sept 9 2014
no easy day. oy vey. ruff day on the job. lots of hard weird convoluted issues. i didn’t have any major screwups other than i just couldn’t figure the stuff out FAST enough, therefore the calls lasted longer than they should have, and weird stuff kept happening, stuff that i had never seen, and i wasn’t fixing it fast enough. so i might get fired because i am the worst performer there. oh well. maybe i am not ready for upper working class yet. hehehe. guess i shoulda went to college. oh wait. hehehe. i mean i guess i shoulda got a useful degree.
after a super long call i began to feel brain dead and underconfident. that is not a good feel for this job, because you must be confident like a boss all day erry day.
now i worry that i am only Racially Conscious because i am a loser. and that my Race is really the only thing I HAVE. because i don’t have a successful career or kidz to be part of my identity. so i stand up for my Race.
but everyone who is race conscious is a huge white trash loser. sure there are outliers of race conscious winners with good jobs and successful, but the Bell Curve of race conscious whites are losers who have nothing else going for them, so they cling to their idea of race.
hehehehe. but maybe i’m wrong, and the bell curve of white racialists tends much closer to normal, happy, successful, hard working, moral people, like in this book i’m reading. I’m hoping that’s the case hehehehe. I don’t know any actual people who are as race-conscious (obsessed) as I am, hehehe. Just the Nutjobs I read.
story about zoe quinn or something with her gamergate and trolling the “site for depressed men, wizardchan” and accusing them of misogyny. and her interactive game “depression quest”. i actually looked at it, it seemed ok, was expecting something more dramatic.
but if you look at that game, that person has a Monogamous Committed Relationship AND is gainfully employed, albeit bored at their job. This of course is much much more than most true wizards or depressed losers could imagine.
CHECK YOUR rel-having, job-having PRIVILEGE, neverdepressed phony!
hehehe. as for me, I am over Woman7, i am over WOman8, I am over ALL Women of my past, and now my main “problem” is that I feeeeel muh luv machine is all burnt out and used up and I could never luv a woman ever again, too old and worn out for that, my one (or 8) chances were when i was young.
and of course my main focus is surviving day to day on the job.
and not getting fired for ebeing the worst person there, hehehehe.
in that case, i have a 50 50 chance of getting hired at my old job. where i made HALF the money, hehehehe.
if THAT fails, I will go to the temp agency like i said. and just keep getting temp jobs until i find one i am not the worst at.
i am smart i swear! I did real good (well) in high school and went to a top 40 university of the world!!!
i just got a useless degree and stopped overachieving while in college and that’s why i became a loser forever after, hehehe, and can’t get or hold down an upper working class job now as a 30+ year old virgin hehehehe.
no i had sechs a few times in my early twenties. not a lot though. but i am more or less thankful for the experience. at least i only ever had sechs with actually cute young gurl(s).
I NEVER COMPROMISED hehehehehe.
oy vey. hopefully tomorrow is not as ruff. it WILL be busy, ALL days are busy for the full 8 hours. but will it be weird. I hope not. Some stuff i actually AM good at. I know i WILL get called in for “coaching” as in a 10 minute meeting to talk about what i did wrong and how to do better. so no i prob won’t be fired tomorrow. if anything they need a few more people to share the load and keep everyone there from getting burned out.
oh well at least i have a job that pays more than 90% of the jobs in this area. i am gainfully employed and that is the lions share of being a winner. many people cannot say the same thing.
if a neighborhood becomes less than 60% white, it turns into a violent sh1thole. prove me wrong.
but yeah i welcome blacks and browns and jews and all races to read and benefit from my blog. really in terms of who i am trying to help, i am way more sexist than racist. in that i am speaking much more directly to MEN than to women. and i don’t care if you’re a nonwhite man. more power to you. go out and be a winner for your race. go out and be a winner for murka.
i was thinking maybe my life purpose is to be a documentary film maker only i use a voice recorder instead of a camera. but i could use a video camera eventually. tie this in with my talk show idea, my documentary idea, or just go around interviewing people and recording the interviews and also me talking.
I AM A DOCUMENTARIAN.