so i last had cuddle pseudo gf action 10 years ago, and it was great. i was in luv with the gurl, wanted to marry her etc. of course she was a total piece of trash, aka she just wasnt right for me, it just wasnt meant to be, and we were each destined to find partners of better fit. i found no one, and she no doubt found many many many more temporary boifrans, and became very successful and respected, while i became very failure and disrespected hehehehe.

well i tried courting other gurls but that was not meant to be either, couldn’t get as far as a make out with them. of course that was my fault because i was clearly mentally ill and something just wasnt quite right or perfect hahahahahahahaha.

just have no energy to do the years and years and years of long term work and Foundation Building to do a career, no energy or time to start over as an Old Man, at the beginning.

besides i care much more about being foreveralone than foreverunderemployed hahahahaha i.e. would prefer to fix the foreveralone first.

may 17

yep it was yesterday afternoon that things started getting real weird re the paxil detox, well, real weird at night time. felt super nervous, 10000000000 thoughts crammed into head, felt like a differnt person, jsut felt weird as fook, nervous, super worried abotu life and death, trying to analyse everything but knowing i could never fix everything wrong with me, that i was finished, this was it, huge sense of dread and worry and panic and anxiety, yep the paxil must have been doing SOMETHING, because take it away, and THAT is certainly doing something!!

sense of “falling apart”, could DEF not do my job in that condiiton, muh less than $15 an hour job hahaha.

could not relax and go to sleep with tv off, so turned it back on and just flipped channels fromg gay stupid thing to gay stupid thing for like 3 hours. took half a valium, was desperate to turn off desperate thoughts and feels and just go to sleep!

finally got to sleep thankfully and feel quite a bit better now thank god.

little tired bc did not get my 12 hours of beauty sleep maybe “only” 7 or 8 hahahaa.

was moreso worried about my stupid job and how i screwed things up royally with muh education and career and could never get them back on track, cuz i hate education, career, and esp working hard!!!!

hard worth is never worth it!!! hahahaha plus my mind is too much of a fookng clusterfuook in the condition, to think straight and focus AT. ALL. i mean its never GREAT for that but last night was just ridiculous.

weird sense of being all f00ked up, even more than normal, like now its reason to panic

may 18

several days later

feeling better, thank GOD, main noticeable thing now is staying up later, which i dont like doing, like to 3 or 4 am

that cant happen when i go back to work otherwise i will get unstable and lose job hehehe

was thinking abotu the non benzo anxiety drug buspar, which is supposed to reduce anxiety in general

might be a better otpion than benzos for getting thru the workday/life

then just pop benzos as needed haha

still dont really want to do anything though

jobs etc friends etc just want to sit on internet and neckbeard all day

did u know that occasionally telling wimmin u miss them is a form a hateful viyolent abuse

because they are too busy fookin other dudes and u are not cool, exciting, manly, fun, or alpha enough for them to add to the list 1000000 cox theyve taken


because anger is a medical problem that needs meds haha

when it makes you a lazy loser unable to cope with life, yes  maybe it does

the problem with “derpression” is that you are NEVER sure if you have it, or if you are just a lazy loser. plus it makes you LOOK like a lazy loser to the people that have big influence over your life: skools, jobs, women, friends, family.

since i hate doctors and hospitals and medical scams i was thinking you can go to a physician assistant to write you prescriptions. anybody other than MD’s and DO’s who can write you a prescription. i just need some valium, xanax, buspar, and maybe prozac. i MIGHT try prozac because it is “gentler” than paxil, even though i have super strong med resistant derpression hahahaha. but since i am surviving the paxil withdrawal, i dont want to go back to it!

still get that fuzzy lightheaded feeling pretty regularly, not great, but can deal, much better than that feel of “i am going insane right now!!!!!!”

also staying up later / can’t sleep. not sure if mentioned that already. not sure if that means more energy like a normie, or what.

yeah physician assistants can prescribe benzos. and i think ssris for that matter. but some of them are into ethics and sh1t and want to stop their MD doctors from becoming “pill mills” hahaha. i say just gimme muh benzos.

no i barely take benzos, not even every other day. but i was thinking about starting to take them more regularly to survive my stupid job. cant find a better one. oh well. life goes on. with benzos hahaha. gotta have a job. just the way it is.

try to walk 5 miles a day if u hate exercise and want to lose weight. espec if u are laid off from your job and too lazy to look for a new one. at least try to lose weight so you have a better chance with making out with a 7 hahaha. maybe a 6 lol.

this site is great and can help you figure out 5 mile Walks.  or two 2.5 mile walks even.

may 18 1005pm saw the first real centipede of 2015, a fully grown, or at least large as a f00king ANIMAL, i hate to think this was NOT fully grown good god. i sprayed it with “flying insect killer” until it slowed down, smacked it with flyswatter until it stopped moving, then scooped it onto the flyswatter and flushed it down toilet, whcih, thank GOD, all this was happening in a small bathroom. centipedes are by FAR my least favourite insect, well, next to cockroaches, and another type of more local insect (which i can somewhat easily avoid when they are in brief season).

life lesson: have a long insect swatter that you can also use to pick up the dead insect and flush it. good god. one would hate to think of putting it in a paper towel which you would then have to hold in your hand hahahaha. first world problems.

ONLY bad thing about nice weather.





would argue that secs with someone u like like could be considered somewhat “psychedelic” in that it makes your brain work differently, and u see the universe in a different way

maybe, i dunno, have not had secs in 10.5 years, have not cuddled with qt in 10 years hahahahahahahaha

who knows, who cares

still going off the meds, well i have like 2 tiny crumbles left haha.

how 2 get a job: LIE to them telling them what they want to hear

how 2 get a qt gf: LIE to her telling her what she wants to hear

continue the act / lie until u get fired or dumped, then repeat whole process till death lol.

hahahaha my writing is better when i am off meds

BUT its actually WORSE hahaha

involuntary makeoutlessness hahahahahahhaha

well what do wimmin want to hear

i dunno that you are the manliest man ever i guess. NOT that you are sensitive and that you listen and help with housework. that you are manly and EXCITING and alpha and make them tingle and are always being didlesired by younger, more attractive wimmin.

i usually try the “just be yourself” thing, then when that doesn’t work, then i try psychological manipulation, then when that doesnt work, move to another b and repeat the process a few years later after getting over previous b

wat do u do when both just being yourself and then not being yourself and trying to give the b what they want, neither of them works? hehehehehehe.heh

yeah it is gonna take a few days to stop feeling weird from getting off this paxil i predict

good thing i got some valium to take the edge off lol

is there something like valium, but like 10 times stronger, and doesn’t build up a tolerance

so u can use it all day erryday

get a ratio of how many times u busted a nut looking at pron : how many times u busted nut with real gurl

and the closer that number is to 0, the better and more normie u are

uhh was taking about 40 mg of paxil a day for 1 year but had been taking it at various levels for like damn…..7 or 8 years???? quite a long time. went thru phases. about 3 or 4 years ago, was convinced i was a Victim of the Heaviest Chemical Imbalance Ever and I simply HAD to take the world’s Hugest Dose of Paxil in order to even have a chance at being normal, so i GLADLY took like 60 mg a day at that time.

didnt really seem to do anything and was still a big loser and had even less energy, so weaned down; then last year or 2 years ago decided it was J00ish Poison meant to pacify the masses like soma, and wanted to get this j00ish poison out of system forever.

was still a big loser and stressing out and decided to go back up again. dr prescribed 60 mg a day, i took 40 hahaha. and that was most recently. also was able to get some valium added to the rx hahaha which i dilegently hoarded and still have a bunch.

then paxil started running out. and now its gone. my doc is now out of the biz and i would have to find a new one. currently on “vacation” from job, so less stress, so, ideal time to get this jooish poison out of system, rather than worry about finding new doc to get moar.

i will totes start using valium on the job though, when i start job again, to reduce stress on job.

then when the valium runs out, will find a cheap doctor to write rx for more valium, and maybe a less controversial ssri, like prozac maybe.

or maybe just get a medical mj card and vape tonnes of mj out of a vape pen bwahahahahaha. and then tonnes of valium at work.

or i think i was toying wiht the idea of an older tricyclic or MAOI type drug. yeah what the heck why not, couldnt hurt.

so thats my recommendation. get off evil ssri drugs and treat your “depression” with tricyclics and w3333d and valium. the “depression” just comes from you being ashamed and afraid of not living your life, you inherently know what the many Existential Problems are you need to fix: get a job, get a gurlfran, get along better with your friends and family, lose 400 pounds, etc, these obvious things are whats making u “depressed”, just obvious travails of Life.

if anything i was just too SCARED or NERVOUS to do the things i KNEW i needed to do, and prbably valium would help with that initial anxiety. but then not doing those things led to years of regret and then the derpression.

most of it prob stems back to when i was 18, and i should have just gone to military, trade skool, or worked some stupid jobs. but since i was real good in high school, i was pushed to go to college, even though i knew i didnt like skool. i guess i just thought after high school would be my time, that college would be better and get me prepared for life. i was dead wrong hahahahahahahaha.

i could have still gone to college later, once i saw how the world worked, and could have gotten a stem degree and actually used it and made money.  but noooooooooo.

now i have much less energy and am much older than i was at 18, and working at a job an 18 year old coudl handle.


also i did not “get help” while i was in college, so i might have righted the course while in college, and used college to get into a good career, rather than being scammed, and going on to crappy jobs you didnt need college for anyway, and becoming a huge old fat bald virgin loser hahaha who had made no Progress in Life between the ages of 18 to 30 hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

bretty awesome eh mang.

and another reason i took the ssris was because i didnt really have any obvious reason for the “derpression”, had a good family, everything i needed, opportunity to go to college, etc. hehehe.

but grew up to be a huge lazy loser omega kissless virgin anyway hahaha. no i am not a kv, but i have not done anything with gurls for the past 10 years. in a way thats almost WORSE than being a kv, because i have had a TASTE and i can VERIFY that it was every bit as good as i ever wanted it to be, and i want to taste it again lol.

promised not to say i as much oh well.

well maybe the jooish k1ke ssris work for SOME people. maybe they even worked for me and i just didnt realize it hahaha. but i just took the like 7 mg thing i had and threw it away. maybe watch some alex jones youtube on how ssris are a big govt big biz collaboration to enslave the tax livestock hahaha.


may 15

oh yeah.

there is a fuzzy faint feeling in head which may be from withdrawal of paxil. it is not debilitating but def distracting. a little bit.

maybe just drank too much coffee.

so we have established that normie is not bad, in fact, normie is good, we want to be normie.

normie does not imply degenerate.

BUT, what DOES imply degenerate, is the SECS which normies HAVE, secs arguably being THE defining FEATURE of being-a-normie.

but since most normies are NOT degen, therefore we can deduce that most of the SECS these normies are having is nondegen.

examples of degen secs:

taking pictures of the secs


open rels

casual secs

notice that most of these degeneracies, the direct causer is women not men

dumping a guy for no good reason

not giving a guy you dumped for no good reason some “severance” fooks to kind of wean him off rather than dropping a bomb on him: we will never have secs again starting RIGHT NOW

dumping a guy because “i dunno it just doesnt feel the same as it did before, i dont get all tingly any more, i dunno”

dumping a guy without giving a good solid effort to fix it first

. ok so. yeah women are more responsible for these degeneracies than men, so you would be stupid to not be “prejudiced” against women. men and women are different, and women are provably more degenerate than men. end of story.

to be fair, they are more gullible or suggestible really, and are very easily led down the path to degeneracy. so, even a not super strong man should have no problem leading them far, far away from that path, and down a good path instead. wish i had known that manny years ago hahahaha.

ongoing travelogue of author getting off medzlol

seem to be sweatier, and even more incoherent, little angier and more confrontational

but the dizziness and faintness is definitely happening, not super fun

also detoxing from “medical herb” as well ooo goody, so that is interacting as well

may 16

i keep forgetting that i am a huge supporter of using psychedelics to cure u of yr derpression and laziness. i would think something natural like muschrooms or dmt would be best, but maybe lsd too would be ok. just never have the privacy and opportunity to do such things. i would recommend 24 hours completely alone and try not to do anything stupid like jump out the window or breathe underwater, some people have accidentally K’d themselves this way while on psychs.

i was reading about terence mckenna and his early life where he said his first love was biology so then he went back to berkeley and completed his degree in 1975 , age 29. now by this time he had already had a very interesting life, traveling all over the world, having gurlfrans, researching his career interests in psychedelics, etc, and by all accounts appeared to be a total neverdepressed normie hahaha and certainly a huge nonvirgin!!!!

so it is hard for us to understand that academic interest in things, natural curiosity, loving knowledge for the sake of knowledge, because we are always so anxiously obsessed with how 2 get a job or how 2 get a gurlfran!!!!!! that we develop no curiosity in why this plant does that, the nature of time, stem interests, math, electricity, etc. we dont give a fook, we just want a qt to cuddle with and a job that pays 15 bucks an hour.

THESE AREN’T ACTUAL INTERESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

being intellectually curious in why such and such compounds rgeact the way they do, or reflecting on what hereclitus said about bla bla is an intellectual interest.

my problem is i was very smart, but lost interest in intellectual interests, due to obsession with “emotional interests” like how 2 get qt gurlfran, and how 2 get 15$ job, and then lostinterest in everything else. therefore i could not use my intellect and could not turn my intellect into a $15 job thru grad skool hahahahahahahahahaha. i bet u know that feel too.

your anger makes you duller and dumber rather than tougher, sharper, and smarter.

so get some mushrooms RIGHT NOW and do them alone lol, theres your magic bullet. that will reconnect you with The Universe or with Your Higher Power like you were when you were a child. and then you can be interested in stuff again, not just superficial things like how to sell yourself to b1tches, how to sell yourself to jobs, how to persuade people to accept you.


cant u just sit in your room by yourself READING and LEARNING and be completely at peace doing that?

fook no then u wouldnt be here hahahaha. that is one of the main things normies do lol besides having secs with their gfs.

always worried about stupid superficial surface bullsh1t like wimmin and jerbs. because u dont got none hahahahaha.

had a weird dream where i was in the sh1ttiest most run down ghetto, and there was a skool advertised as the ticket out of this slum, and the main ticket was being good at MATH (ie stem degree hahaha) and they gave us a test basically saying, if you can’t pass this test, then you BELONG here. and it was the hardest math test ever, like Calc 5 level. i was like damn i still got a LONG ways to go to make 15$ an hour and lift myself out of this slum. I thought it would be a simple 1+1 type arithmetic thing, but there was some intense calculus and god knows what on this test. everyone looked at the test, said wtf, and walked out, because noone knew how to do it. and the person who ran the school would not help you pass the test, just administered the test to show you what an idiot you were who deserved your squalid poverty.

the end hahahaha.


dooo eeeet

recovering autists worry about social skills a lot, and are they getting proper closure, and did the other person really understand what i wanted them to understand, and get all autistic about every social interaction, becuase they know how bad they are at them, and how every interaction is a pitfall, a chance for social failure, because you didn’t read some b1tches mind correctly hahahaha. missing nonverbal cues. what if your a nonverbal autist hahahahaha. no they cant read nonverbal normalfag cues either, it goes without saying.

now i am no autist because then i would be better at math and science and have a good job bc of my good stem degree. but i am prob close to being assburgers, and then had my math and science autistic mind derailed because of my strong emotions and derpression and laziness hahahaha.

when something bad goes on too long, you get “grizzled” or weird from being like scarred or some sheet, and normies pick up on that, get weirded out, and then refuse to give you the jobs or wimmin you are seeking, because you are weird and grizzled and cold and sociopathic hahaha. like the soldier with the 100000 yeard stare because he’s killed too many men, or the sloot with the 1000 cok stare because she’s sucked too manny cox.

you just dont care about anything and seem like a weird nihilist.

and they say this guys weird, he has a huge WALL up, etc.

we don’t HIRE weirdos, we don’t hang OUT with weirdos, we certainly dont DATE weirdos.

so dont be a weirdo hahahaha so how do

was probably signif less weird / more normie when i was working, i talked to people all day like a normie. i guess that was one benefit of the job, but the job was so stressful that i would rather not be working it, and feel like a weirdo. anything to get out of that place for a while. but now i feel weird, like i could never get a job anywhere else, because i would be weird and nervous and awkward during interview. or cold and sociopathic and austistic.

so how do u deal with stress on the job. well, sir, i have a very stressful job, but i am good at just taking the abuse like a sucker, i am a masochist, i just let them call me a n199er and continue to give sh1tty service because i dont know what im doing. i turn my mind off and try to go to my happy place. it also slows down my pace of work and makes me very austistic, weird, derpressed, and tired, but i have pretty much given up on life, so, hire me hahahaha. also i take benzos on the job and smk tons of w erry day when i get out. and jerk off to pornography hahaha cuz i cant pull a real woman, or rather, no real woman as good looking as those filthy young sluts in the j1zz vidyas. definitely cant pull a real woman nearly attractive as  some white trash high skool dropout girl with severe daddy issues.

what do you do when you dont know how to do something? well i know the best answer is to communicate with somebody, but in our company, nobody ever gives you a straight answer and they dont want to help you because youre an idiot and they like making things difficult for us so we can quit, so we do trial and error and try to piece things together ourselves, looking like massive incompetent retards along the way, good answer huh, i’m a good employee, so hire me.

why didn’t u just go to grad skool? because i just didnt like skool and didnt really want to go to grad skool, plus i didnt do good enough to get into grad skool unless it is some stupid online college that you go to to become a manager, like you did sir hahahahahaha. hire me. plus i wanted to work on my people skills and lose muh kissless virginity, those plans went over like a lead balloon, hahahah and i have not made any progress there in 10 years. hire me!

how do you feel abotu teamwork? i think its BS, i throw my so called team under the bus every chance i get, because those faggots dont do their jobs and are not being held accountable, and i am the stupid messenger which says sorry cant help you, have no power to help you, either the thing cant be fixed, or the people who can fix it, have no accountability to fix it soon, cant tell you anything more because i dont know anythign more and neither do they. sound good? hire me!

why did you wear an obviously charity suit you got from the salvation army? the pants dont even match the coat! because i really just dont like working and i was too lazy to go get a better looking suit. and if yr gonna bust my balls abotu the suit, then obv yr not gonna gimme the job lol see ya. suk muh dik faggot.

may 15

note: almost out of muh meds (ssri paroxetine) where i had been taking like….40 mg a day for a long time? now getting down to 0 cuz too lazy to go to a doctor. might be getting more angry and hateful. they talk abotu “ZAPS” with paxil wdrawal but not really getting those, but sometimes get a spinny faint feeling in the head, but nothing too major, and no ZAPPING.  biggest change is in DREAMING. now i have dreams all the time. last night it seemed the entire 10 hours of sleep (also been sleeping “too much”) was one big long dream. nothing too unpleasant either, i was just wandering around in a mall, in las vegas, kind of lost, trying to find the proper exit i needed to get to bla bla street. didnt make sense, but nothing scary happened.

also been feeling more lazy and loserish than usual, less motivation than usual…..if that is possible.



may 2015

really its absurd that its so hard to get a job, because once you get the job, you see that everyone there is incompetent and should be ashamed of themselves and that noone is held accountable, and noone really knows what they are doing.

but it is simple supply and demand i guess, too many people want jobs, and not enough jobs are available for them.

well current job was so easy to get: one interview and done. int was less than 10 minutes. basically needed to have a pulse. prob the easiest int ever did.

then i int for another job, which would have been much less stressful, and much easier, and paid more, and i thought i had an In by Knowing People, and thought i did ok on the interview…… but didnt get the job. for doing a BETTER interview for a MUCH EASIER job.  see it doesn’t make sense.

a few months ago i talked to a marginally older guy who had an engin degree, military experience, wife, multiple kids, home, good job, TOTAL normie in other words. he said when he interviewed people he didnt even CARE about their technical skills, but rather their people skills: could you talk to the person, do they annoy you, are they weird or creepy or nonnormal. that was the most important thing. coming from a guy working a tech job, interviewing tech people for tech jobs.

unless its life or death it doesnt’ really matter. at worst, you fook up, the system goes down for a day, the company loses 100 grand, and u get fired. nobody dies hahaha u just lose your livelihood and means of taking care of your kids. hehehe what kids. what livelihood. u dont even make 15 bucks an hour yet hehehehe.

making 15 bucks an hour is the hardest thing in the world. u dont get to do it unless you were the Valedictorian of your class in stem at MIT, and only if you had 90000 internships too. with good companies not shitty companies. and did good int he internships, not just coasting.

coasting hehehehe

personally have coasted all muh life cuz too lazy not to coast.

what would make you not coast?

being homeless, having a nice qt gurlfran hahahahahaha, being a fun energetic person where jobs look for u, u dont look for jobs.

but yeah just get a damn proper suit before your next proper interview. go to yelp and look up mens clothier and find a place that is rated as having good service and get fitted for the cheapest suit they have. actually just go to mens wearhouse and look at suits. hopefully an employee will stop you and try to sell you sheet. be like i want a navy blue suit, willing to spen $100, but i do want the suit tailored on the pants at least because muh body is weird. i need something that doesnt look like a Charity Suit Becuase Interviews.


also take a valium, xanax or benzo before the interview and just try not to say UHHHHH and try to Talk Smart and Talk Fun.

those “simple” Five things are prob the Top Five of Job Winning things.

welp i guess my “passion” in life is to help Privileged Cis White Men who because of Emotional Weakness became Losers, hahaha not a big market. most losers have darn good reasons for being losers, like they had a hard life, bad families, abused, molested, etc. they weren’t set up to win and then failed because of their own stubbornness and weakness.

but there are a few others out there so i should really Reach Out and Develop them into Paying Clients hahahaha. then i can start my business. because not gonna get a stupid costly masters degree in like counseling, then try to get a fookin JOB in that, THEN try to build my client base from there. build clients NOW and easily convince them that me not having a gay masterz degree is no bad thing, but in fact a great thing.

but yeah obv i still need to roll up sleeve and do actual work of Reaching Out and Working with Losers on a one on one basis. and get like 10 regular clients. with local losers i could actually do house calls and meet in person.

ehhh i guess i would charge 15 to 20 bucks an hour. maybe 12 hehehe.

grateful to have friends but they are ALL normies, meaning they have decent jobs, they are in rels or married or have had gurlfrans before for many years and have had secs many times. weird. that is not normal to me lol.

but i am not sure i ever met a non normie i ever liked, in person.  many non normies are just excruciatingly annoying and no fun, sound familiar hahahaha.

if anything, we actually want to become normies, by getting ok average jobs, by getting a gurlfran, and cuddling with her regularly, and not getting dumped by her for like a good solid year. what is all that but definition normie. normie is not bad. normie is the goal. normie is the BEST.

nonnormie is basically autistic virgin, and you dont want to be that, trust me.

in fact, it might be the defining feature of normie vs non normie, to be able to establish a hetero rel with a person you Like.

begs the question, are we non normies less normal than GAYS? because once gays move out of their Small Town, they usually easily find Secs Partners in the Big Gay City. plus gay men are always horny for other gay men and they have no reproductive costs, so gay men go to gar bars and have tons of easy gay secs. no matter how weird looking they are, or autistic, or awkward.

long ago i was at a party with a gay man and he was pretty drunk and he told me he would like to get gay with me if i were not str8. i smiled and said thank you for the compliment, you are a good looking man yourself, unfortuantely i am not gay. i wish i were gay sometimes because the females aren’t much easier, hahahaha. funny enough i was at the party to try to court a gurl (woman6) and she was being a cold standoffish b1tch to me, but nice to other guys, no doubt taking it up the 4ss from guys she just met that day at that party hahahaha what a b1tch and slut.

anyhow i hypothesize that the average gay man has more positive secs experiences than the average hetero cis non normie autist virgin loser, hahahaha.


heh facebook actually has some decent groups for us r9k, 4chan, kv, autismal, pepe the frog, feels, loser type stuff.


that was a good one found recently.

imply that nonvirgins actively hate and seek to degrade wimmin, while virgins luv and long and pine and feel sad for loving, nonhateful, things. not sure how TRUE this is, but it seems true to depressed virgins, and is a way for them to further divide themselves from those “woman-hating” nonvirgins who really don’t DESERVE the luv of women, because they must HATE women!!!!! which is not necessarily true!


dont defend the nonvirgins hahahaha.

dunno maybe its 50 50 , 50% hate women even moar than niceguys like us, 50% don’t.

but yeah liked that aspect, and also that of the virgins dream, as it reminded painfully of own dreamz!!!

well just as it would be unfair for wimmin to think that we are the same as every other man, ie cheating scum (because women can always excuse their own cheating but ALWAYS get butthurt when a man “cheats” on them! no exceptions, even for the most Open Minded of Wimmin and Luv Has No Boundaries and Luv Is Infinite and Unlimited etc)

just as u know u wouldnt cheat on a decent woman, u have to beleive that Not All Women are Cheating scum, or trigger happy Dumping scum, etc, and that maybe the next woman won’t screw u as bad as the last, because they are not the same person, hahahahahaha.

so if, by the grace of GOD, u find yourself with a wimmin again, and she is not some 35 year old single mom hambeast and u actually dont want to dump HER, and you are thinking “this is too good to be true, whats the catch, i bet she dumps me after 1 bang and like 1 week” uhhh try to remind yourself she is a different person than the last person who did that. besides u wont have long to wait to confirm or disconfirm your theory! hahahaha. 50 50 chance.

anyway who cares.

have heard from somewhat reliable sources that you can pass a drug test, because u smk so much w and couldn’t possibly pass a drug test, by smuggling in a bottle of fake urine in your pocket. rebutted “bbbbut what if they send a guy into the bathroom with you to make sure yr actually peeing? wwwwhat if they make you empty your pockets?”

well then you say SO SORRY, i aint gonna pass this test bra see ya. then tell your family that they picked the other candidate instead, he had moar internships in college hahahaha.

just got an order from target dot com. like say way better than kohls dot com, fook them forever, target 4 lyfe. recommend u size one up on merona “tailored” short sleeve button downs. if you look large but pick xl, you will be VERY happy with your new merona short sleeve button down shirt.

the wrangler ultimate khaki, flat front, classic fit, $20, is a classic pant, and should buy moar now. u def need 2 or 3 pairs in various colors esp gray.

you can return the stuff at your local target. would hope that having the stuff and needing to return them would be more of a motivation than going there, before buying the things, and hope they have whatever you want in a good size, style etc. F00K THAT. just buy everything online.

so yeah. go into your interview with a clean, newish dark blue suit. smile and try to have a good attitude. just talk like your smart from your 100 flashcards. lie wherever you can to improve your chances. shave your beard. pretend you are an extravert nonvirgin normie who has a gurlfrand and kids. and knows how to deal with people.


well if you KNEW college was a scam, why didn’t you start going to trade skool to become an electrician at say age 22? or even 25 for chrissake?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NEVER say uhhhhhhhhhh. just keep your mouth SHUT and PAUSE for an awkwardly long time, an awkward pause is better than an awkward UHHHHHHHHH. have a flash card for this question. say you wanted to make money, you wanted to get better at job searching, job getting, customer service, and people skills before you became an electrician or welder. because you need good people skills to get a job as a welder.

and you had a long way to come with your peopel skills, thats why it took so long. also you had many stress in your personal life. they can’t ask you about that.

be like you had to go to a lot of workshops and read a lot of books and get a lot of practice before you could get good enough at interviews to get a job hahahaha.

who fooking cares, just lie, these k1kes dont deserve the truth, and they wouldnt hire you if they knew the truth anyway, because they are j0015h f4990ts.

heh. tell them your resume is underwhelming because you are a n199er who doesn’t like to work.

bad attitude hehehe. fix your attitude. then everything will magically get better.

so magically change your attitude from horrible to good. just do it.


u might be a loser if u have tried meds and shrinks and u have a good fam and good upbringing but u still turned out a lazy loser and nothing seems to fix it lol.


may 2015

wow been doin this blog for TWO YEARS now, and 487 posts or so wow. weve come a long way baby hahaha.

went from a total loser job to a signif less total loser job, but its still a loser job, AND it is 90000000000000000 times more stressful and has made me mroe stressed, angry, even less energy hahaha.

still no success with wimmin during this two year period haha.

think used this blog to help get over woman7 in 2013, and then in 2014 woman8 happened, and still trying to deal with that, haven’t gotten officially rejected yet, but fishing for it, just so to move on. cant waste time like with woman7. already wasted too much time with woman8. so that is on the short term here. dealing with rejection using no contact, deleting everythign, sleeping at least 10 hours erry day, and medical m. all u need.

also get a huge hoard of valium to help you get thru your horrible job, but dont take the valium every single day, but every other day, so you don’t get hooked, and god frbid you take it every day, and then every day is equally bad. with eery other day, you get one ok day, one bad day, then one ok day, then one bad day, and so one. the risk with valium every day is that every day would gradually become worse and worse.

oh yeah everything is 50 50 chances…..even if they are nto. because that will give you the irrational overconfidence needed to succeed in life.

heh. thinking of erryone u know and how often they have secs. pretty darn often! well, assuming married people have secs once a month and unmarried monog couples have secs twice a month, hahahahahahahaha.

and unmarried nonmonog people have secs erry day hahahaha.

leaving opne weather dot com slowly eats away at your computer phones memory. why cant they fix that.

accuweather is better on the memory.

memory leaks. why.

how to fix?

dunno. cant be fixed. so sorry.

heh. i indignantly believe that there is a way to fix memory leaks.

ehhh this is for windows automiotive, in some car stereo systems

hey i TOOK c++ coding 202 and we TALKED about memory leaks, and how you create and destruct blocks of memory using the “new” command, and the “release” command at the end?????? and if you forget to release the memory, thats a memory leak.  so go into the code and put a release command there. thats why you ALREADY HAVE a comp sci degree and make 100 grand a year. so just do your job.

i dont remember the exact syntax or the exact meaning, or if it involved pointers. it DID involve delegating and releasing blocks of memory during run-time, so you didn’t have to delegate or dimension or declare ALL the memory right at the outset; so if you needed a little, you got a little; if you needed a lot, you got a lot; and at the end, all the memory was freed up.

heh dont even really care about secs tbh. when was young said would not have a prob if found a nice gurl who wanted to date for a long time before having secs, simply because secs always made me nervous and wanted to make sure really knew and trusted the person. that went over like a lead balloon hahahaha.

so hate to mark secs as THE symbolic thing for what mean, when it could jsut as well be something like “a loving make out sesh where you cuddle with the person all night, and get butterflies of luv at how much you luv the person, but no actual secs is had”

yes all that would be fine too.

so how long can you go without THAT and still remain sane, undistubred?

what happens if u don’t have that for like 5 years? on average? 10 years? do you become more….cold? distant? tired? old? angry? distracted? lazy? loser?  yes all of the above hahahaha.

muh big scientific hypothesis is: after 5 to 10 years, not having good make out gurlfran cuddlez will make u a crippling derpressed lazy loser hahahahahahaha.

who is no fun to anyone and who no one wants to hang out with, have cuddlez with, or hire for a job. hahahaha.

basically lets just say “whatever you would subjectively consider a physical expression of Shared Intimacy Emotionz” lol, whether that is secs, or that is just making out and cuddling and spending time with a B1tch you Like Like.

is it worth to be getting paid twice as much, but your new job is WAYYYYY over two times as stressful? like would you WITHSTAND TWENTY times the stress, for TWICE as much money? hehehe personally prefer a 1:1 ratio there

official position of this blog is that 1:1 ratio of pay:stress is ideal

and that also going more than 5 years without making out with a gurlfran like gurl, will make you derpressed and lazy.

ok so u might need a job more than u need a gurlfran, but oh well. stuff only makes sense 50% of the time.

so yeah it goes against your moral code to LIE becuase only filthy liars lie, but also figure this: who has EARNED your TRUST? who DESERVES the truth from you? only your family and friends at BEST, certainly not prospective employers and current employers. lie to these k1kes AT ALL TIMES.

hehe might have to start studying game again. like how to pick up women. not because endorse the hedonistic degenerate worldview behind it, but simply to get some action without having to pay for it, and maybe shape self into being more “fun” hahahaha.

anythign they can teach you about getting in shape, dressing better, being less creepy, being more fun, then thats all good, even if they choose to sit “poolside” and “enjoy the decline” ultimately. you dont need to go that far.