nov 19 2014 wed 733pm

tomorrow off, going out for fun chill game tonight, thankful for that. it snowed for the first time today, only 1 or 2 inches, and actually it is 10 degrees warmer at 29 degrees, but still not ready for winter, and it is going to be bad, but not as bad as buffalo hahahahahahaha. sucks to live there!

project rein it in with my female fren. if she is in a distant phase, i will not push her. she should be out of it in….. 2 weeks lets give her. i will not even IMPLY the implication of hanging out. she can ask me for an APPOINTMENT, hahahaha.

no but i do really like her and really don’t want to screw this up, and would really like to Date her. She is the momentous Woman 9 after all. long time coming. [later made into woman8, and previous woman8 deleted]

but yeah. just need to stay chill, be cool, be cool. don’t push her, pull back a little, she initiated a text with me the other night so that’s good.

and i do not want to be glomming onto her like a definition textbook beta orbiter clinger creeper, hahaha.

today i started off the day super confident, like a boss, least nervous ive been all week, and was just doing the best job ever, impressing , giving outstanding service, keeping calm, solving problems. but doing that the whole day long is definitely draining.just to get another one immediately. definitely rough. NO EASY JOB.

so i just try to do the best i can and be thankful i have a job hahaha.

but other people have projects . i am starting to get jealous of them! increasingly jealous! why does the management make the rule that you can only do one thing all day and one thing only? jeezum crow i wish i could do one thing half the day then a second thing half the day. all the time is ROUGH. you need BALLS OF STEEL to do this long term. i am thankful for the Character Building, but i’ve learned my lesson and paid my dues and karmic debt………haven’t i? probably not hahahaha.

next day, hanging out, chillaxin, day off

well i think my female fren is more than just distant or cold at the moment, that she may be in a phase of Crippling Depression. so its worse for her than i thought it was. really there is nothing i can do about that.

anyway i know how to deal with people with crippling depression (i think) because i have had it myself, and looking at her, i don’t seem to really have it now, thank god, rather , some minor irritation or grumpiness, or non crippling depression per se. I am just grumpy and pessimistic and hopeless. But I am worrying less!

anyway you don’t tell the person to cheer up or get over it or snap out of it or things could be worse, you tell them, i sympathize with you, i’m here for you, we’ll get through this together, etc.

not really fooking brain surgery.

but when i get crippling depressed i don’t want to hang out with anybody. but i do want to hang out with grills i’m in luv with, whose rejection is often related to my crippling depression!

today it was cold and windy and blowing snow. shoveled some snow, went out and got blasted with snow. no thank u. last night as i was driving home it was blow snow in a white out condition and i could not see 10 feet in front of me. it was the worst night snow driving i have ever seen. i think it was just drifting snow maybe, because they’re only about 2 or 3 inches of snow on the ground.

laundry in dryer. playing on internet. did some shopping. flossed teeth. took shower. shaved neckbeard. trimmed side hairs, practice shaving back of neck. i like to do all my Grooming and Hygiene stuff when i have a day off. on the other days i do the bare minimum, taking shower and brushing teeth, maybe a real fast neckbeard shave.

man. 518pm and i am so tired i could go to bed. starting to get dark of course. i wanted to go for a powerwalk but i can’t move from bed.

still cant move. playing settlers. watching wheel of fortune such a dumb show. yeah i will go to bed now.