june 28 2014
janurary. my brithday is not in january, i will not say which month my birthday is in, except that for the Year of Age 27, I was 27 for the majority of that year. and so on.
uhh just to clarify: during age 23 and 24 i was more serious about looking into grad skool programs, evaluating my grad skool options, could i get into a good school? no. could i get into a bad school phd? no. i could prob get into a bad skool, for masterz, and i wasn’t too interested. i fully vetted the local colleges departments to see if they had someone i could reach out to, in the stuff i was interested in.
i searched for articles and areas that would be good for thesis, dissertations, trying to hone my own research interests. i came up with a list of like 200 references. that was pretty good. all during age 23 and 24. we’re backtracking here.
forgot what my “dissertation” was. something about depression throughout emerging adulthood, failing to reach goals, failing to get a job or relationships, never growing up, being a huge loser, starting off promising but dropping the balls, alcohol abuse and depression, social class and depression, social skills, evolutionary psych, men and women, mating, masculinity. heh. motivation, giving up, being LAZY. basically, just what you’d imagine.
but i could never narrow it down such that, i’m interested in THIS, and then finding the best fit program in the nation for that. besides it would probably be too good for me to get into. like Dr. Buss’s evo psych program at Univ Texas for example. that’s a great school.
i went to a meeting with an adviser for the masters in counseling at the local university. she was a huge butch lesbian but pretty nice. i was unaware that masters of counseling even existed. it would prob be considered kind of a loser masters at my undergrad skool, but it fits right in with my interest in Counseling People and Helping Them.
also, just to clarify: i never made out with girl5. the most i did was have a couple real good hangouts with her and hug her once.
i never made out with girl4.
i never made out with girl6.
heh. i never made out with girl7. oh wait that’s a spoiler hehehehe.
so back to age 27.
in early27 winter term, i took like marketing, and some computer class. econ 2 somewhere in there.
slowly transitioned from “business” to “computers.”
hung out with girl7 for the first time outside of werk in veryearly27, like january. that was nice but i still couldn’t feel her out. but i was off house arrest since about september26, so i could at least hang out with my friends again.
in summer27 i took some classes. um management, and then visual basic.
fall27 i took c++ coding 1 and i dunno. an online class in web dev, html, css, etc.
back to spring. girl7 turned 22. funny. the age gap between her and me was bigger than the gap between girl2 and me that made me so nervous at that time…..but 18 and 21 vs 22 and 27 really is a lot different. i didn’t care she was so young, i thought i had a chance hehehe.
i continued seeing shrink.
in spring a college friend got married and i went to visit for the first time since….summer25. almost two years. when prior to that, i had been going up there once a month and getting wasted.
at the wedding i obviously didn’t drink, everyone was impressed by my not drinking. i did smoke weed there for the first time since summer25.
that made me REAL nervous and panicky and soon after i shut down my blog which had been going pretty strong for over a year. because when i smoked weed i thought, jeez, why am i screaming to the whole world what a LOSER i am??? I’m a huge loser! I don’t want the whole world to know it!
so i took it down.
I HAD to have been off probation if i smoked weed. HAD to have. but it was no more than one month before that that i got off probation. during probation i was doing drug/alcohol tests at least once a week.
summer27. might have been the last time i saw girl6. within a year she would be gone, moved to a different state. good, hehehe. i didn’t need to see her. but we did get along well last couple times i saw her.
another really big deal is that one of my old school friends who i hung out with quite regularly and who always had my back and stood up for me, he moved out of the state too. that was in fall27, or fall28.
i remember his mother died of cancer well before he moved, and that was a huge deal that made me even more scared of cancer. because she went from being healthy as f00k to DEAD in under 6 months.
pretty sure i was still drinking when she died. i think i was drinking at the bar when he called me and told me she died! so that was….. fall25 i think. then summer26 i got busted for dui.
and so i think he moved in fall27.
sh1t. hehehe. i had to check facebook. he moved the previous year, fall26, a couple months after i got arrested hehehe.
no you know what, he moved twice. and fall26 was the first time, then he came back shortly after, in early27, and we had at least another year of fun together. and THEN he moved out again in fall27 or fall28 and then THAT was for real. ok. checked facebook, that was fall28.
heh. i should know but as you get older the years are harder to tell apart.
what are we on, age 27? yes, so by this time my hair was DEFINITELY starting to fall out. that sucked.
did i hang out with girl7 at ALL in summer or fall27? maybe once. i asked her to hang out but she was always busy. should have been a sign to me.
next: age 28