dec 31 2014 last day of year last thing i write in 2014

sick as a dog, but BORN TO BLOG.

got off early because it was a slow day and i requested it because my voice is gone and to the Customer i sound like i’m dying, even though I feel bretty good mang, way better than i did 2 days ago, when i requested to go home early because i honestly felt like sheeeet but my voice was better. now i feel ok, not great, but more than able to work, but my voice sounds horrible, and my voice is a crucial component to my work, because i actually talk to people all day long. well, on a busy day.

but i come home and can’t sleep because my mind is racing with infatuation for female fren, it is really building up to a climax here, and i might just do something stupid, like send her a text that says “i luv u” or something. sent her a ridiculous text where i said something like “i just want to make u happy 🙂 ” or something like that. super obvious right.

well i would rather be super obvious, than be some covert niceguy that cant communicate his feeeeeelz hehehe.

well it still doesnt help my chances. i am still at 70 30 for the loss unfortunately. vegas odds.

so yeah she is woman8, the former woman8 is gone diddly on, more of a placeholder than anything, because what i feel for this woman8 is real and actual and tangible, and also i see her regularly and talk to her regularly and text her regularly and am just trying to damn hang out wiht her one on one and talk that way but i can never make that happen and that is frustrating as f00k.

well now i am more confident about asking her directly to hang out, to the point where i’m too confident, and might be pushy. so i just told her i didn’t want to be pushy either. but you have my phone number if you want to hang out, my door is open, we can hang out on such and such a night if you want. if you don’t, fine.

well, not fine, but that’s her freedom to choose. wouldn’t be the first time i was rejected or disappointed!!!!!

so now i might have f00ked myself by coming on too strong. oh well, lesson learned, i won’t do that with woman9 in like 4 years from now.

how about u?

tired and sick but just can’t sleep. maybe this is a manic phase. yikes.

well i felt almost like a normalfag today, talking to a bunch of people at work, not having a stressful day at work, nice easy slow day, helping new people like a boss and being thanked for my helpful help, i just couldn’t speak and sounded like a sick person when i spoke. at first i thought it sounded SEXY and CHARMING but probably actually not.

but i do need sleep, and i need my voice back, and i need some SLEEP, because real soon it’s gonna get real busy and real stressful, moreso than ever before, and that is scary.

troubled by how i can’t sleep. hope it is not a manic period. the only time i’ve ever come close to a manic period is when i was 21 and about to start “dating” Girl2, and i felt that finally I was entering The World Of The Normalfag.

Is My Manic Phase.

oh boy i might as well put my name, photo, social security number, resume, address, familys name out there, and tell you to call my boss right now and get me fired and make me a loser for the rest of muh life. but this is the risk i take to promote great music. this is actually prob drudkh’s best album, above forgotten legends. yeah. though 50 minutes is a little overlong, there has got to be some filler in there.

so how does me talking about my female fren help YOU, the losers of the world.

because i was and am and always will be one of you too, and if i can become a winner, you can too. if i can get a bigboy job, maybe even a halfway decent upper working class job, you can too. if i can get a gurlfran, then you can too. anybody can.

of course i haven’t gotten a gurlfran yet, haha. but just the fact that i am getting my hopes up matters. well, at least it means this woman is officially woman8 and i have official Feelz for her. great.

so she made me some special medicinal cookies, which i probably shouldn’t say, and i am really thinking about eating one tonight, new years eve. i would prefer to hang out with her and eat them with her, but she is…… well not super into the idea of hanging out with me right now, probably because she’s getting out of something not too great, and she realized that i want to get her alone so i can try to make out with her, and she is not ready for that. well thats fine, i can wait a few months.

ANYWAY that is always good for writing and music. yeah f00k yeah I’m gonna do it right now.