april 15 2015 some fresh blogging.

new rules:

1. no talk about female frend ff unless it can be parlayed into direct actionable points for kissless virgins everywhere.

2. thats the main thing.

am faced with a long period of free time i am unprepared for haha. really all i needed was like a week off haha because i was getting VERY burtn out.

i have my own private file so keep the more private stuff in there.

i have to be more chill to ff, and having a ton of job related stress relieved will make that much easier.

heh actually have time to take a nap. could nap for 8 weeks just to recover haw haw. its really bad there.

april 16

took a half nyquil, slept till 1130 am, bed at like 10 pm.

filed state unemployment claim, make like 66% what i was making working! unless they find some stupid reason to decline it and give me nothing.

sit pretty and wait for ff to wake up and realize how awesome i am and how much she wants to be with me and press her bod against me.

till then, stay cool, dont push her onto the d of other men.

4chan adv 20 year old boy and gurl, she cheats, he is the CUCK, and now wonders wat do, and adv gives him the straight answer. good thread hurr.

make flashcards for yourself with the actual stupid buzzwords in the bullet points of the job description.

and any buzzwords you dont alreday know, like high throughput. hahaha. bandwidth.

april 22

trying to get this blog organized and spruced up now that i have some time to do so.

yep looking for a job is the worst thing EVER. really the best thing you can do is be alpha enough to have good friends and then hang out with them as much as possible, and NOT drinking, and trying to talk about serious things like jobs, or at least doing fun but non degen things. this will boost your confidence. of course the true kv is here because he doesnt have a solid FOUNDATION there to begin wtih.

like if you meet a nice young man who you have fun with lol. ideally it would involve a strong mancrush and could even lead to homo suspicion. but these types of strong male frenships are good, very good for men indeed.

anyway because it is natural that Women Are The Choosers, it’s also natural that the average woman has more experience with luv, sechs, making out, dating, all that crap, than the average beta male and especially the average lower beta like us. i am talking in raw terms of minutes/hours/time spent with one’s secs/luv partner.

so in other words i have to lie about the last time i made out with a grill, or else the gurl who i might have a chance with making out with, will think i’m weird, and because of that, retract her decision to make out with me. hehe. that is a real threat for us lower betas.

so you evade that topic until after you make out. and then continue lying so you dont get rejected before secs hehehe. and never tell the grill you were a kv until you have been going out for like a YEAR.

ok so the average woman has spent more hours fooking than the average man.

so that’s why its natural and you cant complain when they think its WEIRD that you have no experience. because they are the choosers and they don’t usually choose men who are not frequently chosen by other women too. they choose only in demand men, and in demand men have plenty of experience, know how to make out with and secs a gurl, etc, whereas us beta kv’s do not.

heh like you can’t get a job without experience, and you can’t get experience without a job.

but it’s even easier to get dumped by a grill than to get fired from a job! trust me i know lol.

heh i always worried that i would be magnetic to ugly gurls i didnt like. but no i dont get much attention from ugly or old women either lol. i dont have fat 35 year old single momz bombarding me with unsolicited messages in other worlds. so the idea of hanging out with a younger woman, no kids, fairly attractive, is a bretty big deal for me mang, and requires me to be super cool, so as to be chosen. its not easy.

like the awkward position having to reject “beta women” if you will. well for better or worse i’ve never had to give the bad news to a single mom hambeast, because even they are choosing guys off okcupid or sommat and finding some real “bottom feeders”.

but yeah strange position to be in: your career SUCKS and you really SHOULD be working about that, yet you are more worried about being a KV. damn. talk about priorities!!!  but yeah it sucks being that desperate hehehe.

heh i dont think i have EVER rejected anyone like that. yet average women have this experience frequently. only normal and natural, if you are The Chooser, then it follows quite easily that you are also The Rejector.

april 23

so i have my private notepad and my public blog. making insanely slow progress with luv life, getting real anxious and uptight. i believe it is very natural for men to want (need?) female companionship, much like they want/need food water shelter etc. NO it is DEFINITELY a WANT and not a NEED because you wont DIE without it like you will DIE withtout those others!!!

but it is prob the strongest want ever: more than money, power, race, even the want to be closer to GOD if that is Your thing.

read 8chan only now, no more 4chan for me! specifically /pol. sometimes /r9k. today i looked at /christian because sometimes /pol is too negative. /christian was not as cool as i wanted it to be. but prob a lot of people came to /christian from /pol maybe for similar reasons i sorta wanted to. also some /christians seem to be j00 wise and racially aware, which is good.

but really i only have a lukewarm FAITH of about 60% of the time; i commit SINS ALL DAY ERRYDAY like hate and pride and lust but dont worry about feeling guilty about it, and i would have asboultely no guilt about boning some wimmin, although doesn’t mean i wouldn’t be too nervous to perform!

anyway i am pretty sympathetic to based christians but not sure /christian is the best and will certainly continue to read /pol.  anyway the two are similar because they both recognize degeneracy and EVIL for what it is, but pol worships race and christian worships GOD/Jesus/ k1ke on a stick lol.

take a shower ERRY DAY. if u are not crippling depressed you can get away with smelling like stale sweat because you are a winner in other areas of your life, like your still getting paid big bucks, or your wife still luvs u no matter how bad u smell. but if you are a big depressed lazy loser, then asbolutely yes take a shower every day, becuase it will make you feel more accomplished and confident. it is beneficial medicine. do it.

take a shar errday and make interview flashcards one at a time and then get 100 good flashcards and u will get a job soon.

april 25

you know its bad when your infatuation/interest with a gurl begins to feel like a MENTAL DISEASE or CURSE; you wake up in the morning and boom there it is, like the black dog of depression, sittng there taunting you.

it has reached that point for me! and i am sure it has reached that point before with you, if youve even been in unrequited luv with a grill, and sure you have.

the only potential good thing is that it has given me the clarity to say, ok this is now rock bottom, i have literally nothing to lose, this can get no worse even if i go all in and just tell the gurl EVERYTHING and just let her respond. even though she will prob say no, i can at least be honest and move on.

another good thing to do to is to write a long letter to the gurl explaining/detailing everything from beginning to end, telling the whole story, and write it in a way that its not all angry against the gurl, although you are MORE than welcome to also write things like that for yourself.

anyway that way if the gurl is like wtf you can then send her that letter which will answer all questions. although she probably will not read it, or skip over important parts. oh well not your problem, you wrote it and sent it.

i took like 2 hours yesterday to write the extremely long letter describin everything. . i should have wrote this MONTHS ago.

eh i guess i also did something similar with woman 7 . did that help any? dunno i never gave her the letters. the main thing that helped there was hanging out with her and tryng to get playful touchy feely with her. that clued her in FINALLY and she said sorry nope cant do this, and i said ok, and that was the end of that. point being, i should have tried to be touchy feely MUCH earlier….but she also made it extremely difficult to hang out. much like woman 8 is doing lol. see a pattern here?

yep thinking about the gurl keeps you awake at night, and is the first thing on your mind when you wake up. never a good sign.

i look forward to sleep because i do NOT often dream of her thankfully. but i do often have weird nightmares. but thats honestly BETTER than dreaming of HER!!!! or even having women 1 thru 7 pop into the dreams is better!

with b1tches ive found that they will dance around answering questions like total liars, SO, i have found that asking them direct, short, to the point questions, ending in a definite question MARK, is best. for example:

do you want to do this on this day?

can we have a serious talk soon?

what are you doing saturday?


i mean you have to treat them like retarded children, because thats how womens brains work.

but when you get to the point where it is affecting your life, then yeah you probably do need to say something to the grill, and say it doesn’t matter if she really NEEDS to know.  she NEEDS to know because its killing YOU.

then you can finally put the gurl behind you and move on.

so do that please.

also if you just want to talk to them about your Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings, thats really the main reason you want to hang out is to TALK, well they can find excuses to blow you off for months and months.

so if you really want to TALK rather than just walk away right there, if you’re so desperate to get your official rejection, then you have to go thru other means, like texting or email, simply because the gurl does not want to hang out and TALK to you and will give you NO chance to do so.

yes the wimmin will drive you crazy. many times in your life. it is a sick joke that those we MUST reproduce with can cause us so much pain, such that it derails us from becoming the alpha male we are all capable of becoming.

also make a TLDR version of the long letter, because chances are the TLDR version will be the only one you need to send.

ok i just wrote a tldr vrsion, just took like 3 mnutes. easy. if i ever send her anything it will be this.

so yeah its just stupid so u have so much to say to her, yet she has nothing to say to u, because she doesnt have those same feels. sucks. its too bad. she was a real nice girl and would have been real good for u, going out with her would have magically solved all yr women issues, because really all u need to is to just have a normal rel for like 6 fookin months or a year or something, where u have a decent amount of secs and cuddling and intimacy, and if it ends later then so be it, but to at least get a good run out of it, where the whole thing was moreso a good thing, rather than a bad thing. where you are grateful to have had that experience, and dont regret ever meeting the b1tch.

because yet, u GET that after time, sometimes things stop being good and need to end. But u never got to that point. u would say it takes months if not years to get to that point. All uve ever had was things started to get good for a few weeks/months and then BAM u was dumped, surprise, out of nowhere. Because u was catching feels shortly after getting physical with the gurls, and they could tell, and they didn’t want a Rel, they just wanted Casual Sex and a Male Harem, as is “NORMAL” for young prime of youth girls. sluts! u dont think this is right, but good look convincing a woman of that. u  just didn’t like being CUCKED, and no honest man SHOULD!!!!!!

so thats why u generally dont like women, becauseu always got CUCKED TOO SOON, and u did NOT appreciate it.

this is a LOT different than going out with a woman MONOGAMOUSLY for like two years, and you have several months of mad wild secs and luv and infatuation at the beginning, then things get less intense, but are still good, then after a year or two of that, you either get bored and decide you want to end it, or you decide yep i don’t mind spending the rest of my life with this person, and you decide to do that.

LOT DIFFERENT than that. essentially the difference between pseudo-dating for two months, vs ACTUALLY dating for two years. discuss. compare and contrast, b1tches.

yet b1tches will say they are essentially the same just to try to shame a woman-hater like me and u lol.

naw man those b1tches just totally left me HANGING and that is not a healthy normal natural rel with a beginning, middle and an end. there was no middle. just like a couple weeks of fun and then BOOM dropped like a bad habit. that is not normal because u can SEE that this is not what people in normal rels do. they stay together for some time. jeez.

ok there edited the post haha. eh will start a new one 3000.

so what do you do when a gurl doesnt want to talk to u? COMMON SENSE you back away from her. try to close facebook so you dont see her available to chat and not responding to your message from a few hours ago.

so try to do that. sometimes wimmin dont want to talk to u even though they really SHOULD. let them be b1tches, and your reward will be to give them a good spanking once you secs them. indeed, look forward to the spankings.

no i am not encouraging physical abuse!!!!

just a good spanking every once in a while, nothing that really hurts.

so the first time you bang her make sure you smack her 4ss hard so she knows what shes gonna get.




april 15 2015 here we go mufukka

took a bit of a hiatus here, been writing a private thing because lots of stuff i dont really want to post here. but i wanna come back here too.

well i got my mandatory layoff and could not be happier about that. hate the job and its taken a real measureable toll on my health in all areas. mental physical spiritual emotional everything. super stressful and i can sorta deal with it, but also day after day it wears and tears too. i can just barely make it thru our busy time, then now i feel like christ on the cross, it is finished, and then he breathes his last and dies.

so now i am done and can neckbeard and listen to music all i want!

would also love to find a new job. this job is insane. i cannot take fookin phone calls all day. it is too much. i will take a 20% pay cut at least to get out.

so yeah i am a classic textbook nice guy tm thinking i earn good boy points and that entitles me to pvssy from my female frens. whatever.

also, b1tches talk about communication and closure and talking and such, but that’s only when they’re in luv with a guy. beta losers like us, we don’t deserve to get communication or closure. the girl just clams up and then we have to say ok and just back off forever.

that’s just the way life IS, the way men and women ARE. of course its unfair. but it probably plays back into the Pregnant thing. Women are in the position of POWER when it comes to CHOOSING mates, because they have their uterus to give away, THEREFORE, they do not OWE you closure or communication, the end.

OK fine. that’s true. but it also give ME the right to not like that bullsht!!! fook no i don’t like it, and i don’t like the b1tches who do it, and my average net experiences with women have been mostly bad, not mostly good, so i would be a pvssy f4ggot if it DID like women. which i generally dont. because they’ve added no real lasting value to my life. and have been nothing but a series of disappointment after disappointent. except my mother hahaha.

but yeah its a MIRACLE i made it thru the job. I was slacking at the end, avoiding work, because i couldn’t not avoid work. i did not want to take another call, yet my job is ALL calls. answering calls and trying to fix the tech problems they had. very very often really weird shit where i knew LESS about it than them, but I had to think THAT fast and stay THAT calm and be THAT smart. really takes everything out of you. if you dont get at least 8 hours of sleep your done. finished. very hard to do day after day for months.

also i am not surprised by women screwing me over and being b1tches, i just expected better out of her because i thought we were friends already.

but yeah i am gonna try to enjoy the time as much as i can, not ruminate too much and mope about her, always moping about a bitch, never fun. except those rare times where i just didn’t like ANYBODY. god damn those were the days. that didn’t happen often! but i had a great run of that from like late 2013 to mid 2014. but during that time i was also getting killed by job and couldn’t enjoy the peacefullness of not liking any women!

of COURSE its hella disappointing and derpressing! of COURSE i am gonna get lazy and sad and probably smoke too many “relaxers!” and therefore endanger my job search as well!

well i have my family and my race and my job whihc i will probably get called back to. and i want a better job? and a WOMAN? well you gotta WORK for those things son!

well i am kinda working to pull the woman, but the more i push her, then the more i push her away from me. so my work means i have be BE COOL.

but yeah i am very thankful for my RACE. my white race has given me far more than any woman. even a white woman. but i really would like to meet a nice white woman, have 10 white kids, and perpetuate our beautiful, sacred white race. nature’s eternal religion. hahaha. yes with the layoff i willl get more into my white interests. fook u if you disapprove b1tches.


feb 4 2015, day off, listening to a classic rocker hehe. 1211 pm, did not get up too late. been doing this relaxing thing lately which is of course cloaked in innuendo, but is really nothing more than a natural herb which has been enjoyed by classic rockers and chilled out types for actual centuries, hahaha.

that is a bit of experiment for this month, def not permanent. so far it hsa its pros and cons, pros being having great fun at times like this, writing and music and free time, but cons are, it can take a while to get out of your system if need be, and staying up too late and relaxing too much can lead to more stress related to a loss of personal confidence the next big busy day.

so i will attempt to DISCIPLINE MYSELF, which is what WINNERS do, all winners. by ceasing all relaxation activity after like 4pm or so.

study my work related stuff, whcih i’ve been doing diligently. sort of looking at it right now, just to tighten up the knowledge, because the official training is very lacking. woefully lacking, and knowledge is never shared in a relaxed environment where people can discuss and have a few minutes to get a basic understanding of the concepts and procedures.

but noooooooo you just get throw to the wolves all day erry day, struggling to figure out things on the fly with the person waiting for you to come and fix things, with very limited guidance from above. but there is written information, and we can search and interpret that. the writing style there is very obscured and makes little sense. so i am going home, getting relaxed, then trying to read choice articles in a relaxed environment. the knoweldge base is like the bible of the job, so i will try to learn something from it, to tighten up my game, make me more confident. and confidence is just as key as it always was.

hmm. lemme do kinda a one sheeter, or a HALF SHEETER, of kinda sanitzed scripts of what to say to get the ball rolling, that could be used by anyone who is serving custos.


hello, get ridiculous intro information that can make some people more impatient; how may i help you; then they do a spiel and i write down as many key words as possible. if i am even vaguely familiar of the issue or family of issues, i will be more confident and offer a vague reassurance that we can get bla bla issue fixed for them.

ok. relaxer cutoff at 4 pm, want to do some outside weather related stuff before then, maybe 330, then relax, then neckbeard, i can still do that and it is relaxING, would like another day or two off hahahahaha. we have a “black out” on time we can request off now, but as soon as that is lifted, I would like to take 2 full days off, giving me 4 full days off, mini vacation if you will.

other night threw out some unneeded stuff into the garbage, that’s always good, theres always something you can get rid. even vacuumed the carpet which was certainly covered in dust, hair, tobacco particles hehehehe.

before that, enjoy it between 4 and 430 hehehehehehehehee. then do some more reading, and get in bed to sleep no later than 8 pm. eat some food in there as well.  also should make at least a few cigarets.

play cards for 40 minutes, finish concert, prep relaxer, snow work, relaxer, dinner, reading, bed. i should really go for a brisk walk at some point, been too long there.

414 did my snow work, getting real close to starting time of relaxing hahaha. enjoying one of my old fav youtubers i have not listened to in FAR too long. right on time here. just killing like a few minutes. this is a big deal hahehe. hue hue hue. a reverential relaxation ceremony / ritual.

ok back at 611pm, neckbearding, want to go to bed super soon and get a LOTTTT of sleep.


jan 28 day off tomm

1249 am satying up late, playing a little cards, relaxing, bed very soon.

google what to do when a girl is being distant, and you realize how stupid the question is. to ask the question is to answer it. you be distant right back. OBVIOUSLY! and stop texting or messaging her so much! the most drastically you cut that out, the better! so i’m trying to do that. have gotten a LITTLE better lately, so thats good, but gotta get better. it is very doable though. just takes willpower.

sweet mainstream album

jim morrison was a total degenerate, disgusting and unadmirable.

but this was and prob always be mah fav doorz album.

sat jan 31 830 pm partay time.

heh. won .25 pot because i had a straight when i thought i just had QQ and the other guy beat me with a pair of kings. heh. should bet moar, i could have gotten the pot up to .50 at least.

but yeah jim morrison. total degenerate. but also he was a great raging alcoholic. if i’m not wrong alcohol might ahve been considered his main drug. although i am sure he msut have dabbled in the Hard Drugs as well as the soft ones. but he was a bigtime drinker. which makes you obnoxious as f00k.

1023pm relaxed a bit more.

gettin in at the table. won like .90 last session, coming in with a phat bankroll of 100 (about 20 bucks) and just hoping to build on it in the long run.

1157 pm a little more relaxed. wow such a busy past 3 days. insane. snow stuff tomorrow yikes. playing a little low stakes. and reading this book hehehehe.

read moar bookz.

hmm theres the end of the book. a little abrupt but it was dragging too. still well worth reading.


APRIL 22 2015


just tyring to keep it cool. got lay off from horrible jerb and i am not using the time too professionally. but it is great to be free of the stressful job. would like to find less stressful job, def willing to take pay cut to do so, now is the time to hit the bricks, but i am being lazy, not buying a new suit even though i have the PRIVILEGE to do so, having too much herbal j00 in muh blood to GET a new jerb, ok start a business then, yep thats a lot of WORK too.  but also even the more urgent goal is to get some things straightened out in the errrrr social life, and i know a lot of virgin losers struggle with that as well as the werking. my excuse is that it would probably provide a good “FOUNDATION” of chill and confidence off which to build. on the other hand, FAINT HEARTS DO NOT WIN FAIR LADIES, because WOMEN ARE THE CHOOSERS, period, which IS a valid excuse for a great deal of their irrational, if not totally degenerate, behavior. but that degeneracy onyl happened because the irrationality permitted by the IRON FIST NATURAL LAW of WOMEN ARE THE CHOOSERS was exploited to an absolutely degenerate degree 1488.

for example, women ARE naturally entitled rightfully to choose the alphaest man, hypergamy. but they are NOT entitled to parading the alpha around the betas? no, just not around me lol. so i guess try to call out that degeneracy as loudly as possible, but wihtout creating undue drama yourself. because it also seems right and natural for humans to warn each other about a wh0re in their midst. that benefits women as well as avg beta males. (to alphas of course, it does not matter, because muh alpha privilege lol die gf having nonkissless virgin scum.)

although TRUE kissless virgin wizards would shun me, i have been a kv for more years than i would like to admit!

so hopefully i can remedy at least part of that. because i argue that being a kv for too long can drive a man into an especially tragic, degenerate desperation, more animal than man. not pretty. not our finest hour lol.

and THAT is what i am committed to as EVER to helping these men overcome. mainly white men. because they are the ones being cucked the worst, having the fewest babies, and these are MY PEOPLE. and i fully believe even the most degenerate white man can improve himself enough to become a halfway decent father of white children. white white white. suck it antiracist f4ggots and k1kes. i am edgy because i read /pol lol and being a racist is the EASIEST way to be EDGY. i am listening to wagner RIGHT NOW. if u dont become a RACIST, u will always remain a KV. hahaha. (unfort becoming a racist will not take the KV away right away though!)

so what about race MIXING? oh lord that is one of the best arguments ever, right up there with ABORTION.

yeah i am not fond of white men mixing or white women mixing. doesn’t mean i hate the poor mixed race babies, them i feel sorry for, they didn’t ask for that. white men are more susceptible to mixing with azn wimmin it seems; and white women with blacks? mexicans? i’m leaning towards blacks from my experience lol. wake up white virgins, do you LIKE being CUCKED by blacks?

nontheless i get along with black women famously, and black men pretty good if they’re not cucking me.

who invented the word “racist”? hint same as who invented the word “genocide”

anyway i like to say i get along with blacks better than any other huge racist youve ever met, because its true, i generally do. but i make a point to actively stay away from “TNB”!!!!

so white kv’s, stop singing the praises of azn wimmin and realize that YOU can still pull one of the few remaining white non degen wimmin, with MY special program! haha.


jan 21 2015 wed day off

oh thats right. always a good idea to take the computer in the commode and blog while taking care of business there, while listening to beethoven’s glorious 9th.

saturday night, sunday off, 742 pm, jan 24

oh yeah. got home, relaxed, very hard day, ate, did little of project, now fbing and neckbearding and music!

almost don’t know what to do. the job has been real tough, and i have almost been cutting corners and being slightly more insubordinate and trying to get away with stuff that might catch up to me, or it might not. but the things we have to deal with and more precisely the WAY we have to deal with it given our resources, is ridiculous for all, and its suprising more people don’t SNAP. or you can just cut corners like i am leaning towards, because your work load is so tremendous and urgent like a dam about to burst.

but it makes me want to relax when i get home, and very happy to have a day off, so i am in my prime time right now. ideally would spend it with female friend, but this Tall Girl I also wouldnt mind spending time with, but i have barely said 2 words to her. Well i said hi a couple times and smiled at her and she didn’t get all b1tchy and smiled back. sort of. it is very difficult to socialise with people at the job because we are so busy.

trying to play it real cool with the female friend, good idea. i have done all i could, balls in her court, anything more from me would be pushy, ive already been pushy, and that is beta as fook.  either way, when someone is distant to you, you can’t make them get closer to you by getting in their face, you have to patiently restrain yourself and wait for them to come to you. to respond to you, would be more accurate. total ball in peoples courts issue.

and its not in mine, and i can’t really go and grab it back.

1055 pm . back . relaxed; got pretty relaxed; read project and played POKER simultan; retired from that, now blogging, playing POKER, lowest stakes, and feeling confident like a boss because i have a huge bankroll 20 times the size of this rooms max buyin, which i think is a good rule of thumb anyway. i guess the bankroll gives you the frame of mind to get thru those swings, which are an unpreventable and very unfortunate part of the game.

playing 11% of hands, lost .17 out of 4.00.  3 out of 26 hands seen. i think you should only see 10% of flops right? if you are a conservative player like moi?

will do a little bit of relaxing around 1145 or 12. maybe especially if i win a nice pot. hehehe. but def getting tired, the sleep is gotta hit like a steamroller tonight.

probably need to get 14 hours of sleep. day off tomorrow, then back to hard grueling stressful fast paced super busy work for 2 days, then off agian.

super busy. it is taking its toll on everyone, esp the people working lots of overtime. i myself am not doing a lot of that because the normal 40 hours is MORE than enough, that even overtime pay cannot convince me to stick around one more MINUTE.

sunday jan 25 611 pm.

essentially slept in till 4 pm. i was up till a good 330 am however. i was gonna relax for a bit soon, then i gotta spend at least 30 minutes making cigarettes, and also eat dinner. i went shopping briefly so that is good. it is nice to sleep till 4 pm!!! and also nice to stay up super later relaxing last night. had a relaxation around: 1:50 am, 11pm, 7 pm, and maybe once more in there. not bad. good night.

gonna neckbeard for at least 1 hour and then get ready  for bed and big day of hard verk tommorow. playing some cards. will try playing no more than the top 14 starting hands. nice and toight. hahehaheha.

gotta make cigs for about 30 mins. 15 88 is showing as the 15th best hand on muh sheet. yeah i will play that one too fo sho. but no lower. hehehehe. no lower than .25 EV. of course the lists vary slightly too.


i may have found the best youtube playlist of ethnic folk music hehe. very nicely done, very honorable and not watered down.

pure neckbearding is happening right now!

will have a snack at some point fairly soon. no later than 8! then cigs then bed like a boss. oops i wanted to review some work related stuff NOW so i was ready for the day tomorrow


jan 19

monday evening, going to bed late; work tomorrow; gotta get up in 8 hours hehehe. spent time after work immediately having 5 pffs of a medicinal thing mixed with a tobacco to make it last. that was just the perfect amount. kept me going thru my project, making a reading file of a fun book that doesn’t have an audiobook yet. i started this two years ago and now i am picking up on yet. sweet. good fun. keeps me excited after work in a way nothing has since Gambling in early 2014 haha.

studied some of my work stuff, which i did yesterday on day off, and i think that helped make me more confident. in other words, it pays off to study work stuff in your non work time, if it makes you work time less stressful. yes, its faggy you’re not getting paid for it, i completely agree. do it even though its faggy, because its helpfulness outweighs its fagginess.

studied that stuff for like 15 to 20 minutes. that was good enough. because its your free time, you CAN study it while listening to sweet music. plus the environment of home is HOPEFULLY less stressful than work. if not, then i really feel bad for you son.

they are offering overtime right now at my job, but i am not volunteering to do it. i will do it if they MAKE me, but they probably won’t make me. that might make me look like not a team player, so i might get canned first week of feb with the first round of layoffs. we are ALL seasonal employees, so we ALL get laid off, even the best performers. this is the weird degen world of Seasonal Employment,  ask your Labor Lawyer about it.

anyway the job is so ridiculous that getting paid 1.5 times the usual is not convincing enough. but many people are not so privileged and rich as me, and are looking forward to the overtime, grateful to get it. and that is moreso the norm than the not norm. this is the world we all live in. except for you middle class masters degreefag winners.

tomorrow, get fun social thing, then day off weds. heh. i will be enjoying the medical but tolerance builds up quickly. hence why every OTHER day is SUCH a GREAT ideal idea.yet it is absoolutely certain i will be doing that tomorrow as well. so yeah it IS habit forming. don’t let the middle class professional marxists  tell you otherwise.

1244 wed morning am hehehe day off tomorrow, party tonight to relieve stress lolz

hahahahaha. found an appealing album for the moment.

drums machines are always tough though, i always prefer a real drummer, but this stuff is still well put together and i cant complain too much.

looked at some filth. cant even say if it was worth it, but i think the timing was right, hahaha.

so, take a little bit more medicine or not? i said if i did, tomorrow would be day of total abstinence.

kinda 60 40 in favour of medicine though.

something sold me to 70 30. i think some writing got lost oooooops. my reading project. so i read that till like 230 am , it is 301 am right now, for a guy that normally goes to bed at 9 that is ridic. my party is about to come to an end here.


jan 17 2015

no easy day. saturday. perhaps hardest day ever. nonstop phone calls, mostly weird stuff. our job is to fix stuff we’ve never heard of before after looking at it for just a second, while people who work with it all day every day don’t know how to fix it.

i will probably get written up for call avoidance because of going to the bathroom too often, taking too long after calls to finish case notes, or say a hail mary before jumping back in to take the next weird call where i have no idea what they’re talking about.

then you ask for help and have to wait 10 minutes for a really sh1tty answer that doesn’t help you and which you have to translate into customer-friendly speak, with half-truths and lies if it helps.

yep. most stressful job in the world. you worry about the next day because you know it’s gonna be full of calls where you look like an idiot who doesn’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t get good help, and you look like an idiot in front of the person you’re supposed to help, and you’re not allowed to transfer the case to somebody more capable, because they say no. so you have to tell the person, there’s nothing we can do to help you.

totally brain dead at the end of the day. just barely holding onto your job, just barely being capable of doing bare minimum. really sucks hehehe. so find a better job. but i cant get one huhuhuh.

computer is so slow. gotta restart this.

female fren. weird. she just liked my facebook picture and now i can see more of her profile. but she doesn’t want to text or chat with me? i am def sending her more indicators of interest than she is sending me. but she does some nice things for me too, and i am not used to women being nice to me, so maybe i mistake niceness for interest. but she just got heart broken by some dbag, and i thought about myself gettting over heartbreak, and it takes me at least a year, so i figure it might take her three months at least. so maybe she might be ready to date me in like march at the earliest. so stands to reason i should pull back and give her space bla bla bla.

but if she starts getting f00ked by other guys before then, well then she would be making herself into a degenerate, and undateable by the likes of moi.

jan 18 sunday day off

listening to sweet music, day off, slept till 12 pm, over a full 12 hours, oh man, it was needed though. job is so intense that you need to sleep at least 12-14 hours when you have a day off, for your mental health!

just gonna neckbeard ALL DAY and perhaps go to store around 4 or 5 pm. get gas, get some stuff for house and for family.

37 degrees, had a big warmup at end of week, so its not so cold out there. really should go for a powerwalk.

yep just chilling on a sunday. actually looked at work related stuff for a few minutes to try to “study” for tomorrow”. see my job is like taking a College Exam all day every day, but more like an Oral Exam where you have to explain all your answers convincingly. explaining technical weird things you don’t really understand, in the context of taking Calls all day, and having very little Help you can get apart from Unhelpful, Abstruse Articles.

will end this post at the end of my day sunday. this post encompasses saturday night (hardly any writing) and all of sunday.

female fren, who knows. so if she is heartbroken it will obviously take her a few MONTHS to get over that and be ready to date somebody new, ie, MOI. how about three months. so, march or april. i said this yesterday didn’t i. so be COOL until then, do NOT pressure her to hang out all the time. give her time and space, till march or april. and then if she starts whoreing it up and bending over for trashy dudes before then, that’s another way of her answering me. and not a cool or positive way either. hope she doesn’t do that. its sad and disappoint to see good gurls become whores.

“but having sechs doesn’t make you BAD or a WHORE” say modern women

go get fooked, whores, I respond. yes it does. well, technically it makes you a dirty degenerate, and absolutely not the type of gurl it would be good for any man to Date Monogamously or especialyl have Children with. good for Short Term Fooks only.

WARNING : the Coinbase website will flag you for TOS violations if they think you’ve been sending BTC to “gambling” websites. Which I did not do, hehehehe. Nonetheless, just want to make you aware of that. they are not cancelling my account, just giving me a warning. ok.

so yeah my mistake is that i fall in luv with gurls TOO SOON.


prime rule of life.

yet many times, MOST TIMES, i fall in luv with a gurl and never even MAKE OUT with her.

DONT FALL IN LUV SO EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but she might honestly come around if i just play it cool for another month or two.

so do that.

heh found the settings in my video card to turn the brightness way down on muh laptop. that helps.

that or i am not drinking enough water, just coffee. took some tylenol and now drinking water.

taylor swift could get away with acting like this when she was 16 or 18 (not really, but could get away with much less whorey version of triflingness), but now that she is 25 years old, it’s just ridiculous, embarrassing, degenerate, deluded, disappointing, and sad. This Is Not What A Grown Woman Looks And Acts Like. she should be getting married and having 2 children by now at least., not being a high number whore. and parents cant keep their daughters from ADMIRING her.

heh sweet black metal hurr

ok gonna take a shower, go to store, come back, maybe do powerwalk, then go to bed early for big horrible stressful day tomorrow!

it’s good to take a shower on your days off LOL.

and now i am sitting on the crapper trying to TCOB there, while typeing on the computer and listening to sweet music. NOICE. this is the best way to spend a day off.

took a valium last night which didn’t seem to do much, as per usual, and was asleep by 10 pm. sleeping 14 hours or so to recover from the Normal Work Day, and I can’t sleep 14 hours every day, i usually sleep 8 hours a day, but obviously i should be aiming for 9 or 10 hours there.

note to self, another good example of type of stuff i am hungry for right now at the moment in january 2015