ive prob linked this before, millennial woes, the need for intimacy, which also has great comments.
now i am a huge anti-feminist who has identified with both mra and mgtow, but i also strongly desire intimacy with a Female Companion, and I do not want to ever give up hope completely, or become bitter, or swear off women, or swear off the idea of an Intimate Relationship with a woman, like some vocal mgtows seem to do.
i desired intimacy with the recent woman, quite a bit, that i was/am heartbroken to get it rejected.
i guess the Good News is that my heart is not completely closed off to this, because i could still feel feelings.
But I also wanted to toughen up and not be so sensitive. I mean i didn’t even have secs with the gurl! didnt even make out with her! so how the hell did i fall in luv so EASILY and Quickly?
but theres the thing: it def was NOT easily or quickly! totally NOT! It took about 2 years of knowing them, to get to this point.
and i think it was this 2 years of platonic friendship that ultimately made the resulting luv so strong, even if there was nothing physical. it felt like strong intimacy because i felt i knew her and felt i was close to her, even i had not filmed myself fooking her in perverted ways hahahahaha. i simply felt very close to her because we had a pretty good friendship, got along well, seemed like a decent connection.
i guess its fair that she does not share my feelings, but i am upset that our so called close friendship did not enable any kind of friendly discussion about the matter. it was all ignoring, avoiding, and abandonment.
so women haters say thats women, all women are like that, and white knight pussies like me say not all women are like that.
i know shes not a horrible woman, well not yet anyway. she might be on her way to horribleness now though hahaha. and she starts her journey towards being a horrible person, by being horrible to me hahahaha.
well we are not supposed to BLAME anybody, we just accept it and say it wasnt meant to be, it just didnt work out, its no ones fault. i mean its not technically her fault that she doesnt feel the same way.
anyway i just want to not become a bitter woman hater because of all muh rejections from women. i want to still be able to fall in luv again, BUT i also want to become tougher and less sensitive.
BUT its not like i’m falling in love with every woman i meet. it only happens once every couple years. and its not like i rushed into this thing with the recent woman. it all happened quite naturally. nothing was forced or rushed. unfort when my feelings switched on, the timing was extremely bad for her. i guess the timing was great for me, and bad for her. and ever since then its as if she read my mind and began pulling away, which was very painful, and culminated in its horrible climax recently.
is it because so far in my life, i’ve only focused on “pre-wall” women? hehehehehe maybe. i mean for me, pre-wall is kinda a necessary condition for luv to develop. i have never developed feelings for an Old Woman. but who knows, maybe i will in the future.
anyway i dont want to become one of those broken man woman haters which they accuse some mgtows of being. even though i do agree with much of mgtow: that marriage is a bad deal for men, and that cultural marxism has produced a generation of women that are horrible at relationships and bad news for men. but not all women!!! hahahaha.
but yeah this heartbreak is particularly devastating and i dont want it to break me. also its connected to a job loss so thats rough too. i mean i could probably go back to this job in a few months, but……i dont think id be able to handle seeing the woman again. on the job. unless we happily got together lol.
basically it was a total worst case scenario of a PLZ RESPOND situation. desparation for a response, for communication. i went cray cray over the lack of response. this is like the most omega autistic thing you can ever do, to quit your job and have your heartbroken because of PLZ RESPOND.
i guess i believed that strongly that i was entitled to some kind of response because of our “history.” this wasnt somebody that i knew only for a couple months.
oh god i know i used the exact words please respond!!!!!!!! foooooook me. but i still argue that when you know someone for a couple years, that they should respond to you rather than throwing you away like garbage hahahaha.
i wasnt always this week. even a few months ago i was much stronger. yet still lazy as hell, still angry, super angry, super lazy, super helpless, and still perturbed about this woman situation. but things are 900000000 times worse now. like i say. total rock bottom here.
i was never really a huge please respond sort of beta to her until recently.
but i quickly came to embody all the the sick please respond desperation.
i keep mentioning please respond because i just became aware of it as a minor meme; and i used those exact words; and deeply identify with that desperation; and realize this is not something normal people do. this is something extremely fooked up losers do. people that are permanently broken and may never be able to recover. that is what i am worried about it. that you survive but dont really recover. never really bounce back. just survive as a shell of your former self, which was not too impressive to begin with, but at least you were holding down a 15DAHJ (Dollar An Hour Job) hahahhahaha. and coming close to doing the bare minimum of life. and might have had a shot at luv to boot.
and now you are at total plz respond broken man rock bottom; and wonder if you had had more experience when you were younger, would you have handled this better? she was in a rel for 4 years and knows what its like to be in a long term rel with plenty of ups and downs, secs, luv, nights cuddling together, years with a person. yet i do not know any of that except in my fantasies, and have never been able to stay with a woman longer than like 2 or 3 months, never anything long term, cuz always get dumped during the short term. and that was 10 years ago when i could actually get gurls to make out with me for 2 months. now cant even do that lol. cuz i am old bald and fat and cant hold down a job and cant get a decent job lol.
hehehehe dont think this is helping lol.
but yeah i am angry and hurt and broken because i did feel honestly entitled to some sort of talk rather than just complete and total abandonment and cutting all ties without a word, feel sort of hosed, feel like i’ve been screwed and treated unfairly. hey i mean even an email would have been better than nothing. hence the please respond. please give me something. and i thought i at least meant something to this person as a friend. i mean they honestly used to like me somewhat, and would not have treated me like this in the past, before the gradual freeze out started. it is never easy when someone is close to you then they pull away because they dont want to be close to you any more.
cuz you have a history of things being good, before they go bad. its not like they were NEVER good.
i mean if i ever dumped a gurl, which i prob never will hahahahaha, i would try to make it easy on them, and also appreciate their pain, the pain i was causing them, and then myself try to act in such a way to give me as good karma as possible, and hurt them as little as possible, and to Facilitate the Healing Process for them. I would say i’m sorry 90000 times, and let them talk to me, and vent to me, and I would respond as honestly as i could, and even pay a dumping fee hahahahaha. i know how it hurts to be dumped or rejected and i would want to minimize the pain. i am not receiving that kind of compassionate rejection right now hahahaha. it is just the coldest worst thing, from a person i thought could never be capable of something so cold. and mourning the almost 3 years that i have known them, when i first met them as a sweet young gurl, in a probably unhappy rel, and we got along instantly and easily, in a way that i rarely do with people, let alone young gurls.
at that time it was bad timing for me, i didnt have luv feelings for her until a few years later, when she was officially done with her rel. and probably that prompted me, helped changed things for me. but i wasnt’ going around like a little cuck beta for years saying please respond please date me. that didnt happen till 10 short months ago. hahahaha.
in the past week the idea of “cuckservative” became a semi mainstream meme and i think its great. on 4chan people have been calling each other cucks for years, really thats the most important thing to be mainstreamized imho, the idea of a CUCK, ie, a weak man who bends over and takes it up the ass and says give me more please, i deserve this, becuase i am such an unmanly weak omega male that i gladly get fooked, i would gladly give my women away to more masculine men; please, fook my gurlfran and wife and daughter, please, fook me in the ass.
being a cuck is shameful as fook, thats why its such a great insult. i think it applies to a lot more men than just “cuckservatives” but its a good point of entry because it accurately describes them.
this is perhaps related to donald trumps popularity as a masculine political outsider who does not say pc things, so he would be the least cucked, in other words, and make the establishment republicans look like pussies.
there are plenty of good articles out there you can read on this interesting new meme. but IMHO its just fun to see the idea of CUCK out there, not necessarily cuckservative, but just the promotion of the idea that being a cuck SUCKS. and that men are going to Rise Up and stop enjoying being Cucked. Men will say Stop Cucking Me, B1tch! I deserve better! I will no longer Prep My Wife’s Bull!
there CAN be a racial aspect to cucks, usually wimpy white men and their attractive white women getting torn apart by Big Black Bulls; but IMHO Cuckoldry doesn’t REQUIRE this racial aspect, just that your woman is getting fooked (and loving it!) by a man more MASCULINE than you. its all about the alpha male stealing the beta male’s mate. you certainly can ADD racial aspects to it, and they go along with it quite naturally, but you dont HAVE to.
anyway please respond is something a total CUCK would say. and now the woman can go through a string of Much More Masculine Men. how did i think i ever had a chance. well probably because we were pretty close at one point, and at some points she gave hints of liking me. before i liked her though. then i never saw another hint as soon as i started liking her. you can see how this can eat a man up hahahahaha.