nov 5 2014. wed. day off tomorrow.

well i am thinking 60/40 or 70/30 NOT in my favor for my female friend woman9 liking me back. by now i have to be giving OBVIOUS hints, and she is not giving me ANY hints at all, which is usually a bad sign. yep. this will not end well! but i have to make it end SOON.

the worst is if she rejects you because she wants to go out with other guys. No, i don’t really want to hang out with you, i want to hang out with hotter, younger, more masculine guys.  and then i get angry and wish i were younger, taller, more masculine, and the heart breaks hehehehe.

fook it, who cares.

or don’t tell me you want to hang out soon when you really don’t. just don’t say anything at all, would be better.

anyway. initially i thought us being Close Friends would work in my favor, but it’s really not gonna help things any. Now we are just Close Friends but I have become INfatuated with her and thus that is going to ruin our Close Friendship.

for me Its Complicated, for her it’s not complicated at all, she just doesn’t like me, waah waah waah.

so that kinda sucks. sucks quite a bit actually. but it doesn’t matter, life goes on, things could be worse.

but it still sucks! I was starting to get my hopes up, 70 30 or not!!!!!!

Because like with all 8 previous cases of True Luv, there is that feeling of ecstasy, being weak in the knees, infatuation, and not feeling like you are settling for a person out of convenience, but that you are White Hot with Real Not Fake Interest in them. And it would be nice to Move Forward on that with a grill for longer than a month, hehehe. With her I would totes go out with her for at least One Year. I would give up One Year of my life for her!!!!

oh well. who cares. anyway i am just chronicling for You the Pain and the Reality of True Luv! THIS is what True Luv looks like!

Well it’s not just pain and suffering. if things ever worked out and a grill ever didn’t reject me, then it would be REAL GOOD.

well, i still have a 30% chance at least. probably better chances than i had with Woman7.

and Woman8 doesn’t really count because I haven’t talked to her in 10 years but just started having dreams about her, so that was a Weak Luv compared to this Strong Luv.

no easy day at the job again. well it started quite easy actually, way more easy and slow and chill than average. Then a minute before I left I got my toughest problem of the day and stayed 80 minutes overtime. Technically that’s good, and the guy was not too bad, but damn, that made the whole day seem harder than it was.

It would be easier to handle if i had a nice Woman9 to hang out with and cuddle and date and bla bla!

sure it would. but it just doesn’t matter, bla bla bla. so you get rejected and move on.

but i haven’t gotten blatantly rejected yet. that is actually what i am fishing for. give me something BLATANT baby. It doesn’t HAVE to be a rejection, by the way. I’d be perfectly happy with a yes, hehehehehe.

any rate, i am guaranteed to hang out with her before the end of the month in something she cannot blow off. heh i do not like being blown off by grills i like. it is discouraging, angering, depressing. of course she had a valid reason for blowing me off before, she was menstrating hehehe.

well thank GOD i have my social event tonight. pop a valium right before it, sleep like a baby at night, pick up some moar valium tomorrow. only thing that could make that valium better is some w33d, hehehehe.

but w33d without valium would be too anxious and stressful.

heh. i just wanted to take her out to the apple orchard for falltime, hehehe, but NoOoOoOoOoOoOoO. Might have to wait til i’m 40 before i get that PRIVILEGE.


I have been rejected by more women than the number of men the average Promiscuous Degenerate AmeriSlut has accepted between her legs!

the real tragedy and travesty is, she’s not an Average Degenerate Amerislut, but a Nice Good Low Number Woman……. but that still doesn’t mean she can’t reject me and choose other more masculine younger guys over me!!!!!!

heh. i mean i’ve LEARNT the LESSON.

Actually, I still have to act on the lesson, which is: ACT SOON. ACT NOW. and I plan to act soon, ie this month, but still, waiting for that day is stressful. esp because i thought last weekend was going to be That Day! but I got blown off hehehehe.

its like blue  balls. and that is frust for any man!!!!!! grrrr!!!!!

fook i’m gonna listen to iron maiden and play some POKER hehehehehe.

somewhere in time album. sounds pretty fooking sick mang. this could be the greatest album of all time, hahahaha. no but i am having a VERY good immediate reaction to it, which is not my immediate reaction to most albums.

heheh. at least i have a full time middle working class job. that means i’m entitled to complain about b1tches be b1tches, and whine about being lonely hehehehehe.