may 17

do they have chatrooms any more. i would suggest hanging out in a chat room of successfuls where they talk about how how they became successful, hehehe. especially regarding work and skool. kollige and kareer.

and social skillz and wimmin. how to make friends and influence people and network with people of influence and get them to do influential things for you like give you jobs and introduce you to wimmin and money and clients ie money sources. revenue generators. income streamz.

maybe a message board. imho 4chan has the best message boards, but i haven’t read in months, and they didn’t have anything career oriented back then. they should. cuz jobz are the only thing that matters.


more important than skool, more important than wimmin, more important than friends and family. prob more important than yer higher power. WORK is the most important thing in LIFE.

hehehehehehehehehe. obviously i do not believe that. if i did, maybe i would be more of a winner!

wimmin do not impress me. i doubt i could ever fall in crazy life changing luv with a wimmin ever again, unless she were YOUNG, real cute, AND had a real good personality. if anything my standards have gotten HIGHER as I get older and more desperate, hehehehe. how about u?

not sure if i AM more desperate, though I prob should be, just because it has been SO LONG.

When I was young, I would get Lonely when going through long dry spells (i.e., always!), but even though I’m still on a huge dry spell, I don’t feeeeel nearly as Lonely any more. Pretty comfortable being alone. just have no energy, drive, or motivation, hehehehehe. but i don’t get super lonely thinking about grills at least. well i felt bretty bad after girl7 rejected me hehehe and that took at least a year to get over! and i still have dreams about grills 1 thru 8 about twice a week and that sucks.

how about u?

ummm. anyway.

what was the one thing where i diverged from the path of being a winner; the FORK IN THE ROAD where I officially started becoming a loser?

ummm it was between ages 18 to late 20. let’s say a few months after I turned 19. then i stopped giving a f00k about skool and declared a useless major. when I should have started skool with a f00king useful STEM degree. yup. let’s just say 19. at that time I started smoking w33d regularly and my grades in skool dropped, and my interest. officially began just trying to skate by with minimum effort, in a useless degree, smoking w33d regularly. yep, it was 19 or 20 that i officially became a loser.

well i have made some positive steps since then. i quit drinking and have not “relapsed.” i smoke like one puff of w33d once every two years. i took like 70 skool credits that were less useless than what i took in college. i got a better job. so there, mfer.

heh. don’t “disqualify the positive” and over magnify the negative.

i have gotten better at talking to customers. i am quite a bit down from my peak weight. i am sort of trying to fix my loserness by taking meds, talking to a shrink once every 3 weeks, regularly powerwalking, writing this blog, trying to heed signs from muh higher power, trying to overcome my loserness.

so it doesn’t matter than my career sucks and i can’t pull a decent wimmin, hehehehehe.

no, it really doesn’t, in the face of those improvements i have made.

how about u.

but weird. just a few days ago i was feeling pretty bad, like I was really near “my Bottom.” Rock Bottom. heh. I would have to be doing a lot of drugs/alcohol to reach rock bottom.

well, maybe i’m at what rock bottom would be without drugs/alc!

ummmm maybe, maybe not. i would have to be homeless and have cancer to be at rock bottom! and have no friends! and not even have a job to be laid off from! and fatter!

but yeah. i was thinking. could you get it up to a woman you weren’t really attracted to? like say when gay guys get married and have children. you have to get it hard to penetrate a wimmin and dump a l04d.

I actually worry than an ugly woman would force herself on me, and then i would get hard just from being touched by any woman, even an ugly one.

well, the good news is that i could not possibly get hard consistently. maybe the first time i would get excited by the novelty of it, but not consistently enough to get sucked/trapped in a rel with an unattractive wimmin. hehehehe. yeah i am a huge lookist, i admit it, i don’t mind it. would rather be a lookist than a nonlookist.

basically, could you Get An Erection simply from being Touched by Another Human, kind of like when you sit on your hand to make your hand fall asleep so then when you beat the meat, it feels like another person doing it? (“THE STRANGER”)

again, like i say, maybe the first couple times, but ABSOLUTELY not something you could do with any regularly, for the long term. so, couldn’t possibly trap you into a long term rel.  WIN.