oct 26 2014
darn got no time. still have feels for my female friend. this is obvious from the texts i am sending her. she has to have SOME idea now. which is good, I want her to get the hint. but i don’t want to be pushy like a beta. I’d rather be “pushy” like an alpha male, directly asking for what i want, and being masculine so as to to engage, interest, and excite the feminine female.
but i’ve never been the most masculine man. i am somewhat masculine but not super masculine, and it’s never really bothered me……EXCEPT when dealing with women. then it does really bother me. because the women I’ve always wooed are never really fond of me. but is it because of my non-masculinity that they’re not fond of me? probably, but impossible to prove causation at this point, hehehehe.
got up a bit early on sunday so i could play on internet but now i gotta poop and take shower and my time is being encroached again!
today i will lay off texting female friend, ease off the accelerator. i will be talking to her tomorrow ANYWAY, so there.
when i am by myself or with my friends my less-than-average masculinity does not bother me. i wish i could find a wimmin that liked me despite me not being super masculine, hehehe. maybe i am pursuing the wrong women.
of course with her, we get along very well and are very friendly, but she is just not super receptive to my new feelings, which is her right . besides my feelings started real late in the game anyway and prob caught her off guard.
i have not given up yet, just gotta take a break for TODAY. I also have a plan to Take Her Out On A Nice Date where we do something fun, and then i can put official moves on her then, like touch her arm, and then she can say um no, i don’t feel that way about you, sorry. then i say ok whatevers, that’s too bad, and go about my life. get rejected quickly, get on with my life quickly. bang other b1tches. i have already wasted 30 years, aint wasting time no more as the song says.
not this song! but this is another very reasonable step on my musical journey as of late october 2014 heheheheheh.
but i will say that another guy in this band has a tremendous voice and he should have stepped forward to sing/roar at least a little bit! would it really not fit the music? maybe. but his voice is damn good.
so yeah i def have not given up on courting my female friend, in fact i still have my endgame planned, ie a blatant bid on a blatant special hang out night. but i am not super optimistic. but i’ve learned i still have to try anyway and just fooking get it OVER with, if for nothing else, so i can move on and not waste years. Never Forget That Lesson.
no time to take a shower. but i got a huge poop because i ate a huge and delicious chinese food dinner on saturday night.
heh. come home, eat, take powernap on sunday, go for powerwalk, nice day.
oct 30 2014 thursday day off
welp. saturday is the day i go all in with my female frand. not great odds. probably get rejected. but that doesn’t even matter, what does matter is that i am learning from the mistakes of my past, and not wasting time any more. i just developed feelz for her like ONE MONTH ago and now I am going to bring it to the table ASAP.
in that she has agreed to hang out with me socially on saturday, and i will take her out to nice dinner, and pay for it, and then try to get some private time where we watch a movie, maybe smoke weed and pop valiumz, and i say WELP it would be a shame if we didn’t try CUDDLING at least, many women have told me i am the world’s best cuddler, etc
and then she can either say ok or ew weird creepy. if she says ok then it’s a quick slippery slope to making out, and Hard Masculine Poundings, and then Feminine Love from her. if she says no, then I’ll be like, ok, i’m a mature adult, I’m not gonna make you do anything, but yep that sucks for me, Lemme know if you change your mind, but i might be over you by then, just sayin.
not getting my hopes up, she might still be not over her boifran, or just not interested in me, oh well, life goes on, the important thing is that i ACT NOW, and I am doing just that. doing the right thing. thank GOD.
and if she says yes then sweet, i might have my first ever gurlfran of life after age 30.
and if she says no then at least this time i acted in time rather than waiting and simmering and fermenting and regretting and wasting YEARS.
Also, I did recently decide to just come out and make Female Friend into Woman 9 already. why the f not. She Is Woman9. or Girl9. I just say Woman now so the feminists can’t accuse me of misogyny. they will anyway. they can suck mah d1ck. i wipe my ar5e with their face.
did not get much sleep, i wanted to, but had errands. finally got break. drinking coffee. maybe go to bed at 7pm.
i have been texting Woman9 more, almost erry day with stupid beta sh1t and smileys and i like u and bla bla bla. So I am trying to go several days without contacting her, namely today and tomorrow, then i see her on saturday and then hopefully enough tension has built up and that will make her more favorable to mah wooing.
but yeah by this point i do honestly like like her and would gladly date her monogamously. no cheating.