OHHHHOOOOHHHHOOOOOHH IM STILL ALIVE

june 13 2015

i swear guise i am still alive. all my writing is going into this other project and that is going well so….. however i am thinking by july or maybe aug at the latest i will be back here giving Life Advice to Losers.

but here is a guy who asks the infamous question, “cant tell if depressed or just lazy” and then a guy in the comments says

IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION, THEN YOURE PROBABLY DERPRESSED!

which i thought was a good talking point, and he’s prob correct too.

because lazy people are probably happy in their laziness, like a pig in shit. but your laziness does not make you happy, yet for whatever reason you cant break out of it. it sucks.

also i hate the word “depressed” anyway, its a weak faggy word. plus its different for everybody. i myself get really LAZY and ANGRY and NIHILISTIC and not super “sad” or weepy per se. but angry and HOPELESS and DESPAIRING would be other good words.

anyway just try to go for a walk every day if you cant get any action from your cover letter than you’ve been improving bit by bit every day for 10 years hahahahahahahhahahahahahaha

or women oh god not women they are the WORST. they are about as bad as JOBS, maybe even moreso. not a fan of jobs, not a fan of women hahahaha.

well, if you live in alaska, oregon (as of july 1 hahaha), washington state, washington dc, or colorado, go to the corner store and pick yourself up an indica blend and 420 BLAZE IT (not encouraging any illegal activity, per the WordPress Commissars who have suspended muh blog TWICE!!!!!!!!!! no good deed goes unpunished when you try to HELP PEOPLE!!!!)

oh yeah happy 500th post to me right now!!!!!!!!!

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I OFFICIALLY CONDEMN VIOLENCE AND CRIME

june 4 2015

blog was gone for a few days because of TOS violation, was worried they might think i was encouraging illegal activities or violence, turns out i just flagged spam filter, and a wordpress employee apologized to me hahaha.

got the red box at the top of the wp-admin page, couldnt do anything, couldnt see or write posts, but COULD downlaod an xml backup file of all posts THANK UUUUUUU WP you are so kind and benevolent and i am so evil and loser, could NEVER get a job at a WP

m4yb3 because i wr1te w0rd5 l1ke th15 and they think thats spam, when im just trying to censor words to get past hate speech filters, hahahahaha. n1993r f4990t k1k35 hahahaha can succ muh dicc.

anyway we are BAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK and not going anywhere, although am working on another writing project so this blog will slow down TEMPORARILY, so just bide yr time by reading old posts hahaha.

 

1ND1C4 4 ANXIETY AND BAD TUDEZ

may 2015

paxil wdrawal chapter 3

yeah maybe a bit angrier, not too bad tho

good news is, less obsessed with partic female

LESS!!!!! less desperate for her attention and luv hahaha

main thing is really this dizziness, lightheadedness, faintness in the head. not a headACHE though thank god. happens more when sitting.

still no desire or motivation towards education or career. NEVER had that though, even when on meds.

no problem to walk 5 miles a day and not become morbidly obese though.

this takes about 90 minutes. break it up into two 2.5 mile walks.

this will not make you not overweight, just not morbidly obese.

however overweight men pull better pvssy than obese men hahahahahaha.

also extremely vivid and long dreams that seem to last the entire night long. had one nightmare that was super terrifying and really had to fight to wake self up from it. then forced self to stay awake for like 15 minutes so as not to fall back into same terrifying nightmare damn.

use mushrooms to have a psych experience that will change your attitude about everything in life and maybe then you will want to work hard to not be a lazy loser. dont do the mushrooms around a bunch of normies. alone would be ideal. or maybe if there is a spirit guide or some sh1t , to guide the journey and help if things get anxious or scary. that would an ok  person to have.

so. ok it is may 19 right now. i think i have been “detoxing” since…. well i have been tapering off for a long time, which helped maybe, and then completely off for at least 4 or 5 days. lets just say 5. may 14 is d day. ok. sh1t was real bad the first night. it is actually gradually getting better day by day.

so the main things are: slightly increased anger/irritability, can’t fall asleep as early, strong vivid long dreams, and this sense of faintness, lightheaded dizziness is actually probebly the worst symptom.

but no real zaps or diarheaaaaa or suicidality hahaha. well beyond the usual “i cant believe more people dont kill themselves! well they WOULD, but theyre too SCARED because of christian hell/sin, also dont want to let down their family and friends. without those two things i bet 50% of people would kill themselves for having such sh1tty jobs and lives and wives.”

may 23

ehhh workign on another writing project; still laid off; still have no energy to look for new job; i need to be really FORCED. for one thing, i though unemployment agency would be forcing me to provide evidence of job search. they are not. however they may in the future. i dont expect them to be competent. i dont expect anyone except doctors lawyers and maybe scientists and engineers to be competent or logical. anyone else, all bets are off.

uhh so almost day 10 with no paxil? seems like its gotta be longer than that. head dizziness still kinda there, tapering off by like 5% per day. vivid dreams still there. take MM (medicinal mj) might help but i ran out of that at around the same time i ran out of paxil unfort. thinking about getting mm card.

also taking nyquil and sleeping 13 14 hours a night is good idea. sleeping it off is a great way to detox from ANYTHING. get at LEAST 12 hours if you can.

may 25

uhh ok day 11 no paxil. still strong dreams, but the dizziness and head spinning have gone down.

i would recommend having a lot of MM (medical M) to help u during this detox period. unfort i ran out of MM right at the start.

so i Made An Effort today and actually made an appt for a MM doctor to try to get a card. big deal mang. cuz i know real life people who dont have “qualifying conditions” and stll have medical cards so i said IF THEM, WHY NOT ME. so i got an appt and am pretty nervous about that, will take valium before hahaha. now i think my place is gonna be very by the book so i think i will get rejected, where if i went to a more GHETTO place with a GHETTO doctor i would get approved. the place i chose is not super ghetto, and i do not have a quaifying condition, so i will prob get rejected. good news is, if i get rejected, i dont have to pay. also i cant be charged with a crime hahahaha.

but yeah my hypothesis is that high INDICA budz will help with yer anxiety and derpression hahaha.