NOT JUST WEIRD BUT SCARY

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i wanted to put in a link for

millennial woes

“advice for the broken”

and also go to the youtube page and check out the comments.

he gives his advice to an early twenties depressed insecure loser whose only relief in life is to troll women hahahaha. MW is a great guy who has Been There and now he is in his Early Thirties like me and still probably a “loser” by the worlds stupid standards of career success and money, having a good healthy loving rel, hahahaha that shit is for losers! anyway 90% of the time he has great political and social oriented videos but once in a while he talks about Life Stuff too and i think he should do more vidyas like this!

anyway he has been to The Abyss and has experienced Heartbreak and Years of Failure so i trust him.

i wuld be talking about this sort of stuff all the time on my channel!

so, pretty relevant to this blog

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aug 6

yeah these idiots 2 or 3 houses down let their stupid yipping dog out at 11 pm and it barks and barks. this is more of a problem during open window weather. but no one can figure out why you dont take your loud ass dog indoors during Quiet Hours.  how do these people keep jobs, own a house, get married, have children, live in house 2 houses down from us.

easy because they are normies who know how to deal with life, despite being rude and inconsiderate in allowing their stupid barking dog to disturb everyone within 100 foot radius.

but yeah i was weird to her, but i think i earned the right to be weird, and still get treated like a human being. i wasnt some random stranger she met 1 month ago.

would i let her be weird though? i want to say yes i would, but she was never actually weird to me. if she ever did like me, she was never weird about it. also im not sure if she liked me or she was just being friendly. either way she certainly stopped being friendly to me. because i started being weird.

i was sending her hints pretty early on. like when this guy cheated on her and broke her heart i blatantly said “I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU” hahahahaha. thats a pretty blatant hint. but maybe she didnt pick up on it, or didn’t really care, because when you get your heart broke, all you can think about for months is THAT PERSON. i’m doing it right now. anyway i said the timing was bad. i knew the timing was bad from the beginning.

so i shoulda been patient and bided my time? just played it cool until she was over him? then she probably would have started dating another guy anyway hahahaha like she is probably doing right now. anyway i dont want to talk too much trash about her. she is honestly going through some tuff stuff in her life, has a much harder life than me, and is a good person, and is a strong person, much stronger than me, doesnt fall apart at every little thing, and i used to respect that, but now that i cant have her, i envy it. and also because i am so weak and cant control my life and give up easier than she does. she has seen me totally give up, i have never seen her do that. well apart from giving up on me entirely.

basically i dont think me being weird was just cause for her completely giving up on me. you only do that when it is a random stranger you dont even know.

back in my drinking days i would totally want to drink, just to block all this shit out, escape it for a few hours. but see that doesnt work because when you are RAGING drunk 6 hours later and trying to pass out in bed, THEN you get all emotional, so you get sad as fook, even though you are STILL drunk. then you are hungover all the next day and probably more sad and angry than you would have been if you had not drank. so yeah i have no real desire to drink ever again.

that is good that i can control that. but i just cant control falling in love, or anything else.

well im not sure ANYONE can control falling in love. it just happens. often at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME. yes it does. you damn right.

i dont binge watch any shows because im just not interested. i dont care about tv, even so called good tv, like people binge watching house of cards or veep or whatever. homeland. i did watch breaking bad but even that is bad memories now because she really liked that show and it would have been a great thing to watch together, but when it ended in….late 2013 i was still not interested in her. and she was still with her damn boifran!!!!!!!!

so that was a very long term, 4 or 5 year rel, which i respected the sanctity of, honestly, and did not want to get in the middle of. i might have felt differently if they had just been going out for a month. but not 4 years. that is sme SERIOUS shit, there was NO WAY i was gonna bring on the bad karma by interfering with THAT.

but seeing her date some scumbag guy only a few months after that made me think. if him, WHY NOT ME.  i honestly did not see that coming AT ALL and i was SHOCKED. I should have said something to her the moment i suspected something, rather than dancing around the topic and getting all my info from facebook. that was a mistake on my part. she always was super private about her rels. it took a while before she even told me about the previous boifran, even as she was dating him. probably because there were Big Problems right from that time even. well past The Honeymoon Stage, and easily in The Beginning of the End.

well plus im sure she has trouble trusting men anyway. so it took a while for her to trust me to even tell me about her boifran. she did tell me about the Rebound postbreakup scumbag boifran eventually, after that had ended though. but not while it was going on.

now by that time i had my feelings, i said i would never treat you like that, i would never cheat on you, then i kept pushing her to hang out and talk. not the smoothest move on my part, but we USED to hang out! not every week but even once a month was more frequent than what it became, where we did not hang out at all for MANY months. but that was my fault because i was weird and pushy.

well yes. you just shouldnt be that weird and pushy to people!

but i swear to GOD i couldnt help it. i could not control my emotions. it is a weird and pushy and crazy thing to Be In Luv.

but i thought luv was patient, luv is kind, love takes all, bears all, that thessalonians bullshit they say at weddings.

well yes thats very nice, but love is also pushy and weird and impatient and crazy and makes you do stupid things.

so then by definition then, its not true love, its infatuation. so wait until you find someone where the feeling is Patient and Kind and Tolerant and Abiding and Calm and all thatshit.

i will watch beetlejuice. this has been one of my all time favourites since i was a little kid. it cannot help but lift my spirits. yet how did i understand this movie as a child. kind of a dark movie for a child to watch. the main characters die at the beginning and spend the movie trying to navigate a weird Being Dead experience.

shit i missed most of the pres debate. i am falling under the trump spell. because he does have that confidence and charisma and swagger and people like that. i am no different. i totally appreciate hitlers charisma too. i love a charismatic leader. i love charisma and confidence. it is the most important thing you can have. it makes you successful and persistent and tough and gets you jobs and women and makes you work hard and be successful or at least carry on as a normalfag, win friends and women and be well liked and remembered after you die.

i am thankful to have a few good friends who will remember me. but i am greedy for more. i always wanted a woman hahahaha. one that i genuinely cared for, not some desperate woman who i took because i was a beggar and they were all i could get. that is a recipe for resentment.

but yeah trump doesnt care about that. he shapes his own destiny. he really is the most electrifying candidate since obama in 2008. but is he electrifying only because the media attention makes him electrifying? well he’s always had a large personality. and i think the timing is just right for him right now. i saw the first 15 minutes of the debate where the faggot moderators set the tone by essentially baiting trump to raise his hand, baiting trump IMMEDIATELY.

is he a huge zionist? probably. im not even sure hes a good moral man. but he actually seems more HONEST than the average politician. maybe i am easily fooled and unintelligent like the average voter. but i like the ballsiness of trump, i have not seen this level of balls in years.

anyway i shouldnt even vote in 2016 because i am completely uninformed. i dont deserve to vote! or i could just throw my vote away on some throwaway third party candidate like the ultraconservative reactionary nationalist party or some shit.

but yeah. all those people are up there because they WANT to be. i wouldnt really want to be. all i really wanted was for the woman to like me back hahahaha.

the timing couldnt be worse, and i am haunted by when the timing would be better. like in july 2014 when i possibly could have made a move on her but i wasn’t really ready at that time. but she was still nice to me, and we still hung out one on one, and were in a place where making out would be totally appropriate. like the type of nice place you take a girl you are courting, who you want to have a peaceful walk and talk with, and then relax and make out. we just ended up there kind of randomly and i was thinking OH if i wanted to make out with her, this would be the perfect place to do it. but she just broke up with her boifran of 5 years, and i dont really want to, cuz i wouldn’t feel That Way about her for another 2 or 3 months.

Can you believe that? the timing was a MERE 2 or 3 months off. and that prevented me from being with the love of my life for the rest of my life hahahaha and now i gotta just find another one.

how ridiculous is that.

but that makes me want to email her every 3 months saying is now a good time? is now a good time? and that doesnt really seem like a good idea though. that seems desperate and weird on my part. creepy. weird.

even if you should be willing to go all in and take a chance, a chance on luv hahahaha.

but that would be a bridge too far, wouldnt it?

i mean i dont WANT to SCARE her. but i think i DID scare her with my weirdness. it wasnt just WEIRD, it was SCARY. ok fine im sorry to scare you.

but emailing every 3 months would obviously be a little scary.

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