may 27

well i stayed up till 2 am reading The Manifesto Of Elliot Rodger: My Sick Twisted World. and will now give a review or report. commentary.

also i compared myself to him because i needed reassurance that i wasn’t a murderous sociopath.

first of all he was much angrier than me, and I am bretty angry! he got so angry at the pretty girls and the sex-havers that he determined he must punish them by killing them. I just called them f4gg0ts and wh0res and degenerates who in a just world, would be lonely and kissless like me, while i would have a nice loving gurlfran.

so indeed i shared rodger’s desire for a nice gurlfran, for luv and sechs. but that’s about where the similarity ends.

a few things were glaring:

why couldn’t his powerful parents help him get a job when he was 18 and dropped out of college? his mother nagged him about getting a job. well, his mother left a nursing job to take a better paying-job with a production company owned by a rich acquaintance. why couldn’t she get him a job in the mailroom there. also i doubt she had a graduate degree in Film Business Management. he was a smart enough kid to do any job really.

his dad was always busy working, at first making commercials it seemed. his father probably could have pulled some strings and gotten him a job.

he said his mother had to get a better paying job at that prodco because his father stopped paying child support because he had gone broke making his passion project, a documentary about God called “Oh My God”. Not sure you can just stop paying child support. Men get sent to jail for that. (not that that’s right.)

so why didn’t his father sell his damn mansion then and move into a smaller house like the mother? he was not hollywood elite but was trying to be with his lavish house.

what about the moroccan stepmother? what did SHE do for a living? what was HER careeeeer? where’d she get HER graduate degree?

very glaringly, the family was close friends with…..superrich family worth 500 million they did halloween and dinner parties with. that guy could have DEFINITELY gotten rodger a job.

or the superrich multimillionaire “Jack” the mother was Dating for a while.

point is, he didn’t need to be reliant on some random family friend to give him a temp job helping build a staircase in his mansion, OR to rely on the Community Center Life Coach’s help, where the only job he could get him was a janitorial job, that he quit within ONE DAY.

though i do give him some credit for going to that job, hehehe. but kid DEFINITELY had a HUGE sense of entitlement, saying that he was above low-class service or retail jobs. This is what a sense of entitlement looks like.

Sure, I want a good job and a nice, purty gurlfran, but I know I’m not ENTITLED to it, that I have to WORK HARD for it. and the reason I’m a huge loser failure now is MY fault, not women or the world or sechs havers or normalfags. MY fault, my mistakes. where rodger was angry at everyone else for not giving him sechs, I am angry at myself for making stupidass mistakes in life.

he would also drop his college classes because he couldn’t stand seeing the pretty gurls with the brutish alpha jock boifrans, and would go home crying every day. he really did do a lot of crying.

i am at page 80 of 141 right now. he prob should have started seeing a shrink during high school; he has not started with a shrink yet but i think he does soon. i cannot put this damn manifesto down. it is fun to read stuff like this.

so i thought about writing my own life story. it would be different than this of course, although you get a good deal of the life story in here, about how my dumb decisions and laziness led to me being a loser.

also, interesting how rodger does drink alcohol sometimes, and that does NOT help him with talking to gurls. by that time he is super angry and just gets angry. well i know that feel, but mine was slightly diff: i would get raging drunk and get angry at the grills who rejected me and make a fool out of myself.

also i had decent enough social skills to talk to gurls sometimes, and to even have sechs a couple times hehehe. my major problem was being a huge beta who wouldn’t stand up for myself, and the gurls would dump me because i got too in luv attached to them. they apparently were not worried that I would call them a slut or skank for dumping me so soon after having sechs. so i got drunk and angry and called them wh0res and i ended up looking like the idiot. then they went on to be successful and i went on to become a loser.

also, weren’t his teachers at the alternative high school attuned to kids with Emotional Problems?

i guess he was good at putting on a poker face in public.

his family should have sent him to a shrink earlier, OR got him a job with one of their many contacts.

OR sent him to military school, OR, most easily, prevented him from playing his stupid WoW game all throughout high school.

he actually had better social skills than i thought. he had a ton of friends. well he said he never quite fit in with any of them, and they always faded in and out of his life.

but he DID have a fairly good rapport with this kid James, who could probably be considered his “best friend” for the longest amount of time. James was in a similar situation, a kissless virgin, unpopular, uncool, played WoW a lot, but he was much less angry and bitter and violent. Rodger saw this as him being “weak” and just willing to lay down and accept the injustice, whereas Rodger was willing to “fight for his place in the world.” Rodger began to scare James with his violent extreme fantasies and they are at kind of a rocky period right now.

I am at the part where he is just about to move to santa barbara in 2010 or 2011.

also why didn’t he try to talk to some of his younger sisters friends.

be interesting to see what these people say now: mother, father, stepmother, james, sister, baby brother, that max guy who was another friend of his briefly, i mean he mentions a LOT of people by name in here.

his mother should have forced him to put down the wow and get one of those low class menial service jobs he said he was too good for. after he quit a few of those and was unemployable, she should have def sent him to a shrink.

also maybe benzos would have helped him in talking to gurls, if alcohol didn’t.

i know he starts taking some kinds of medications and seeing shrinks in the final 2-3 years of his short life. rest assured I will finish the manifesto and report back, hehehe.