june 28

grade 16b

and i did follow thru real well on those goals. when the weed was available again, i did not smoke nearly as much. i had just met a great cute gurl who might be muh furst gurlfran. i was in luv with her. girl2. i had just had Sechs for the first time. even though it was real awkward, it still felt great, i felt LIKE A BOSS, super confident, getting intimate with such a cute gurl (8 hot!) who I also really liked and wanted to have a serious rel with, o goody i was finally gonna have my first real Gurlfran and experience that!

and classes were starting out ok, i was not skipping class, not smoking weed. hehe i think i actually started drinking more. there was a time where i drank after dinner and then went to do my homework. so edgy.

then i could no longer get ahold of girl2. her phone stopped working, or she stopped answering my calls. i don’t know how i did all this without a cell phone!

for a while i called her once a day. nothing. i am sure i left a few messages on there.

obviously i should have emailed her but i don’t think i even had her email address!

so we had gone from like 2 or 3 weeks of super lovey dovey and honeymoon period, to her disappearing. she was also a little upset that i was a bit awkward about parading her around all the college kids because she was “only” 18 and I was 21.

of course that really isn’t a big deal, i don’t know why i made a big deal of it. i wasn’t thinking clearly, i’d never experienced any of this before, it was all happening so fast, and then it was over!

i heard she was hanging out with her x-boifranz, i was getting all suspicious, i couldn’t get ahold of her for like 2 weeks, i was upset, i figured it was over. i stopped calling her.

heh. i just realize now that she didn’t make a real effort to get ahold of me once her phone “Started working again.”

or she could have gotten my email address. i had no idea what i was doing. she had had 9000 boifrans, had had sechs 90000000 times, i had had 0 gurlfrans, and had only had sechs 2 times, with 2 other sechsual activities.

so i say we were BOTH at fault 50/50.

it was DEF super disappointing and heartbreaking and took several years to get over her. and i have not had actual official sechs since then!

around thanksgiving time i couldn’t stop thinking about her so i sacked up and called her for the first time in like 2 months. that took a lot of guts but i did it. we started hanging out again. heh. it was her final year of high school and my second final year of college hehehe.  heh. i had always wanted a high school gurlfran when i was in high school, hehehehe.

i thought this was it, this was my second chance, to make things right, i could finally have a gurlfran, i could save this. we started making out again. i totally could have banged her 90000 times AND I SHOULD HAVE, but i still wanted to “take it nice and easy.” BIG MISTAKE.

see she was very sechsual, almost a nymphomaniac. hehehe. kinda ironic. if i had her now, i would bang her 9000000 times a day until i was SICK of sechs.

around december we had ANOTHER falling out because i was still in luv with her and wanted her to be mah gurlfran, but she no longer was in la la luv with me, and was flirting with people in my social circle. wtf i thought. then i heard she came over to our big house to hang out with some guy, but not me, and then i was pissed. i punched a punching bag until my knuckles were bloody. i decided to stop calling her again, hehehehe. can’t really blame me.

AMAZINGLY, I did ok in my classes, simply because I was not skipping class, and not smoking a ton of weed. i was getting A’s once again. but boy was i pissed at her. but i am glad i did not let this drama derail me, like it derailed me a year previous….and this was worse drama!

grade 16b second semester, 22 years old

so Girl2 was done, i felt betrayed by her, but i shouldn’t have because we weren’t technically dating, so you can f00k whoever you like, nobody OWNS anybody, bla bla bla.

Girl3 now lived in the area. remember i had met her over a year previous. Girl3 was really nice to me and we had several long, nice, friendly convos. well this is nice I thought. we get along well and she’s cute. i should totes try to date her.

by february i had sacked up and asked her to hang out one on one and study together. i remember cuz i think it was actually valentines day we hung out once. i was starting to really like her and i was happy. i had never had a valentines day where i had positive stuff going on with a gril until now.

she wasn’t “superyoung”, she was my exact age too, so that was cool. at that age. not at my current age, ie, OLD.

by march we were making out furiously. the first time we made out i made her watch “annie hall”. that was a very special moment. girl3 “felt” much better than girl2 in that things seemed to be progressing naturally and not at warp speed. i remember going out on st patricks day wiht girl3 and we met up with one of my friends and his gurlfran and had essentially a “double date” at a bar, and I felt like a real confident, happy normalfag.

that night she spent the night with me, and i had never spent the night with a gurl before, not even girl2. she let me Fingerbang her and I probably could have (AND SHOULD HAVE!!!!!) banged her properly, p in v. i do regret that. plus that could have established some masculinity.

to be contiued…