thurs aug 21 2014

went for 66 min powerwalk, will go for a 33 min one a little later, then go to bed, then try to withstand tomorrow hehehe.

uhhh today slept for 9.5 SOLID hours and that was almost good enough. Lesson Learned: I need 9:30 of sleep every night to be at muh best. So, get up at 6:20 am, and lights out at 8:20 pm. Yep.

8:20 pm, not 9pm.

easier said than done!

no easy day.

meanwhile people are being BEHEADED and CRUCIFIED in iraq, and women getting raped and little girls getting their genitals chopped up, by militant fanatics, including some people who were born in england and the US and who became militant muslims and traveled over there to join ISIS to do the beheadings, crucifixions, rapes, mutilations, and murderz.

ok finished the tv series i’ve been watching obsessively. watched 60   25 minute episodes over the past month or so. has been my main entertainment thing. now i can get back to watching 1 movie a week.  can’t remember the last time i was so into a show. it is a foreign language comedy show with english subtitles. good times. but what now.

king of the hill, the goode family.

fri aug 22

werk tommorow. today was not horrible but not awesome either. no easy day. never an EASY day!

i would prefer the average day still be a bit easier than today. but really it could have been way worse. no major screwups. maybe some small screwups. i don’t even like those.

but with this job you can’t be afraid to talk to people, and you can’t be afraid of making mistakes, and you can’t be afraid of being criticized for your mistakes, hehehehe. and then you have to learn from them and try not to make the same mistake twice, where there are 900000000 things to know and 90000000000000000000000000000000 possible mistakes to make.

but i had nice chit chat with a higher up guy who previously i had only known via a chat feature. so here it was good to have a person to go with the name. and he has always been pretty helpful to me.

but yeah if you get emotional or flustered that is the kiss of death. it’s amazing i don’t get MORE flustered. I manage to withstand 8.5 grueling hours, but then when i get home i am mentally and emotionally EXHAUSTED. and then need 10 hours of sleep.

which i should be doing right NOW!

went for a 3.2 mile powerwalk so that was good.

i also created a nice document with screenshots showing exact distances around my neighborhood. nice. mapped out an exactly 1.0 mile walk. so in the future i could just do 5 of those!

or 3 and 2.

heh. there should be king of the hill for 2010’s. where they are 10 to 20 years older, and Hank is laid off from the propane store and he can’t even get a job at megalomart, where bobby is a huge 25 year old loser who can’t get a job at megalomart, still living at home with hank and peggy, and connie jr is a successful doctor in the big city, and bobby can’t get any action, and bill gets laid off because there’s no such thing as paid army barber, and everyone becomes more like bill. and peggy leaves hank because he’s a jobless loser, and hank starts to despair. and dale gets into race consciousness and turns hank onto it. and then hank, bobby, dale, bill and i guess boomhauer start their own pro-white business commune and pull each other up by the bootstraps.  heheheheheheheh. mike judge hire me for only 40k a year. well, 19 to 20 dollars an hour. i prefer hourly.

sun aug 24

welp i decided that doing laundry on sunday was the best time to do it, even if it counts as “work” or “effort” or energy consuming, because i can get it done EARLY and still go to bed earlier than any other day during the week.

so that’s the plan now. damn.

tues aug 26

dayum son. hard day of werk. dont want to jinx self but had two halfway decent days of werk in a row. oh of course they were no easy days, but i handled myself more or less like a boss, didn’t do anything stupid, and felt a growing sense of calm, which itself lends to better performance, because you can think clearer and better, and continue to project confidence and calm to your clients, rather than sound like a scared idiot who’s in over their head and doesn’t know what they’re doing.

at my old job i always knew what i was doing. i could get no sleep and go in there and never be nervous because i knew how to do everything and if i didn’t, i could easily transfer them to someone else. here, it’s very likely i will get something new and weird and it is my responsibility to try to fix it, without leaning too much on other people, because you’re not supposed to go to your superiors with “stupid questions.”

but yeah it’s taken about four solid full time months to even BEGIN to feel like I am starting to get the hang of the job, and to start develop some real actual confidence. that is not easy and the first four months are RIDICULOUS and a lot of people can’t last that long. so i am glad i did.

but i get up at 6:20 am and by the time i get home it’s about 6:20 pm and I decided 8:20 pm was the best bedtime and now it is 7:38 pm  and i am watching jeopardy and writing this.

no easy day, no easy job, but i am slowly doing better, not doing major c0ckups or b4llsups, getting along with my superiors, acting like a normalfag, and surviving and withstanding and it is generally not as dreadful as it was when i began again, thank GOD.

but it is exhausting and takes all the energy and time. i would still not want to go in there with no sleep. every day is a busy day. no slow periods. if there is a slow period, that means they will probably lay people off. cut costs, hehehe. it doesn’t take a harvard mba to tell you that to cut costs, you lay people off and try to get more work done with less people. at least i am not the worst person there. but very seriously about the 12th worst person there, hehehehehe.

anyway if i can work this job and survive, ANYBODY can. it is a good confidence builder to successfully Rise To The Challenge Like A Boss. but damn it has not been easy and i am grateful to the LORD that I made it. because many people quit or are laid off within their first four months.

i asked one of my superiors if he was annoyed by my questions, and he said no, i was one of the good ones who he didn’t mind answering questions, because i gave him a ton of information up front and did what he said.  so that was good to get approval from my superior hehehe. but i genuinely like and respect the guy, many of my superiors i do, thank god. this is better than having superiors who are 4ssholes. but then again these superiors are not my direct managers. but my direct managers are ok though. thank GOD.

so yeah it is a harder, higher stress, busier job than i would like, and each day is busy as f00k, but it could be worse, because i could have bad superiors, bad managers, or could have freaked out by now.



sat aug 16 2014

whew just finished 8 hour day of werk. saturday is usu slowest day, easiest day. not to say it’s slow or easy though. but the last hour or two of saturday it slows down for the first time all week. just about to pop a valium and go for powerwalk. wish i had some w33d to have a pvff and then take a valium and go for powerwalk.

hehehe already worried about monday. looking at the valium.

have probably built up a tolerance to the valium. already thinking about taking two at a time and really partying. and right now i take one on wednesdays, and one on starudays.

tues aug 19

yuuuup. surviving. withstanding. i might get laid off because my quality is bad, i am low on the ranking. they actually give you your ranking so you know how bad you are, hehehehe.  i am in the lowest 25%.  not cool mang. yet they say i am doing ok. i actually think and feeeeeeel like i’m doing ok. i am not making any major mistakes. if they hire new people and get rid of some of us, that’s stupid, becuase the new people WILL be worse because it Just Takes Time to learn this job and do good at it. period. takes at least three to four full-time months to start to get comfortable.

heh. and the “training” trains you for nothing. you just have to go in there and hope you have the guts and wits to WITHSTAND, and many people didn’t. i was part of a large group hired in….and 80% of that group was laid off permanently because they didn’t learn fast enough in the swim or sink environment.

hmm. american journalist beheaded by isis. that is interesting.

and i do find this ferguson missouri thing interesting, since i’m a  racist who is obsessed with race, i like that this “conversation” is being had. but of course the wrong conclusions are being drawn by Middle Class Journalists.

my racist solution is to Resegregate the Races. and naturally that would mean Black cops patrolling mainly Black cities. rather than blaming Whitey for creating Black Ghettoes. hehe. Blame the Black elected leaders of the city, hehehehe. and resegregate the races.  I. M. A. Racist, hehehe.

and as i like to say, Worse Is Better. it causes people to wake up, or it causes a backlash so great that that causes people to wake up.

thurs aug 21 14

bunsfooker. yesterday i took the 5 mg valium while driving home from work, rather than waiting until i had arrived home, to see if that would give me 30-60 minutes less of a “hangover” the next day, because i wanted to do stuff. then i went out and did my weekly social fun thing thank GOD, came home, tried to watch my program, and HAD to go to sleep at 1:30 am, could not stay awake anymore. slept very deeply, very very deeply with vivid dreams, until about 11:30 am. I woke up several times after 6 am and at that time I was very thirsty and dehydrated, and chugged from the bottle of water near muh bed, remembering the lesson from last week: that being thirsty really hurts you sleeping in. So I woke up, was thirsty, chugged water, and went back to sleep until i woke up thirsty again, chugged more water, and fell back to sleep. great lesson learned there: have a big full bottle of water and then chug from it when you wake up thirsty, but still want to sleep in.

i toyed with idea of taking nap. but i wanted to get a haircut and trim beard. so i ate small breakfast, drank some coffee, went to bathroom, washed my hair in the bathroom but no shower, trimmed the beard, then went out to get haircut, a Buzz with a Level 2 that could prob be a Level 1 but oh well. a short buzz cuz i’m bald.

aug 21: just made a sick mix cd, i have a great feeling about this one. no tryhard. nothing unnatural or forced. just some of the most influential songs of the past couple months. which here contains significant portions of entire albums, or 30+ minutes in a row of one particular artist who was hugely notable recently. In the past I would have thought a Great Mix CD needed Maximum Variety, but I don’t believe this any more. well, more accurately, you can have a Great Mix CD without a lot of variety, and just touching on two or three main themes rather than each song being a different theme.

i may regret sharing this:

Under The Sign Of Hell (GORGOROTH, 1997) \Revelation Of Doom.mp3
Under The Sign Of Hell\Krig.mp3
Under The Sign Of Hell\Funeral Procession.mp3
Under The Sign Of Hell\Profetens Apenbaring.mp3
Valaam\Valaam Monastery Choir – Chants from Valaam (Full Album)-07.mp3
Klovn intro.mp3  (danish tv show comedy)
Klovn Theme (Ukulele Cover).mp3
Daimi – Chug-a-lug (Klovn The Movie Score).mp3
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Jubilee Street – LIVE
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds – West County Girl.mp3
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – The Weeping Song.mp3
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – The Ship Song.mp3
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Higgs Boson Blues (Live From KCRW).mp3
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – The Mercy Seat (Live From KCRW).mp3
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Stagger Lee (HD).mp3
Clandestine Blaze – Fist Of The Northern Destroyer (2002)1 Fist Of The Northern Destroyer.mp3
Sun Kil Moon – Dogs.mp3 (2014 Benji album)
Sun Kil Moon – Truck Driver.mp3

but that is a T1ts mix right there, the most t1ts mix i’ve done since december 2013. i will risk outing myself because i am so proud of it. besides i will always deny being the author, and i always have plausible deniability.

ok round 1 of powerwalk coming up. gotta do 5 miles today.


is what degenerate cvm drenched b1tchez say.

aug 10 2014

beautiful day summer. hard to enjoy it to the fullest because of job hehehe but i should be grateful i am employed. FULL TIME b1tches. so i can be proud about that. but these working people who stay up past 9 pm. i don’t understand that or them. i guess that’s what you gotta do for the responsibilities of home and family and chirren. i say i want 5 chirren but my actions show that i must really not want ANY, because i don’t WANT to sacrifice my sleep and stay up past 9 pm.

well ideally i will get really good at my job and i will do a good job and be able to use less mental resources and just go on autopilot, and chill out and get friendly with more people there.

and don’t forget to find a new job before january, hehehehehe.

very fast paced. no downtime. phone call after phone call for 8 to 10 hours straight at that time. heck, it’s KINDA been like that NOW. i am GRATEFUL to get 5 minutes between calls. sometimes even 1 or 2 minutes. and obviously the company wants to save money so they don’t want people sitting there not on calls. so when the calls slow down, people get laid off.

but yeah we deal with all SORTS of weird issues. if it were the same thing over and over again, like password resets, that would be a dream. of course, people with those jobs prob get paid way less.


anyway i am sure we all know teachers. nice bubbly women who have always wanted to become teachers, so they go to college, get a teaching degree, and then have trouble finding a FT permanent teaching job, unless they have a masterz degree. and then they end up SUBBING for years and years.

i know a person who is very nice and smart and capable but they have been subbing ever since they graduated. and they went to a skool that has an above-average Education Teaching program. and cannot get anything but subbing jobs.

so what conclusions are we supposed to draw from that?

that the teacher job market is THAT bad in this area, and/or it is personal laziness or lack of initiative on their part, they’re just not trying hard enough, don’t want it bad enough.

that second interpretation is ROUGH, because it says a lot of bad about mah self. I went to a very above average skool where everyone became huge middle class winnerz. but not me. i became a failure to launch loser. even though i went to a HIGHLY regarded skool. therefore, the only reasonable rational explanation is that I am a huge lazy loser, with huge personal defects. right?

well at least i have a full time job hahahahaha.

really the only thing i care about is getting thru one day at a time on mah damn JOB. not freaking out, just learning how to chill, just dealing with it, and then occasionally getting a day off so i can sleep in, watch a fun tv show, do a little writing, do a long powerwalk, not have to go to work the next day, etc.

but yeah. the ideas of getting a masterz degree or the work/nonsleep part of taking care of kidz does not appeal to me.

AUG 11

how about this. look at your pocket change namely dimes and quarters for anything 1964 and before. not including 1965.

because those are damn fine junk silver coins composed of 90% silver, meaning, they are actually worth something. more than face value.

i looked at all muh quarters and found not a one, hehehehe.

no easy day at job. every day is a learning experience. got to get your rest. going to lay down soon. 830 pm ideal bed teim. it was flooding rain today so no powerwalk. hope basement does not flood. there are flood warnings. basements are stupid anyway. what’s the point. do houses with no basements flood easily on the ground floor?

heh. this will make the house centipede central i am sure. oh noes.

no major screwups today but a constant stream of calls and some long grueling ones. i didn’t do anything wrong per se but was mainly trying to keep the caller patient and not mad while we vainly attempted things.

so rainy!

sh1t. when i got up this morning to go to WORK, this is the time i promised i would be lights out going to SLEEP.

aug 14 thurs

day off. was tired and thirsty all day. slept till like 11.30 am, then couldn’t bring self to do anything, then laid down till like 4:35pm but not sure if i seriously napped, but i was sorta trying to. finally forced self out of bed then, ate some food, looked at internet a bit, actually got to go to church for a holy day leaving in 40 minutes, so, if i want to do a small powerwalk, gotta leave RIGHT NOW, and just not ready for that.

wanted to get a haircut today but did not end up doing that. damn. really the best thing to do would be to do it right after werk. i mean there’s GOT to be a place that’s open at like 6 pm or so when i can get there.

but yeah i wish that since i wasted the whole day off, i would have at least gotten better rest during my huge nap. because i do not feeeeeel super well rested. even though i spent all day trying to sleep.


thurs aug 7 2014

5.43 pm. just got back from 4.8 mi powerwalk. it was nice. i listened to the music of the guy i went to the excellent concert last week. real good guy, writes songs that bring you to tears almost, and lyrics so good i actually pay attention to them and words which are actually meaningful and very powerful.  i admire people who can write words that powerful. most so called great writers cannot. it takes a true poet.

and i would certainly rather be a blogger and finally a speaker than an author or a writer, that is how i can make my own words the most meaningful and powerful. certainly not by writing poems or song lyrics. though back in the day i wrote some pretty good bukowski ripoff poems. but this singer is not bukowskian but more….i dunno. faulknerian. i don’t even like faulkner so i can’t say. american gothic, bla bla bla.

i like my own race, I’ve been liking it more and more, i’ve been becoming more pro my own race, and I think this is great. you are free not to like this. free country. thank god! but i guess i got sick of seeing my race apologizing and groveling and just sucking d1ck. fook that, be proud of your race, love your race. that’s how i learned to stop worrying about middle class liberals and love my white race, hehehehe.

again i get along with nonwhites perfectly well. i work with blacks and thais and mexicans and get along with all of them. just because i love my own race doesn’t mean i HATE other races. I just put my own race FIRST. Middle Class Whites think this is unhealthy and wrong. I say it is healthy and right. They don’t think it’s right because they’re not right.

really i should just try to get a job on a local farm. there are still farms in the “boondocks” like 10 miles north of me. well maybe 15. why the hell am i not spending all my time out there. farmers are my kind of people hehehe. well the independent small organic farmers non big agribussiness non monsanto farmers i mean.

well i would probably get paid less there than at current job. but would it be less stressful? maybe, maybe not. it would certainly be less phone calls. but how many things would i have to learn, and how easy would it be for me to screw things up? I hate screwing things up and feeling like a dumb idiot who can’t do their job.

but normal people see mistakes as a part of life, as a learning process, to make you stronger and better. only total narcissists see every mistake as proof they are a failure as a person!

and yeah i haven’t had any big screwups in a while.

i even really helped a guy out yesterday and he was really gushing and grateful. i like being able to do that. that would be the best part of the job, feeling like a boss.

or being able to approach a problem calmly, research the solution calmly, and fix the problem myself, and make the person really happy. I like doing that.

well as we all know i have a female friend i wish i could be in luv with, like i was in luv with woman4 or woman7 or woman8 …… but it’s not like that at all. it is strictly platonic. but since she would be a good partner and wife and mother of children, it sucks that the LORD did not put that extra SPARK in me for her.

[edit nov 27 2014: by october 2014 the LORD DID put that extra spark in me and now i am in Luv with her and she has become Woman8 and I want to date her and of course it’s not gonna be that easy. you will hear too much about this by feb 2015.  but yeah it happened. unforutnately it has not led to a nice loving thing and there are signif complications and she might well end up rejecting me etc]

but the LORD must be trying to teach me something. either that I should see that she is perfect and marry her anyway and then that is what true luv really is, not the crazy infatuations i’ve had before. OR, do not marry her and keep looking for someone who i am unambiguously in luv with, like women 1 thru 8.

but i just DONT WANT to make out or have sechs with her!!!!!!!!!! is that such a travesty???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[update nov 27 2014: yes i do, i would now enjoy doing those things very much]

annnnd jihadists are crucifying and beheading people in iraq, mutilating girls, crucifying and beheading men and probably women too. and i’m whinging about all this bullcrap hehehehe.

why don’t these soldiers kill themselves because of the guilt of doing all these horrible things? because they are all true believers in their religious cause. well religious and nationalistic. and i certainly don’t dislike religion and nationalism, i am a huge nationalist. but i also am not a fan of violence and i don’t believe all that horrific violence is necessary to start your own nation.

aug 10 sunday

ok i bought my first silver round in a long time, i figured time to reward myself. fyi i bought the “Store brand” 1 oz round for mcm modern coin mart, because i am a loyal customer, like their service and prices, and the round is mindted by sunshine silver, a respectable mint.

no energy. yesterday had a valium and some monster energy drink as i hung out with a good frand and we had a grand old time. got “only” 8 hours sleep and then took a nap from about 2 to 430 and still tired. went out cut grass. thinking about no powerwalk. bought a concert ticket i have been meaning to get. rewarded myself by buying first silver round since about feb, 6 months ago.

doing laundry. didn’t want to do ANYTHING today. have to go to church of course, but the other stuff. laundry, cut lawn, store. i should do those things on saturday.

i usually go to bed at 857 pm, but i should REALLY go to bed earlier. but then i wouldn’t be able to take a powerwalk. just a lousy 66 minute powerwalk too. wah wah wah.

bought some alka seltzer because in the mornings i like something fizzy to lower the nausea, hehehe. i guess ginger ale would be just as good. but it would have to be in a can so the fizz would never die.


aug 2 2014

is it thanksgiving yet? if so, happy thanksgiving to all muh lozers who will one day become winners thru a mix of Godz Grace and Hard Work and Moral Strength and Triumph of the Will 2 Power.

heh, just rambling during hulu commercial breaks. just want to write positive stuff.

so, job sucks but i think i am gradually getting better at dealing with it, and even dealing with the harder stuff without screwing up, which is all you can ask really.

try to find some good live recordings of bands/singers you wish you could see live but might never be able to do so.

anyway. i listened to the guy a lot when i was young, dumb, and full of luv, but have not listened to his new stuff. he played a decent amount of new stuff, and surprisingly it sounded really good, so i have been looking into it, and it does play real well next to the older stuff. few True Artists can make this happen, but he can.

so i am thankful for that. and encouraged. that is hopeful. plus it is nice to listen to great new songs by an old favorite.

welp this is my night to be social but i did not. also the powerwalk got kiboshed but at least i did laundry. and worked 8 hours. 8.5 hours kind of, 8 hours plus an unpaid 30 minute lunch added on to that. oh woe is me. and some people in china are working themselves to DEATH 24 hours a day for 1 cent per year, that they are killing themselves in record numbers.

source needed. people are def killing themselves, but even if it were in record numbers, I’m surprised it’s not still TWICE that. how do they WITHSTAND? ask them!

tues aug 3 2014

oh yeah. shouldnt even be here, should be out walking. well this writing is WORTH MORE when i am working because now I can barely write one post a week, before i was writing like 3 posts a day.

no easy day. tons of calls, some weird calls, but thank GOD I managed to keep mostly calm and not screw anything up majorly, which is the measure of a good day. but no easy day hehehehe. obviously my favorite phrase.

did i mention….oh yeah i did. the cute blond girl still works there, but i am not super interested in her. would def bang though. just not motivated to try to break into her little clique. i am making tiny inroads into that clique by being generally friendly to some of the other people in it though. but that girl has an attitude which i don’t like. huge b1tch shield and fully aware of her power as an early 20s gurl.  WAIT TEN YEARS, CUPCAKE.

i might get laid off for asking for help too much. they might determine i’m not reading the knowledge base enough and overtaxing their level 2 people thus need to be laid off. not sure though. i am the new low man on the totem pole now, but…..i am not sure most of my peers know that. just the managers and anyone who needs to know.

how to explain to 65 year old women how to change the IP address on a printer. hehehehehehe. I should really get paid MORE.  even I don’t know how I do this. THROUGH THE GRACE OF GOD, that’s how.

well, some printers you can actually browse to the printer thru a browser at like or something. i never quite understood networking. i am not cisco certified hehehehe.

be quick or be dead. you f00k with the bull, you get the horns. you can’t bullsh1t a bullsh1tter.

august 7 thurs

day off. got an oil change like a responsible human being. should know how to do this myself.  need to do a 100 minute powerwalk soon. get my music and mp3z ready.

this guy is spending at least 6 grand to get a new roof. is it worth it to own a home? and then you get property taxes too.

i see no reason not to live with your parents until you die. of course give them some money for the trouble and help take care of the house so you are not an ungrateful ingrate.

but really. why pay 1000 dollars a month for a place you barely spend any time in. average workingfags spend their whole day at WORK. you only come home to get sleep for your next day of work and to spend very limited time with your family.

yeah i would love to have 3 or 5 children but i just don’t want the WORK. it’s too much WORK just to go to WORK for forty hours a week. but that is the bare minimum you must do to be a respectable citizen, to be a nonloser human being. and yet you can still be a loser if you work a loser job.

have had several dreams about gurl/Woman #4 recently. first dream was pleasant and we were getting along well, starting a romance, holding hands, hugging, etc. second dream we were both being b1tchy to each other and it was clear i wasn’t gonna pull her and she was not into me. first dream was fun, second dream not so much. but i have not seen this woman in four years.

nothing on her facebook about her getting a masters degree or moving up in her career, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t. last i knew her she did not have a masters or phd or jd or mph or mpp or mba (yet) and was content in her career in an entry-level position in a well-known human rights organization. how humble, hehehehe. it simply woulda been nice to actually Date her for a while, but it was not meant to be. OH WELL. LIFE GOES ON.

i am going for a 100 minute powerwalk NOW.


july 31

cut lawn, watched tv show, went for 4.8 mile powerwalk, 99 minutes, nice, watching tv show, gotta go to bed soon and have a full day of werk tomorrow. oh noes.

try not to get scolded or humiliated. try to withstand.

when a grill b1tches at you for going out with other grillz, tell her that “jealousy is such an immature, unhealthy, insecure emotion” and that her getting jealous is a sign of her own immaturity and insecurity. hehehehe.

read some of one my favorite Practical Politics Writers for the first time in a long time. he is inspiring and great and I thank GOD for him and should really Correspond with him. he has changed men’s lives but motivating, inspiring, and coaching them. he has changed men from losers into winners who are now successful, happy entrepreneurs making over 100k a year and have the freedom to live the lives they want.

he is big on farming and entrepreneurship. he would tell me to quit my job and work on a farm, or go to north dakota to work in oil fields, and save money to start my own business. to do specific kinds of exercises and really get disciplined. stop eating crap food, stop watching tv, go out and live life, take life by the balls, etc. i really like his attitude and he has been very influential to me, wish i could be more like him personally, more assertive and masculine.

and to top it all off, he shares my far right wing politics hehehe. a real mensch.

so it was good to read him. he needs to write less and talk more. on my talk show he would be the first guest.

not gonna say who he is.

but i need to go into my job with that mindset. and use that mindset to get a better job.

or at least not freak out about my job.

the 4.8 mile powerwalk today was great though, i’ve not had the chance to do that lately and i am real glad i did that. migth try to do it again tomorrow after work. the 4.8 really is way better than the 3.2. markedly. seems like more than 1.6 difference. == 7.72 kilometers. not bad.

5 km = 3.11 miles.  just for future reference.

maybe it is ok to cheat on your gurlfrans and wives. i am watching this tv show where they do it all the time and it’s not a big deal. is that for real? or is this just tv?

just have open nonmonog relz all the time. 4 lyfe. open relz 4 lyfe.

unless you are crazy in luv with the gurl and don’t WANT to date anyone else. i can’t even imagine.

but yes i can imagine, it has happened to me 8 times. i wanted to date them but i never officially did. oh well. life goes on.

normally i am laying face down in bed at this time, now i am typing and using the computer. hope this doesn’t f me up for tomorrow.  i have to work  like a brain surgeon. mentally demanding, grueling even. mentally and emotionally. its like an air traffic controller, hehehehehe.

find a product or service you can sell to rich people.

maybe even buy a franchise of taco bell or mcdonalds or tim hortons or something. but of course those things are not cheap. but you can make some money sometimes off them.

so buy one and have your whole family work there. a true family business.

see, i am screwed now because i only had easy jobs when i was young, instead of sh1tty customer service jobs.

actually the best jobs for a young man to have are masculine jobs like outdoor work and construction. that’s what I SHOULD have done when i was young. or go to north dakota at age 18 when i actually had youth and energy. i could still go now and work until i have a heart attack or get fired for not being able to work hard enough. and pay 900 dollars a night to get a cot in a flophouse with 9000000 violent men on drugs and alcohol, hehehehe.

see those lame excuses? i must call BS on those BS excuses and MAN UP and STOP MAKING EXCUSES and DO SOMETHING. THAT is how you stop being a lazy loser.

hehehe. how about u?

august 2 2014 saturday

day off tomorrow hooray. took one 5 mg valium, first one in over a week. started going for powerwalk but it started thundering and lightning so i came back in. kinda sucked because i wanted to go for a LONG powerwalk. maybe i will go back out there.

damn. brain dead. can’t write anything. job is hard and takes everything out of u. gonna try to watch comedy tv show  for 2 hours then go to bred.

each day gets slightly better and i am getting better though. my new criteria for a good day is, did I majorly screw something up today. or not. the calls can be easy or hard, but did I make any big mistakes is the main thing. if I can get tough calls and still do the right thing on them, that’s all i can ask. namely, keep calm, use my resources, not lean on the higher ups too much, and come to the higher ups at the right time with the right information to get the case sent up to the next level, etc. there are a lot of things to juggle, and still some nerves. it takes a long time to get good at the job, and i am still not there yet. but i have “only” been working there for like 3 solid months, believe it or not. with 2 weeks of “training” on top of that, but really only 3 months of actual work, and I am prob doing pretty good, keeping that in mind. after 4 months I will be even better, at 6 months I will be a boss and not worry at all.

recently saw a concert that was excellent and certainly going on my top 10 list of life concerts, probably top 5, maybe top 3, who knows. rekindling interest in this legendary artist. found some stuff on of recent tour recordings. want something close to what i experienced recently. classic. if you have a chance to go to something like this, DO IT. you will regret not doing it.

also this Twinkle twinkle little rock star is pretty neat, chilled out lullaby versions of popular songs, including some surprisingly good stuff.


july 23 2014 wed

day off tomorrow. oh yeah.

another no easy day. no easy job. i am underpaid and overworked hehehehe. making ok money, more than the average for many people in the area, solid prolebux. but this job is over twice as stressful than my previous job, thus i deserve to make twice as much per hour, and i am not, hehehehe.

took a full valium about 10 mins ago. 5 mg. yeah. the half val just doesn’t do ANYTHING, whereas 5 mg does something. so ok then.

leaving pretty soon to do my social thing thank god. eat some wing dings thank god.

looked for jobz a little the other day. that sucked. i might be able to find a chiller job, maybe, but to get that job to pay 12 bucks an hour, which is the absolute minimum I would accept, seems like a hard job to find.

heh. if i had done better in college i could have been making 40 grand a year, starting manny years ago, and making 50 grand a year now. or making 7o grand like that drunk young f4gg0t who harrassed me in another state recently. suck it f4ggot.

yeah yeah reap what you sow, i GET IT. well damn I sure sowed a LOT, because I’m reaping a lot of sh1t hehehehe. tired of it. but what can i do? find a better job? GO BACK TO SKOOL?!?!?!?!?!

i refuse to go back to skool, don’t want to go back to skool. plus it takes EVERY OUNCE of energy i have to go to this job erry day. driving in rush hour traffic to and from is a BLESSING, a breath of fresh air, compared to the actual job. I would prefer to drive in rush hour traffic for 8.5 hours a day!!!!!!

complain complain complain.


you can complain too.

i am getting better at the job thank god but damn.

every ounce of energy. i get home and eat some food and then go for a 64 minute powerwalk and then go right to bed. got to get 9 hours of sleep to rechrage the batteries for the tuff day to follow, 8.5 hours of mental alertness. you have to be ON all the time, performing for clients. barely any time to take a break. i need a few slow hours, not all fast hours. you get thankful for one or god bless two minutes to just put your head down and take some deep breaths.

as you get better and learn more you can turn your mind off more, which is good.

july 24 day off.

got up around 11 am but then napped till 5 pm or so. no desire to do anything: powerwalk, job search, watch tv, watch movie, read, just wanted to nap peacefully and recharge. now i am up and plan on 66 minute powerwalk, and try to do 60 minutes of cigarette making. then it will be 807 pm and i got to go strraight to BED son. big rough not easy day tomorrow!

but yesterday was fun, went to do a social thing, then came home and watched my comedy show till 1 am or so. not bad. but fun time is over now!

july 31 thurs day off.

wow see how this blog is cutting back. gotta summon ALL energy just to withstand job. be one thing if it were easy, but it is not, it is very mentally challenging and draining and you have no energy at the end of the day and it becomes a choice of do you do a powerwalk to wind down and relieve stress and exercise, or do you just go to bed even earlier to get as much sleep as possible for the next day.

yes i could easily sleep 11 hours every night. every night.

i was thankful to get the morning off so i could go to a long awaited concert, which was great. i got home a lot earlier than anticipated, and got to sleep from like midnight to 11:30 am. and I slept the whole time. had an unfortunate dream about girl8, then had a short and sweet day of work, then today i have my day off, and often i take a big nap, and go to bed at like 7pm, hehehehe.

today i got up “early” at like 1045 am to do some stuff, drank coffee, i’m up now, figure i will stay awake till 6:30 pm and go to sleep then, hehehe, get 12 hours of sleep.

f000k. sechs drive is gone. forced self to look at some pr0nography last night for first time in over a week. that was kinda fun. rekindled the sechs drive briefly. went to bed.

well the good news is that i get along with most of the people at the job pretty well and am even improving relations on some fronts. perhaps earning respect finally. but maybe not, hehehehe. but at least generally getting along better.

and it is a little bit better overall than it was when i first started. hehehe. but i wish it were a lot better. i was expecting chiller work during the summer, but did not get that nearly as much as hoping.

no easy day, hehehehe.

but yeah. hard and challenging and stressful jobs really build the res and more importantly, give you good experience to talk about in future interviews, to hopefully get an easier job.

ok. today. cut lawn, take 4.8 mile powerwalk, go to bed, get 12 hours of sleep hehehehe. maybe look at some prawnography again hehehe.

american born islamic jihadists. now that’s interesting. like this 22 year old kid from florida who became a suicide bomber in syria. not sure what his background was. was his family muslim at all? lamestream media described him as a “college dropout.” this is even worse than a high school dropout, hehehe. because all you can do as a college dropout is hike the appalachian trail, neet kissless virgin, unemployable, underemployed, debt slave, loser, autist, layabout, or glorious honorable jihadist, hehehehe.

like he was american, but maybe his family came from syria when he was young. they won’t mention that part.

or is he just a disillusioned angry young white man? probably NOT. much more likely to be a guy with SOME discernable ties to syria or some benighted islamic country.

heheh. wow look i thought about something other than muh job for 2 minutes.