oct 30 2014 thurs day off

hmm. new years eve. isn’t that nice.

so. pretend you are writing a computer program which will do your job. write out an algorithm, a fl0w chart, pseudo code if you will, like when you write an actual computer program and you have to logically figure the steps and the flow and etc.

even simple programs are a LOT of work in this regard. but it is very satisfying to 100% master the logic of any given program.

so apply that same logic to your crappy stressful job. if this, then do this. if then, if then.

ask them the question, what kind of problem is it.

if category a, then do this. if category b, then do this.

and of course many routines and modules will be nested in there. many loops as well. i mean you have written programs right?


so i want to do that for my job, and shrink it to one sheet, a one sheeter, then give that to the members of muh team, muh workgroup if you will, and they can hang it up at their Cube and just look at that and follow those steps so they don’t get freaked out by emotional customers and/or weird, weird , weird problems where it’s your JOB to solve those weird, weird, weird unexpected, 1% of the time, rare 4ss problems.

just follow the one sheeter baby. and with that one sheet algorith or pseudocode, i would have added more value than our superiors have ever added to us. i would “drive efficiency” and probably get either instantly promoted, or fired.

november 1 2014. sat.

trying to increase confidence at job. working on the one sheeter to rule them all. rather than a flow chart i decided the best thing to do was to analyze a typical call or case. beginning, middle, and end. think about the types of questions i ask or should be asking. this resulted in one sheet filled with like 60 questions, that, answered, will give me more than enough information to solve the case and do my job, or, to pass the case along to the people who get paid more than me. efficiently, effectively.

there are just so many questions to ask that it is great to have them all on one sheet in front of you.

i tried to order them in the general order i would ask them. roughly.

and they are not all questions, but some bullet points on key things to check in their systems that they have no idea and couldn’t be asked about anyway. information i need to find to help me. and them.

just saying it would be nice if a sheet like this was given to all new hires. there was a general script of what to say but it was nowhere as detailed as it should be. i am making the detailed sheet now.

every month i make another seperate one sheeter of great simple factoids and facts to know.

these are all txt files. i used to use word when i was a newb, now i use NOTEPAD like a BOSS.

protip: always use NOTEPAD. it is most easily shareable and can be copied and pasted to various formats the easiest. next to no formatting sh1t like in word or even open office.

and thank god saturday was slow enough that i actually had slow time between calls to read and study cases and learn and play settlers and  text my female friend, lady fried, woman 9.

i had planned to hang out with her tonight, now, take her out to nice dinner which i’d pay for and then hopefully go back and watch a movie and make out or at least make my move. did not predict good odds for me, but that doesn’t matter as i’ve said before, only thing that matters is that i make a move ASAP on muh feelz so i don’t waste previous life time.

she did not respond to a text i sent yesterday so i wasn’t gonna push her. positively, she responded today to that. then we moved our hang out to tomorrow. i would have preferred tonight but she was not feeling well. ok fine. wimmin and them always being sick and flaking out hahahaha.

however i got a positive vibe from the tone of her texts like she was playing the woman role to my man role. because of course i am not super masculine, and this doesn’t bother me, EXCEPT when i’m dealing with women, who usually want masculine men, and i get rejected for not being masculine enough. So i try to be a bit more masculine where i can. Women prefer traditional gender roles hehehehehe. And really so do I!!!! but it aint easy being a real man.

so i will try to be more manly and not a supplicating beta. i will take her out to a nice dinner though.

one of the top albums of muh youth, 90s atmospheric black metal which is pre hipster and carries a great deal of nostalgia and is totes the type of music i would like to write.

all out of candy, all out of soda. from now on i vow to cut back on candy and soda, and only drink soda with real sugar, and eat candy with real sugar. i usually like mt dew blue or red, and gobstoppers. could i somehow take real sugar regular mt dew and give it the blue flavor?

maybe bring a small container of MILK with you to work every day in your lunch bag. for example i like whole milk and wouldn’t mind putting some in muh coffee at work to avoid getting headaches.

also drink a lot of water with your coffee so you don’t get headaches because a headache will KILL you if you have a fast paced stressful job where you need to be thinking all the time.

get a bpa free bottle that is like…8 oz and then put some whole milk in it to drink at work. protein son.

kind of like when you used to drink a small milk carton at lunch in grade school.



oct 30 2014 thurs

day off

ok. gotta cut lawn, prob last time of year yikes. def getting autumnal out there.

then go for 1 hour powerwalk before it gets dark.

then bed by 7pm to get rest for hard day of work tomorrow.

well i am def getting better at muh job. handling things like a boss. figuring stuff out efficiently. being smart. not freaking out when they call in and just interrogating them and getting information dispassionately. but it has not been easy at all.

heh. be good to get this month of stress with woman9 over with already. can’t believe i let that stress happen with woman7 for like 2 or 3 years. NEVER AGAIN.

also going to stop buying candy and soda pop regularly. i feel that is making me pimply, making me generally unhealthy with its HFCS, and rotting muh teeth as well.

I will buy Throwback Mt Dew, but just over the past few weeks I’ve been seeing less and less of it. (real sugar.)

okay. did 1 load of laundry, got a second one in there, cut lawn, getting ready for a 1 hour powerwalk. before it gets dark at 6 pm hahahaha. when daylight savings time kicks in, it will get dark at 5 pm. oh noes.

invest in kazakhstan? cheap labor? no taxes? maybe i should, but isn’t that Textbook Globalization,, which I am against? well, not if it creates American Jobs, I guess, hehehe. Or makes me rich rather than poor.

yuuuup it will suck getting rejected but at least i will be able to get on with muh life sooner. quit my stupid job and move to north dakota, try to survive there for a year, if i don’t, come back home and beg for my old/current stupid job back.

or just pretend to look for a job, mooch off family, give them my savings, get into good shape, and bang 18 year old gurls like crazy.

ok. gotta get luandry, maybe use trimmer to trim stray hairs, go for 1 hour powerwalk, go to bed, quit complaining.

get a stupid silver or fluorescent green vest you can wear whilst powerwalking at night, so you don’t look like a hoodlum prowling around the neighborhood.

if concern about cleaning up hair is keeping you from trimming your beard or side hairs, conquer that concern by knowing that it is EASY to clean up hairs as such: just plug the sink and shave the hairs in the sink, then when you’re done, use a kleenex or paper towel to sweep the hairs out of the sink, and brush them into your cupped hand, and then throw the hair in the trash. if like 10 or even 20% of the hairs fall onto the floor, NO BIG DEAL, you can always vacuum them up later.

which is also why it’s good to have a little vacuum cleaner like a Shark or Dust Buster.

sh1t i lost a paragraph. it was about trimming the side hair using the wahl beard trimmer with the guard on level 3. this worked just nicely and indeed got some hair. not a lot. yet i was too hestitant to go to level 2, because then i would have to trim the whole beard to level 2 as well, and i want to grow a long beard again.

ok. i have this plan to develop An ALGORITHM for doing my job, squeezing it onto one sheet, then distributing it to the other people on my team, and I GUARANTEE that single sheet would be more helpful than ALL the training we have received from above. We receive barely any training, but are just thrown onto the job and expected to swim or sink, and the sinkers are laid off permanently. it is very nerve wracking because you just want to do your job well, but you have nowhere to turn to learn how to do the job well, you just have to kind of figure it out on your own. well i am going to put an end to that by Publishing and Distributing The Most Useful Tips. Some real Meta-Level stuff in there too, not just “read the manual.” read the manual, read the technical papers, read the emails. Emails are a substitute for actual meetings. we don’t have meetings. I would LOVE to have meetings for one f00kin hour a week just to talk to members of my team about Common Things, and seek Guidance and ADvice on How To Handle them, because Handling Them IS our entire job.

Well this might be giving too much away but oh well f00k it.

Woman 7 I used to work with and that was part of the reason I wasted 2 or 3 or 4 years on her, because I wanted one of us to leave the job before I made a Strong Move, because I thought I couldn’t handle continuing to WORK with her after she’d rejected me.

And the thing is, I also Work with Woman 9. I developed Feelz for her about 1 month ago, and in 2 days I am going to act on those feels and give her a blatant push so she can accept or reject me, so i can move on with my life quickly. But I also Work with her! How Am I gonna see her at WORK for like 20 hours a week (YES, I work 40 plus hours a week!!!!!!) after she rejects me without going crazy?!?!?!?! how am i gonna do my job which requires nerves of steel, and furious powers of concentration and Problem Solving?!?!?!?!

I don’t even CARE, it doesn’t MATTER, I’m gonna push ANYWAY.

Any this job is WAY more substantial than my previous job, which was the one I had with Woman 7. I really don’t want to lose my current job because of a Woman! becuase i am making halfway decent Middle Working Class OK Money for the first time in my life!

But I’m gonna push anyway, becuase I am THAT serious about not Wasting Years of Time and Simmering With Years of Regret. I am so determined to never let THAT happen again, that I will take the risk, that the Woman I Work With and have feels for, will reject me,and I will have to continue to see her every day. I’ll deal with the fall out then. As long as I don’t start drinking again I should be good, and I am VERY confident I wouldn’t start drinking again.


oct 26 2014


day off

darn got no time. still have feels for my female friend. this is obvious from the texts i am sending her. she has to have SOME idea now. which is good, I want her to get the hint. but i don’t want to be pushy like a beta. I’d rather be “pushy” like an alpha male, directly asking for what i want, and being masculine so as to to engage, interest, and excite the feminine female.

but i’ve never been the most masculine man. i am somewhat masculine but not super masculine, and it’s never really bothered me……EXCEPT when dealing with women. then it does really bother me. because the women I’ve always wooed are never really fond of me. but is it because of my non-masculinity that they’re not fond of me? probably, but impossible to prove causation at this point, hehehehe.

got up a bit early on sunday so i could play on internet but now i gotta poop and take shower and my time is being encroached again!

today i will lay off texting female friend, ease off the accelerator. i will be talking to her tomorrow ANYWAY, so there.

when i am by myself or with my friends my less-than-average masculinity does not bother me. i wish i could find a wimmin that liked me despite me not being super masculine, hehehe. maybe i am pursuing the wrong women.

of course with her, we get along very well and are very friendly, but she is just not super receptive to my new feelings, which is her right . besides my feelings started real late in the game anyway and prob caught her off guard.

i have not given up yet, just gotta take a break for TODAY. I also have a plan to Take Her Out On A Nice Date where we do something fun, and then i can put official moves on her then, like touch her arm, and then she can say um no, i don’t feel that way about you, sorry. then i say ok whatevers, that’s too bad, and go about my life. get rejected quickly, get on with my life quickly. bang other b1tches. i have already wasted 30 years, aint wasting time no more as the song says.

not this song! but this is another very reasonable step on my musical journey as of late october 2014 heheheheheh.

but i will say that another guy in this band has a tremendous voice and he should have stepped forward to sing/roar at least a little bit! would it really not fit the music? maybe. but his voice is damn good.

so yeah i def have not given up on courting my female friend, in fact i still have my endgame planned, ie a blatant bid on a blatant special hang out night. but i am not super optimistic. but i’ve learned i still have to try anyway and just fooking get it OVER with, if for nothing else, so i can move on and not waste years. Never Forget That Lesson.

no time to take a shower. but i got a huge poop because i ate a huge and delicious chinese food dinner on saturday night.

heh. come home, eat, take powernap on sunday, go for powerwalk, nice day.

oct 30 2014 thursday day off

welp. saturday is the day i go all in with my female frand. not great odds. probably get rejected. but that doesn’t even matter, what does matter is that i am learning from the mistakes of my past, and not wasting time any more. i just developed feelz for her like ONE MONTH ago and now I am going to bring it to the table ASAP.

in that she has agreed to hang out with me socially on saturday, and i will take her out to nice dinner, and pay for it, and then try to get some private time where we watch a movie, maybe smoke weed and pop valiumz, and i say WELP it would be a shame if we didn’t try CUDDLING at least, many women have told me i am the world’s best cuddler, etc

and then she can either say ok or ew weird creepy. if she says ok then it’s a quick slippery slope to making out, and Hard Masculine Poundings, and then Feminine Love from her. if she says no, then I’ll be like, ok, i’m a mature adult, I’m not gonna make you do anything, but yep that sucks for me, Lemme know if you change your mind, but i might be over you by then, just sayin.

not getting my hopes up, she might still be not over her boifran, or just not interested in me, oh well, life goes on, the important thing is that i ACT NOW, and I am doing just that. doing the right thing. thank GOD.

and if she says yes then sweet, i might have my first ever gurlfran of life after age 30.

and if she says no then at least this time i acted in time rather than waiting and simmering and fermenting and regretting and wasting YEARS.

Also, I did recently decide to just come out and make Female Friend into Woman 9 already. why the f not. She Is Woman9. or Girl9. I just say Woman now so the feminists can’t accuse me of misogyny. they will anyway. they can suck mah d1ck. i wipe my ar5e with their face.

did not get much sleep, i wanted to, but had errands. finally got break. drinking coffee. maybe go to bed at 7pm.

i have been texting Woman9 more, almost erry day with stupid beta sh1t and smileys and i like u and bla bla bla. So I am trying to go several days without contacting her, namely today and tomorrow, then i see her on saturday and then hopefully enough tension has built up and that will make her more favorable to mah wooing.

but yeah by this point i do honestly like like her and would gladly date her monogamously. no cheating.


october 23 2014 thursday

merry crimmbus loserz. heh.

day off. doind laundry. trying to get closer to my female frand. it doesn’t matter if she rejects me, it ONLY matters that I make a MOVE SOON. period. if i don’t do that, then i will SIMMER and FERMENT with REGRET and that is UNACCEPTABLE. better to act now, get rejected now, and move on now.

yet i am cautiously optimistic i will not get rejected and that is exciting!

but maybe i am making the classic beta niceguy friendzone mistake of misinterpreting her niceness to me as liking. because people can be nice to each other without like liking them.

heh. you are supposed to go thru this phase at age 15 or so, not age 30 plus. well, i went thru it before, but it always resulted in failure, rejection, disappointment, regrets, it never turned out well. the best it turned out in was a stupid 1 month long fantasy pseudo-rel.

i should be focused on my career but nooooooo.

i am ok at my job though, i probably won’t get fired, i panic and freak out 1000000 less than i did in the beginning, i’ve come a LONG way baby, i can’t believe i accomplished that. kinda like i can’t believe i actually managed to graduate college. how did i do that?

well, i had a useless easy degree and i had a bit more energy when i was young, i guess.

trying to enjoy some music, i only get to enjoy music on my day off.

if i said anything bad about my female friend in my autiobiuography that was posted in october, like she’s a nice gril but i just don’t go hnnnggg for her, having sechs with her would be weird, then ignore that, i have moved past that. i have since developed feelz for her and think having sechs with her would not be weird. people can change. even old losers.

we have been texting moar and i have been expressing more of a blatant desire to hang out, which i had not done before, because i wasn’t in like like with her before, and i thought she might be with me, so i didn’t want to lead her on. O THE IRONY. O HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

doing laundry at least. slept from like 11pm to 11am, no big surprise there.

anyway i sent her a text out of the blue which i don’t usually do, but a real niceguy thing. then the next day she initiated a text out of the blue, saying nice things to me. it was pretty nice. i don’t get this often, can you tell.

but heck yeah i would give it a GOOD college try with her, I would sign up for at least one year with her!

actually it would not be weird for us to get married and for her to be my WIEF. I could totally see that. She would be a good Weif 4 moi. Welcome to the Adult World. I could get married but I could NOT have kidz for a while. that is just too mindblowing. But I SHOULD have kidz with her before she gets too old.

today have to go for huge powerwalk, have to make cigarettes because i am ALL OUT, have zero prerolled cigs left.

and it is a gorgeous day for october, so i HAVE to take an hourlong powerwalk.

was thinking about getting a short haircut but not sure about that.

i might even beta pussy friendzone niceguy out and send female friend a niceguy text.

later. went out and made a classic 30 min talking file, which i make the best ones when i have the day off.

bought some long sleeve t-shirts on sale for the winter, good.

debating about sending that text to the female frand. i prob will. if she doesn’t like it, she can suck mah d!

was naturally led to the album of the moment by following my feeeeelings. this is the best way for music ot happen. look forward to listening to it. i can’t say what it is because my musical tastes would identify me even more than the damn life story i posted, hehehehe. let’s just say its an album by a bit of a musical bad boy genius type, where he has a cult of personality, love or hate him, and he seems to have right wing and nationalistic political views, and likes guns and whites and gets leftist marxist antifaz panties all in a bunch and they call him racist and fascist. well, those words don’t really mean anything, and it’s good when those losers call you a racist or fascist. thank you for the compliment, you should say to them. i’m glad to be your enemy.

on the agenda: 1 hour powerwalk in beautiful weather, then at least 1 hour of cigarette making.

annnnnd i just sent her the wimpy lovey dovey text. well at least i am making my intentions known, hahahaha.

also trying to do a FULL virus scan on the computer for first time ever.

went for full 66 minute powerwalk. gotta start making cigarets now. i like to go to bed earlier than normal on muh day off, but now i might end up going to bed LATER than usual. damn. i have been pretty busy all day. it has been a packed day. not enough time to play around on the internet as i like.

i drink about one 2 liter of mt dew a week, and 1 box of gobstoppers per week. this might in fact be too much high fructose corn syrup. i was looking for a 2 liter of Real Sugar Soda and could not find at my usual store.


oct 18 2014 saturday night off

hot date night. no hot date hahahaha.

but i sorta sacked up and asked if muh female frand wanted to hang out on sat night. before i would try not to hang out with her too much because i thought she liked me and i didn’t like her like that; but now that i am starting to like her like that, I want to hang out with her more.

also i think she is not happy with her boifrand at all. so we might be able to “HOOK UP” in the near future.

that would be pretty good i think, because she’s a good person and also a fairly pretty and young grill. younger than i deserve, hahahaha. plus we get along well and she’s not a promiscuous wh0re.

so yeah fingers crossed. we are getting closer. prob have The Talk soon.

but yeah she is a nice gurl and i would want to do nice things with her like go to dinner and do nice fun things together and i think she would appreciate that. if not oh well. it doesn’t matter. life goes on. bla bla bla.

this valium doesn’t seem to really DO anything any more. I took an ativan a few weeks ago and i liked that better.

went for 60 minute powerwalk. definitely fall out there. getting cold. not looking fwd to winter. last winter was worst ever and this one will prob be just as bad. driving to work in the snow. jeez o petes. hoping the car starts.

today…had some slow moments on the job. i was grateful for them. also i handled most of my calls like a boss. definitely getting better at the job. although at its best, it is still stressful and not easy and not fun and not chill.

and in your time off you don’t have the energy to improve yourself or become a better person in any way, because you are too tired and exhausted to do anything but sleep and lay down. no time for friends, family, or masterz degree hehehehehe. or even reading and learning. but i have been reading “dumbing us down” pretty regularly. albeit slowly. i do like books about renegade dissident education. anti-school stuff. radically different ways of schooling children. because i always hated school. grade school, high school, college, it all sucked, and now i refuse to get a masters degree because of that.

but the plus side is, i have a full time job, which is better than most people. heck that might make me upper working class right there. i am saving decent amounts of money and even buying some silver.

did i say that i believe nature and nurture are 50 50. like for example, skools and media nurture all amerifats to be degenerate sheep like gatto says. and this can overcome in a child with even good genetic stock.

anyway it would be interesting to HOOK UP with my female frand. we could cuddle and watch tv and movies and go out on dates and take salsa dance and drive around and do fun stuff and i might for the first time in my life have a real gurlfran and become not awkward with sechs. even kissless virgin’s dream, in other words.

of course maybe i shouldn’t get my hopes up. but i do kinda feel like i’m getting closer. and i have never had this, where i became interested in a female frand. i haven’t even had a female frand in years until now because b1tches are dumb and uncool and there’s not many cool ones. they go their way and i go mine.

but if she luvs bad boys i am not sure if i can convert her from that. although being masculine would help.

heh. i blame skool for making me not masculine hahahaha. but there were plenty of masculine boys at school, the ones who played sports. shoulda played sports. i might have still been a loser who hates school, but i would have been masculine enough to pull gurls, hehehehe. even good decent quality dateable gurls still want masculine men. they just want good masculine men rather than thuggish bad degenerate masculine men.

if anything, masculinity is inherently good.

heh. seems ridiculous that i would need to say that. of COURSE masculinity is inherently good! a real man is a good man! honor and morality and ethics and doing the right thing is a big part of being a Real Man!

yep. skool and media/culture are what destroys children of all races and classes. turns them into degenerate lazy losers. john taylor gatto is my new hero. what other books did he write. who did he influence. he’s probably dead now.

well he’s still alive at 78 years old, good for him. heck of a guy. i respect him.

i guess it would make sense to read some john holt as well.

5 hour interview with gatto hehehehe



oct 16 2014 thurs day off

here’s a REAL Pro Life Tip: after you have not gotten a hiarcut in about 2 months, you may/will have these annoying tufts of hair growing near the top of your sideburns area, like in that mysterious area where the hair becomes the Side Burn. If you’re like me, you will nervously twist these hairs and then that looks real bad. what you can do is, simply cut those Tufts of hair yourself, using a small pair of scissors. this can buy you at least another month before you have to spend money on a haircut. nice.

some Old Man dispensing Red Pill Real World Advice on 4chan to r9k pvssies said something like the best working relationshipz are when the she luvs you more than you luv her.  IMHO that didn’t sound so great though, I’d rather just not be “in a rel” with that person, do Frandz With Benefits, and save muh relshipz for someone I actually had Like Feelz for.

ok cut lawn. gotta go for 66 minute powerwalk.

man i am sick of seeing tv commericials for stupid colleges. itt tech, southwestern new hampshire, all acting like this education is changing people’s lives for the better, instead of of just putting them in ridiculous amounts of debt with only marginally better job prospects at best, certainly not worth the money and debt people are paying.

also fook the “real” colleges and universities too. they might provide better job prospects thru networking with Better Middler Class People, but it’s still not worth the money.

Fook All Education. Unschool Yourself. Do like John Taylor Gatto sez in “dumbing us down” and study without school or bells and have 1000 different apprenticeships (“internships”) with skilled adults, and let THAT be your education.

fooking yippy chihuahua dog is yipping all day again. all day every day and i just wanted to open the window to get the Fart Stank Out. Nope. Too Much To Ask. Come On. Who lets their dog do that. Degenerate Blue Pill Slaves. Amerifats. College F4gs. suk muh dik.

oct 16

ok. refuse to check email after sending those emails. might not until staurday or sunday.

anyway. skools are such an unnatural awful thing. with opinions like this, it’s no surpirse i like ideas such as unschooling and john taylor gatto. gatto says that learning to read and write is NOT HARD for the motivated learner, and only takes 100 hours. peasants of the olde days could teach themselves to read and write if they wanted to. now the state wants to take TWELVE YEARS of YOUR child’s early life to do this.

I say send children to work with the adults for 12 years. by that i mean, let them spend time watching and learning and participating with adults doing their adult jobs, which they would teach to the children in a non-stressful way, because the child is not necessarily getting paid. the child can stay there as long as they want. if they really like something, they can stay there longer and learn more about it.

of course this means a radical restructuring of The Workplace to make this happen.

And Gatto says it would also result in a radical restructuring of society, with less restaurant and service jobs, and people being more self reliant and doing everything in small tightly knit communities maybe. very different economy, very different jobs. instead of going to school to become a businessman or engineer, you would learn how to be a blacksmith or soimething. or a town doctor. or the town doctor could also do blacksmithing work, and no one would really be An Anything. Not sure.

But where would young boys learn how to Pick Up Women?

Do you see how ridiculous this question is? That Men Would ever have to LEARN how to Pick Up Women?

Of COURSE the Modern Skool plays a huge role in feminized men and making kissless virgin boys who don’t know how to do one of the most Natural Things there is!!!!

So nurture is stronger than nature then?

sometimes it actually is, but I believe it’s still 50/50 ultimately. in the final analysis.

heh. just trying to keep my mind off my job, and my female friend. jeez. we used to get along so well until I started developing feelz for her about 3 weeks ago. f00king a.

lesson learned: ACT ON the feelings AS SOON AS POSSIBLE after developing them. Don’t snoop around facebook, don’t not talk to the grill about it. TALK to the grill and give her blatant hints that you like her. because if you don’t, things will just be worse 6 months from now, 2 years from now. Jeez. I must have wasted 3 to 4 years of my life on a sh1tty situation like that with Woman 7. NEVER AGAIN.

Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I will try not to make the same mistakes again. I am getting old, and feeling old.

ok. gonna see my female friend tomorrow. I will ask her what she is doing this weekend even though i already know thru stalking her facebook. STOP STALKING HER FACEBOOK.

and then also ask to hang out with her maybe saturday night or sunday. that way i can have the all important TALK with her. but I have to be careful not to make the Actual Talk like a Torture Session or Super Emotional. But Better to do that, than to have no talk at all. and also tell her that 3 weeks ago in late september I began developing Small Feelz towards her, hehehehehehehe.



oct 16 2914 day off thurs

so….female friend. definitely in luv with some dude who doesn’t luv her back. best case scenario is that she might also like me and then when we start talking about it and i tell her i might like her a little, she says fook this other dbag and then me and her go out.

but yeah. we settled this. what i need to do is simple: talk to her about this Issue. even if it’s a botched beta talk, it’s better than no talk, and that means less regrets for me, and i’ve had enough regrets to last a lifetime! and don’t want any more!

so. we have to hang out semi privately and then i can be like, ok i’m gonna rehearse more or less what i’m gonna say.

so why u been upset lately, whats going on.

then she might tell me about boifran.

if not, i say, well, i noticed an interesting man on yer facebook, is that your gay platonic friend hahahahaha

then she will talk about the boifran.

then i say: well i’m sorry that you’re unhappy but why didn’t u tell me about this earlier?

i aint mad at ya, but i was thinking about maybe taking you out to a nice dinner and us hanigng out more.  kinda hard to do that if you’re interested in this other guy.

boom. done. it’s not perfect, but it’s done, and then no more regrets for me. not having regrets is more important almost that having a Successful Talk, or maybe even Getting With Her.

If I can’t Get With Her, then at the very least I want to have No Regrets about things I didn’t do, and that is something I DO have complete control over, even if i can’t control whether she likes me or not.

anyway. she’s nice enough of a person and we get along well enough. maybe she doesn’t want to tell me because she also likes me TOO and it waiting for me to make a Move, which is what Guys used to do before they became feminized f4ggots and before women became huge cvmgulping wh0res who give away their pvssy like candy and it means nothing to them unless you f00k them senseless like only a true alpha male can. fook them weakly like a beta and you will get dumped soon after and never learn HOW to fook like an alpha.

and i hate to see her go from being a good women, into being ruined into a bad woman. which is what happens when a woman gets with too many guys, too many abortionz.  they become colder and crazier and less lovable and more immoral and more cruel. no thank you.

but yeah. bad timing. i wish i had developed Feelz towards my female friend BEFORE she started going out with this guy. but by the time i did, she was already with him.

but again let it be reiterated that you can have feelings towards several people at once. it may not be cool, but it happens, it happened to me, it can happen to anyone else, including her. so if i tell her I have SMALL, TINY, NON WEIRD feelz towards her, then she might build up her feels for me and say fook that other guy, and end up going out with me.

and that would be pretty neat. i haven’t gone out with a gril in about 10 years, and that was only for a couple weeks. with my female friend i’d like to think we could possibly go out for a few MONTHS, hhahaha.. no seriously i would shoot for at least a year.

actually it would be GOOD to have feels for multiple women so you can use them as backups, and then maybe getting rejected by one of them wouldn’t be so bad.

heh. this is what i think about on muh day off.

I started out just liking u as a friend and didn’t think it could go any further, but i have opened my mind to the possibility, and it really doesn’t seem so weird, you should consider it.

ok today. did laundry and shopping but got no sleep. still gotta do lawn and 66 minute powerwalk. thank god i dont have to make cigarettes today. and i got no sleep. fook. and i gotta talk to my female friend because she isn’t gonna be the first to initiate this. she is waiting for me to. that is my responsibility as a MAN. i accept that. i can’t be mad about it. this is what real men are supposed to do. to not be afraid to talk to grills. to face and conquer their own fears.

there is a manly man who i have a mancrush on at my job. what would HE do? He is both masculine and tough, yet very honorable and honest and moral, and at heart, a very loving man, devoted husband and father, yet has a very manly masculine tough exterior. i need to use him as my role model for masculinity.

anyway. so obviously i am secret hoping the thing with her and her boifran fails, because now i want her. and i would treat her better. but maybe deep down she doesn’t want to be treated good, and that’s why she is attracted to guys who don’t treat her well. pretty standard story there, the disease of the modern woman, and the feminized modern man. men are not men any more, so women are fooled into falling for a thuggish, trashy caricature of masculinity, because there aren’t many REAL men left.

Thanks Marx! Thanks Barry Hussein! hehehe. No, thank FDR and LBJ while you’re at it. Thank winston churchill, thank the rothschilds, thank the federal reserve, hehehehe. thank the zionist marxists.

also, theoretically i could send her an email. just a short, no longer than 1 page email. confessing everything. in a funny way. but this is obviously lame, gay, and beta. well, if i don’t talk to her by november 16, (one month) then i will send her an email. because beta as that would be, an email at the end of one month would be better than a talk after like six months. time IS VERY of the essence.