but yeah i’m sorry for being so narciss the past 10 posts or so.


but it had to be done. this is WHO I AM. this is the guy who’s trying to HELP you. because he also wants and needs to help himself, hehehehehe.

heh. those ap classes really were NOT worth it. all that work, and where did it get me. nowhere. i forgot all that stuff by the way. now i do have a genuine interest in european history but i can and do study that ON MY OWN, OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL.

SKOOL MAKES LEARNING HORRIBLE. and that is why I like unschooling and homeschooling. because learning is not supposed to be horrible, it’s supposed to be fun and glorious and something you love doing your whole life long.

if you go into college with that attitude, then you will be good. but i certainly did not have that attitude. so i shoulda held off on college.

and i had more than a couple ideal chances to say, you know, this obviously isnt working out, i’m gonna quit college for now and finish when i’m older and more ready and more mature and get these personal problems worked out first, not push myself thru it because i think it will guarantee me a job.


i can barely get a part time $10 an hour job with no benefits, with this o so valuable BA degree from a Top 30 University.

you need to have strong social skills and strong personal initiative as well.

i’ve gotten better with my social skills, but my initiative still sucks balls.

so right now i am trying to unschool myself and see if there is any damn thing i enjoy learning.

i certianly enjoy blogging and my new speaking talking files, so i will continue to do those.

uhhh i enjoy learning about unschooling and i will probably actualyl finish this book, the first book i have finished in years.

i liked powerwalking and have made a good habit out of that.

but if anything i should really be reading books on how to improve your social skills, etc.  how to talk to people, how to persuade people to give you a job, hehehehe. job interviewing skills, etc.

because i know i would half-ass a masters degree, and masters degrees are not made to be half-assed. that is guaranteeing the degree will not be useful. and i don’t want another useless degree, so…..

i’m saying improving my social skills will make me more money, AND be cheaper, than getting a masterz degree.

it will have a much better ROI. it can actually make me money if i actually get off my lazy 4ss and do it.

but after all these years, i am lazy, comes from all the years of Just Giving Up.

Although i had a few good years. Like when i vowed to get all A’s in College and Be a good student. quit smoking weed, quit skipping class. And I had a real stressful year with 2 b1tches LEAVING ME IN THE LURCH, and you know what, I STILL got all A’s, skipped no classes, and reached out to 2 professors, like a BOSS.

if I had had just ONE more semester that good, with prof outreach, maybe I COULD have gotten into a good phd program.

ok now we’re talking regrets and what if. too far!

but point is, i didn’t give up ALL the time.

but i’m not 21 any more with cute young grills showing interest in me.

i am over 30, look even older, have no energy for skool, skool sucks, i hate skool, college is a ripoff and a scam, marriage is a scam, just about EVERYTHING is a SCAM.

my response to that is, well you have to SCAM THE SCAMMERS.

but why can’t you just leave the scam behind?

or maybe not everything really IS a scam.

just like all meds are not “J00 poison.” hehe. oh yeah. year the end of year30 i finally went back to the doc and started taking 20 mg of paxil again.

not sure if it did anything, hehehe.

well, that’s my life story, that’s who’s trying to help you. and help me, i’m not gonna lie, i’m still kinda a loser, i need the help. but the good news is i am “in a better place” than i was at 26 or 25. quitting drinking altogether was a BIG step up.

also i am glad to be done with girl7, to have finally sacked up and got the full rejection, just so i can move on. makes me want to actually send a message to girl8 and get rejected by her too and stop this what if bullsht!

just don’t try to use all this info to figure out who i am. if you know who i am, PLEASE keep that to yourself.


which is kinda hard to do when you give all this personal info about your life story, hehehehe.

but i really do want to be anonymous, because i don’t want to be fired and made PERMANENTLY UNEMPLOYABLE, nor do i want people simply to know what a huge loser i am, or that I view myself as a huge loser. whihc is why when meeting new people, i tell them very little about myself. only the few people deep inside the circle of trust know a lot of my personal details. and now the whole world knows them, so i need them not to be connectable to me and my name.

you can have your hypotheses…….but YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heheh i wrote 15 posts on june 28 2014. like 15,000 words. good god. a new record.