june 26.

ok. maybe go into your dockers office and be like,

ok doc, GIVE ME THE STRONGEST THING YOU HAVE. I can barely work, i am about to lose my job because i am always flipping out all the time, give me something to calm me down that’s very strong, and also something to make me happy, and make it HELLA STRONG because I am VERY unhappy. give me the STRONGEST antiderpression drugs and the STRONGEST anti anxiety drugs, NOW.

period. the end. STRONGEST drugs on the market for anxiety AND derpression.

give me something to make me NUMB and make me like a ZOMBIE, I would LOVE to be like a zombie compared to this!

and I haven’t got laid in 9 years and i jerk off whenever i can to 18 year old gurls getting pounded up the 4ss and I will never get some of that!

and i will always have a sh1tty job because i don’t have enough initiative and strength and focus and drive to do a masterz degree!

gimme the strongest raft of drugs you can!!!!

say that. it’s all about what you SAY. SAYING stuff is 90000000 times more powerful than writing stuff.

and i just lost my job, got fired for freaking out, and having to disclose that for every job application and job interview will ensure i never get hired anywhere ever again! i will never escape the 1% of people who never escapes minimum wage! 4 lyfe! it’s hopeless! I haven’t gotten laid in 9 years and the only b1tches i could bang are ugly, old, and fat, and i can’t get it up to THAT!

gimme the strongest drugs you got!

well, if i get fired for flipping out, i will simply meet with my shrink and figure out the best way to deal with it. life goes on. you think i’d be the first person to get fired from a job?

i technically have been fired from a job already, over 10 years ago, because i was giving too many discounts, hehehehe.

i got to go to a stripper or bang a young qt soon. meaning, go to the stripper, hehehehe.

gimme the strongest drugs u got! I want to be a ZOMBIE! FEEL NOTHING! NUMB!

heh. over the past 5 years i have gone from looking younger than my age, to looking older than my age. TIME TO PAY THE PIPER. THE PIPER HAS PIPED.

i used to lie and say i was a few years younger so i didn’t seem like such a big loser working these loser jobs where i was way older than everyone. now that is harder to do. i might be able to lie and say i am 2 years younger than i am, but that would be a stretch. and i would still be older than the average person there, hehehehe.

june 27

see that was a perfect example of writing too much and not talking enough. i was working myself into a froth. a lather. really getting super dramatic and hopeless. no thank u.

heh. talk to the tape 1 hour a DAY, erry day.

you could do that by showing up to werk 90 minutes early.

it would be hard to do at the Gym on the Treadmill, because, No Privacy.

not sure if i gave my full recommendation to the tv show “regular show” but here it is. watch it, it’s hilarious and awesome. even though tv as a whole is really bad, like cancer.

rebooting your brain. you’d think that a good night’s sleep would do that, but i need something stronger. which is why a psychedelic/ entheogenic appeals to me.

ramzpaul, what would you do if you had one year to live.

“Five hours of mckenna at his best” hehehe. that’s what i was orig looking for.

see look at his natural curiosity in everything with like rocks and butterflies and sh1t. i don’t have that. gimme some mescaline so i can get it back, hehehe.

what would I do if i only had 1 year to live?

start off by paying the best looking stripper i could find for 30 minutes of stripper sechs.

do some c0k3, maybe even start drinking again.

really try to ramp up my social skills w wimminz so i can attempt to sow my wild oats before i die.

email girls 1 thru 8 and tell them i’m gonna die in 1 year and would like to bang them all 100 times before i die.

f00k it, i don’t need good karma with them!

attempt to get good karma with everyone who really matters.

quit muh job!

get the biggest bank loan possible to get some traveling money.

travel around europe and bang european gurls in backpackers hostels. try to die as close to my country of ethnic origin as i can figure out, surrounded by naked 18 year old gurls of that ethnicity.

or maybe bring my fam and friends along to have them around when i die.

maybe do some mad psychedelics: acid, mushrooms, dmt, ayahuasca, mescaline, all that f00king sh1t.

maybe do a deathbed confession with the catholics because only their god is d1ckish enough to demand that they are the only correct religion. hehehe. no that’s not true, i think islam and jews do that too. but i was not born jewish or muslim, i was born catholic however, so that would be my attempt to settle that score at least.

but lemme also tell ya.

do i hate women? maybe. i’ve said it’s good to have a little hate, but however too much hate weakens you. i would “hate” to be at that level, heehehehe.

but it’s no use to tell women that you hate women! or even your woman-loving male friends, hehehehe. pvssywhipped.

more likely anyway is, I just don’t LIKE women. because a. they’re stupid, annoying, and slutty; and B. the ones I actually DO like, they end up rejecting me, and i don’t like being rejected!

and also i am a bit angry at myself that i don’t have the social skills yet to bang women at will. especially if they’re stupid and slutty and just GIVING themselves away to men when their bodies are at their youngest and hottest, but i don’t have the social skills to get a piece of that action. so yeah a little anger at myself too. and also why do they need to be so promiscuous when they are at their most valuable?

hard to respect that!