may 15

so i had a dream about girl7, and thankfully i am not as Sad now as I could be. so I was sitting in a parking lot waiting for a marathon i was participating in to start (!!!!!!!) and then girl7 came up to me out of nowhere and starting talking about how happy she was and how successful career was and how she was back in grad skool to advance her career even more, and the kicker was, she was focusing on tons math right now, tons and tons of math, she was doing “vector analysis” and then I asked her, “is that after DE” and she said yes, and I said bbbbut I thought vectors were standard calc 3, multivariable calculus, and nothing more, and she said WELL YES, they get INTRODUCED in calc 3 at a very plebe rudimentary level, but the real work of course requires a separate advanced course that you take well after DiffEq.

And math had been my one single way to feeeeeel superior to her and now I didn’t even have that, I felt like I had no leg to stand on, I couldn’t candy coat things any more, and I just blatantly honestly showed my frustration and said, “f00k, that sucks.” when i had never said anything like that to her before!

which is lot better than Thinly Veiled Jealousy and Envy and Blatantly Falsely Pretending to be Happy for someone. Just say, damn, that sucks, I’m not happy about your success and my loserness.

now she wasn’t trying to humiliate me, that’s just how it played out. she was genuinely happy to see me and get caught up after a while. Since I was still/always in luv with her, I wasn’t. I wanted her to be in luv with me too, or else just LEAVE.

and that was about it. I should be all downtrodden right now but I’m not thankfully! got muh settlers game to play, coming along bretty well! and girl7 can go f00k herself! plus she will never ascend that high in maths anyway, hahahaha.

no she works hard and deserves all her success and she is not a trifling promiscuous wh0re and she is even conservative and god-fearing….but it really does me no good to talk about her good traits now. or even her bad traits. it does me no good to think about her AT ALL. trying to Erase Her From My Memory, hehehe.

yeah that marxist f4g sartre was right about one thing, hell is other people hehehe. regarding working sh1tty service jobs dealing with idiot f4gg0t horrible customers all day. you become a real humanity hating misanthrope. you can’t believe you’re just a human too. one of THEM!

anyway i don’t like sartre because he was an academic f4g and he b4nged middle class 4ss, haha. i have absolutely no use for postmodern marxist philosophers. i dont even like reading GOOD philosophers like uhhhh aristotle. heh. reading aristotle isn’t gonna make you more employable or get you more action. therefore it will not improve your standard of living, or winningness. not dissing on aristotle per se. he def wasn’t a marxist!!!

heh. settlers not letting me log in. could be server side. not working in firefox, chrome, OR IE. gotta be on them.

thankfully saw 1 mid 20s gurl yesterday I wouldn’t mind banging. how about u. heh. some fat marxist pig on av club said “only 5% of people look good naked.” then how the hell would any man get it up and the species reproduce??? I call BS.

don’t be afraid to call BS! Just because Marxists are super educated, use big words, read big words, spell big words, have PhD’s, are gainfully employed, have S even if it is weird gay marxist phd sex, surrounded by other marxists who take their opinions seriously, they’re still fat fugly losers who constantly talk bs.

went for 3.2 mile powerwalk, about to do the final 1.6 shortly. damn.

i think a possibly important thing is that normalfags, winners, successfuls, upper betas, etc don’t Self Identify As A Loser. when asked to describe Who They Are, they don’t think “I’M A LOSER” and believe that wholeheartedly. Whereas true losers do.

though I was well on the path to being a loser from early adolescence, I was still a winner for a few more years, and didn’t officially become a loser or start thinking of myself as a loser until….age 21? then things got better, normaler….then they got worse again….so by age 23 I was a loser again and have remained a loser ever since.

how about u?

but yeah most people don’t even THINK like this. or if they feel like a loser for even a SECOND, they start working furiously until they don’t feel like a loser any more.

OK, so how did I feeeeeeeeeeeeel last time I was working furiously?

Well, I was stressed out as f00k and felt like I was gonna have a panic attack or burst into tears like a pvssy f4gg0t sissy.

Hard to tell if I still felt like a loser under that, it kinda blocked everything out, and in a way, was even WORSE than Loser Feels.

I think yeah I still did feel a bit like a loser under it all, because the job I was stressing out about was still a Loser Job that I felt I would never rise above, very much beneath my potential, very much beneath all the successfulfags I went to skool with. heh. should have never went to skool. want to erase that from mah memory.

how about u?

and yet it was the closest to a winner’s job i ever had in muh life: proper hours, and the highest pay ever. So really, comparatively, i was at the peak of Winning ever, the closest to winning I’d ever been since I was still a winner at age 18.

Yet noticing how Losery my Winning was, made me aware that I have been an even bigger loser than I thought, for the past 5+ years!

how about u!