april 15 2015 here we go mufukka

took a bit of a hiatus here, been writing a private thing because lots of stuff i dont really want to post here. but i wanna come back here too.

well i got my mandatory layoff and could not be happier about that. hate the job and its taken a real measureable toll on my health in all areas. mental physical spiritual emotional everything. super stressful and i can sorta deal with it, but also day after day it wears and tears too. i can just barely make it thru our busy time, then now i feel like christ on the cross, it is finished, and then he breathes his last and dies.

so now i am done and can neckbeard and listen to music all i want!

would also love to find a new job. this job is insane. i cannot take fookin phone calls all day. it is too much. i will take a 20% pay cut at least to get out.

so yeah i am a classic textbook nice guy tm thinking i earn good boy points and that entitles me to pvssy from my female frens. whatever.

also, b1tches talk about communication and closure and talking and such, but that’s only when they’re in luv with a guy. beta losers like us, we don’t deserve to get communication or closure. the girl just clams up and then we have to say ok and just back off forever.

that’s just the way life IS, the way men and women ARE. of course its unfair. but it probably plays back into the Pregnant thing. Women are in the position of POWER when it comes to CHOOSING mates, because they have their uterus to give away, THEREFORE, they do not OWE you closure or communication, the end.

OK fine. that’s true. but it also give ME the right to not like that bullsht!!! fook no i don’t like it, and i don’t like the b1tches who do it, and my average net experiences with women have been mostly bad, not mostly good, so i would be a pvssy f4ggot if it DID like women. which i generally dont. because they’ve added no real lasting value to my life. and have been nothing but a series of disappointment after disappointent. except my mother hahaha.

but yeah its a MIRACLE i made it thru the job. I was slacking at the end, avoiding work, because i couldn’t not avoid work. i did not want to take another call, yet my job is ALL calls. answering calls and trying to fix the tech problems they had. very very often really weird shit where i knew LESS about it than them, but I had to think THAT fast and stay THAT calm and be THAT smart. really takes everything out of you. if you dont get at least 8 hours of sleep your done. finished. very hard to do day after day for months.

also i am not surprised by women screwing me over and being b1tches, i just expected better out of her because i thought we were friends already.

but yeah i am gonna try to enjoy the time as much as i can, not ruminate too much and mope about her, always moping about a bitch, never fun. except those rare times where i just didn’t like ANYBODY. god damn those were the days. that didn’t happen often! but i had a great run of that from like late 2013 to mid 2014. but during that time i was also getting killed by job and couldn’t enjoy the peacefullness of not liking any women!

of COURSE its hella disappointing and derpressing! of COURSE i am gonna get lazy and sad and probably smoke too many “relaxers!” and therefore endanger my job search as well!

well i have my family and my race and my job whihc i will probably get called back to. and i want a better job? and a WOMAN? well you gotta WORK for those things son!

well i am kinda working to pull the woman, but the more i push her, then the more i push her away from me. so my work means i have be BE COOL.

but yeah i am very thankful for my RACE. my white race has given me far more than any woman. even a white woman. but i really would like to meet a nice white woman, have 10 white kids, and perpetuate our beautiful, sacred white race. nature’s eternal religion. hahaha. yes with the layoff i willl get more into my white interests. fook u if you disapprove b1tches.