its hard to tell. i just respect what i perceive as his integrity, and what i perceive as his Politically INcorrect Views.

yeah thats right. i am so immature and childish and insecure that i luv anything “POLITICALLY INCORRECT” hahahaha and when donald trump talks about not being “politically correct” i go beat off and suck him off.