june 24

yeah buddy. 11.14 am and the blog still down. wtf. MAYBE they didn’t like me posting that metallica song from youtube. lars ulrich is on my case. what a d1ck. and i was just starting to appreciate his “skills” as a drummer insofar as he really fits into the identity of the band, i.e., metallica would not sound the same with a different drummer, and in fact, would you want to hear “master of puppets” with a different drummer?

Maybe I encouraged illegal behavior. I do talk about w33d a bit. i even talk about heavy drugs. heh. yeah maybe it was the drugs bit they didn’t like.


maybe it’s for security, they think i’m not the rightful “owner” of the blog…..but then it wouldn’t say “we have a concern about the CONTENT of your blog” in the message!!!!

well, it still published the post that was scheduled for this morning.

well, i turned off the tv at 11.50pm. tv can calm me but it is also poisoning my mind and soul. as some people say, whenever you watch tv, the Elite Ruling Class who wants to turn YOU into Tax’n’Debt Livestock takes a DUMP in your SOUL.

then i come back to my “null hypothesis” (not technically!) of, people that went to normal skool became winners. people who were not unschooled. people who were spanked regularly. people without attachment parenting. people in day care. they still became huge winners, happy winners, much winninger and happier than moi.

then i determined I was Born Sensitive. Being Ultra Sensitive was my main Special Need. and that is true. I was always sensitive to everything, ever since a little child.

In my grade school, at LEAST 25% of the people because f00kups or losers. if not 33%!

I got good grades and went to a good high school where there was a drastic dropoff in f00kups. it was a “college prep” thing. so percentage of f00kups went down from 33% to 10% at most.

and then i went to an, if not elite, then solid middle middle class college, where less than 1% of the people became f00kups, ie, did not become HUGE winners. guess who was in that 1%, hjehehehe.

hue hue hue hue hue.

hje hje hje hje hje.

but then i determined my problems started in grade school. i was actually part of that huge 33% screwups. and even though i got good grades, i took that mentality with me, until I eventually f00ked up.

so it happend in grade school.

now. i grew up in a neighborhood where the public schools were absolutely godawful. crime infested cesspools where half the kids drop out, go to jail, get killed. so, like a 99% loser rate, compared to a 33% loser rate, and much more intense serious losers at that!!!

how would i have fared in that environment? I possibly would have stepped up to the challenge and become tougher and winninger, OR, knowing my sensitive nature, i would have been eaten alive!

road to hell is paved with good intentions, hehehehe.

ok. so. sorry about the narciss, just trying to psychoanalyze mah life, making a bit of a breakthrough here, viewing thru the lens of attachment parenting, unschooling, john taylor gatto dumbing down your kids, mainstream skool sucks, etc.

turn off the tv, turn on spotify. even the worst music is better than the best tv!!!!!

i had some good teachers and some bad teachers in grade school. but i don’t remember a damn thing I learned! I can’t say what my favorite subject was! Maybe music, maybe a few art classes, maybe math here and there. but nothing super strong.

what separated the good teachers from the bad teachers was simple: the good teachers were NICE and kind and caring and loving; the bad teachers were b1tchy and mean. period. i still don’t remember hardly anything the good teachers TAUGHT me.

also, perhaps more imporatntly, i did not like the kids. almost immediately i felt the effect of social hierararchy and being a beta male, probably just because i was short and young. now its one thing if you rise to the occasion here, but i didn’t really. i just bitterly accepted my beta role. it was not a confidence building environment at all. i probably would have been better off NOT around 30 other kids!

especially where 30% of them would go on to be big losers too!

but i can’t blame my fam for not yanking me out of that skool in grade 1, because back then in that time and place no one had any idea about homeschooling. also they did not drug kids back then like they do now. there was one super hyper kid who took ritalin. that was about it. maybe he was super hyper because he took ritalin, hehehe.

gregorian chant became a big fad in the early 90s and then everybody tried to forget about it, how silly it was. i don’t think it’s a silly fad at all! i still go to that original “CHANT” album on a regular basis, including RIGHT NOW! imho, it is some of the most CHILL stuff out there!

anyway. better to build confidence alone in your own little world at a young age, so then you have the confidence and resilence to DOMINATE in the Social Order later on!

but at like 5 and 6 years old, a child is not ready to least give till puberty, 13 or 14 at least.

is becoming Interested in Gurls the same thing as Puberty?

because i was full blown in LUV with gurls by the time i was Thirteen. but i don’t think i was whacking off yet at that young age! but i certainly wanted to date and make out with gurls!