REJECTED (80 20)

nov 7 2014 friday gotta werk tomorrow

well it doesn’t look good with me and muh female friend, woman9. this might be the big rejection right here. where it was 70 30 before, uhhh now it might be 80 20 hehehe.

so the question is, do i become an autistic sadist by not taking the hint, and by pushing and pushing and pushing until i force her to actually SAY the words I Reject You? Cuz that might be bad karma on my part.

I had to push woman7 because she was autistic and asexual and possible lesbian, none of which is true about woman9, who is much more feminine and clearly heterosexual because she went out with a guy for years before they ended it.

anyway. what actually happened. i was gonna ask her if she wanted to hang out over the weekend, because she canceled last weekend and then said she wanted to reschedule. so i figure maybe try this weekend. however i also didn’t want to be too pushy, because i’ve been being a little pushy lately, and she’s been a little cold. so i figure, don’t be so pushy. time to pull it back, rein it in. fine, i can do that.

so she says have a good weekend, see you on MONDAY, which very clearly implies “nope don’t want to hang out on staruday or sunday.” so I say, ok, you have a good weekend to, text me if you want. like she didn’t know the door was open to her texting me, with me texting her every day like a beta f4g virgin!

anyway so i am definitely gonna rein it in, ball is in her court, and she can either return it, or not.

it is a possibility she needs to think about things and really decide things, make a big decision, formally end things with this other guy, etc. and it certainly took me a long time to go from being Just Friends to being In Luv with her. It could theoretically take some time for her to do the same, hehehehe.

so how much time do i give her? a week? a month? a year? hehehehe. definitely a week.

normally when a gril rejects me, the mature way i deal with it is say ok and then do No Contact, because i CANNOT see them afterwards.

i don’t think that’s unreasonable or immature.

The problem is when i have to see the woman who rejected me, and then see them giving obvious signals of interest to other guys, that she never gave to me. then i get angry and can do stupid embarrassing emotional things.

and when i have to see the woman, then it’s harder to move on and to want other women more than i wanted her.

nonetheless, having to deal with the challenge of seeing her regularly after the rejection, i think is better than not making my intentions clear. in other words, i had to do that, and then just deal with the fallout later. the fallout being, it’s going to be a lot of work and stress for ME dealing with the person I like rejecting me, on a regular basis. Heh. It’s not like she has to do that, because she never liked ME, so her seeing ME is not a big deal.

so in other words, i did the best thing i could do, by making my intentions clear. i had to put it out there. and she might reject it. all the signals i’m getting now from her say, i am not interested in u that way. body language, being somewhat distant, canceling hangouts, etc.

still a small chance that she’s just figuring things out. so i will give her like a week to do that. it does take a few solid nights of Sleeping On It to come to a decision on things. in fact it took me a few weeks to reach a conclusion about her, on how things had changed in my mind. maybe even about a month.

So i will give her about a month. and she may be more nice and warm and open to me after that time. hopefully! but still an 80 20 chance.

Oh well. At least I cannot regret not acting or not putting it out there, that’s my main thing, is being able to not regret not doing something. that is even worse than the rejection! even worse than living with the person who rejected you while watching them not reject other men!

but yeah. good for the blog, because in the history of this blog i have never been rejected by a grill. last time i got rejected was by woman7, in 2012, and that was before this blog. it might have led to the start of this blog in spring 2013 though. and then it wasn’t until recently that I actually  liked a Woman, Woman9. and so now i get to deal with a rejection in Real Time, which will be great for the blog, hehehehe. well at least i don’t drink any more. I will try not to give away too many personal details, because that is bad karma, and i don’t need any more bad karma, i am trying to bounce bad from many years of bad karma.

but karma is bullsh1t you say. well the word karma is gay, and i’m not fully jumping behind the whole new age thing, OR an indian religion thing, I’m just speaking Generally, I think in a general nonreligious, nonnew age sense, karma is VERY important.

anyway. just be cool, act like i am not affected at all, act normalfag, don’t act butthurt, don’t act beta, don’t be super nice either, also flirting with other grils in front of her wouldn’t be bad. act normal. don’t act angry or butthurt even if i am. and i def will be. so hide it. hide the anger. just be cool son. don’t let her know at all how much it bothers me. just put on the act. i can act. it’s not hard to act. and certainly dont tell her i haven’t had S in 9 years or havent made out with a gril in 8 years or haven’t gotten close to going out with a gril for 9 years and even then it was only a month and that was the longest “relationship” i ever had. talk about RED FLAGZ, hahahahahahahaha. but women don’t need to know any of that, it’s none of their f00king BUSINESS.

be cool, be cool, be COOL.