thurs aug 21 2014

went for 66 min powerwalk, will go for a 33 min one a little later, then go to bed, then try to withstand tomorrow hehehe.

uhhh today slept for 9.5 SOLID hours and that was almost good enough. Lesson Learned: I need 9:30 of sleep every night to be at muh best. So, get up at 6:20 am, and lights out at 8:20 pm. Yep.

8:20 pm, not 9pm.

easier said than done!

no easy day.

meanwhile people are being BEHEADED and CRUCIFIED in iraq, and women getting raped and little girls getting their genitals chopped up, by militant fanatics, including some people who were born in england and the US and who became militant muslims and traveled over there to join ISIS to do the beheadings, crucifixions, rapes, mutilations, and murderz.

ok finished the tv series i’ve been watching obsessively. watched 60   25 minute episodes over the past month or so. has been my main entertainment thing. now i can get back to watching 1 movie a week.  can’t remember the last time i was so into a show. it is a foreign language comedy show with english subtitles. good times. but what now.

king of the hill, the goode family.

fri aug 22

werk tommorow. today was not horrible but not awesome either. no easy day. never an EASY day!

i would prefer the average day still be a bit easier than today. but really it could have been way worse. no major screwups. maybe some small screwups. i don’t even like those.

but with this job you can’t be afraid to talk to people, and you can’t be afraid of making mistakes, and you can’t be afraid of being criticized for your mistakes, hehehehe. and then you have to learn from them and try not to make the same mistake twice, where there are 900000000 things to know and 90000000000000000000000000000000 possible mistakes to make.

but i had nice chit chat with a higher up guy who previously i had only known via a chat feature. so here it was good to have a person to go with the name. and he has always been pretty helpful to me.

but yeah if you get emotional or flustered that is the kiss of death. it’s amazing i don’t get MORE flustered. I manage to withstand 8.5 grueling hours, but then when i get home i am mentally and emotionally EXHAUSTED. and then need 10 hours of sleep.

which i should be doing right NOW!

went for a 3.2 mile powerwalk so that was good.

i also created a nice document with screenshots showing exact distances around my neighborhood. nice. mapped out an exactly 1.0 mile walk. so in the future i could just do 5 of those!

or 3 and 2.

heh. there should be king of the hill for 2010’s. where they are 10 to 20 years older, and Hank is laid off from the propane store and he can’t even get a job at megalomart, where bobby is a huge 25 year old loser who can’t get a job at megalomart, still living at home with hank and peggy, and connie jr is a successful doctor in the big city, and bobby can’t get any action, and bill gets laid off because there’s no such thing as paid army barber, and everyone becomes more like bill. and peggy leaves hank because he’s a jobless loser, and hank starts to despair. and dale gets into race consciousness and turns hank onto it. and then hank, bobby, dale, bill and i guess boomhauer start their own pro-white business commune and pull each other up by the bootstraps.  heheheheheheheh. mike judge hire me for only 40k a year. well, 19 to 20 dollars an hour. i prefer hourly.

sun aug 24

welp i decided that doing laundry on sunday was the best time to do it, even if it counts as “work” or “effort” or energy consuming, because i can get it done EARLY and still go to bed earlier than any other day during the week.

so that’s the plan now. damn.

tues aug 26

dayum son. hard day of werk. dont want to jinx self but had two halfway decent days of werk in a row. oh of course they were no easy days, but i handled myself more or less like a boss, didn’t do anything stupid, and felt a growing sense of calm, which itself lends to better performance, because you can think clearer and better, and continue to project confidence and calm to your clients, rather than sound like a scared idiot who’s in over their head and doesn’t know what they’re doing.

at my old job i always knew what i was doing. i could get no sleep and go in there and never be nervous because i knew how to do everything and if i didn’t, i could easily transfer them to someone else. here, it’s very likely i will get something new and weird and it is my responsibility to try to fix it, without leaning too much on other people, because you’re not supposed to go to your superiors with “stupid questions.”

but yeah it’s taken about four solid full time months to even BEGIN to feel like I am starting to get the hang of the job, and to start develop some real actual confidence. that is not easy and the first four months are RIDICULOUS and a lot of people can’t last that long. so i am glad i did.

but i get up at 6:20 am and by the time i get home it’s about 6:20 pm and I decided 8:20 pm was the best bedtime and now it is 7:38 pm  and i am watching jeopardy and writing this.

no easy day, no easy job, but i am slowly doing better, not doing major c0ckups or b4llsups, getting along with my superiors, acting like a normalfag, and surviving and withstanding and it is generally not as dreadful as it was when i began again, thank GOD.

but it is exhausting and takes all the energy and time. i would still not want to go in there with no sleep. every day is a busy day. no slow periods. if there is a slow period, that means they will probably lay people off. cut costs, hehehe. it doesn’t take a harvard mba to tell you that to cut costs, you lay people off and try to get more work done with less people. at least i am not the worst person there. but very seriously about the 12th worst person there, hehehehehe.

anyway if i can work this job and survive, ANYBODY can. it is a good confidence builder to successfully Rise To The Challenge Like A Boss. but damn it has not been easy and i am grateful to the LORD that I made it. because many people quit or are laid off within their first four months.

i asked one of my superiors if he was annoyed by my questions, and he said no, i was one of the good ones who he didn’t mind answering questions, because i gave him a ton of information up front and did what he said.  so that was good to get approval from my superior hehehe. but i genuinely like and respect the guy, many of my superiors i do, thank god. this is better than having superiors who are 4ssholes. but then again these superiors are not my direct managers. but my direct managers are ok though. thank GOD.

so yeah it is a harder, higher stress, busier job than i would like, and each day is busy as f00k, but it could be worse, because i could have bad superiors, bad managers, or could have freaked out by now.