dec 31

ok i have 2 medium sized medicinal cookies. one will prob be enough. 625 pm, wattching scary movie 2 on comedy central, listening to drudkh blood in our wells (see prev post.)

jeez oh petes. i sent her a text saying i ate one of the cookies. joked that i would not eat the second cookie if she recommended against it. i am thinking of eating it right now. not sure how strong they are. and i know eating it takes like 45 minutes to hit you. so, like 7 pm, 7 10, 715. nice.

ooh theres a good drudkh song…….ON W33333D hahaha. yes I mean “solitude”. possibly the drudkh stairway to heaven.

i will eat the second cookie at 645, 12 minutes, unless she tells me not to.

but this is the perfect enironment for it, stupid movie on, great music on, blogging, writing, i truly am blessed right here, good family, fulltime job. only one thing could make it complete.

the cookie tasted like….w33d hehehe. it is a strong flavor. anyway she is not some loser p0thead and neither am i (well, i used to be!!!!!!) but i still like to partake on a special occasion like new years eve, eh? so now i am doing so. and recording this exciting experience for the world. this will be one long post.

also i wanna watch jeopardy and king of the hill and cleveland show in there too but will prob conitune writing.

dont care about spelling mistakes, i am typing fast.

ok she has till 650. i think this cookie might be slowly kicking in. i do prefer eating it for this very reason, waiting for it to creep up on you, rather than going instantly from ok to FREAKING OUT minutes after taking a Too Large T0ke. i am leaning towards yes eat the cookie . right now. get the highest peak out of it. if i wait 8 minutes then it will be wasted hehehe. not.

well i like eating it but i don’t HATE sm0king it either.

but i am not some loser p0thead! but i have a hard stressful job, AND its new years eve and i have day off tomorrow, AND i am in a near perfect environment, AND it might make my cold feel better.

oh sheeeeeet i forgot i also have valium i could take. and i was thinking that could get rid of the nerves or paranoids if i get them.

657 just ate the second and final cookie.


731 i looked a damn map for 30 minutes watching stupid wheel of fortune. now heeeeres jeopardy. love jeopardy.

thankful to be making somewhat of a male friend at muh job. very nice kind gentle young man, a real good guy, but very quiet, and i’ve actually talked to him more on instant message / chat than in real life! he has a ladyfriend who is basically his wife and they are an extremely cute couple and both luv each other fully, and she is also a good person, and the whole situation is beautiful and divine and amazing and sacred and special and good and wholesome and perfect. so i am thankful to have been invited by him for a small get together. i wonder if i would accept most people’s invites, or blow them off with yeaaaaaah i’d like to but i gotta get up early tomorrow, and i’m realy lazy, and believe me i’d love to, but chances are not good man, maybe when i have a few days off……

of course i haven’t been invited to something like this in a while! of like new people. i have a few established friends who we agree on something in advance. but not new nice people.

but i am happy to do it because i have a good feeling about these people, i mean people are probably less of scumbags than i think, less degenerate than i think, but even by my super strict standards they would both be Quality people.

heh. guy on jeopardy who already won sixty grand said he now had the money to finish up the rest of his masters degree. what a f4ggot loser!!!!

heh. i hope this young couple does not try to do a weird swingers thing with me. the whole thing is new, weird, and exciting, and positive. not really nervous about it, these people are a little weird and nerdy, not popularfag type stuff. nerdy introverts hahaha. nice guy, nice young woman, and i have a real hardon for young lovers who appreciate the GIFT and PRIVILEGE of their love. young girls who do not reject young somewhat sensitive and nonmanly men, who in fact return their love and say yeah let’s be a committed rel and luv each other rather than me ride the c0ck carousel even when i’m young! or i’m not so busy on college and career that i can’t do a yearslong committed rel.

i’m saying that to see young people in such a strong beautiful hetero rel, is a beautiful and hopeful thing, but also kinda sad, because i wanted that when i was young, i still want it now that i’m old, but i still kinda want it with a younger woman rather than an old woman my age.

and these people are young, my female fren is young, but i am old.

but i am not SUPER older than them, like old enough to be their father…..

but def old enough to be their SUPER older brother, or their half-father, hehehe.

to me it doesn’t feel weird, and i guess they don’t care, i don’t really care,  btu i also think they don’t know exactly how old i am, and they think i am younger than i am.

well, i used to look younger than i was, now i possibly look older than i am, it all caught up to me in a short period of time.

heh. its not like i’m 50 years old. or even 40! i am between 30 and 40, you know that much.

anyway. i don’t think the age difference is super weird, i always hung out with many diff age groups. which is a GOOD thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, i felt more calm and comfortable and confident with younger people than with older poeple. like when i was 21 and hanging out with 18 and 19 year old kids for example. but that’s not really a big deal in the long run.

anyway i really couldnt talk myself out of it if i tried, it’s a good fun exciting really positive thing that i am looking forward to and it is a real good move that i said yes yes thank u i would love to come to your thing. thank you for the invite, i appreciate it, you are nice people.

that kind of thang. you have to act like that to make friends, if you want friends. it’s really not an ACT for me, i mean yeah i get a selfish high off of being nice to other people and making them like me, but its a win win situation, we are both happy.

plus they are white, and i want to encourage them to have 10 white children and pass on their white genes, hahahahahahahahaha.

see that is how i make myself sound like a tuffguy 4sshole, instead of all this faggoty womanly unmanly stuff about love and babies and marriage and pussy on a pedestal.

but sh1t that is totally what the fourteen words is ABOUT, SON!!!!!

757 hmm well i don’t really feel much of anything. little cotton mouth and tingling, but i’ve been sick for days anyway so my whole body feels weird anyway.  if i’m not raging nervous , how can i tell it’s working??

great commercial of a 30 year old man like he’s in some lazy cartoon prison, bouncing a ball against the wall, narrator talking about, get busted drunk driving, you’ll be out ten thousand bucks, lose a ton of time, money, freedom, flush your life down the toilet, say goodbye to yer job, money, house, gurlfran, welcome to being a total loser, then show the 30 year old white guy living in his old childhood bedroom and his MOM nagging him about bouncing a ball against the wall. sends a very clear message, drunk driving bust, instant loser who lives with his parents at an embarrassingly inappropriate old age.

well that kind of hit close to home hahaha.

well i only lost about 7 thousand bucks all told for my drunk driving bust at age 26, hahahaha. and i certainly didn’t have a gurlfran to lose. and i did not lose my job thankfully, they never found out, that was a great job, but i made no money there, and i only worked 30 hours a week. what a lazy bum hahahaha, now a drunken driving loser hahaha.

king of the hill on now, nice. seen it. but it just being on will improve your soul.

yeah this will be like 2000 words at least. warning. totes stream of consciousness. from start of cookies, till damn probably midnight or when i go to bed. some 6 hours of live blogging baybe. THAT is the ideal new years eve.. as i say it really is, only thing that could really improve on it is spending it with a nice female fren. doesn’t even have to be woman8. it could have been woman7, woman6, woman5, any of them. but they are the past now and woman8 is the present and hopefully the future. and if she’s not, oh well, wouldn’t be the first time.

also doing a live video would be alright, but i don’t want to put my face and voice out there. so typing fast is next best thing. thats the goal with my current 2014 15 writing, is to get as close to speaking and thinking as possible. so gotta type fast. many mistakes. fragments. that is PERFECT.

heard james ellroy writes like that, and also that he is politically incorrect hehehe.

“oh that just means racist neckbeard virgin woman hater 3edgy5u”

maybe it does. i am a racist. i do have ISSUES with women. i have hated some women at some times. i generally do not like women on average. i don’t think i SHOULD. i think i’m RIGHT not to like women. average women are degenerate losers. or loser degenerates. of course being a degenerate is 90000 times worse than being a loser. heck being a loser is GOOD compared to being a degenreate.

but these WOMEN are DEGEN. so many sechs partners, dumping guys for the STUPIDEST reasons, breaking hearts unfairly, waa waa life isnt fair, gurls arent FAIR!!!!

well they don’t HAVE to be, hahaha.

but the people I choose to associate with usually ARE pretty fair most of the time, on average!

and not degenerate!

otherwise i wouldnt choose to associate with them!

and neither should you!!!!!!!

anyway. part of why i like my female fren is that she’s not a degenerate. i mean i’m sure she’s done some denegereate THINGS, but not TOO many, not enough to actually MAKE her into a degen PERSON.

not yet anyway, hahahaha. 16 vs 20. 20 vs 30. hehehe. getting older, life happens, you do things, you get baggage. i prefer younger women to older women. less baggage, and more attractive. i prefer younger women. period.

if i were to go out with a young woman and make her my gurlfran, i could possibly then make her my vief and THEN her getting old would not be an issue.

but you have to MEET and fall in LOVE with the woman WHEN SHE IS YOUNG, that’s the key. she can get old after that, once you’ve LOCKED IT UP. LOCK THAT PVSSY UP.

obviously i wouldn’t want her to get fat and disgusting as she gets old. but women can last till 40 at least and still be in decent shape.

now there are fat gross people too. i have seen a fat man and fat woman dating and having gross fatsex. but it’s still loving and good and they are probably happy today. but they are also gross and always wheezing and stuffing their fat faces with fat food and its no surprise they’re so fat, all they do is eat tons of fat food and never exercise.

f00k you fat acceptance, i fat-shame with pride and pleasure!

but yeah even if my female fren rejects mah luv, it will be nice to make frens with this nice young couple too.  i know a lot of u hate people and don’t want any frens, but i know some of u are probably lonely and want to make frens, and i accept that it is a good thing as well.

i can actually do it too. my main weakness are, maintaining romantic rels for longer than like 2 months without getting dumped; and also staying in touch with old friends, that is, me initiating contact or calling people. well i am better about emailing or texting people.

and also having very little time and energy to hang out with people. when working i can only do it twice a week AT BEST, and most times i don’t have the energy for that, OR i can’t get schedules to match with somebody.

and yes to the most pathetic friendlesses, this all will sound liek boasting, or complaining about my solid gold house is too big, my diamnod shoes too tight, my wallets not big enought o put all muh money in, muh gurlfran isnt 18 any more, hehehe.

my job is boring and easy and unfulfilling and all i do is play on the internet all day but they block 4chan reddit and facebook, waaaaaah.

but i have health care and make over 37k a year and have a home and a gurlfran and a kid i can afford to take care of, and my job isnt too stressful, and i don’t have the stress of taking care of dying family every day after work.

i was thinking, well i’m against abortion, but i’m not very against old age euthanasia. in fact, i kinda LIKE it.

whoa. just got a text. i NEVER get texts. hehehe. it COULD be from female fren, who i sent 2 texts to today, but never got text back. now shes texting me saying um sorry we need to talk, i don’t want this, hahahaha.

oh wow weird its from an OLD friend of mine, who i went to his wedding this summer and saw him for the first time in like 7 years. oh well that’s nice of him, i better text him back right now.

i texted him saying him i would write him an EMAIL in 30 minutes.

yes, email is better than text. well for me, with the worlds sheetiest phone which tesxts too slow.

AND now i just got a text from my female frne! saying she woke up from a nap and hope i enjoyed the cookies. AWWWWWWWWWW what a sweetie pie, this is why i luv her……

heres my trick tonight: write FAST. just the same as i’m writing here, i’m writing them texts and emails. i GOT to send this guy an email, i promised him, hes a good guy, his wifes a good woman, etc

now i will quickly write them an email and send in under 30…. fingers blazing

listening to some ridic polish black metal band

1250 am shouldnot gahter notes about that. haven’t stopped writing except a few minutes here and there. 2 cookies definitely sunk in. trying to detemine my feelings about this band. theyre ok on the surface, but it’s impossible to tell if there’s, i mean it sounds ok on my tiny speakers in the background while i write, not an ideal listening experience.

spent hwole night by self which was not pathetic at all because i accomplished goal of using momentum to write to old frands. wrote a ridic long email to the guy that sent me a text, spent like 90 minutes just writing it like a spazz, hope he does not take it the wrong way, mainly cuz i so selfhish i don wanna take the time to write another long one back!!! oh well shoot first ask questions later, it builds character, something to write about once i have alienated and inadvertantly burnt bridges will all muh frneds hehehehe. female fren, male friens, everyone.  ok then. oh well. life goes on. whats next. in eeyore voice.

trying to get fully in bed by 1 pm. my hour of socializing has ended, goodbye world, i tire of my adoring public hahaha.

f4gg0ts on tmz, why even watch this filth. degnereates.

heh keep email window in case anyone responds. i talked to old male friend sent the text. responded text like to other old friend out of state. had something almost resembling a real time chat with him. what you do is turn your chat OFF to everyone, then still send them messages. perfect solution. there has to be articles on that subject alone. and also send one fb chat to female fren. not expecting response, and not even really wanting or needing one either!

finish this up NOW< like i am going to get fired, or i got off and really want to get home and spank off haha ahahahahahaha really all this is is IMPROV COMEDY, folks

losers: go on stage and do something like this, but not this word for word like a literally autist, but a similar version of this exercise for yourself. finsh this, close this window, check fb for stupid chat, close that window, close email, take out usb, and for symbolize, maybe even shut computer down.

also as a Tr1p report, those cookies really kicked in pretty strong. when i stop and think about it, i am blazing off my mind. and my body feels great. i can sorta force myself to get nervous if i try, but obviously that would be a bad idea, so i like this newfound control over the mood which may or may not come from eating vs inh4l1ng organichs.