june 30

woo hoo. called docker today at 12.50pm. nice. didn’t even overthink it. immediately dialed. tryied to act normal and nice. today monday, wanted appt wednes. couldn’t get. he works mon and tues today, then on vacay for 4th of july. damn.

but can get appt next mon. good. start work that wednes. that is deadline.

will go in there w one sheeter of talking points and use this list

heh not THAT list, i mean THIS list

to request an anti derp drug:

zoloft, celexa, prozac, or higher dose of paxil, in order of pref.

an as needed benzo anxiety drug: XANAX, he prob won’t give me much but anything is better than nothing.

a nonbenzo anxiety drug, BUSPAR, to deal with everyday stress on the job.

tell him i want the strongest sh1t available (in generic form only) to deal wiht daily work stress so as not to f00k up and lose my job because i get nervous and f00k up. MY LIVELIHOOD IS ON THE LINE, hehehehe. sh1t just GOT REAL.

ok. i would also like to contact my friend so i can hang out with them before starting work. would have liked to hang out with them quite a lot during the layoff but….i was lazy and they were going thru some stuff. plus they might not be the best initiator either, which sucks because i am a horrible initatior. so today i will initate, albeit kinda late in the hour.

THEN i will go for a powerwalk, BUT i will modify it so i stop at the nearby park, find a private spot, and get in at least a 20 minute talk into my recorder. need to do as much of those as possible before i start work, then all of the talks will be about stupid work hehehehehe.

and ultimately i will have all my shiny new meds ready for me when i start work.

ok. send brief, one paragraph, 4 line email to my friend. shoot it off in under 10 minutes. no biggie. more of a text really. if i had a smart phone that could quickly compose texts i would just do that. but i have an old phone with 9 buttons, and that really makes texting a chore, hehehehe. email is easier, and i prefer easier.

ok sent the email. 1.23pm monday. time to hit the road son.

ok back. YES. i DID stop at the nearby park and was able to make a thirty minute talking file, the longest one yet. NICE. i can see myself doing this several more times before Work starts in NINE DAYS. yikes.

maybe i should spend the next nine days furiously job searching like i have never job searched before. it would not be a BAD idea!!!!

i took my life story and c and p’d it into one big document so prospective wives and shrinks could conveniently read it start to finish. it was about 40 pages hehehe.

cuz that’s the one bad thing about a blog. you want to read it like a book, start to finish chronologically, its real inconvenient truth to do. find the first post, then keep clicking on the posts one by one.

july 1

8 more days!

called docker again as they requested yesterday. got message. might be out to lunch. call again at 1230 or 1.

reviewing my story. not really a “story”, it’s at least 90% truth, son.

request zoloft because it the highest prescribed anti derp, and possibly stronger than paxil because it covers more symptoms.

request buspar for everyday stress and anger and suckiness on the job.

request xanax for the special occasions of extreme stress and nervousness when i really need something extra, OR need to be cool to make a strong first impression at JOB INTERVIEWS and talking to HAWT WIMMIN.

and that’s it!

how do unschooled kids do in the job market?

in the mating market?

in COLLEGE? do they find that college is too structured and fast paced and grade oriented and homework oriented, that they hate it and fail or quit?

or have they developed good habits of hard work, confidence, resilience, and true curiosity in learned, by the time the are college age, so thus they succeed in college and therefore succeed in work and life?

there is no way to begin to answer these questions, hehehehehe.

i used to be much bigger on playing music. i would like to get back into that. i swear i will some day.

i have written three super solid songs, more than enough for an EP, and we concluded that EPs are better than LPs which are better than the “SPs” of the CD and bey0nd phase. “Artists” nowadays make albums that are TOO DAMN LONG and have too much FILLER, which detracts from the power of The Album to make a Unified Cohesive Powerful Statement. Keep it at 46 minutes TOPS like in the vinyl days.

and feel free to go under, much under, don’t be afraid of the EP of 20 or 30 minutes long!


Anyway I write like one song on an average of every 6 or 7 years, hehehe. not very prolific, but the songs are catchy and fun at least.

yesterday i downloaded a free drum program called….hydrogen. finding a good drum program has always been a struggle for me. i last did a song in 2008 (when i say write song, i mean compose AND RECORD the song.)

i use Audacity to record or mix the tracks, and various programs to do the drums. but those drums can suck. i have used everything from…..hammerheadz to beatcraft to god knows what else. i want real sounding drums.

IDEALLY I would just play actual live drums MYSELF but i have been too lazy to do that.

but i would still prob have to program the drums first to have something to try to play along with. AND get open access to a drum set. now i have at least two drummer friends with their own drum kits, but getting a few solid hours with it is another story!

of course i would buy them dinner or something for the privilege of using their drums to record my album hehehe.

anyway i have to play around with this hydrogen, jurys still out. just saying that some free drum programs can be real hard to handle. beware!