aug 19

yeah buddy. ok working on a 1.9 mile walkjog route in comparison to the usual 1.4 mile. i want something a little longer. 2.5 would be ideal. i have found a 2.2 mile thing but theres a lot of big noisy roads and i want to minimize that. trying to come up with a Hateful Mix of Hateful, Nihilistic Music. i think is actually the most helpful.

and classical and jazz. find the local classical and jazz station and listen to it all you can.

i am starting a What To Say During Interview File. I have another one buried somewhere in my 100000000s of files but i need a new one. i dont even know if i could FIND that old one. but just anything i can say during an interview.


answers to all possible interview questions
talking points
sound bites
longer sound bites
specific examples of bla bla bla
weaknesses i overcame
challenges i overcame
how i grew
how i learned from mistakes
first principles
last principles
tell us about yourself
elevator speech
tell us about a time when
what is your idea of good customer service
problem solving style
examples of….
weird interesting things
detailed stories of complex ridic cases/issues
detailed stories of when i dug deep like a boss
i wish i had saved those hahahaha.
how do you quickly assimilate an overwhelming amount of confusing information
how do you deal with constant overwhelming confusion and ambiguity
asking leading questions
being a detective
talking them down from the ledge
paint a picture with your documentation
knowing where to look
knowing who to ask
knowing company policies
knowing company hierarchy structure
etc etc

that is the starting point. then i need to rack my brain and remember those stories. basically remember my toughest and or best calls and tell detailed stories about how i handled complex confusing stuff like a BOSS where a lesser agent would have totally shat the bed.

what did i learn lately re woman2015. that whenever i “reach out” to her via email and try to get things off my chest, what i REALLY want, is to beg her to come back. and i can’t keep doing that! but i didn’t fully learn that until i sent the email yesterday. so it was valuable for teaching me that valuable lesson.

and YES i was VERY honest about that desire in Email #2, where I Blatantly BEGGED, “could you ever have feelings for me? could this ever work out? I could wait for you for a better time.” man i laid it out there SHAMELESSLY. so i did not hide that feeling at all. and got no response to that, so that was my answer.

then i came back three weeks later with email3, saying ok i fully accept we will never be together (i was talking desperation there, because i really do NO fully accept, i still want her), but about 80% of the email was pretty solid and good and reasonable. saying i wanted good closure rather than bad closure, saying i wanted to be treated with respect rather than a piece of shit. that’s a valid, decent thing to want, so i certainly dont regret sending the email.

and it also taught me the important lesson though: that i do NOT accept that its over, and any email i send going forward would be a bad idea.

but when there are so many degenerate women out there being totally disgusting animals, its so heartbreaking to meet and connect for 2 years with a young NON degenerate woman, realize she is the perfect mate, then fall in luv, get rejected in a very bad hostile angry disrespectful way, and then just having to move on without this “Perfect Angel” hahahaha.

that is a joke referring to Woman4, aka Woman2005B. she was also a nondegenerate because she was a virginal prude. however i think she might have been an asexual lesbian. woman2015 was definitely not a lesbian and not asexual either. so that kind of makes it harder, so i have less to Blame the Failure on, because its not because shes an asexual lesbian! i know for a fact she is a hetero woman, and i know she is not a super promiscuous degenerate hetero woman, and this is SO HARD to find! I think it’s probably EASIER to find a woman who is Nonpromiscuous and Nondegenerate BECAUSE she is actually Asexual or an Unrealized Lesbian!

i look at smart people i admire on blogs or youtube, and plenty of people are pretty successful, make a lot of money, yet they have the SAME problems with finding a nondegenerate woman; then i think how THEY would also fall in luv with this woman, and have a better chance of pulling her, because they are a much bigger winners, make 20 dollars an hour, are younger, better looking, more confident, better communicators, influence thousands of people on youtube, etc.

like my boy millennial woes,


i mean i am thinking about giving him a one dollar “tip” even though i have no income right now! that is how good he is! i wish i gave to him when i had a job!

great guy, great channel, one of my top youtubers, he is same general age as me, he too has been destroyed by depression and failing at life, he too can’t seem to get a proper job or a decent woman, but he keeps his chin up and creates a ton of very thoughtful intelligent provocative videos, AND he is on the cusp right now of being one of Those Guys that is able to Make Youtube His Career, and it is a very interesting transition. turning your youtube into a business.

often this is connected to you putting your face on the internet and having political views that make you unemployable. but once you start making enough money off youtube and advertising and your ebooks, you can start using your real name.

but this is not easy to do, and i dont know if i’d ever want that to be my career. WELL maybe i would, but i would never want to use my real name.

plus im not willing to clean the blog up. plus youtubes are more marketable than blogs. and i do like youtube and would like to do one, but it would be about as low key as this blog.

but yeah he is coming from a similar place as i am. but he is smarter and more articulate. and he has had more experience with women. i guess when he was young he got around hahaha. but i believe he also knows the pain of true love and heartbreak, and i think he may have been celibate for a very long time during his 20s. not sure about that.

not sure if i am involuntarily celibate or voluntarily celibate. well NOW i am involuntarily, because i found someone i wanted to not be celibate with. and until i get over her, i will be Incel. at that point, I will be VolCel, because i will be celibate, but i won’t really CARE, because i dont want to fook any of these disgusting degenerate pigs.

hehehe. well i kinda wish i had a “booty call” type woman, that might distract me.

thats another difference between men and women, is that women always have a “booty call” GUY they can call during times like this.

fook i just cant believe it didnt work out. i really wished it had. i still want her. it will take forever to get over her. and then it will take forever to get a damn job.

i wish i just had an easy job that i could go to right now while i got over her. kinda like i did last time, with woman2012. but shit i applied for that job ASAP, contacted the manager, and they never called me.

i GUARANTEE that was because they were like, yeah we know he can do this job, but we’re DOING HIM A FAVOR because he is overqualified and too old for this job, and he stayed way too long in the job before. if we hire him back, he’ll stay here till hes 40, and that’s pathetic, he needs to get on with his life and find a real job appropriate to a man of his age.

they have a POINT, but you could also think of it as: just give him this job so he can make SOME money AND keep a GAP from appearing on the res.

yep i will miss the CLOSENESS and INTIMACY and CONNECTION with a young, pretty, nondegenerate gurl, and the soft tenderness.

but women are so gullible and can fall for a Fake Connection SO EASILY!

because thats what pick up artists and alpha males do. they charm the women so fast, because they are good and well practiced at that skill. of immediately making women feel a strong connection, when really there’s not much there. or you simply cannot build a connection that FAST, it takes TIME. it takes MONTHS. 12 months AT LEAST to get the full bloom of the connection Of True Love.

heck when i first met her i was distracted, i didn’t love HER, I thought she’s a nice gurl, we get along really easily, but i am still getting over this other woman, and things would be different if she (woman2015) wasnt dating this guy, and I wasnt getting over woman2012, but right now i will accept the face value of meeting a nice friendly person where we can talk and get along easily, but i dont feel like getting too close to ANYONE right now.

and that sentiment continued for a while, and i slowly unfroze, until 2 years later, i was over woman2012, and thinking more and more about woman2015, and she broke up with the boifran, and started dating some loser guy, and BAM, the conditions were perfect storm, to change my feelings into something different and stronger.

so my sin is the same as the sin of adam and eve: i say yeah i like some of the stuff you’re saying GOD but not all of it, thanks for creating us and stuff and giving us some good rules, but we also wanna kinda do it our own way on these other things. i guess that is pride, or thinking you are SMARTER than GOD.

this is the criticism levied against people like me, who prefer to be more “spiritual” and less “religious.”

i can see the point! but i really dont like those “little” things.

i guess the point is, everythings a slippery slope. if you allow euthanasia but don’t allow abortion for example, it’s just a matter of time before you begin allowing abortion. because you say i am smarter than GOD, i know when best to take a life, its ok to take a life under THESE conditions, and then over time, you slip down the slope and begin adding more and more conditions to the list, in which its ok for one person to end the life of another!!!!

well I would never do that! I would stay consistent over MY life, of being for euthanasia but against abortion!

until I get a girl preggers and we decide to have an abortion because I only make 10 grand a year!!!!!

or i would feel better about getting an abortion with some filthy degenerate i did not luv, vs a gurl i actually DID luv, and WOULD like to have kids with someday?

well i dunno about that.

everybody has something good about them. even rapists and murderers and cheaters and molesters have a tiny shred of goodness in them. so all these “filthy degenerate whores” are not necessary evil horrible people. they just do horrible things, and they’ve done too MANY horrible things for me to feel luv for them.

the horrible degenerate things they’ve done, all those strange, fun, hedonistic, ultimately disappointing cox theyve taken, may not even be their FAULT because they’re being Brainwashed! they dont really HAVE the free will to CHOOSE!

and i say that is irrelevant to me loving them. the damage is already done, the baggage is THERE whether they freely chose it or not.

so its tragic to LOSE a GOOD woman who was not brainwashed in that way, to become a degenerate!

ok time for a 2.2 miler here.