october 5 2014.

ok. so my new plan is to try to date that cut 21 year old blond girl with the big 4ss from the wedding. if she turned out to be a good girl well then i would be willing to date her too. heh. i am over 30 years old, i can’t be scared of 21 year old gurls any more!

should i  try to date my female friend? she changed her profile picture finally of her with that boi to her with a family member. but i am more immediately sechsually attracted to this blond girl. well, there’s not moral law saying i can’t date them both. open rels are the signifier of a mature grown adult! i would be honest about it of course. not being honest about open rels would be dishonest and immoral.

i met a very nice, friendly man i developed an immediate mancrush on. that doesn’t happen every day. he was friend of my friend who lived in another town and i’d never really met him. he was either our age or just a few years old, but he looked younger than me, and he was very handsome and charming and charismatic and friendly and would be a good role model for us all. he has an attractive wife who is pregnant with their third child. I really have a….heheh “hardon” for families with three children. demographic reasons. but being so busy and never getting sleep did not keep him from being charming and fun as f00k.  and he was outgoing and could talk to anyone. if he lived in the area i would totes hang out with him.

and also my old friend. i used to drink like an idiot with a group of people at his house many years ago. they were a good group but i was always kinda the young weird kid, but i didn’t want to make any wave, and i wasn’t in the “core” of old friends. well this guy was in the core and it was touching to have him reach out to me. so i said yeah one day we will hang out, i want to see your kids, nothing wild like the old days. have some dinner, drink some coffee, hang out with your wife and kids. the wife was very nice to me yesterday and told me to add her on linkedin. i said i don’t use linkedin much but THANK YOU. and also told me to to send her a resume because she works at a Staffing Company. I said, I don’t want to leave my job for about 1 year, but i DO want to leave eventually and THANK YOU and I do want to send you a resume.

so, don’t welsh on that in other words. ok i went on f4ggot linkedin and sent her an invite.

sh1t it’s 9 05 and bobs burgers is on and i HAVE to go to BED NOW.

wed oct 8

ok for the 2014 chapter of muh autobiography, let it be known that i began to develop a Spark for muh female frand in late september / early october.  but as recently before that, like in july, i was thinking “why can’t i force myself to have a spark for her” and “maybe i can help her find a nice man, she deserves a nice man.” a mere 2 or 3 months later, and now I kind of want her. so now i have to make a bid and see if she’s even a little bit interested in me. and maybe she was, and now she isn’t. and what’s the deal with this new boifran? god damn, at this rate she will be shaping up to become the infamous Woman 9.

but yeah. in 30 plus years i have never had this happen. i stand corrected. and suprisied. i never thought it could happen to me. developing feelings for a female friend. well i went like 6 or 7 years without having a regular female friend, though. is that normal? I thought men and women aren’t able to be friends anyway. i don’t fooking know, i dont have all the answers. especially regarding women. i havent had a female friend in 7 years, i havent made out with a grill in over 8 years, i haven’t had official sechs for over 10 years, and i have never “gone out” or “dated” a grill for longer than like 2 months max. not trying to have pity party, but just stating cold hard truth, i have next to no experience with women.

i’m open to it though, i have been in love with 8, maybe 9 women. and by “in love” I mean “like like” where i wanted to date the person monogamously and had tingly spark feelz for them. but maybe that was infatuation and not true love. i dunno. it was close enough. it was special feelz for grillz, that’s close enough.  it just never turned into anything longer that like 3 weeks.

wahhh waahhhh. maybe grills aren’t attracted to me because i am too NEEDY for grills.

i can GET OVER wimmin, it just takes TIME. at least one year per grill, if not two. times that by 8 or 9, and you have 8 to 18 years spent getting over 8 to 9 wimmin. and then you’re 30 + years old.

oh well. worst case scenario, i will survive getting rejected by muh female frand and maybe like another woman about two years from then. but i should probably act sooner rather than later.

sh1t all got real in september/october 2014, no earlier. let the record show that much at least.

well i got plenty of valium so that’s good. bad side is, i have developed a huge tolerance to the valium so it doesn’t really do anything any more. fooking benzos. probably best not to even get started there. DEFINITELY better to just smoke w33d.

eh. it was no easy day ar WERK today. i went in feeling like a BOSS, super great super confident, but that was shattered by a Rough Day of Long, Tough technical support issues, that chipped away at my confidence. and now i’m being a whiny B even though i have the day off tomorrow and can sleep in.