aug 6

shit. this week i am just jogging and writing.

we put too high a premium on reason and rationality and science and intelligence.

that IS kinda blasphemous to say, because this is the very thing that separates us from the filthy animals. it makes us human.

well, i would argue that Morality makes us human as well. now is morality both emotional and intellectual, or just intellectual only?

anyway. dont want to get off on tangent.

sex is different for men and women because women have a uterus and can get pregnant.

sex can NEVER be separated from reproduction no matter how much contraception we try. that is WHY we want sex and heterosexual companionship so much, it is the driving force behind human reproduction. the reproduction of our species. makin babbys. its all so beautifully connected, and you cant tear it apart no matter how hard you try.

thats why men want pvssy so much. because the pvssy is really just the gateway to the uterus.

now this doesnt mean that men want to have 900000000 children and take care of them. but they maybe want to have 3 children and take care of them! Or have 3 children and abandon them like a deadbeat. it depends on the situation.

situational awareness. talk about that in your next interview. be like, i can read situations, and read people.  also im married with children, i can handle anything people can throw at me. i can give as good as i can get.

yeah still desperate. still want to email the female. more accurately, i want HER to email me, respond to ME, like i told her so desperately, please respond. its really for the sense of closure than anything else. closure is a gay word, how about Finality. Definitiveness. Decisiveness. Clearness. Unambiguity. Certainty. this will help you Accept the reality that this door is closed and you must find another door. the end of one chapter, the beginning of another. tying up the loose ends. not leaving any unfinished business. equalizing the scales. getting the balance sheet to zero. good karma. whatever you want to call it. i did not get it hahahahaha.

rejections with closure, vs rejections with no closure. rejections with closure are usually the better rejections. easier to handle.

rejections from shitty people with no closure, vs rejections from good people with no closure. she is a good person not a shitty person, but she gave me no closure, and i cant even blame it on her being a shitty person. just a good person doing a kinda shitty thing to me, because i freaked and weirded her out. anyway a no closure rejection form a good person is IMHO the worst kind of rejection. because you feel just left hanging and abandoned, and you can’t blame it on them being a horrible person.

rumination ruination hahahaha.

maybe a woman chooses horrible men, but she is genuinely in love with those men and wants…… i dunno. my point is, women who say its just sex. my response is, women can never say its just sex because sex is different for men and women, because for women they can get pregnant. the consequences are much more severe. this ive repeated 900000000 times and its worth repeating every time.

so if a woman acts like that, that might indeed be a reliable sign that she would be a horrible mother, because she doesn’t respect, understand, or appreciate the power of her own body to make babies, and would probably not think twice about Aborting her Babbys.

Now i think Abortion is not a FUN experience for any woman. And certainly most women have had at least One Abortion, right? i dunno i think i looked that up once hahahaha. no i think theres plenty of women who have never had even one. That would be my ideal woman hahahaha.

but i think the more important thing is, did they have one abortion, say i never want to go through that again, OR, do they get like 10 abortions a year? if they do that latter business, that would be a sign to me they would not be a good mother. because they kill 10 of their children a year hahahahahaha. but its not a child its not even a baby its not even a fetus, its an undeveloped embryo AT BEST hahahaha.

i need to watch more debates between anti-abortion men and pro-abortion women obviously hahahaha.

dont tell me what i can and cant do with my body! my body my choice! dont legislate and criminalize my body!

and then of course like half of abortions are done on women who already have children, they just dont want any MORE at that time. doesnt mean they would necessarily be a horrible mother to their existing child. damn.

well i guess what i’m saying is that one thing i liked about the woman was that she did not like sluts or slutty behavior and seemed a bit of a prude. i always liked this quality in women. what it tells me is that this woman appreciates her own power to get pregnant, and will not go out having sex willy nilly like a slut, and will only have sex within a committed, monogamous, long term relationship, and not with a lot of men, and……. i agree completely with all that! and it all comes back to the power to get pregnant, and really the woman’s acceptance, understanding, and appreciation of this FACT. many women do not appreciate this fact because they say oh wel contraception and abortion exist, i dont have to get pregnant if i dont want to, and if i do, i can always “TAKE CARE” of it.

This is missing the point entirely IMHO. Contraception and abortion are related, but not really relevant to my point: women can get pregnant, men can’t. sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive. eggs are literally BILLIONS of times more expensive than sperm. a man just dumps a load then runs off in the night. the woman gets 9 months of pregnancy and a baby to take care of the rest of her life. how can you not, as a woman especially, understand this? because everyone tells you if it feels good do it, and sex is empowering and always good as long as its consensual and safe. those are the only two things that matter about sex for women.  this is all part of the cultural revolution since the 60s and shit. cultural marxism, feminism, it has trickled down over the decades, and it’s had very real and devastating effects on the minds of youth, who have themselves become adults and had children of their own.

so yeah i guess i would dump a casual load in a woman if she were willing because im a man and i can get away with it. especially if i were horny and there were a willing attractive woman, not that i’ve ever experienced much of that! but hypothetically. all abotu the hypotheticals.

i thought we were closer! i deserve to be treated liek a human being even if i did scare her with my weirdness! waah waaah! my weirdness wasnt weird, it was just True Love that was building up tension!

i mean it really was. i was ready to full blown mongamously long term date this woman! and that is not an every day occurrance!  i had deep feels for her, wanted to Span Time with her, wanted to go on a Weekend Getaway with her.

thats one thing i have a particular yearning for, to go on a mini vacation with a Beloved Woman for a few days, nothing fancy, just like get a cottage near the beach for a few days in the summer, or Road Trip, or something like that. then have mad secs in hotel rooms or cottages or sleeping bags every night.

never got to experience that, was really hoping this woman would be the first hahaha.

so men dont get to have an opinion on abortion because men cant get pregnant. but i didnt think women could get pregnant either, because they dont have to get pregnant if they dont want to hahahahahaha. anyway my fear is that one day i get a woman pregnant and then she has an abortion, i would feel horrible about that, would lose sleep at night, might not even be able to do my job, quit my job, etc. become severely guilt ridden and derpressed, not be able to handle life, etc.

especially if i agreed to that Difficult Decision because I knew i could not take care of a child right now! i guess it would be a lot easier if i were like hurrr durrrr i cant make this decision, then the woman goes and does it, then i would “be able to” blame it on her, like you killed my child you MURDERESS!!!!!! Evil Murderess!!!!! Even though I could probably be pressured into murdering my own child anyway!

so yeah this insane Moral Choice of Abortion makes me want to stay away from women altogether. the only force that can overcome this? you guessed it, true luv. with that woman i would gladly have secs with her every day and risk this moral dilemma.

would it be easier if you didnt Luv the woman but were having Just Secs? and of course its always gonna be a harder decision for the woman than for the man.

and what about people who were not raised in christian or religious homes? because i only have these moral views because ever since i was a prepubescent i was taught that abortion is murder hahahaha.

but a decent number of atheists and nonreligious believe that abortion is murder too.

was supposed to go back out Jogging 27 minutes ago hahaha. yet i sit here writing about uteruses and pregnancy and abortion even though i’ve only had secs like 2 times 10 years ago hahahaha.

GOD must have a reason he is making me carry this cross!

and i have a huge safety net too! I wouldnt be able to do what im doing if i didnt have a safety net! i sometimes wish i didnt HAVE that safety net, that that might have helped me TOUGHEN UP. and become a Tuff Get Going kinda person. resilient, able to deal with life, independent, strong, more confident, etc.

but theres also the chance that the safety net saved my LIFE and without it, i would have ended up on the STREETS and probably K’d myself! hehehehe thats a comforting thought.

uhhhh i would advise joining a support group for derpression or anxiety if you can.

plenty of people are angry and stressed but plenty of people are NOT, too. like at my job, there were a number of people who were often in good moods, did not hate their lives and jobs, one woman was always bubbly and she’s like I LIKE this job, I want to KEEP this job, I LIKE talking to people and helping them. She was in my top tier of people and I tried to get and give moral support to her, and also try to learn from her, and make my attitude more like hers. I will always remember her. i mean she was like 45 years old and married and i was not attracted to her in the least hahaha and she had kids. but she had the best work ethic and the best attitude ever, and i was a bit envious of that. a very strong person. much stronger than i.